Showing posts with label CON. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CON. Show all posts

2/24/2014

Angels Versus Aliens

The bible is perhaps one of the best collections of conspiracy theories humankind will ever know. (Or perhaps humankind cannot yet understand the contents in it's entirety) It is filled with stories of men living to be hundreds of years old. Races of giants intermingling with humans. Angels visiting men secretly in the night. A man being swallowed by a whale and living to tell about it. Gods and angels in fiery chariots descending from the heavens. Devils and demons destroying and possessing people. A flood so great it covered the earth for 40 days. Numerous plagues bestowed upon man. Life reanimation. The instantaneous healing of diseases. Plus stories of miracles that only gods can perform. And it all started ions ago with man gazing into the heavens, looking at the lights in the sky. And wondering.

The same lights we look at today. However, humankind, as a collective, believe we have a better perspective than primitive humans. We put a different spin on events occurring today. Instead of Angels, we see Aliens. The fact is, Divine intervention and Aliens are not a modern day fad, but intricately woven into our society from the dawn of communication continuing to present day.

Writings of visitations are well documented in the Old Testament, handed down from generation to generation. To the ancient man, these appearances could only be comprehended as Angel visitations. In ancient times, there were angels, fiery flying chariots, and burning bushes. Compared to today's visitations, the encounters are all to similar. In modern time, we refer to them as Aliens, spacecraft, (UFOs) and telepathic communication.

What do we make from all of this? Is there truth to any of this? The bible speaks of many stories of god and angel intervention from a  group of people do diverse, it expands the entire known world at the time. Today, no one can deny the thousands upon thousands of UFO sightings reported yearly from around the globe. These reports are not from a small group of people but from a group so diverse it encompasses all walks of life, all nationalities, and all religions.

In ancient times, many of the people who were visited by angels, demons, and gods, were ridiculed, shunned, and not believed, for they had no real evidence, just a story. The same goes for the modern world. The people who claim to have been visited by aliens, or have seen alien space craft, are ridiculed, thought mentally unstable, or just making up an elaborate hoax to gain their 15 minutes of fame. To date, these people have not produced any real concrete evidence of their tales.

Perhaps that is by design. I always ask the same question when reading or viewing alien encounters. In today's society, with everyone having cell phones, why has not one of these alien events been recorded. Just one photo. In focus. We have a million photo's of celebrities and politicians in compromising situations, why can't we capture a good clear in focus picture or video of an alien encounter.

Perhaps, just perhaps, Angels are Aliens, and fiery flying chariots are spacecraft, and burning bush encounters are telepathic communication.

Keep gazing into the heavens for answers. It may just be by design.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

4/26/2011

Princess Diana Attended Royal Wedding Of William And Kate

Princess Diana Attended Royal Wedding Of William And Kate
Princess Diana Alive
The photo that sparked a major conspiracy. Several years ago the Grassy Knoll Institute revealed a photo of Princess Diana Very Much Alive two years after her supposed fatal car crash. The Grassy Knoll Institute queried if this could be Princess Diana seated in a wheel chair healing from her wounds from the traffic crash.

The evidence revealed the Princess of Wales fabricated her own death to end her connection not only with her Husband, Prince Charles, but the entire royal family. Diana was rumored to be with child at the time of her alleged demise. Prince Charles certainly wasn't the father.

Today, speculation has it that Diana has made a full recovery and has been in secretive contact with her two children, William and Harry. Diana is planning on attending the Royal Wedding this Friday but she will be incognito watching Prince William and Kate Middleton recite their wedding vows.

Those watching can attempt to pick her out of the crowd. Here is a hint. As William is reciting his vows, he will make a gesture, either a turn of the head or hand, to signal Diana that he knows she is present.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL




4/19/2011

The Future Is Behind Us

Roswell Crash Aliens Were Humans From The Future
Roswell Crash Aliens Were Humans From The Future
The CIA Reluctantly Releases Top Secret Document Of The 1947 Roswell, New Mexico UFO Crash

The document included a photograph (See Photo Above) along with top-secret Washington, D.C. files from the United States Air Force. The document specifically mentioned Roswell, new Mexico and the crash of an unidentified flying object in 1947. The photo and document were time stamped June 30th, 1950.

After 61 years, the transcript of the conversation of the four men and the alleged space man has come to print. In essence, the space man is not an alien, but a human from the future. He claimed he was returning to Washington when upon re-entry into the space-time continuum, his ship malfunctioned and crashed almost 2000 miles off course in a remote area in New Mexico. Roswell became the UFO capital of the world shortly after.

Major Tom White, (Spaceman) returned to Earth with a message to hopefully change the future. Major White attempted to warn the White House in 1951 of the future Kennedy assassination in 1963 in Dealey Plaza, Dallas, Texas, November 22nd, 1963. It appears the four CIA agents didn't take Major Tom seriously.

Major Tom made one more effort to broadcast his warning and relayed the message in code to a columnist, Jeanne Dixon. The psychic. Dixon managed to secure an audience with an aid of President Kennedy but alas, the message was not delivered in time to prevent the assassination.





LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL



2/23/2011

Natalie Wood Found Alive

Natalie Wood Is Alive Faked Death
Natalie Wood Faked Her Death
Christopher Walken Vindicated!
One of Hollywood's most intriguing mysteries re-surfaced today as a photo of actress Natalie Wood taken in 1985, (Photo on left) four years after her death, was published in the Hollywood Underground News tabloid.

Actress Natalie Wood died from an apparent boating accident that occurred on the Splendour, a yacht owned by her and her then husband, Robert Wagner. Christopher Walken was also aboard, lurking around. Rumor had it that Walken and Wood were having an affair during the filming of their movie, Brainstorm. As the story went, all three got liquored up and Natalie, for some unknown reason, found herself out on deck, late at night, in her night-gown to tie down a dingy. Moments later she fell over board and drowned. (Now you all know the answer to the question, What kind of wood doesn't float?)

Both Walken and Wagner were suspects of foul play but no charges were issued by the police even though both men offered very little details about that night. This tight lipped stance opened up Pandora's box allowing conspiracy theories and outlandish stories fueled by captain Dennis Davern's testimony claiming Walken and Wagner were in a heated argument with pushing and shoving on deck. A perfect scenario for a murder mystery.

So why now, why leak this photo of Wood now? The Grassy Knoll Institute investigators believe they have uncovered the truth. Natalie Wood seized the opportunity and faked her own death to get back at her alleged cheating husband Robert Wagner. Before Woods new movie began with Walken, she hired a private investigator to follow her husband as she suspected him of sleeping around with younger starlets.

Apparently Wagner found the private eye's sealed report in Woods belongings the night of the boating accident. The argument the captain of the boat heard that night was when Wagner confronted Natalie with the envelope. Walken stepped in to take the side of Natalie, (His alleged lover at the time) and the argument grew quite boisterous and heated. The rest is history.

However, Wood was well prepared that evening knowing that Wagner already knew of her own cheating and the private eye she hired to tail him. That night she would set her plan in motion. She would be free from him and start her life anew.

Woods made sure the argument was loud enough for the boat captain to hear and made sure both Wagner and Walken were quite drunk. After the argument subsided, Wood went to her state-room as well Wagner and Walken to theirs. Later that evening, Wood returned on deck, unhooked the dingy that was knocking against the state-room walls, removed an inflatable rescue raft and disembarked the yacht navigating away from the Splendour and went to shore. Arrangements were already made onshore with a close friend for a getaway car and enough funds to start a new life.

The next morning, the coast guard found Natalie Wood floating in the water dead from drowning. The coroners report ruled the death accidental, believing Wood fell overboard being drunk herself and drowned some minutes later.

But wait a minute, if they found Natalie Wood dead in the water, then how was she onshore making a getaway? Wood had that figured out. One of her under studies (Rebecca Handraddy) had a remarkable resemblance to Natalie. Rebecca had the exact same body type, height, weight, hair, eyes. Rebecca was a perfect double. One more similarity, Rebecca was also having an affair with Robert Wagner.

Before Wood boarded the yacht, she met with Rebecca and confronted her with the photographic evidence from her hired private eye. Rebecca broke down and admitted the affair and sobbed trying to tell Natalie she was sorry. Natalie wasn't buying any of this. She tied up Rebecca, forced alcohol down her throat, then took her out to sea. With Rebecca unconscious, Wood pushed her overboard. She was found by the coast guard the next day.

The body was spotted and pulled from the sea and sent to the coroner's office. The body was in such bad condition, Wood was hardly recognizable. Only her jewelry and clothes helped identify her. The coroner quickly ruled accidental drowning with no foul play as her official cause of death. Case closed.

Natalie Wood had gotten away with murder and the ultimate revenge on her husband.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

1/05/2011

Arkansas Fish And Bird Mystery Solved

Over the past several weeks, interesting reports have been coming in from several small communities in Arkansas as thousands of birds dropped dead from the sky in mass while over one hundred thousand dead fish washed ashore with little explanation.

News reports claim perhaps fireworks celebrations or high altitude lightning were the cause, but that doesn't explain the dead fish nor the second event of birds dying.

The Grassy Knoll Institute did some digging around in the towns of Beebe and Ozark Arkansas, where these mass deaths have occurred and found townsfolk are talking more about the bright and wonderful light show in the sky that has been going on for over a month. Eye witnesses report that almost every night around 11PM orange and white orbs appear in the sky and seem to float effortlessly across the horizon. Some people described them as almost being biological in nature, as if they were alive, and not mechanical.

The Grassy Knoll Institute operatives were intrigued and decided to set up camp in a quiet clearing outside the town of Ozark with a unobsctructed view of the night sky. At precisely 11:01PM our camera's started rolling and recorded the following 45 seconds of film showing orange orbs slowly rising from the lake and gracefully rising into the night sky.


What we captured is unknown at this time, as the footage was flown to our secret lab for analysis. Until a complete analysis is completed, we can only speculate what we witnessed and will let you be the judge. The film is below.




We believe that the birds were attracted to the soothing glowing orbs and flew into them meeting their fate. As the birds flew into the swarm of lights, they became confused and scattered flying erratic and knocking into themselves falling to their death. Also observed was a pulsing electromagnetic energy emanating from the center of the orbs that perhaps when the birds came in contact with them killed them instantly. 

 Concerning the fish, perhaps while the orbs were in the lake water, the fish in the surrounding area were electrocuted by the pulse forcing them to wash up on shore. Why is the government keeping this part of the story out of the news? Is the government attempting to cover up the obvious UFO connection to the deaths of these birds and fish? The grassy Knoll Institute will answer these questions as soon as the film footage is fully analyzed.

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL 

8/06/2010

Easter Island Moai And The Situation

Easter Island Moai Statue.....Jersey Shore Moai Statue

Showdown on the Jersey Shore uncovers a situation.

Polynesian Easter Island culture is alive and thriving down on the Jersey shore.

The Grassy Knoll Institute field investigators have uncovered the above startling evidence that not all Easter Island inhabitants perished during the island's great upheaval and tribal wars that laid waste to not only the island, but to it's people hundreds of years ago. Today, many have made their way to the United States and call the state of New Jersey their home.

Notice the deep elliptical eye sockets, the strong chin and facial structure, and the Pukao. (The red hat that adorns the head of the Moai) The Moai had chiseled abs and typically had designs carved on their backs and posteriors. (Today, we call them tattoos and tramp stamps) All these characteristics have carried over into  modern culture and society.

Don't get Snooki, err, snookered by the "Official" history of Easter Island and the monolithic stone statue Moai.

The Jersey Shore is one of the most popular prgrams on the MTV network while The Secrets Of The Easter Island Moai is one of the most popular programs on NATGEO.

Coincidence perhaps? We think not!





LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

4/08/2010

Chem Trails - Not Just For Dinner Anymore

Chem Trails Engulf City
Chem Trails Engulf City
Ever wonder what those white lines crisscrossing in the sky are? Many believe they are merely contrails from the thousands of jets dotting our sky. A contrail is the exhaust from a jet that when mixed with the thin high altitude air, form a white puffy cloud mixture that quickly dissipates. However, as evidenced from the picture above taken at 6:30am this morning of New York City, there is more going on than simple non toxic exhaust from jets.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has learned that the government is using commercial airlines to expel psychotropic drugs into the atmosphere for experimentation on the entire populace of the country. (Think of subliminal messages on steroids) Under the guise of passenger airlines, the government routinely releases the psychotropic drugs into the atmosphere forming chemtrails behind the jets. As the chemtrails slowly release into the air and descend onto the ground, they are absorbed slowly into the body.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has gathered evidence that the drugs manipulate the higher brain functions forcing the subject to become more pliant to suggestion on a broad range of views. From political affiliations to the clothes they wear, the chemtrails plant the seeds of suggestion into your mind. (Seriously, no one in their right mind would ever wear monster bell bottom blue jeans and platform shoes by choice)

The government has already implemented its plan of control. Even though the government is broke, a new empire killing hospitalization program has been approved. And don't tell me anyone in their right mind would join the Tea Bagging Party fronted by America's guardian from Russia Sara Palin herself.

Of course the United States government is in total denial mode stating that there are no such things as chemtrails and that New York City was merely inundated with heavy fog this morning. The government attempts to dismiss the chemtrails as merely contrails, and that they are perfectly safe and non toxic and everything is OK in the world. Even though the world banks are failing. Millions of people dying of starvation. Millions more dying from disease. And even more dying from war. And when was the last time you spotted a honey bee? The chemtrails are killing them.

A perfect Utopian society we ain't living in. Two plus two does not equal five no matter how many times the government attempts to convince us otherwise.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

1/03/2010

DirecTV Versus Dish Network

In this Sunday's local newspaper, there were two advertisements touting DirecTV satellite service and Dish Network satellite service. Both ads are flashy, colorful, and informative. However, upon inspection of both ads, they both claim to have the most HD channels.

DirecTv Deals
DirecTv Deals
In DirecTV's ad, they claim in bold print that nobody has more HD channels. They state they have 130 plus HD channels and Dish Network and cable has less. Well, that sounds like a pretty good selling feature. The most HD channels. Over 130 channels. What in the world could Dish Network offer that is better than 130 plus HD channels. Check out the next photo to see what they offer.








Dish TV Deals
Dish TV Deals
In Dish Networks ad, they claim to have over 140 HD channels available. The ad follows up with, "No one offers more HD than Dish Network!" Hmmn... Houston, we have a problem. How can both satellite companies claim to have the most HD channels?

Simple! The devil is in the details. DirecTV claims in the fine print that Dish TV only has 115 FULL TIME HD channels. Apparently that means several channels are not broadcast 24 hours a day. Still, DishTV has 140 plus channels.



Lesson to be learned here. Both DirecTV and DishTV claims are dubious at best. Use caution when signing a contract. Expect a two year contract. Ask what the cost of the selected package will be after the sign up bonus. Make sure you ask about the cost of the DVR and multiple room charges as well. Ask about the premium channels like HBO and Cinemax. Ask what the cancellation fees are if you do not like the service. It could be in the hundreds of dollars. Ask how long and how much a service call will be and cost.

When it comes to buying TV satellite service from DirecTV or Dish Network, the Grassy Knoll Institute warns: Caveat Emptor. (let the buyer beware)



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

7/29/2009

Michael Jackson Fabricated His Death

Watergate had "Deep throat," (An inside informer that blew the lid off president Nixon's wire tapping operations of the Democratic presidential hopefuls.) The Grassy Knoll Institute has "Moonwalker." (Not to be confused with Moon Doogie from the 1960's Gidget fame) Moonwalker has turned over evidence and information to support the conspiracy theory that Michael Jackson is alive and that he faked his own death.

Michael Jackson, the self ordained King Of Pop, passed away June 25th, 2009 from an apparent drug overdose at his rented Hollywood home. He leaves three adopted children behind, an estate worth hundreds of millions of dollars, executors of the will that are not family, and a massive conspiracy surrounding his death. The official coroner's report stated Jackson's cause of death as "Deferred." (Basically the coroner does not know exactly what killed Mr. Jackson and will need more time, up to three more months to make a final determination) The Grassy Knoll Institute offers an alternative scenario. Michael Jackson Faked His Own Death:

But we have to get into our Time Travel Machine to understand what has actually transpired before our very eyes. While still married to Lisa Marie Presley, (Daughter of the late great king of rock and roll Elvis Presley) Jackson confided to her that he knew he would meet the same fate as her father, to die a recluse by an overdose of painkillers. See the pattern here readers? Presley's posse were enablers and looked the other way as long as they were getting paid plus Cadillac's and gifts. The same can be said about Michael Jackson and his entourage.

At that point, Jackson set in motion his well orchestrated plan and set off a chain of events that brought us to today. A conspiracy surrounding his death with plenty of characters as suspects. Throw in an enraged ex-wife and you have a circus better than any ever hosted at Neverland ranch.

The question before us all is why would Jackson stage his own death? What benefit could become of it? And how would he be able to pull it off being in the spotlight of the media for so long. He is one of the most recognizable personality in the world.

The first question, (Why) is simplistic. Jackson had legal woes a mile high. Not just from the alleged pedophile suits that he was acquitted from, (And reports that he paid hundreds of millions of dollars to settle out of court) but from payouts to attorneys for services rendered, failed business ventures, a league of doctors on his payroll, medical expenses in the millions, a contingent of attorneys at his beckoned call, the loss of Neverland, and his career going into the tank. Jackson fell from his throne and was no longer the king of pop having not released an album since 2001. Jackson was running out of money. He needed to stop the leeches from sucking any more money from his bones.

The next question, (How) Jackson faked his death would need a bit of magic, sleight of hand, misdirection, and several loyal friends.

To begin, several years ago, Michael Jackson began a transformation of his body and face. (This is the real reason he wore the mask and hat, to shield his new face, skin, and hair features) When Jackson was ready, he could emerge from under his mask unrecognizable and begin a new identity free from the lawsuits and money crisis that plagued him. Does anyone believe for an instant that a billionaire, yes, a billionaire like Jackson, who could afford the best Hollywood plastic surgeons, would have such substandard work done on him.

The second part, convincing the public that he was dead would be the hard part. When news surfaced that Jackson was taken to the hospital via ambulance and that he was dead, the media frenzy swarmed on the scene like sharks to fresh blood. Jackson knew this would happen and used the media to his advantage. Immediately, conflicting news was reported that Jackson died from a drug overdose, that he was murdered, that he committed suicide, that he had a heart attack, that his personal doctor was present and performed CPR, that the EMT pronounced him dead at the scene, that the ER doctor pronounced him dead at the hospital, and more. After more than a month after Jacksons death, news reports are still conflicting. Exactly what Jackson wanted.

But wait. There was a body at the hospital, and a body was buried in a casket. Who was in the ER room and buried in the casket? From reports of the EMT and the ER doctors and nurses, Jackson was unrecognizable. Several were interviewed afterward and they claimed that they did not know it was Michael Jackson they were working on.

The reason for the confusion is that it wasn't Jackson but a stand in double. Yes, that is right. A stand in. Jackson contracted a terminally ill man that had the same features and characteristics as Jackson. For services rendered, the mans family would receive $25 million dollars. The payments would come via wire transfer semi annually from an off shore bank directly to the family's bank account. A note attached stating that the man had come into some money and wanted to share it with his family.

The next step, Jackson had plastic surgery performed on his double. His features were altered to resemble Jackson and with the mask and wig he was a carbon copy of Jackson. Jackson used an assortment of aliases to procure drugs and perhaps medical procedures such plastic surgery and skin peels. With some many bogus names being used, it would be impossible to trace what surgery was done on Jackson and done on the double.

All Jackson had to do now was wait for the double to die of natural causes and implement the plan. Jacksons own personal doctor and his entourage was at the house at the time of death to see to the details. The plan went perfectly. The media circus provided the sleight of hand and deception as news announced Michael Jackson was dead. The body was taken to an undisclosed mortuary and relocated to several other secret places over the following weeks. This was to ensure that no tampering or more testing could occur to expose the conspiracy.

Only one thing was left to do. Leak the story that Jackson was not the biological father of his children with Debbie Rowe. This would prevent DNA testing on the corpse that would have exposed the conspiracy.

Michael Jackson fled the country several years ago after his most public pedophile court case. He is still oversees. Free from prosecution, persecution, and restitution. In several years, Jackson will emerge with Elvis and perform a duet in Las Vegas, Jackson doing his patented moonwalk and Elvis doing his pelvis shake. It will be the most watched television program of all time.

Cause this is thriller, thriller night.
Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try.
Thriller, thriller night.
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


7/19/2009

NASA Offers Proof Apollo 11 Not A Hoax

Nasa Offers Proof Moon Landing Was Not A Hoax
Nasa Offers Proof Moon Landing Was Not A Hoax
Today marks the 40th anniversary of the famed Apollo 11 (July 20th 1969) moon landing where astronaut Neil Armstrong took one giant leap for Mankind. That leap not only unified the world but touched off a conspiracy theory almost as large as the Kennedy Assassination. The crux of the conspiracy are supposed fake photos leading many to believe that the United States never landed on the moon but instead staged the landing on an elaborate Hollywood type movie set.

To add even more fuel to this conspiracy, NASA admitted this week that the original films of the historic landing have gone missing. No wait, not missing, erased and reused for some other mission. Cost savings was listed as the reason yet NASA continues to purchase $500 dollar hammers. See the logic.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes we really did go to the moon and return safely back home, but the evidence NASA just released as proof is very week. The photo above supposedly shows the Lunar module, astronaut foot prints, and tools and equipment left behind from previous Apollo missions. To me, it looks like absolutely nothing.

NASA, you can do better. You can take a snap shot from space of a license plate. I'm sure you can snap a photo that shows a little more detail of the moon landing sites. Unless of course we never did go there.

BTW, the shadow of the lunar module seems to be reflecting opposite of the other objects in the photo.



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

6/11/2009

Big Brother Begins Watching TV Today

Big brother Is Watching TV
Big brother Is Watching TV
On June 12th, in the year of our Lord 2009, the United States will cease transmission of analog TV signals making the old style rabbit ear antenna TV sets obsolete. To continue viewing your television set, you must either have a new TV with a digital tuner or for those with older sets, invest in a converter box sanctioned by the government to receive broadcasts. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING!

The Grassy Knoll Institutes believes much more is at stake. Why would the government, strapped for cash, issue rebates for the cost of the converters to the millions of households that require one? Because the government wants something from us. The government has an ulterior motive.

The analog to digital conversion is merely a guise to allow the government easy access to the privacy of almost every American home, apartment, business, and social establishment. Beginning at midnight tonight, the converter boxes will begin emitting a signal allowing viewers to watch their sets. The converter also has another purpose. It doubles as a listening device permitting the government to secretly eavesdrop on your family conversations in the privacy of your own home.

Don't think that's possible? Don't think it will happen? Think again! It's happening already. Take notice of the camera's installed on city street corners monitoring city traffic and citizen movement. Did you ever get a speeding ticket in the mail? From a speed camera trained on the highway snapping a photo of you behind the wheel along with your license plate? Did you ever wonder how your GPS map locater works? How it can pinpoint an exact address or location from thousands of miles away? Or government employee's monitoring your every keystroke on your computer to ensure you aren't planning to blow up a building? Or how the TV networks know how many people really watched one of their programs? The TV digital converter is merely the next step of Big Brother usurping even more freedom and enacting more control over it's citizens.

I will leave you with a warning from a 1960's television science fiction series,
The Outer Limits. It now seems prophetic.

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits.

Outer Limits TV Test Pattern
Outer Limits TV Test Pattern


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

4/21/2009

Jesus Saves - Then Rocks The House

Jesus Image Appears
Jesus Image Appears
Grassy Knoll Institute Reporting from Maine:
Guitar maker believes the image of Jesus is on the neck of one of his newly made guitars. The image is seemingly burned into the wood grain of the guitar and depicts a full bodied image including arms, legs, and the head of Jesus.

Upon further study, the image does appear to be that of a man, but the clothing is that of an astronaut, a spacesuit very much resembling NASA's Apollo moon Astronauts. This revelation sparked a rebuttal from another religious organization claiming it to be their prophet.

The Raelians, (A religious cult that believes an alien species through DNA intervention created the human race) interprets this guitar figure as a sign that Elohim, (Raelian equivalent to Jesus) is preparing to return to Earth to battle non believers.

The Grassy Knoll Institute asks why now? Why did Jesus, or Elohim appear on a guitar neck in Maine today? What is the significance? The Christian holy day Easter was last week and the Raelian holy day of Cylonian was March 20th, (Series Finale For Battlestar Galatica) has also passed.

It has been noted that a clandestine government agency has been mobilized and ascending upon the great state of Maine. We will assuredly follow their movements in the upcoming days.

In other news, Strangely enough, David Bowie is coming April 24th to New Gloucester, Maine for a rock festival and revival of his top selling 1970's album, A Space Oddity.

Wam Bam Thank You Mam!




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

8/16/2008

Big Foot Update



Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Big Foot is back in the news as a tandem of Big Foot hunters happened upon a dead carcass in the woods of Georgia. They claim the carcass is the mythical half man, half ape beast that has eluded them for many years.

A press conference held Friday in Palo Alto revealed the DNA test results from the creature and failed to prove Big Foot was captured. The DNA samples came from human origin and the other from an opossum.

Of course, this was a hoax, some sort of conspiracy to that will assuredly introduce some sort of product or other news not connected to the Bigfoot sighting. Viral advertising at it's best.

In the meantime, Big Foot is still on the loose. The photo above was taken just two days ago by a team of Grassy Knoll Institute Bigfoot hunters. As the photo suggests, Bigfoot was startled at the flood lights as they quickly illuminated the thick night woods of Mill Creek Park in Youngstown, Ohio.

Alas, the beast made a quick getaway into the woods running at an amazing rate of speed. The hunt is still on and the Grassy Knoll Institute vows not to rest until this creature is found and captured.



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

6/27/2008

George Carlin Spoken Last Words

Comedian George Carlin, passed away June 22nd, 2008 of heart failure. He was taken to emergency after complaining about heart pains. He died a short time later at the hospital. Carlin had a history of heart attacks

For Carlin, no subject was off limits. Sex, drugs, politics, actors, actresses, human race, religion, the weather, and even death itself. Carlin had his own genius spin and view of the human race and all of it's glory and faults.

Urban legends are already racing across the Internet like a California wildfire on what George Carlin's last words were. Some of the rumors I believe to surface are:

Goodbye.

I'm coming Brenda. (His late wife)

Nixon assassinated Kennedy. (Everyone already knows that)

Tonight's forecast, Dark. Continued to stay dark all night. scattered light in the morning. (One of his bits)

Please god, don't let me die. (Carlin was dead set against religion and God. He did not believe in God, a supreme being, the devil, the afterlife. To him, once you die, thats it. No bright light, no vestal virgins, no heavens gate. Just emptiness) I believe this one will make the rounds claiming Carlin at the end, returned to his faith and pleaded for mercy.

But the Grassy Knoll Institute has a different opinion on Carlin's last words. A showman and comedian to the end, perhaps he uttered the one line that made him famous. From the seven dirty words you cannot say on television. (Shit, piss, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker, cunt, and tits)

That would be George Carlin.

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

6/07/2008

Lorna Doone Cookie Conspiracy


Lorna Doone Cookie Conspiracy
Lorna Doone Cookie Conspiracy
Lorna Doone Cookie Conspiracy
Lorna Doone Cookie Box Not Full
Lorna Doone Cookie Box Not Full
Traveling to work today I glanced at the local gas station and saw the price was $3.89 per gallon. I guarantee it will only be a matter of time before gas stations adjust their pumps and begin selling gas in half a gallon quantities. $1.95 per half gallon appears better than $3.89 per gallon.

It appears that cookie maker Nabisco has already created their own less is more attitude for their famous Lorna Doone brand cookies. Upon inspection of the Lorna Doone contents, you can clearly see that the cookie wraps do not reach the top of the box. Not even close. And, to make matters even muddy, one of the wrappers had two cookies less than the other. Nabisco cannot blame content settling when one wrapper has less than the other.

Expecting a lower price? Hardly! The cost was ironically $3.89 per box. I wonder if Nabisco will be selling half boxes for $1.99 anytime soon?


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

1/28/2008

Missed It By That Much - TU24

Asteroid TU24 Missed By This Much
Asteroid TU24 Missed By This Much
Missed It By That Much

Asteroid TU24 safely flew by the earth this morning at 12:33 Eastern standard Time and did not impact as was predicted by our esteemed Grassy Knoll Institute rocket scientists. (The scientist in charge was given 40 lashes, and not the Max-Factor mascara type, and immediately fired)

Scientist 86 discovered his data was flawed after he failed to convert the telemetry data of the asteroid from U. S. standard measurements to metric. Thus, the error was the exact distance, 334,000 miles that asteroid TU24 missed the earth by.

The Curator of the Grassy Knoll Institute guarantee's that each and every conspiracy theory served up is worth at least 99 cents, if not more. Critical math errors are not tolerated here. Apparently more overtime is necessary for the rocket scientists here.

Would you believe.....

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

1/27/2008

First Glimpse Of Asteroid TU24

First Glimpse Of Asteroid TU24 To Slam Into Earth
Asteroid TU24

As Monday rapidly approaches NASA has all their satellites trained on asteroid TU24 which is speeding towards earth on an direct impact course. The asteroid should hit the Southern hemisphere at 0500 GMT on Monday the 28th.

NASA through it's tracking satellites was able to capture this startling photograph of TU24 just as it swung around the moon heading towards earth.

God save us all.....
And for you atheists, you're up the creek without a paddle.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

1/25/2008

Asteroid To Hit Earth 01/28/2008

It has been confirmed that an asteroid is on a collision course to impact Earth in the Southern hemisphere on Monday, January 28th at approximately 0500 GMT. This rogue (A large, destructive, and anomalous or unpredictable heavenly body operating outside normal or desirable controls) asteroid is the size of the Sears Building in Chicago and was just discovered by NASA as it entered our solar system when it changed course towards earth.

Up until Monday the 21st, NASA was tracking the asteroid (Named TU24) displaying it's trajectory course and danger level towards earth and the probability of an impact. Yesterday, all data relating to TU24, it's mass, size, trajectory course, time of impact, was deleted and erased from the website and in it's place was a sign stating that the asteroid had a zero percent chance of striking earth and the threat level was minimal at best. (On Monday, the odds were 50-50 chance and closing for an impact.)

The Grassy Knoll Institute understands how governments work in times of crisis especially when no solution is available such as an Armageddon sized asteroid that has the potential to end all life on the planet. The government institutes it's plausible deniabilty scenario preaching ignorance is bliss and seemingly everyone goes about their business. Except the heads of state.

Imagine if the government went public and broadcast to the world that an asteroid would impact the earth causing total devastation. The panic and chaos of the public would cause a complete breakdown of government as hysteria and looting would continue right up until impact. Hence, all information on asteroid TU24 has been deleted.

Starting this weekend, keep an eye on the movement of our public figures such as the president, vice president, key cabinet members and scientists from NASA. They will begin to disappear from the public eye as they quickly gather in underground bunkers to safely weather the impact.

It's the weekend, and the end of the world is coming on Monday. It's time to check your bucket list and get cracking.

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

1/14/2008

Scientists Create Life With Cloning Technique

American scientists, (Dr. Frankenstein) from the Institute for Biological Energy Alternatives, have created an artificial virus that has the ability to reproduce itself. The scientists named the new living virus, Phi-X174 bacteriophage.

This is a first for the scientific community where a virus was created from the ground floor up. What's even more astonishing is that the virus began to replicate itself almost immediately after it was created. (Sounds like the premise for a cheap horror movie but its true)

Genome mapping experts praised the virus creation as a stepping stone to human life creation. From this, the next step is the growing and cultivating of living human tissue and organs for people needing a transplant. From there, in a few more years, cloning a complete human being. One more step after that, Frankensteins monster, the complete cloning and replication of the entire body, mind, and spirit into a new fresh healthy body.

Sound monstrous? you bet it is. That is why this achievement has been swept under the proverbial carpet. The virus was created in 2003, and has been kept under wraps for fear of what this virus could do if perhaps it mutated and got out of control of the scientists. Since it is a new virus, there would be no immunity from the public meaning that if the virus turned lethal, millions of people would perish until a vaccine was developed to stop the rampage. Vaccine development of a synthetic virus would take months if not years to complete.

Angry lynch mobs are now forming in a city near you. The Grassy Knoll Institute will supply the townsfolk with all the torches they need to storm the castle.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/27/2007

NFL Acquiesces To Fans

As reported in last weeks Grassy Knoll Institute Conspiracy, the NFL network was playing hard ball with cable operators forcing them to pony up to satisfy their customers for the upcoming prime game of the unbeaten 15-0 New England Patriots at the New York Giants this Saturday night.

As stated before, history and NFL records could be easily set in this game. Not only would New England be the first team in NFL history to go 16-0, quarterback Tom Brady can break the single season TD passes and total yards while Randy Moss needs two TD's to break Jerry Rice's long standing most tD's in a single season.

The NFL has succumbed to the pressure put upon them by the Grassy Knoll Institute, Sen. John Kerry, and other legislators to force the NFL to carry the game on local channels so all can enjoy.

Yesterday, Commissioner Roger Goodell stated in a press conference that the game will be shown on CBS, NBC, and the NFL Network, the first game to be three-network simulcast in 40 years, since the first Super Bowl in 1967. Goodell says it is in the best interest of the fans that the NFL is airing the game on three networks but just a few days ago, the NFL said they would not acquiesce and that the game would be broadcast only on the NFL Network.

The NFL is in the midst of a horrific public relations nightmare and only at this point decided to change their tune. Only the best interests of the fans in mind! Bullshit. The almighty dollar drives the NFL and they almost bullied the cable operators to pony up.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL