Everyone rejoice!!! The CBS comedy television hit series The Big Bang Theory has been renewed for another season as several cast members took a cut in pay to allow the series to stay under budget and stay on the air. Alas, all good things must come to an end and at this time next year, there will only be several episodes left before the series finale. And of course the Grassy Knoll Institute investigators got its hands on the script for the finale.
SPOILER ALERT!!! Stop reading now if you do not want to know the ending of the Big Bang Theory.
Sheldon And Amy:
The series finale opens with Sheldon and Amy in the year 2025. Sheldon is in a tuxedo and Amy in a beautiful wedding gown. They are in an empty air force hangar room with three other couples holding hands, several NASA personnel, and a Chaplin. Sheldon and Amy are getting married. The Chaplin is performing the ceremony in Klingon. KA, Plau!
As soon as the ceremony is completed, the hangar door opens and a new generation space shuttle is shown ready for liftoff. The shuttle with fly them to the new orbiter that will take the space pioneers to their new home. Sheldon and Amy along with the other three couples are to be the first human candidates to colonize Mars. Sheldon blurts out, "I'm going to Mars! Take that Wolowitz!"
Sheldon and Amy along with the rest of the Mars colony board the shuttle, get strapped in and are awaiting liftoff. Sheldon of course is looking everywhere taking in the nuances of the mission. He hears in his earpiece the slow and steady countdown to liftoff. At thirty seconds to go he notices a light blinking on the pilots main board. Sheldon informs the pilot that there is a light blinking on the main board. The pilot responds, "Yes I know, its been on ever since we test piloted the ship. Its probably nothing." As the shuttle engines roar to life and the ship rises into the sky, over all the noise of the engenes you can hear Sheldon screaming, "Check the engine light!!!"
Penny And Leonard:
Penny and Leonard are still living at the apartment. Penny gets a call from her agent about a starring role in a new CBS comedy series. Penny will portray the part of a theoretical physicist at the local university. She is a genius in her field. Mark Harmon is her supervisor and has a crush on him.
In episode one, Penny comes home from a long hard day at work and hears a raucous coming from the before vacant apartment across the hall. Seconds later the apartment door bursts open and three men in their early twenties emerge. All three men spy Penny at once and introduce themselves to her. The men reveal to Penny that they are male strippers who just got hired at the Beef-Cake Factory at the local university.
Penny finds this all to familiar in a "Bizarro World" sort of way but accepts the job and cannot wait to tell Leonard. Leonard is thrilled for Penny and it will also give him more time to concentrate on a breakthrough experiment that will make him rich and famous.
Penny finds out during production of the first season of the show that she is pregnant. Leonard is thrilled stating that our babies are going to be brilliant and beautiful.
Meanwhile, Leonard, by dissecting several formula's from Sheldon's childhood writings, discovers a fuel based on water molecules that will power all forms of combustible engines. He takes his formula to the patent office. While waiting to be helped, Leonard is approached by several men in black suits. They ask Leonard to please come with them to have a private conversation. The men introduce themselves as attorneys from Exxon. They are prepared to offer Leonard one billion dollars for the rights to his patent. Leonard is unsure. He wants this formula to be for the world, to free the world of pollution. He then stops and says, "Awe, screw it, I'll take the money!"
Howard And Bernadette:
Howard wakes up from a terrible nightmare. He only remembers bits and pieces but his father was in the dream. For the next week he has the recurring nightmare. In his nightmare Howard is returning from space and gravity does not affect him anymore. He has to hold onto furniture to avoid floating away. He makes his way to the kitchen for something to eat. Just as he is about to take a bite of his sandwich, he hears a knock at the front door. He makes his way through the kitchen and the living room and makes it to the front door. He opens the door and his father is standing there. In a tuxedo. With a martini in his hand. Shaken not stirred. He says hello to his son in an English accent. Howard wakes up screaming.
Howard and Bernadette add to their family and now have three children, Halley, Lexel, and Herschel. All named after periodic comets. Bernadette's tenacity and motivation allows her to quickly climb the corporate ladder and become CEO of the pharmaceutical company she works at. Dan (Dan was Bernadette's boss who hired Penny as a sales rep) and the rest of the employee's are scared to death of Bernadette. Bernadette has the top floor of the building vacated and has it renovated into one very large private office suite. With its very own private bathroom and latte machine.
Howard and Bernadette are watching television on the couch when Howard tells Bernie the nightmare he has been having. Seconds later they hear a knock at the front door. Howard clams up and tells Bernadette, "This is it, this is it, my fathers at the door. What do I do?" Bernadette looks annoyed at him and says, "Answer the door putz!"
Howard walks slowly to the door, grasps the handle and slowly turns the knob. The door bursts open and its Doc Brown from Back To The Future. Doc tells Howard that something has to be done about his kids. Doc needs Howard to come back to the future with him to show him what is in store. Bernadette tells Howard to pack snacks stating she knows how grouchy he gets when he's hungry. Seconds later, Howard snaps awake from another dream.
Rajesh Koothrappali and Emily Sweeney:
Raj finally gets some karma mojo and finds the love of his life again. Raj happens upon Emily in the same cemetery he and her were at when they originally broke up. Raj asked her why she was walking alone in the cemetery and Emily stated matter of fact, "Its one of my favorite places to go and think. And those thoughts are mostly about you!" Emily smiles and Raj's heart melts. Raj excitedly says, "Me too, I come here all the time to think about you!" Raj and Emily embrace and passionately kiss.
Months later, Rajesh and Emily are married and move into a townhouse apartment with more room. Emily informs Raj that the one room at the end of the hall is her sanctuary room. And only she is allowed to enter. Emily reminds Raj what happened when they first started dating and Raj was snooping in her apartment and broke her bedroom night table. Raj smiles and nods and tells Emily, "Trust me Emily, I have learned my lesson. That is your own private room and I promise not to go in there." Emily smiles big at Raj, grabs his hand and leads him to their bedroom.
The years go by. Emily is at work and Raj is home alone wondering through the house. He admits to himself that Emily's secret sanctuary room is getting the better of him. He must know what is inside. His curiosity finally gets the better of him and he walks to the closed room and slowly opens the door. He finds a light switch on the wall and flicks it on. To his horror, he sees scattered on the floor and tables naked human body parts. Arms, legs, heads, torso's. His phone rings and it scares the wits out of him. Raj looks at the phone and its Emily. He slams the door closed and answers the phone.
Emily wants to know if he wants her to pickup BBQ take out for dinner that night. Raj is still reeling and mumbles yea, sure, that is fine. Emily chimes in, "I so love the tender meat and the BBQ flavoring. I can't wait to sink my teeth into it." Emily ends the phone conversation saying she will be home in less than an hour. Raj nods OK and realizes Emily cannot hear a nod and says, "Yes dear, see you in an hour." Emily says, "Maybe we can watch my favorite movie tonight, So I Married An Axe Murderer?" Raj lowly responds with a yes Emily, whatever you wish. Rajesh's mind is going a mile a minute. He really did marry an axe murderer. Why didn't he see all the obvious signs. Oh, he's doomed, doomed.
Emily arrives home with the BBQ dinner and smiles at Raj who is cowering in the corner of the house. Emily holds out her arms and walks towards Raj and says, "Come here, I'm so hungry I can eat you up!" Raj cowers back and yells, "Stay away from me." Emily sees the terror in his eyes and point blankly asks Raj if he went into her sanctuary room. Raj nods yes. Emily continues to move towards Raj her smile now turning a ghoulish grin. Emily is now within a foot of Rajesh. She looks him in the eye and says to him, "Rajesh, I have something to tell you. And its about the sanctuary room. This is hard for me to say because I love you so much but,... But,...APRIL FOOLS!!!"
Emily explains that she knew eventually that Raj would not be able to stay out of that room so one day she brought home lifelike mannequins from dermatology school and placed them randomly in the room. Emily could not believe Rajesh held out so long. Both embrace and kiss. Emily then says, "By the way, I found your subscription to Big Badonk-adonks years ago so I guess we are even."
Stuart continues to work at his comic book store after an unknown source wires money every month to his bank account. This money allows Stuart to keep the doors open on the store and eek out a small existence. Years go by and the inevitable comes to pass. Stuart reads in the news that comic book legend Stan Lee passed away.
Sadly, Stuart, dressed in his only grey suit, closes the store to attend the funeral of Stan Lee. Thousands upon thousands of mourners are gathered at the service. Many of them are dressed in their favorite superhero costumes. At the end of the funeral service, as Stuart was walking away a man approached him and asked if he were Mr. Bloom, the proprietor of the comic book store. Stuart looks worried and replies yes to the question. The man retrieves an envelope from his suit pocket and hands it to Stuart telling him that Mr. Lee has been watching him for some time now. Stuart opens the envelope and inside is a cashiers check from Stan Lee for 5 million dollars and a note.
The note from Lee was one paragraph. It said:
Whatever life holds in store for you, never forget these words: With great power comes great responsibility. This is my gift, (It is) my curse to you. Who are you? You are Stuart Bloom, benefactor of the late Stan Lee. The truth is Stuart, you don't know the way you feel, except you know the kind of man you want to be. Its as if you have reached the unreachable, and you weren't ready for it. Now go find the woman of your dreams and love her forever. Stan.
As Stuart continues to walk from the funeral service, he absentmindedly bumps into a woman who is also clumsily walking. It is Sara Jean Underwood, Playboy model of the year and the sexiest nerdy girl in Hollywood. They both smile at each other and Sara strikes up a conversation with Stuart. She tells him the estate of Stan Lee requested her attendance at the funeral service and that I would meet the man of my dreams here. Sara smiles and looks into Stuarts eyes and says, "Isn't that just the weirdest coolest thing you ever heard."
Stuart and Sara are dating. Stuart is taking it slow....
Barry Kripke And Leslie Winkle:
Barry finally gets tenure and moved up the ladder of success ever since Sheldon left to prepare for his and Amy's Mars habitat. He gets more involved in artificial intelligence and creates a working prototype of a female android. The female android looks astonishing like Leslie Winkle who just happens to be Kripke's current girlfriend. The androids artificial intelligence quickly adapts and learns human traits. As human and android experiments go, Kripke and the android who he named Sara, hook up. Things are progressing smoothly with the real and the android Leslie (Sara) until Leslie walked in on Barry and the android. Leslie was pissed, stated to Barry, "I thought you were stopping with just the hand?" Kripke, locked in an embrace with the android Sara replied, "No, that was Wolowitz that stopped with just the hand. I'm all in."
Will Wheaton is at yet another minor "Con" signing autographs to a very small audience. His cell phone rings. Its from director, producer, and screen writer J.J. Abrams. Abrams complimented Wheaton on his 13 appearances in the Serial Apeist series stating he liked what he saw. Abrams tells Wheaton he wants to cast him in his new rebooted Star Trek series. Abrams wants him to play Wesley Crusher, the time traveller, who comes to this time line to see what happened to the time line. Wheaton agrees on the spot and calls his agent immediately to beg his agent to get his Serial Apeist 14 contract voided.
It was no coincidence that Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Even Howard, wound up at the apartment hashing out the days events, quantum and theoretical equations to solving the worlds mysteries. Hidden inside the frame of the couch was a sophisticated listening device recording every word of every conversation (Even the time when Penny and Leonard "did it" on Sheldon's spot) The device was planted the day Sheldon moved in. An evil race of aliens have been monitoring the device ever since. They were "This close" to understanding how normal humans interact with each other and with that understanding would help the aliens conquer the world.
Penny and Leonard are on the couch watching television. They hear a knock at the door. Penny opens the door and Sir Paul McCartney is standing outside. Penny does not recognize him and asks if she can help him. Paul asks if her name is Penny. Penny takes a steps back and replies that yes it is. Paul smiles and replies, "I finally found you, I finally found Penny Lane. I've been searching so long for you." Penny steps back more and asks Leonard to come to the door. Penny asks Paul McCartney how did he know her middle name was Lane? Paul smiles and says, "Well, the cats out of the bag now isn't it. I'm your father Penny!" Penny interrupts Paul and tells him to "SHUT UP!" Paul introduces himself to Leonard who does know who McCartney is. Leonard tries to explain to Penny who Paul is. Leonard invites McCartney inside the apartment.
Penny states that it can't be true, McCartney cannot be her father. Her mother would have told her something that big. Paul reveals that years ago he and Susan (Penny's Mom) met at a Wings concert and fell in love. For one night only. The next day both went on their own separate long and winding roads. And now the journey finally found its way to your door. Penny still does not believe and calls her mother on the phone. Susan asks why Penny is asking and Penny reveals that McCartney is standing inside her apartment right now. Susan confirms to Penny that McCartney is indeed her father. She tells Penny that she didn't meet her husband until 6 months later. Both decided to raise Penny as their own. Penny hangs up the phone and looks at Paul and asks are there anymore surprises I don't know about?
Paul asks to sit down and continues, "Well, back in 1964 there was a bit of a scandal concerning the Beatles, and out of that came a wild conspiracy theory that I was dead. That I died in a car accident. People took the lyrics from our songs and put new meanings to them to support claims that I was indeed dead and the Beatles were covering it up. Well, after all these years, may I introduce to you, the one and only William Shears Campbell." Both Penny and Leonard look dumbfounded. Leonard says, "Wait, now hold on, so you are not Paul McCartney?" William nods no. He tells Penny and Leonard that Paul did indeed die in an accident and the band management found me. I was a look-a-like and had plastic surgery done to my face. I assumed the role of Paul McCartney for the next three years. Until John Lennon couldn't take it anymore and broke up the band."
Penny asks, "Anything else Paul, or William, or Billy, or Mac, or Buddy, you want to tell us?" William says just one more thing. You have a half brother that lives not so far from here. His name is Howard Wolowitz. As soon as I'm done visiting you I am going over to his house and knocking on his front door and introducing myself."
Penny looks petrified and moans, "Oh the horror!"
Fade to black, cue the music,
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billions years ago expansion started, wait.....
For Debbie and her fantastic brisket
LURKING, WE CONTROL YOUR TV SET ON THE GRASSY KNOLL