Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

Thought Screen Helmet Disguise

In an attempt to blend in while wearing the thought screen helmet to keep evil aliens from invading your mind and controlling your thoughts and actions, Spiro Agnestesio has invented the thought screen helmet wig.

The thought screen helmet wig fits snugly over the thought screen helmet enabling the wearer to carry on with daily activities without having to withstand verbal abuse and snickers aimed at you for wearing a helmet out in public.

Wigs come in gray, black, brown, red, and blond.

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Thought Screen Helmet Hair

TSH Hair

One of the drawbacks of wearing the stylish thought screen helmet is classic Helmet Hair Syndrome. You see, once you are abducted, you must forever wear the thought screen helmet to prevent any more alien influence. Rolf, pictured above, is one of the many tormented souls hounded by aliens attempting to control his mind and actions.

However, the above photo does prove a point on a hotly debated subject that velostat, the secret magical material that lines official thought screen helmets does hold an electric charge and provides protection against aliens using telepathy to control the mind.

Knowledge is power. The Grassy Knoll Institute will continue to investigate the shocking story of alien abductions and the thought screen helmets that prevent them.

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Jack Black And The Thought Screen Helmet

Evidently actor Jack Black is being controlled by an evil race of aliens.

Grassy Knoll Institute scientists believe that Mr. Black, even though he wears his thought screen helmet, has constructed a flawed helmet allowing aliens to access Mr. Black's mind forcing him to make bad career choices.

This goes a long way in explaining the movie choices of
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny and Nacho Libre.

Make sure you go his new movie, Kung Fu Panda, in theater's now.

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Are We Not Men?

Whipped Em Good

Photographic evidence that aliens controled humankind in the 1980's. The new wave rock band Devo knew of the thought control and attempted to sever the telepathic link to the alien race by donning self made thought screen helmets made from flower pots. Devo had assumed (And we all know what happens when you assume) the lead based paint and pottery would somehow block out the telepathic rays from the aliens freeing them to write and perform their own music.

If only they were aware of velostat, the magical material needed to effectively eliminate aliens from controlling your thoughts.

As we learn from history, Devo's experiment failed. Alas, they were only men.

Duty now for the future.

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I Am Free From Thought Screen Helmet Aliens

A Small Price To Pay

Although this particular model of thought screen helmet has several drawbacks, (The inability to see oncoming traffic, difficulty entering doorways, and a target for ridicule) it is highly effective at keeping the evil race of aliens attempting to control mankind through telepathy at bay.

Although, perhaps this is the plan of the evil race of aliens. To make us all wear funny hats, get run over by cars, stuck in doorways, and get laughed at causing fights and riots.

Ingenious.

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New And Improved Thought Screen Helmet

Not feeling feminine fresh? Now you can everyday with the new and improved Thought Screen Helmet (Developed by the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute) made just for women. Look, it has wings and it makes toast as an added bonus. The ultimate multi-task accessory for the on-the-go business women.

WARNING:
Women are not immuned from the threat of alien abduction as some people in the scientific community had believed. Wearing the TSH to board room meetings will assuredly get you noticed. In fact, you and your thought screen helmet will be the topic of conversation no matter where you go.
And who doesn't want that type of recognition.

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Thought Screen Helmet Face Shield

No one can be 100% protected and secure from the evil race of aliens attempting to control ordinary citizens minds through telepathy. Thats why the Grassy Knoll Institutes team of rocket scientists have developed the Thought Screen Face Shield to compliment the thought screen helmet.

Up until today, the thought screen helmet was the only protection to prevent alien abduction and mind control. Now, the sleek light weight Thought Screen Face Shield is more added protection.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is constructed from durable lightweight polyurethane that contours to your facial features for a snug perfect fit. It is lined with a thin layer of velostat to block out a full frontal assault by thought controlling aliens giving you the freedom to go about your everyday chores and live a normal life.

Extensive testing proved when both are worn together, alien abductions dramatically decreased by over 95%. (Degree of accuracy scale is plus or minus 95%) With results like this, you cannot afford to be without one.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is proudly endorsed by:
The Phantom of the Opera
Freddy Kruger
Jason Verhooves
The Lone Ranger
Michael Myers
Spiderman
Batman
The Flash
The Green Lantern

Sold at reputable stores everywhere.

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Thought Screen Helmet Death

On A Scale of 1 To 10

An evil alien race controlling local citizens minds through telepathy strike once again.

These two men barely had enough time to don their helmets before the aliens struck. Johnny, the man wearing the shiny metal thought screen helmet was quoted saying, "Thank god for the magical properties of velostat." (Velostat is a 3M fabric said to possess special magnetic properties that shield telepathic thought waves from aliens.)

Sadly, several seconds after this photo was taken, Johnny's head exploded from the pressure generated from the aliens attempting to penetrate Johnny's cranium.

The funeral is Saturday.

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When You Stop Wearing Thought Screen Helmets

Do Not Remove Your Thought Screen Helmet

You should know by now wearing a thought screen helmet lined with velostat prevents an evil alien race from telepathically controlling your mind. However, if you are feeling safe and are considering removing your helmet, look what happens when you do remove your thought screen helmet? Jesse, Wylene, and Ernie found out the hard way.

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Thought Screen Helmet Test Pattern

Evil Telepathic Aliens Control Your Mind

PLEASE STAND BY
An important alien transmission from outer space follows.This is a message from the outer nebula where the thought screen helmet aliens reside.

We are not the monsters some portray us to be. We do not wish to control and enslave humanity into a life of servitude. We did not leave you a "Cook book," nor do we have an eight foot tall metallic robot that shoots lasers from its visor. We are only concerned with your well being the direction the human race is headed.

We contacted you through the use of the Grassy Knoll Institute web site to inform and educate the population that a small sect of humans are attempting to control the world under the guise of the "Thought Screen Helmet." This sect declares that we, an alien race, are stealing humans thoughts to control the brain and force these people into mindless automatons. That statement cannot be further from the truth.

These so called Helmeteers are slowly gathering followers by brain washing them with the thought screen helmet, the very weapon said to protect them from alien abduction. Once the helmet has been worn for 72 hours and beyond, the wearer loses self control and becomes pliable to the evil helmeteers. At that point, they can manipulate the unsuspecting helmet wearers to do their bidding.

We ask that you embrace us as a loving benevolent race of beings that only want what's good for humanity. We have come in peace. It is up to you, readers of the Grassy Knoll institute, whether we leave in peace.

END TRANSMISSION

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Thought Screen Helmet President Addresses Public

I Am Not Just The President I Am Also A Client

Hello, I'm Art Skimmelhorn, president of Thought Screen Helmets for humanity, and I'm here with some new and important information for people who are being abducted by aliens through thought control manipulation. Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The helmet emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens thus breaking control of the aliens. Our patented thought screen helmet can be yours free of charge by calling our toll free 800 number. A small shipping charge may apply...With each delivery, a complete instructional booklet comes packed with each and every thought screen helmet including a detailed history of the helmet and how it has helped countless thousands of people. And if you act now, we will ship free of charge to you, an additional velostat replacement patch for your thought screen helmet.

And remember, I'm not only the president, I'm also a client.

Disclaimer: By wearing the thought screen helmet, certain side effects may occur including excessive sweating, weight loss, low self esteem, bad hair days, lack of dates, companionship, ringing in the ears, laughter, and possible termination of your job.
Furthermore, the thought screen helmet is not available in stores. Is not a male natural enhancement. People who have been regularly wearing the thought screen helmet have not been abducted by aliens but your results may vary. Void where prohibited by law. Of course, some assembly required. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. No user-serviceable or movable parts are inside the helmet. One size fits all. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. (Sexually or mentally) Keep away from fire or flame. Not an effective motorcycle helmet. Some equipment optional. This offer supersedes all previous offers. Batteries not included. Watch for falling rocks while wearing helmet. Never pet a burning dog while wearing the helmet. Marriage is not recommended while wearing the helmet. Is not a reliable food source nor a substitute for fiber.

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Put A Helmet On That Soldier

It has come to the attention of the Grassy Knoll Institute that the race of giant aliens currently roaming the earth planning on world domination has another enemy. After analyzing the above picture, scientists at the Institute concluded that the apparatus the alien is wearing on his head is in fact a Thought Screen Helmet.

As we all know by now, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The helmet emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens thus breaking control of the aliens. It would appear that two separate races of aliens are warring against each other and the earth is the battlefield.

Speculation has it that perhaps we should forge an alliance with one of the alien races. An enemy of my enemy, is my enemy, or friend, or their enemy, or our friend and enemy. I don't know how that goes, but it sounds like a prudent idea.

Put a helmet on that soldier! It's going into battle. It's going to see some action dammit...!

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Thought Screen Helmet Analysis

Thought Screen Helmet - Never So Sexy

Thought Screen Helmet In Silver

Liz Hurley, super model, cover girl, world reknown actress, all around good girl, alien abductee, swears by her thought screen helmet. (We cannot print how she's swearing, but she does, trust us!)

The Grassy Knoll Institute has some questions relating to the properties and value of the Thought Screen Helmet. Does the thought screen helmet really work? If so, how does it work? Is the helmet water proof? Where can you find these helmets? And, wouldn't you think the aliens would concentrate their mental powers and effort on world leaders other than a dairy farmer in Kansas, or a secretary in Beloit? All good questions indeed which will be answered.

What is the Thought Screen Helmet?
It is a garment device, a hat, nay, a helmet, made out of several secret materials that give it special telepathic canceling powers that stop aliens from controlling your thoughts and actions. If you have ever been abducted by aliens, and have been or are currently being controlled by an alien, the thought screen helmet is for you. The helmet is designed to prevent alien abductions by blocking the mental telepathy of the aliens to your brain. And it's guaranteed to work 100% of the time.

Does the thought screen helmet really work?
A testimonial is perhaps the best way to answer this question. Autie Skimmelhorn, baker at Buttermaid Bakery, attests that since wearing his thought screen helmet 24 hours a day for the past 8 months, he has not once been abducted by aliens. How can you argue with that statement? You can also attest that since he hadn't brushed his teeth in the same time frame, that may have skewed the results. It's too early to call at this point.

How does the hat work?
Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The hat emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens. The secret is in the ingredients. Velostat is the main ingredient. Velostat is a material made of opaque, volume conductive, carbon impregnated polyolefin. They are easily grounded. Neither age nor humidity affects the electrical characteristics of velostat.
Basically, three square yards are needed to line your hat or helmet of choice and by using duct tape, hold the velostat in place thus blocking out any alien invasion of the mind.

Is the thought screen helmet waterproof?
Depending on the hat, which should be vinyl, rubber, or leather, it is safe to assume that they are. The reasoning behind this question is how does one take a shower with the helmet still encased on your skull? If you need to wear it 24/7 to prevent alien control, wouldn't you think the aliens would be smart enough to abduct you while showering?

How do I get one of these wonderful hats, err, helmets?
They are not sold in any stores. (Rumor has it that Wal-Mart has a small secret selection to choose from. Note: You must know the secret handshake) If you do need a helmet, alas, you must make one from scratch yourself. But fear not. There are instructions that even a first time alien abductee can understand.

Why don't the aliens concentrate their efforts on world leaders instead of non political people?
If aliens were here on earth, and do have the capability to invade human minds and control them, why would they waste their time on non-political non-influential people? I would go straight to capital hill and the white house. I would make sure president Bush was under total control along with the entire house and senate. (Perhaps the presidents action do lend credence to alien mind control) With the political and military leaders under mind control, the aliens can easily control the rest of the population forcing the alien will upon us. How else can you explain Skating With The Stars and Survivor, 12th Installment?

In closing, if you believe aliens are attempting to control your mind, or have already taken control of your mind, and that the thought screen helmet will effectively eliminate the telepathic waves, you're unequivocally nuts.

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