Showing posts with label tin foil hats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tin foil hats. Show all posts


Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet
Black Friday is a good day for aliens to abduct you. Be prepared!
For being a bad man, and not following the instructions causing the construction of an improper thought screen helmet, Billy banished Ned to the cornfield for good.

Disclaimer: Don't let what happened to Ned happen to you. Your lifestyle and job does not have to suffer from the fear of alien abduction. You can learn how to construct your very own authentic thought screen helmet lined with velostat (A magical material that cancels telepathic emissions) that will effectively eliminate 100% of the telepathic transmissions from the aliens attempting to control your thoughts. Don't be wished out to the corn field. Act today!



Stop Alien Abductions Telethon

This Sunday the Stop Alien Abductions Foundation will be airing a 24 hour telethon to highten awareness of the many sufferers who must wear thought screen helmets to prevent further alien abduction. The foundations goal is to raise awareness of a race of telepathic aliens set on world domination by controlling the thoughts of our political leaders and public figures. Check local listings for the TV channel in your area.

Special celebrity guest star Gary Busey will speak about his private battles with the little green alien bastards and how he beat them with sticks until they fled plus the several that he captured and now dines on regularly. Mister Gary Busey was overheard saying that he is not afraid of those pussy aliens and that he would eat the bastards like they were on the menu at an all you can eat IHOP restaurant. Join him for supper. It's a hoot. I can hear him now saying the word "Outstanding" just the way he pronounced it in his hit movie, Under Siege.



Thought Screen Helmet Suit

Max Protection
The Thought Screen Helmet Suit. For maximum protection on those heavy flow days. (Wait a minute, wrong commercial)

Submitted by Gumby, ruler of Pokey: Hey Curator guy, other than the obvious reason, (Chic style) why buy an entire thought screen helmet suit when the helmet is supposed to be protection enough?

Excellent question Gumby. To answer, yes, it is very stylish, as several Hollywood heavy hitters arrived at the Oscars last Sunday wearing the TSH suit. But style is not the only purpose. Protection from the evil race of aliens attempting to invade your thoughts and control your mind is the number one priority.

As all TSH (Thought Screen Helmet) wearers are aware, March is the most intense telepathic period. Sometimes the helmet gets bombarded by aliens and may overload. The TSH suit kicks in at these times eliminating all threats of alien invasion and abduction.

Of course each of our TSH Suits are lined with velostat, the magical material that intercepts and blocks alien telepathic thought waves. And on those hot days, a built in air cooler that pumps air throughout the suit to keep you cool even when aliens are pressuring your frontal lobe. A glimmering silver coating spray completes the ensemble.

Available at all reputable drug and department stores.



Thought Screen Helmet Companion

Pam Andersons Obama Inaugural Ball Date
Thought Screen Helmet Companions. Just in time for president elect Barack Obama's inauguration.

Don't let evil aliens that are controlling your thoughts put a damper on your inauguration plans. The rocket scientists at the secret Grassy Knoll Institute laboratory have created the thought screen helmet companion so you can attend the inauguration in style.

Pamela Anderson, iconic sex goddess swears by her thought screen helmet buddy. It allows her to go helmet free and attend Hollywood events and the Barack Obama inauguration and all the balls afterward. (And of course, no animals were harmed in the production of the thought screen helmet companion.)

But how does it work?
Good question. The thought screen helmet companion is stuffed with advanced technology to eliminate alien abduction. The companion works so well that not a single person using the companion has been abducted. 100% effective. Now that is a testimonial.

The companion is a full bodied mannequin lined with velostat, a magical material that blocks alien telepathic signals to the potential abductee. The companion senses the telepathic signal and intercepts and filters them before they reach its target. The companion comes in two styles, male or female and can be accessorized for any event. Mission accomplished.



Thought Screen Helmet Inauguration Fittings

Inaugural Ball Style
As was expected, the Grassy Knoll Institutes scientific studies conclude that alien telepathic activity spikes during presidential inaugurations. With president-elect Barack Obama being sworn in January 20th, every precaution is being taken to avoid any national security issues.

Washington Thought Screen Helmet makers have geared up production and are cranking out tailor made helmets to those attending the presidential inauguration and ball. Hurry though, supplies are limited and you don't want to be the only one not wearing your thought screen helmet.



Thought Screen Helmet Sale

Designer Thought Screen Helmets
In an effort to prevent citizens of Earth constructing faulty thought screen helmets to avoid alien abduction, the Grassy Knoll Institute has produced a new and improved helmet.

Our rocket scientists have been working round the clock designing the LOTGK version. Notice the sleek ergonomic design. Wind drag has been cut by 85% compared to older models enabling wearers to move more easily and smoothly throughout the day.

Another upgraded feature is the air cooled compartments in the dome of the helmet allowing the wearer to keep cool throughout the entire day. Those in hot and humid climates can thank the Grassy Knoll Institute later.

To order a Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen helmet, please send an email to us. For verification purposes, press on your keyboard the exact value of 22 divided by 7.



Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

Thought Screen Helmet Disguise
In an attempt to blend in while wearing the thought screen helmet to keep evil aliens from invading your mind and controlling your thoughts and actions, Spiro Agnestesio has invented the thought screen helmet wig.

The thought screen helmet wig fits snugly over the thought screen helmet enabling the wearer to carry on with daily activities without having to withstand verbal abuse and snickers aimed at you for wearing a helmet out in public.

Wigs come in gray, black, brown, red, and blond.



New And Improved Thought Screen Helmet

Not feeling feminine fresh? Now you can everyday with the new and improved Thought Screen Helmet (Developed by the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute) made just for women. Look, it has wings and it makes toast as an added bonus. The ultimate multi-task accessory for the on-the-go business women.

Women are not immuned from the threat of alien abduction as some people in the scientific community had believed. Wearing the TSH to board room meetings will assuredly get you noticed. In fact, you and your thought screen helmet will be the topic of conversation no matter where you go.
And who doesn't want that type of recognition.



Thought Screen Helmet Face Shield

No one can be 100% protected and secure from the evil race of aliens attempting to control ordinary citizens minds through telepathy. Thats why the Grassy Knoll Institutes team of rocket scientists have developed the Thought Screen Face Shield to compliment the thought screen helmet.

Up until today, the thought screen helmet was the only protection to prevent alien abduction and mind control. Now, the sleek light weight Thought Screen Face Shield is more added protection.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is constructed from durable lightweight polyurethane that contours to your facial features for a snug perfect fit. It is lined with a thin layer of velostat to block out a full frontal assault by thought controlling aliens giving you the freedom to go about your everyday chores and live a normal life.

Extensive testing proved when both are worn together, alien abductions dramatically decreased by over 95%. (Degree of accuracy scale is plus or minus 95%) With results like this, you cannot afford to be without one.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is proudly endorsed by:
The Phantom of the Opera
Freddy Kruger
Jason Verhooves
The Lone Ranger
Michael Myers
The Flash
The Green Lantern

Sold at reputable stores everywhere.



Thought Screen Helmet Safe Sex

Alien Sexual Relations
Oral Is Totally Out Of The Question

Dick and Jane have a problem. Both of them have been targeted by an evil race of aliens attempting to control their minds through telepathy. Hence, they must wear thought screen helmets 24 hours a day 7 days a week, the only device known to mankind to prevent alien abduction.

This puts a serious damper on their sex lives.



Thought Screen Helmet Death

On A Scale of 1 To 10
An evil alien race controlling local citizens minds through telepathy strike once again.

These two men barely had enough time to don their helmets before the aliens struck. Johnny, the man wearing the shiny metal thought screen helmet was quoted saying, "Thank god for the magical properties of velostat." (Velostat is a 3M fabric said to possess special magnetic properties that shield telepathic thought waves from aliens.)

Sadly, several seconds after this photo was taken, Johnny's head exploded from the pressure generated from the aliens attempting to penetrate Johnny's cranium.

The funeral is Saturday.