Travellers Beware: Murphys Deli - Houston Texas

Travellers Beware: If you ever happen to find yourself walking the streets of Houston, Texas in search for a place to eat, do not, I repeat, do not walk into Murphy's Deli. I warned you twice.

As I entered Murphy's Deli, it appeared to be a standard Deli restaurant that are scattered across this great country. Murphy's Deli had a standard counter, a few tables and chairs for patrons to sit and eat, and a menu board behind the counter. What could go wrong?

I ordered a turkey and cheese sandwich on an Italian roll. I added bacon and asked for tomatoes and olives. Before you is what was presented to me and it only cost me $15 dollars! What a bargain!

Upon inspection of this so-called deli sandwich, it had two thin slices of turkey. Processed turkey, perhaps turkey loaf, but certainly not turkey breast. The bacon was three thin strips, just like the microwave kind you get at the grocery store. Yes, you could see through the bacon strips. And the American cheese, not slices, but a little bit of sprinkles. The tomato was paper-thin and the olives just on one part of the sandwich. WTF!

The taste of this deli sandwich, well, it tasted like cardboard. The roll was rough and almost stale. As I said earlier, the turkey was processed or loaf, and the rest of this abomination was so poorly prepared, it ranks as the worst sandwich I ever had the bad luck to buy.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend Murphy's Deli from Houston, Texas for dinner.

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Smoky Bones Restaurant - BBQ Combo

Smoky Bones is located on South Avenue, a very busy highway in Boardman, Ohio. Today, we decided to stop driving by and instead pulled into the parking lot.

We were seated quickly as it was not very busy and our waitress came over to take our drink order. We ordered diet Cokes. She returned with our drinks and took our dinner order.

I ordered the pretzels as an appetizer as they looked intriguing. Fifteen minutes later, the pretzels arrived at our table. I asked the waitress for plates, napkins, and utensils to eat the pretzels. After asking three times, I never received them.

As I stated earlier, it wasn’t crowded leaving no excuse for lousy service which we were receiving. It took our waitress 30 minutes after she delivered our pretzel appetizer to deliver our dinner.

Triple Combo Platter

Finally, our dinner was served. I ordered the triple combo and selected BBQ pulled pork, BBQ chicken strips, and BBQ grilled chicken. A baked potato and garlic bread completed the dinner.

Inspecting the plate, I noticed the pulled pork was not the BBQ variety. Nor was the chicken strips and the grilled chicken. Luckily our waitress returned with refills on our diet Cokes. I informed her I ordered BBQ and she said for me to use the tubes of BBQ sauce kept on the table. I then noticed she had given us iced tea instead of diet Cokes.

I once again sternly asked for napkins and at least a fork to eat my dinner. I also pointed out that we ordered diet Cokes and not iced tea. She said she would be right back with them. Instead of waiting, I got up and found an empty table and took the napkins and utensils and returned to our table. Our waitress never did bring us any.

I also noticed in our thirty minute wait patrons that came in after us and serviced by another waitress were served their dinners before us. There were four other tables served before us.

Side Note: As we were eating, the table behind us had a problem with their bill and it took the waitress (Our waitress) several trips to the cashier to remedy the problem.

Still want to read the critique?

OK, the baked potato was cold, seriously, it was cold. Not hot, not warm, but cold. It was not baked all through and the center was hard. Score for the potato, zero.

The pulled pork was maybe warm, tasted OK but was bland as Hell. I was afraid to use any of the sauces our waitress directed to use on the table. Some of the tubes were oozing several foul-smelling odors and the sauce was dried and chunky on the tubes. Score, zero.

The fries were also cold. See the trend here? I really think our waitress forgot about our order. I hate cold fries. Score, zero.

The chicken was adequate at best, and could have been better if hot, at least warm.

Our waitress should be fired.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommends Smoky Bones for dinner.

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KFC Lies To Customers

Driving down South avenue the other day I spied a KFC restaurant (Kentucky Fried chicken) and a minute later I found myself in the drive through. Since I was there I decided to order something. It would have been a little awkward if when the drive through window employee asked, "May I help you," and I said, "No, just browsing right now!" Instead, I ordered a #10 which was two chicken filets, a biscuit, wedge fries, and a Pepsi. All for $6 dollars. I was told to pull around to the window.

After I paid my $6 dollars, I was told that the filets were not cooked and it would be 5-6 minutes. She told me to pull over and park on the right and they would bring it out. I noticed the time and it was 5:24pm. I pulled over. It started to rain. Perhaps a bad omen.

Six minutes passed and still no winner winner chicken dinner. Ten minutes passed and KFC became officially liars. Three minutes later the KFC employee was spotted, running my take out bag to me in the pouring rain.

For a brief moment I thought of being mean, with it raining hard and the girl outside my Jeep window holding my take out, perhaps I would pretend not to notice her. Make her wait on me. Instead, I unzipped the window and took my order and drove off.

The moral of this post is:
KFC lies to its customers. When they tell you it will only be a 5-6 minute wait, expect that time to be at least double.

You see, I am at a loss for rating this take out dinner. The chicken was good, the fries and roll hot and tasty, but the service was down right despicable.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 1 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend KFC Drive through for lunch or dinner.

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Subway - Grilled Chicken Sandwich

I saw a Subway commercial the other day and it showed a very good-looking sandwich. It was called the Grilled Chicken foot long. It was only five dollars so I decided to have one for dinner.

The employee at the restaurant was pleasant and nice and began to make my sandwich. I asked for Italian bread and toasted please. I saw her cut the bread and proceed to place two thin white slabs of what I believed to be chicken on the bun. She then scooped out a ladle full of meatball sauce and spread it over the chicken. Into the microwave to toast it went.

* Cheese was $1 extra if wanted.
* Bacon was $1 extra if wanted.
* Any other meat add-on was $1 extra if wanted.

The sandwich was wrapped up and away I went. When I got it home, I unwrapped it, placed it on the counter and snapped this picture. It looked nothing like the television commercial sandwich. False advertising for sure.

But how did it taste?

Well, the Italian bread was OK. The meatball sauce was OK. The grilled chicken slabs were adequate. Of course the chicken was processed, not real chicken, but parts of the chicken. And that's it. Nothing else. Put it all together and you got a sandwich with no real taste, no real zing. However, the price of $5 dollars saved the sandwich from being a total loss.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 2 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommends Subway Grilled chicken sandwich for lunch or dinner. With so many other choices, this sandwich is a DOA.

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Metro Grill - Cheeseburger And Fries

Metro Grille - Chicago

I was in town during the Transworld Halloween show was in Chicago and made my hotel reservation with the Crowne Plaza. The Plaza is just a five minute walk to the convention center where the show is housed. Winning! Being in a suburb of Chicago and without a car, the dining experience was limited. The first night I opted for the hotel restaurant, the Metro Grille.

The restaurant was not crowded when we walked in. I recall perhaps ten people dining. Perhaps this wasn’t a wise choice. The hostess seated right away and brought us some water. A few minutes later our waitress took our order.

Cheeseburger And Fries

I went with a safe bet, a bacon cheeseburger and fries and a diet Coke. Like Indiana Jones, I choose wisely.
In about ten minutes my order was delivered to our table.

As you can see, it was a bacon cheeseburger. Upon further inspection, I noticed the bacon was not cooked completely. It was still fatty and greasy. I could overlook that if the rest of the burger was alright. A quick glance to my left to survey the french fries, which were well cooked and standard tasting, but seriously, if you can count the fries on your plate, the portion is small.

To the burger itself. The bun was fresh, lightly buttered and toasted. The beef was well cooked, well done as I specified. It was juicy with good flavor and the cheese melted added that extra touch. It wasn’t a big burger, certainly no half pounder, perhaps a little larger than a quarter pound, but no more. Nothing special, nothing terrible, just a typical burger.

The cost of this feast was $15 dollars without tip. Let’s see, uncooked bacon for a topping, a scant amount of french fries, a less than average size burger, for $15 dollars. It should have been set at around $10 dollars, no more.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 2.25 out of 5 shots and only recommends Metro Grille Chicago for dinner for it’s convenience and proximity to my hotel. If you have a car, take the ride to plenty more options.

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Gibsons Steakhouse - Chicago - Filet Mignon

Gibsons Steakhouse

If you ever find yourself in Rosemont, Illinois, does yourself a favor and head on over to Gibson’s Bar And Steak House for dinner. It’s just across the street from the Donald E. Stephens convention center.

If you get there before 6pm, you should be able to find a table. After 6, expect a long wait as the restaurant. We have been here several times before over the years. We made it before six and our hostess seated us and our waiter was over in a few minutes to take our drink and dinner order.

I ordered the Filet Mignon, (Here is a tip for you diners out there: If the restaurant has “Steak” in its name, you order the steak for your meal) The price of my entre was $33.00 plus a diet soda.

The Filet was a solid 8 ounce size, cooked to my specifications, and they nailed it. It was full of flavor, tender, juicy, and cut like butter.

Roll And Butter

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about the rolls and bread that came with the Filet. The steak was just that good. The bread was also very good, a pretzel style bread roll that when topped with butter, was very tasty indeed.

Hash Browns

Instead of the atomic size baked potato that is a popular side dish option, I went off the grid and selected the house home style potatoes, or hash browns as many people know them by. The portion was generous, the potatoes hot and well cooked, and was a good variation from the standard baked potato.

What you see here was $36.00 before tip. When you look at the 8 ounce Filet, the rolls, and the hash browns, the price was in line. Add top shelf service, a clean restaurant, and you have a fantastic experience and meal.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 4.25 out of 5 shots and recommends Gibsons Bar and steak house in Rosemont for dinner.

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Chicago Style Pizza - No, Not Really

Chicago Style Pizza - Not Really

Back in late February this year, I attended the national Halloween trade show in Chicago, Illinois. Once inside the convention center, you are pretty much at their mercy when it comes to breakfast and lunch. To leave the building for lunch would take too much time so we conventioneers dine under the roof.

This year, the convention offered very few choices for sustenance. Choosing the lesser of several evils, I ordered a piece of pizza and a diet Coke. Now I know some of you are thinking, hey, you are in Chicago, home of the famous Chicago style pizza. It has to taste fabulous right? It's Chicago!

Well, as you can see, this piece of pizza had absolutely no style. The only positive was that the pizza was warm. Not hot, but warm. heat lamps were doing their job that day. The crust was flat, a little doughy, and bland. The cheese was present, and that's all I have to say about the cheese. The sauce, well, there was red and orange fluid on the pizza which I guess could substitute for pizza sauce. The taste, well, it was filling and curbed my hunger allowing me to photo more sexy Halloween models in skimpy costumes. The cost, $5 dollars. Per slice. To put that in perspective, an 8 slice pizza would cost $40 dollars.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 1.5 out of 5 shots and under regular circumstances would never recommend this pizza. However, with very few food options inside the convention center, we recommend Chicago's Rosemont Convention pizza for lunch.

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Crowne Plaza Hotel Room Service – Cheeseburger And Chicken

Chicago Crowne Plaza Room Service

Sometimes when I'm on the road, I am just to tired to go out for dinner. At those times I rely on room service. Sometimes you get the bull, sometimes the bull gets you. Today, I got the bull. As in a side of beef.

I was in Chicago for a trade show and stayed at the Crowne Plaza Hotel, just a quarter mile from the convention center. The flight was long and late. Tonight I would dine in room. I dialed up room service and ordered a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and an appetizer of chicken planks. And of course a Coke.

Twenty minutes later there was a knock at my door. My dinner had arrived. I signed and tipped and the waiter was on his way.

As you can see, the portions were huge. I underestimated the generosity of the Crowne. The bacon was crisp, thick, spicy, and hot. Three thick pieces covered the burger. The cheese was spicy and was also generous. The burger itself was a half pound of grade A beef. Perfectly cooked and juicy. The bun was lightly toasted and buttered. Combined, it was one hell of a cheeseburger.

On to the chicken planks. Lightly golden browned, crisp, tender chicken, with just the right spices. Very good. And let's not forget the fries. Very crisp, not soggy and undercooked. Very little grease present on them. And they were hot and very tasty.

All this for around $25 dollars with tip and room charge. Pretty damn good.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 3.5 out of 5 shots and recommends the cheeseburger from the Crowne Plaza hotel in Chicago for dinner.

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Crowne Metro Restaurant - Grilled Chicken

Crowne Metro Salad

The Crowne Metro restaurant located inside the Crowne Plaza Hotel located in Rosemont, Illlinois, a suburb of Chicago, is the next stop on our list of critiques.

Upon entering the restaurant, there were only about a dozen people eating. That is a bad sign especially during a trade show when thousands of extra people are in the city. Anyway, we were seated immediately at a table. I ordered the grilled chicken as the main entree and the house salad.

The salad was adequate at best and a little on the bland side. No celery, no bacon, cheese, eggs, olives. Just some lettuce and a few croutons. I wasn't holding out much hope for the chicken.

Grilled Chicken

About 20 minutes later, my dinner arrived. The chicken was cooked well, wasn't juicy, but wasn't dry either. The lemon helped add a little flavor to the chicken. The portion was generous, two medium sized pieces.

The baked potato was average sized and well cooked. Butter was the topping of choice.

The cost was a little steep, $20 dollars without tip.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 2.5 out of 5 stars and barely recommends Crowne Metro for lunch or dinner.

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Smoky Mountain Brewery And Restaurant

Gatlinburg, Tennessee has literally dozens of fabulous restaurants to choose from and the Smoky Mountain Brewery and Restaurant is an excellent choice.

The Brewery is of course a micro brewery that has hundreds of brands of beer and spirits but I was there for the food. And the Brewery did not disappoint.

Another nice feature were the many TV sets tuned to all the NFL games and the angles were perfect. Any game we wanted to watch were in eye shot.

After getting seated, the place was packed, but we only waited about 20 minutes, I ordered the Chicken Parmigiana with a side of spaghetti. Toasted garlic bread was also part of the meal.The chicken was excellent, hot, juicy, spicy, and a hearty portion. The spaghetti, supposedly a side order, was huge and delicious. The garlic bread was hot and sealed the deal. The entire meal was almost perfect, including the service, which was fast, courteous, and correct.

The price was very reasonable, around 18 dollars without tip. The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 4.5 shots out of 5 and recommends Smoky Mountain Brewery for dinner.

PS: This is also the restaurant where I stapled up my dollar bill with my LOTGK logo enblazoned on it.

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Ginos Pizza - Chicago

Gino's Pizza - Chicago

While at the Chicago Halloween show, we had to have Chicago pizza. We asked many locals where the best pizza was. An almost unanimous reply was Gino’s just off Mannheim road. To the taxi.
The restaurant was packed, about 25 people waiting to be seated, which was a good sign. An empty Italian restaurant does not bode well. After about 20 minutes, we were seated and we placed our order. A large pizza was ordered with half with bacon and half with pepperoni and green peppers. My half was the bacon half.

Twenty minutes later, the pizza arrived at our table. As you can see, it looked delicious. The slices were cut all the way through, the crust was crunchy, the cheese perfect, the sauce hot and tangy, and the bacon cooked under the cheese was well cooked.

And the taste, very good. The service, very good. The cost, not bad for Chicago, 20 bucks for the pizza and two cokes. Putting it all together, the Grassy Knoll Institute awards 4 out of 5 shots and recommends Gino’s pizza for dinner.

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Cornersburg Pizza Boardman Ohio

As you can see, Cornersburg pizza looks delicious. And the Grassy Knoll Institute is here to tell you that it tastes delicious as well. Cornersburg has been in business for many years, (Since I was in grade school in the 1960's) serving up their own special blend of pizza to it's loyal customers.

Cornersburg makes their pizza old school style. (Not like assembly line national chain francise pizza shops where everything is shipped in frozen and already prepared) Each pizza is prepared fresh by hand starting from rolling of the dough to the cooking of it's sauce, to the blending of the cheese. This recipe has been in Larry's family for generations and the pride and work ethic he puts in shows.

Ordering a pizza is simple. Simply call 330-758-4501 and order. They know the Grassy Knoll Institute by name knowing what we want before even ordering. Cornersburg doesn't deliver, (Remember, they're old school) but the pizza is ready when they say it is and the shop has easy access to the main roads in Boardman.

The cost, for a 14 inch pizza, is just under 8 dollars which is very reasonable. Each topping add a dollar.

The pizza container is a sturdy box, (It used to be a very flimsy box, but is now very sturdy) making sure the travel to your home or business does not smash or ruin the pizza. Also, the pizza is cut completely through, unlike other pizza's where you try to take a slice and get two or three to go with you.

The taste: excellent tasting. A very unique blend of crust, sauce, and cheese. One of the best if not the best pizza's not just in the area, but in the states. (And trust me, I have had pizza from many places in and out of Youngstown, Ohio) I also like that you can ask for the pizza to be made crispy, or more sauce added, or half with pepperoni and half with sausage, without any fuss. The assembly line pizza joints can't handle those type requests.

The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 5 out of 5 shots to Cornersburg Pizza and recommends them for lunch, dinner, or a late night snack. How are you doing Larry?!

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Ober Gatlinburg Sno Cone (Cherry Flavored)

At the top of the Smoky mountains lies a cozy little amusement park called Ober Gatlinburg. Plenty of rides to have fun including the Alpine slide and the Go-Karts, but today's post is all about the cherry. As in flavor. Cherry flavored sno-cones.The beauty above hit the spot on a warm summer day. The shaved ice was not clumped in a big chunk, and there was an ample amount of cherry syrup to give the sno-cone great flavoring. All in all, a pleasant experience.

The cost is the only drawback. Being on top of the mountain, you are literally a captured audience. You either pay the price, or you go thirsty. I opted in and shelled out $3.00 for this sno-cone. (Ahh yes, I remember as a little kid buying sno cones for a nickel at Idora Park and Geneva on the Lake.)

Ober Gatlinburg cherry sno-cones receives 2.75 shots out of 5 and recommends them on hot summer days.

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Arbys Chicken Sandwich

Arby's restaurants are famous for their signature sandwich, the Arby's Roast Beef. Arby's also offer a chicken sandwich along with a plethora (Thanks Cynter) of other sandwich choices. The Grassy Knoll Institute decided to try the chicken sandwich.The sandwich was wrapped like a roast beef sandwich, in a light foil covering, (Which by the way, is not compatible with a microwave oven) and had the same style bun and size of a roast beef sandwich, and to be honest, smelled like a roast beef sandwich.

The bun was a little soggy, as if the sandwich has been orphaned and just hoping for someone to buy one. The chicken itself was hot, not spicy, but not to tasty. Bland tasting to be blunt.

The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 2 shots out of 5 and does not recommend Arby's chicken sandwiches.

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Taco Bell Tacos

Yes, it finally happened. I broke down, in a very weak moment and visited Taco Hell, err, Taco Bell for some standard regular taco's. The drive through service was standard, and of course their "Check the electronic screen to assure your order is correct" wasn't working. The taco's were 79 cents each and a girl handed out a plastic bag unceremoniously and I was on my way home.

As you can see, the taco's were wrapped in paper and they were hot. The order was correct and relatively well priced. Hey, we're talking taco's here. They should be giving these things away.

Anyway, the shell wasn't soggy, the cheese was there, not much of it, but there. The lettuce was plentiful, more lettuce than any other ingredient. The secret meat product and sauce was layered on the bottom, not plentiful, but there.

The taste....... Well, they are edible. At 2am they would taste better I guess. The Grassy Knoll Institute reluctantly recommends Taco Bell for the over all cost and bulk of food for the price and awards 2.25 shots out of 5 for taco's at Taco Bell.

Side note: As the commercial touts. About an hour after I ate the taco's, I had to make my own run for the border.

Second side note: Also noticed that the building looked like it was made out of styro-foam. A chunk of the wall was missing and it seriously looked like foam.

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Inner Circle Pizza

Inner Circle Pizza

Inner Circle Pizza, Youngstown State University, Youngstown, Ohio.

Todays menu choice was a 12 inch pepperoni pizza. The crust was thick and crunchy, not burnt, but well done. The sauce was tangy, spicy, and hot. The cheese was a good blend of several varieties. Of course it was topped with pepperoni.

All the slices were completely cut, which is important so as not to rip half the cheese and pepperoni off another slice. The cost was a little pricey for a 12 inch pizza at $8.95 with pepperoni.

All in all, the Grassy Knoll Institute awards Inner Circle pizza 3 shots out of 5 and recommends Inner Circle for lunch.

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Gibsons Steak House Filet Mignon

Gibsons Steak House - Chicago

 Each year I travel to the Transworld Halloween and Party trade show held in Chicago, Illinois. Actually, it’s held in Rosemont, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. And each year, I make it a point to have dinner at Gibson’s Steakhouse. It’s right across the street from the Rosemont Convention center.
As you can see, the tables are tight, not standard size tables, it allows more tables and hence more patrons to be seated. Even with the crowded space, it was plenty of room.

Beating the rush, we were seated without delay and our waiter brought us fresh warm bread and took our drink order. I of course ordered a Coca-Cola and although it had Santa Claus on it, the coke was crisp and fresh, and cold.

Perusing the Menu I noticed the prices were very reasonable. As predicted, I ordered the Filet Mignon, medium well done. It was prepared exactly as I like, was juicy, hot, and very flavorful. The baked potato was large, hot, well cooked, and loaded with butter as ordered.

The cost was just over $40 dollars without tip. The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 4 shots out of 5 and recommends Gibson’s Steakhouse for dinner.

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Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar

Stopped at a candy store while visiting Geneva On The Lake back in May. I did not think that a Wonka bar was real but only made for the two movies staring Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp. Seeing it in the showcase, I had to have it.It was a standard chocolate bar likening it to a Nestle crunch bar only with a thin layer of graham cracker bottom. The chocolate was rich enough, not over powering, and no after taste. The cost was $1.50 which was pricey, but it was a specialty shop.

In essence, the novelty of the Wonka bar was more than the actual taste. The Grassy Knoll Institute suggests you spend your money on a Hershey or Nestle chocolate bar.

Sidenote: No golden ticket inside the bar.

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Pastino's Chicken Planks

Pastino's chicken tenders and cheese sticks. Fries were extra. You are looking at $6.75 worth of food in a tin foil and styrofoam container.The chicken tenders were standard, chicken from the grocery store cooked in Pastino's oil. And so were the fries. And the cheese sticks. Possibly all at the same time. No matter if I took a bite out of the chicken, fries, or cheese sticks, somehow, they all tasted and smelled the same. But hey, it's only $6.75 right!

The service, standard delivery, tin foil reactor plates, and plastic bags. The food was hot, and the order was correct, and edible, and filling, and cheap enough to serve as a lunch.

With this in mind, the Grassy Knoll Institute awards 2.5 shots out of 5 and recommends Pastino's for lunch.

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Kalik Beer Of The Bahama's

Grassy Knoll Institute scientist Jungle Jim, while on a mission to the Bahama's to uncover the real story of Anna Nicole Smith's death, took some time out to enjoy a cold brew. Here is Jim's critique of a beer he happened upon.

As I sit in the Bahamas gazing out my window, my contact at the Bahama National Police suggested I try the local beer called Kalik,,the EXTRA STRENGTH one! Holy Cow. After only 2 beers I caught a strong buzz that is still with me. My ears are warm and my head is woozy. At $2.50 per beer it packs the same punch as a 6 pack of ANY American beer. All hail Kalik beer! I rate it 4.8 shots out of 5.Thank GOD for spell check, it worked overtime on this submission.

PS: Grassy Knoll Institute special scientist Jimmy hard at work.

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