Thought Screen Helmet Companion

Pam Andersons Obama Inaugural Ball Date

Thought Screen Helmet Companions. Just in time for president elect Barack Obama's inauguration.

Don't let evil aliens that are controlling your thoughts put a damper on your inauguration plans. The rocket scientists at the secret Grassy Knoll Institute laboratory have created the thought screen helmet companion so you can attend the inauguration in style.

Pamela Anderson, iconic sex goddess swears by her thought screen helmet buddy. It allows her to go helmet free and attend Hollywood events and the Barack Obama inauguration and all the balls afterward. (And of course, no animals were harmed in the production of the thought screen helmet companion.)

But how does it work?
Good question. The thought screen helmet companion is stuffed with advanced technology to eliminate alien abduction. The companion works so well that not a single person using the companion has been abducted. 100% effective. Now that is a testimonial.

The companion is a full bodied mannequin lined with velostat, a magical material that blocks alien telepathic signals to the potential abductee. The companion senses the telepathic signal and intercepts and filters them before they reach its target. The companion comes in two styles, male or female and can be accessorized for any event. Mission accomplished.

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Thought Screen Helmet Inauguration Fittings

Inaugural Ball Style

As was expected, the Grassy Knoll Institutes scientific studies conclude that alien telepathic activity spikes during presidential inaugurations. With president-elect Barack Obama being sworn in January 20th, every precaution is being taken to avoid any national security issues.

Washington Thought Screen Helmet makers have geared up production and are cranking out tailor made helmets to those attending the presidential inauguration and ball. Hurry though, supplies are limited and you don't want to be the only one not wearing your thought screen helmet.

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State Highway Patrol Thought Screen Helmet

Flintstones Great Gazoo Lands A Job

No one is immune to the evil race of aliens using telepathy to control the minds of citizens throughout the world. And the State Highway Patrol is prepared in case they are the next target.

For the motorcycle division, they designed special helmets lined with velostat, (A telepathic canceling material) to eliminate any outside interference in doing their duty.

If only Eric Estrada had known earlier.

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Thought Screen Helmet - Pumpkin Head

Even Icabod Is Protected

For the upcoming Halloween season, manufacturers at the Thought Screen Helmet factory are offering a special design for parties and events. We aptly call it, The Pumpkin Head.

You won't have to worry about pesky aliens using telepathy to force you to do things against your will while wearing the pumpkin head. Each helmet is precision designed and lined with velostat, (The magical material that blocks alien telepathic thoughts from entering your brain) to ensure complete protection. Now all you have to worry about is if you will win best costume at your party.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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Improper Thought Screen Helmet Design

Improper Thought Screen 

Sadly, Lars didn't quite understand the translated instructions for the construction of his thought screen helmet. Clearly, there was no velostat cloth used and the helmet did not cover his ears.

This is the last photo of Lars just before being abducted by an evil race of telepathic aliens bent on world domination. (Heard in the distant background was a hushed alien voice chanting, I want my baby back baby back baby back)

Let this be a lesson learned to everyone being harassed by aliens controlling their thoughts. If you are going to make a thought screen helmet, follow the instructions to the letter.

For those not handy sewing and cutting, the Grassy Knoll Institute has constructed their very own Thought Screen Helmet guaranteed to eliminate telepathic connections from 4 out of 5 evil races of aliens.

Click the above link for the features of the Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen Helmet.

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Thought Screen Helmet Sale

Designer Thought Screen Helmets

In an effort to prevent citizens of Earth constructing faulty thought screen helmets to avoid alien abduction, the Grassy Knoll Institute has produced a new and improved helmet.

Our rocket scientists have been working round the clock designing the LOTGK version. Notice the sleek ergonomic design. Wind drag has been cut by 85% compared to older models enabling wearers to move more easily and smoothly throughout the day.

Another upgraded feature is the air cooled compartments in the dome of the helmet allowing the wearer to keep cool throughout the entire day. Those in hot and humid climates can thank the Grassy Knoll Institute later.

To order a Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen helmet, please send an email to us. For verification purposes, press on your keyboard the exact value of 22 divided by 7.

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Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

In an attempt to blend in while wearing the thought screen helmet to keep evil aliens from invading your mind and controlling your thoughts and actions, Spiro Agnestesio has invented the thought screen helmet wig.

The thought screen helmet wig fits snugly over the thought screen helmet enabling the wearer to carry on with daily activities without having to withstand verbal abuse and snickers aimed at you for wearing a helmet out in public.

Wigs come in gray, black, brown, red, and blond.

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Thought Screen Helmet Hair

TSH Hair

One of the drawbacks of wearing the stylish thought screen helmet is classic Helmet Hair Syndrome. You see, once you are abducted, you must forever wear the thought screen helmet to prevent any more alien influence. Rolf, pictured above, is one of the many tormented souls hounded by aliens attempting to control his mind and actions.

However, the above photo does prove a point on a hotly debated subject that velostat, the secret magical material that lines official thought screen helmets does hold an electric charge and provides protection against aliens using telepathy to control the mind.

Knowledge is power. The Grassy Knoll Institute will continue to investigate the shocking story of alien abductions and the thought screen helmets that prevent them.

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England Knows About Thought Screen Helmets

The British Crown has long known about the evil race of aliens attempting to control citizens minds through telepathy.
For over 100 years, Buckingham Palace guards, who guard the Queen and the royal family, secretly wear thought screen helmets under their dress hats to eliminate the threat of alien invasion through mind control.

Sadly, due to Prince Charles unusually large ears, a thought screen helmet has not been constructed yet to fit his large dome.

That explains Camilla.

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Jack Black And The Thought Screen Helmet

Evidently actor Jack Black is being controlled by an evil race of aliens.

Grassy Knoll Institute scientists believe that Mr. Black, even though he wears his thought screen helmet, has constructed a flawed helmet allowing aliens to access Mr. Black's mind forcing him to make bad career choices.

This goes a long way in explaining the movie choices of
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny and Nacho Libre.

Make sure you go his new movie, Kung Fu Panda, in theater's now.

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Are We Not Men?

Whipped Em Good

Photographic evidence that aliens controled humankind in the 1980's. The new wave rock band Devo knew of the thought control and attempted to sever the telepathic link to the alien race by donning self made thought screen helmets made from flower pots. Devo had assumed (And we all know what happens when you assume) the lead based paint and pottery would somehow block out the telepathic rays from the aliens freeing them to write and perform their own music.

If only they were aware of velostat, the magical material needed to effectively eliminate aliens from controlling your thoughts.

As we learn from history, Devo's experiment failed. Alas, they were only men.

Duty now for the future.

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I Am Free From Thought Screen Helmet Aliens

A Small Price To Pay

Although this particular model of thought screen helmet has several drawbacks, (The inability to see oncoming traffic, difficulty entering doorways, and a target for ridicule) it is highly effective at keeping the evil race of aliens attempting to control mankind through telepathy at bay.

Although, perhaps this is the plan of the evil race of aliens. To make us all wear funny hats, get run over by cars, stuck in doorways, and get laughed at causing fights and riots.

Ingenious.

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New And Improved Thought Screen Helmet

Not feeling feminine fresh? Now you can everyday with the new and improved Thought Screen Helmet (Developed by the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute) made just for women. Look, it has wings and it makes toast as an added bonus. The ultimate multi-task accessory for the on-the-go business women.

WARNING:
Women are not immuned from the threat of alien abduction as some people in the scientific community had believed. Wearing the TSH to board room meetings will assuredly get you noticed. In fact, you and your thought screen helmet will be the topic of conversation no matter where you go.
And who doesn't want that type of recognition.

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Thought Screen Helmet Face Shield

No one can be 100% protected and secure from the evil race of aliens attempting to control ordinary citizens minds through telepathy. Thats why the Grassy Knoll Institutes team of rocket scientists have developed the Thought Screen Face Shield to compliment the thought screen helmet.

Up until today, the thought screen helmet was the only protection to prevent alien abduction and mind control. Now, the sleek light weight Thought Screen Face Shield is more added protection.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is constructed from durable lightweight polyurethane that contours to your facial features for a snug perfect fit. It is lined with a thin layer of velostat to block out a full frontal assault by thought controlling aliens giving you the freedom to go about your everyday chores and live a normal life.

Extensive testing proved when both are worn together, alien abductions dramatically decreased by over 95%. (Degree of accuracy scale is plus or minus 95%) With results like this, you cannot afford to be without one.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is proudly endorsed by:
The Phantom of the Opera
Freddy Kruger
Jason Verhooves
The Lone Ranger
Michael Myers
Spiderman
Batman
The Flash
The Green Lantern

Sold at reputable stores everywhere.

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Thought Screen Helmet Safe Sex

Alien Sexual Relations

Oral Is Totally Out Of The Question

Dick and Jane have a problem. Both of them have been targeted by an evil race of aliens attempting to control their minds through telepathy. Hence, they must wear thought screen helmets 24 hours a day 7 days a week, the only device known to mankind to prevent alien abduction.

This puts a serious damper on their sex lives.

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Thought Screen Helmet Death

On A Scale of 1 To 10

An evil alien race controlling local citizens minds through telepathy strike once again.

These two men barely had enough time to don their helmets before the aliens struck. Johnny, the man wearing the shiny metal thought screen helmet was quoted saying, "Thank god for the magical properties of velostat." (Velostat is a 3M fabric said to possess special magnetic properties that shield telepathic thought waves from aliens.)

Sadly, several seconds after this photo was taken, Johnny's head exploded from the pressure generated from the aliens attempting to penetrate Johnny's cranium.

The funeral is Saturday.

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When You Stop Wearing Thought Screen Helmets

Do Not Remove Your Thought Screen Helmet

You should know by now wearing a thought screen helmet lined with velostat prevents an evil alien race from telepathically controlling your mind. However, if you are feeling safe and are considering removing your helmet, look what happens when you do remove your thought screen helmet? Jesse, Wylene, and Ernie found out the hard way.

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Thought Screen Helmet Test Pattern

Evil Telepathic Aliens Control Your Mind

PLEASE STAND BY
An important alien transmission from outer space follows.This is a message from the outer nebula where the thought screen helmet aliens reside.

We are not the monsters some portray us to be. We do not wish to control and enslave humanity into a life of servitude. We did not leave you a "Cook book," nor do we have an eight foot tall metallic robot that shoots lasers from its visor. We are only concerned with your well being the direction the human race is headed.

We contacted you through the use of the Grassy Knoll Institute web site to inform and educate the population that a small sect of humans are attempting to control the world under the guise of the "Thought Screen Helmet." This sect declares that we, an alien race, are stealing humans thoughts to control the brain and force these people into mindless automatons. That statement cannot be further from the truth.

These so called Helmeteers are slowly gathering followers by brain washing them with the thought screen helmet, the very weapon said to protect them from alien abduction. Once the helmet has been worn for 72 hours and beyond, the wearer loses self control and becomes pliable to the evil helmeteers. At that point, they can manipulate the unsuspecting helmet wearers to do their bidding.

We ask that you embrace us as a loving benevolent race of beings that only want what's good for humanity. We have come in peace. It is up to you, readers of the Grassy Knoll institute, whether we leave in peace.

END TRANSMISSION

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Thought Screen Helmet President Addresses Public

I Am Not Just The President I Am Also A Client

Hello, I'm Art Skimmelhorn, president of Thought Screen Helmets for humanity, and I'm here with some new and important information for people who are being abducted by aliens through thought control manipulation. Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The helmet emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens thus breaking control of the aliens. Our patented thought screen helmet can be yours free of charge by calling our toll free 800 number. A small shipping charge may apply...With each delivery, a complete instructional booklet comes packed with each and every thought screen helmet including a detailed history of the helmet and how it has helped countless thousands of people. And if you act now, we will ship free of charge to you, an additional velostat replacement patch for your thought screen helmet.

And remember, I'm not only the president, I'm also a client.

Disclaimer: By wearing the thought screen helmet, certain side effects may occur including excessive sweating, weight loss, low self esteem, bad hair days, lack of dates, companionship, ringing in the ears, laughter, and possible termination of your job.
Furthermore, the thought screen helmet is not available in stores. Is not a male natural enhancement. People who have been regularly wearing the thought screen helmet have not been abducted by aliens but your results may vary. Void where prohibited by law. Of course, some assembly required. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. No user-serviceable or movable parts are inside the helmet. One size fits all. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. (Sexually or mentally) Keep away from fire or flame. Not an effective motorcycle helmet. Some equipment optional. This offer supersedes all previous offers. Batteries not included. Watch for falling rocks while wearing helmet. Never pet a burning dog while wearing the helmet. Marriage is not recommended while wearing the helmet. Is not a reliable food source nor a substitute for fiber.

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Put A Helmet On That Soldier

It has come to the attention of the Grassy Knoll Institute that the race of giant aliens currently roaming the earth planning on world domination has another enemy. After analyzing the above picture, scientists at the Institute concluded that the apparatus the alien is wearing on his head is in fact a Thought Screen Helmet.

As we all know by now, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The helmet emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens thus breaking control of the aliens. It would appear that two separate races of aliens are warring against each other and the earth is the battlefield.

Speculation has it that perhaps we should forge an alliance with one of the alien races. An enemy of my enemy, is my enemy, or friend, or their enemy, or our friend and enemy. I don't know how that goes, but it sounds like a prudent idea.

Put a helmet on that soldier! It's going into battle. It's going to see some action dammit...!

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