Thought Screen Helmet For Your Pets

Take Me To Your Litter

A Public Announcement To All Thought Screen Helmet Wearers:
Even though you wear your thought screen helmet religiously, it doesn't mean you are entirely safe from alien abduction and / or alien domination. As we all know, the evil aliens become quite angry when the telepathic link has been severed by wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat. When they notice the interruption they immediately go to the source to investigate.

Upon inspection, the aliens will look for other means of control and your pets are the next logical step. Using their telepathic mind control, the aliens will infiltrate your pets thoughts. Once they have control over your cat or dog, while you are safely sleeping in your bed at night, they will command your pet to jump up on the bed and claw away at the helmet until it is removed. Once it's off and the wearer is now exposed to telepathic thought control, the aliens will pounce and assume control.

The Grassy Knoll Institution has the solution. Introducing Thought Screen Helmets for your pets.
Your move evil aliens. Your move.

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Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday is a good day for aliens to abduct you. Be prepared!
For being a bad man, and not following the instructions causing the construction of an improper thought screen helmet, Billy banished Ned to the cornfield for good.

Disclaimer: Don't let what happened to Ned happen to you. Your lifestyle and job does not have to suffer from the fear of alien abduction. You can learn how to construct your very own authentic thought screen helmet lined with velostat (A magical material that cancels telepathic emissions) that will effectively eliminate 100% of the telepathic transmissions from the aliens attempting to control your thoughts. Don't be wished out to the corn field. Act today!

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Original Thought Screen Helmet Wearers

Protection Against Telepathic Aliens - Not Rulers

The Grassy Knoll Institute has long suspected that Catholic nuns were the original target of the evil race of aliens stealing and controlling our very thoughts. The aliens plan was to control the nuns that teach and shape the children of the world and make the nuns cruel and abusive to the children.

However, due to a unique Catholic nun habit design, (The ergonomic curve of the habit bounces back the telepathic waves) the evil aliens telepathic rays become erratic and interrupted leaving the nuns non-influenced in any way by the aliens.

If this is true, then what excuse do the Nuns have now!!

Disclaimer: It is not a known fact if Catholic nuns habits are lined with velostat material or not.

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A Horse Is A Horse Of Course Of Course

Even Mister Ed Knows An Improperly Constructed Thought Screen Helmet When He Sees One. Of Course!

The Grassy Knoll Institute is disappointed that people susceptible to alien abduction are not taking our advice by constructing a proper Thought Screen Helmet layered with velostat covering your entire dome. Without the velostat, the magical material that blocks the aliens telepathic signals to your brain preventing you from being in their control. You may as well be beating a dead horse.

Oh Wilbur....

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Stop Alien Abductions Telethon

I...Can...Help...You

This Sunday the Stop Alien Abductions Foundation will be airing a 24 hour telethon to highten awareness of the many sufferers who must wear thought screen helmets to prevent further alien abduction. The foundations goal is to raise awareness of a race of telepathic aliens set on world domination by controlling the thoughts of our political leaders and public figures. Check local listings for the TV channel in your area.

Special celebrity guest star Gary Busey will speak about his private battles with the little green alien bastards and how he beat them with sticks until they fled plus the several that he captured and now dines on regularly. Mister Gary Busey was overheard saying that he is not afraid of those pussy aliens and that he would eat the bastards like they were on the menu at an all you can eat IHOP restaurant. Join him for supper. It's a hoot. I can hear him now saying the word "Outstanding" just the way he pronounced it in his hit movie, Under Siege.

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St. Patricks Day Alien Abduction

Don't Get Abducted On St. Patricks Day

Notice To All Irish People Being Harassed Or Abducted By Evil Aliens:

St. Patrick's Day is fast approaching, and many of you will be donning the green and partying with your friends at your favorite pubs and bars. Keep in mind, thought screen helmet aliens never rest. They never give up. They are relentless in the pursuit of invading your thoughts and controlling your very being.

Before you leave your house for the St. Patrick's Day festivities, make sure you have a correctly constructed thought screen helmet securely fastened on your dome. Note: Make sure you construct your helmet before partaking in the consumption of the green ale lest you become a victim like Sean O'Reiley pictured on the left. Sean failed to properly line his helmet with velostat, the magical material that filters out telepathic transmissions from the evil aliens.

Sadly, Sean was abducted just seconds after this photograph was taken of him at last year's party. Heed the warning from the Grassy Knoll Institute and have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Thought Screen Helmet Suit

Max Protection

The Thought Screen Helmet Suit. For maximum protection on those heavy flow days. (Wait a minute, wrong commercial)

Submitted by Gumby, ruler of Pokey: Hey Curator guy, other than the obvious reason, (Chic style) why buy an entire thought screen helmet suit when the helmet is supposed to be protection enough?

Excellent question Gumby. To answer, yes, it is very stylish, as several Hollywood heavy hitters arrived at the Oscars last Sunday wearing the TSH suit. But style is not the only purpose. Protection from the evil race of aliens attempting to invade your thoughts and control your mind is the number one priority.

As all TSH (Thought Screen Helmet) wearers are aware, March is the most intense telepathic period. Sometimes the helmet gets bombarded by aliens and may overload. The TSH suit kicks in at these times eliminating all threats of alien invasion and abduction.

Of course each of our TSH Suits are lined with velostat, the magical material that intercepts and blocks alien telepathic thought waves. And on those hot days, a built in air cooler that pumps air throughout the suit to keep you cool even when aliens are pressuring your frontal lobe. A glimmering silver coating spray completes the ensemble.

Available at all reputable drug and department stores.

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Consequences Not Wearing Thought Screen Helmet

Consequences Of Not Wearing A thought Screen Helmel

Just Saying...
Don't let this happen to you!!!
Make sure your thought screen helmet is properly constructed.
Do not skimp on the magical 3M velostat cloth.
Make sure your helmet covers your entire dome.
Wear it at all times.

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Thought Screen Helmet Inauguration Fittings

Inaugural Ball Style

As was expected, the Grassy Knoll Institutes scientific studies conclude that alien telepathic activity spikes during presidential inaugurations. With president-elect Barack Obama being sworn in January 20th, every precaution is being taken to avoid any national security issues.

Washington Thought Screen Helmet makers have geared up production and are cranking out tailor made helmets to those attending the presidential inauguration and ball. Hurry though, supplies are limited and you don't want to be the only one not wearing your thought screen helmet.

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Thought Screen Helmet - Pumpkin Head

Even Icabod Is Protected

For the upcoming Halloween season, manufacturers at the Thought Screen Helmet factory are offering a special design for parties and events. We aptly call it, The Pumpkin Head.

You won't have to worry about pesky aliens using telepathy to force you to do things against your will while wearing the pumpkin head. Each helmet is precision designed and lined with velostat, (The magical material that blocks alien telepathic thoughts from entering your brain) to ensure complete protection. Now all you have to worry about is if you will win best costume at your party.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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Improper Thought Screen Helmet Design

Improper Thought Screen 

Sadly, Lars didn't quite understand the translated instructions for the construction of his thought screen helmet. Clearly, there was no velostat cloth used and the helmet did not cover his ears.

This is the last photo of Lars just before being abducted by an evil race of telepathic aliens bent on world domination. (Heard in the distant background was a hushed alien voice chanting, I want my baby back baby back baby back)

Let this be a lesson learned to everyone being harassed by aliens controlling their thoughts. If you are going to make a thought screen helmet, follow the instructions to the letter.

For those not handy sewing and cutting, the Grassy Knoll Institute has constructed their very own Thought Screen Helmet guaranteed to eliminate telepathic connections from 4 out of 5 evil races of aliens.

Click the above link for the features of the Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen Helmet.

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Thought Screen Helmet Sale

Designer Thought Screen Helmets

In an effort to prevent citizens of Earth constructing faulty thought screen helmets to avoid alien abduction, the Grassy Knoll Institute has produced a new and improved helmet.

Our rocket scientists have been working round the clock designing the LOTGK version. Notice the sleek ergonomic design. Wind drag has been cut by 85% compared to older models enabling wearers to move more easily and smoothly throughout the day.

Another upgraded feature is the air cooled compartments in the dome of the helmet allowing the wearer to keep cool throughout the entire day. Those in hot and humid climates can thank the Grassy Knoll Institute later.

To order a Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen helmet, please send an email to us. For verification purposes, press on your keyboard the exact value of 22 divided by 7.

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Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

In an attempt to blend in while wearing the thought screen helmet to keep evil aliens from invading your mind and controlling your thoughts and actions, Spiro Agnestesio has invented the thought screen helmet wig.

The thought screen helmet wig fits snugly over the thought screen helmet enabling the wearer to carry on with daily activities without having to withstand verbal abuse and snickers aimed at you for wearing a helmet out in public.

Wigs come in gray, black, brown, red, and blond.

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Thought Screen Helmet Hair

TSH Hair

One of the drawbacks of wearing the stylish thought screen helmet is classic Helmet Hair Syndrome. You see, once you are abducted, you must forever wear the thought screen helmet to prevent any more alien influence. Rolf, pictured above, is one of the many tormented souls hounded by aliens attempting to control his mind and actions.

However, the above photo does prove a point on a hotly debated subject that velostat, the secret magical material that lines official thought screen helmets does hold an electric charge and provides protection against aliens using telepathy to control the mind.

Knowledge is power. The Grassy Knoll Institute will continue to investigate the shocking story of alien abductions and the thought screen helmets that prevent them.

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Jack Black And The Thought Screen Helmet

Evidently actor Jack Black is being controlled by an evil race of aliens.

Grassy Knoll Institute scientists believe that Mr. Black, even though he wears his thought screen helmet, has constructed a flawed helmet allowing aliens to access Mr. Black's mind forcing him to make bad career choices.

This goes a long way in explaining the movie choices of
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny and Nacho Libre.

Make sure you go his new movie, Kung Fu Panda, in theater's now.

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I Am Free From Thought Screen Helmet Aliens

A Small Price To Pay

Although this particular model of thought screen helmet has several drawbacks, (The inability to see oncoming traffic, difficulty entering doorways, and a target for ridicule) it is highly effective at keeping the evil race of aliens attempting to control mankind through telepathy at bay.

Although, perhaps this is the plan of the evil race of aliens. To make us all wear funny hats, get run over by cars, stuck in doorways, and get laughed at causing fights and riots.

Ingenious.

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The Irish People Can Read Your Mind

We Irish folks are a mystical and magical bunch. Many of us have the capability to read people's minds. Ahh, I can sense some skepticism from my readers. See, it's working already. I suppose I will have to prove my mind reading abilities with a test.

First, I need you to read and answer the following questions as fast as you can and then click on the comments section to be amazed.

Important! You must speak the answers out loud. You don't have to shout them, just say them in a normal voice.

Do not click the comments section until you complete the questions. Otherwise, it will ruin the test.

Ready, set, go.....Say your answers out loud please. I won't be able to hear you and read your mind if you don't.

What is one plus six?

What is two plus five?

What is three plus four?

What is four plus three?

What is five plus two?

What is Six plus one?

What's your favorite vegetable?

The answer is in the comments section......

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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New And Improved Thought Screen Helmet

Not feeling feminine fresh? Now you can everyday with the new and improved Thought Screen Helmet (Developed by the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute) made just for women. Look, it has wings and it makes toast as an added bonus. The ultimate multi-task accessory for the on-the-go business women.

WARNING:
Women are not immuned from the threat of alien abduction as some people in the scientific community had believed. Wearing the TSH to board room meetings will assuredly get you noticed. In fact, you and your thought screen helmet will be the topic of conversation no matter where you go.
And who doesn't want that type of recognition.

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Thought Screen Helmet Face Shield

No one can be 100% protected and secure from the evil race of aliens attempting to control ordinary citizens minds through telepathy. Thats why the Grassy Knoll Institutes team of rocket scientists have developed the Thought Screen Face Shield to compliment the thought screen helmet.

Up until today, the thought screen helmet was the only protection to prevent alien abduction and mind control. Now, the sleek light weight Thought Screen Face Shield is more added protection.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is constructed from durable lightweight polyurethane that contours to your facial features for a snug perfect fit. It is lined with a thin layer of velostat to block out a full frontal assault by thought controlling aliens giving you the freedom to go about your everyday chores and live a normal life.

Extensive testing proved when both are worn together, alien abductions dramatically decreased by over 95%. (Degree of accuracy scale is plus or minus 95%) With results like this, you cannot afford to be without one.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is proudly endorsed by:
The Phantom of the Opera
Freddy Kruger
Jason Verhooves
The Lone Ranger
Michael Myers
Spiderman
Batman
The Flash
The Green Lantern

Sold at reputable stores everywhere.

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Thought Screen Helmet Safe Sex

Alien Sexual Relations

Oral Is Totally Out Of The Question

Dick and Jane have a problem. Both of them have been targeted by an evil race of aliens attempting to control their minds through telepathy. Hence, they must wear thought screen helmets 24 hours a day 7 days a week, the only device known to mankind to prevent alien abduction.

This puts a serious damper on their sex lives.

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