Thought Screen Helmet Face Shield

No one can be 100% protected and secure from the evil race of aliens attempting to control ordinary citizens minds through telepathy. Thats why the Grassy Knoll Institutes team of rocket scientists have developed the Thought Screen Face Shield to compliment the thought screen helmet.

Up until today, the thought screen helmet was the only protection to prevent alien abduction and mind control. Now, the sleek light weight Thought Screen Face Shield is more added protection.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is constructed from durable lightweight polyurethane that contours to your facial features for a snug perfect fit. It is lined with a thin layer of velostat to block out a full frontal assault by thought controlling aliens giving you the freedom to go about your everyday chores and live a normal life.

Extensive testing proved when both are worn together, alien abductions dramatically decreased by over 95%. (Degree of accuracy scale is plus or minus 95%) With results like this, you cannot afford to be without one.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is proudly endorsed by:
The Phantom of the Opera
Freddy Kruger
Jason Verhooves
The Lone Ranger
Michael Myers
Spiderman
Batman
The Flash
The Green Lantern

Sold at reputable stores everywhere.

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Thought Screen Helmet President Addresses Public

I Am Not Just The President I Am Also A Client

Hello, I'm Art Skimmelhorn, president of Thought Screen Helmets for humanity, and I'm here with some new and important information for people who are being abducted by aliens through thought control manipulation. Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The helmet emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens thus breaking control of the aliens. Our patented thought screen helmet can be yours free of charge by calling our toll free 800 number. A small shipping charge may apply...With each delivery, a complete instructional booklet comes packed with each and every thought screen helmet including a detailed history of the helmet and how it has helped countless thousands of people. And if you act now, we will ship free of charge to you, an additional velostat replacement patch for your thought screen helmet.

And remember, I'm not only the president, I'm also a client.

Disclaimer: By wearing the thought screen helmet, certain side effects may occur including excessive sweating, weight loss, low self esteem, bad hair days, lack of dates, companionship, ringing in the ears, laughter, and possible termination of your job.
Furthermore, the thought screen helmet is not available in stores. Is not a male natural enhancement. People who have been regularly wearing the thought screen helmet have not been abducted by aliens but your results may vary. Void where prohibited by law. Of course, some assembly required. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. No user-serviceable or movable parts are inside the helmet. One size fits all. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. (Sexually or mentally) Keep away from fire or flame. Not an effective motorcycle helmet. Some equipment optional. This offer supersedes all previous offers. Batteries not included. Watch for falling rocks while wearing helmet. Never pet a burning dog while wearing the helmet. Marriage is not recommended while wearing the helmet. Is not a reliable food source nor a substitute for fiber.

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