An Old Irish Prayer

May those who love us, love us;
And those who don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
But if God doesn’t turn their hearts,
May God turn their ankles.
So we’ll know them by their limping.

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Shoeless Joes BBQ Pork

Shoeless Joe's BBQ Pulled Pork

While at the National Halloween trade show hosted at the Rosemont Chicago convention center, the host had a “Taste Of Chicago” evening for the exhibitors and buyers in the Hilton Hotel on Friday evening. Inside the great hall, many of Chicago’s top restaurants had set up temporary stations and were cooking their best dishes for all to taste and sample. Of course we were there. The first station we stopped at was Shoeless Joe’s Restaurant.

After finding a table, we made a bee line to shoeless Joe’s. I sampled the pulled pork sandwich and their BBQ ribs. The ribs were the “Fall off the bone” variety. (The best kind!) The BBQ sauce was tangy and perfect. The taste, well, the ribs were exquisite. If there weren’t 9 or 10 other restaurants to sample I would have went back for a full slab of ribs.

After the ribs, I moved on to the pulled pork sandwich. Again, a very tasty BBQ sauce smothering tender pulled pork. The hard roll was a perfect combo.

I was really liking this “Taste Of Chicago” event so far. I couldn’t wait for the next restaurant.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 5 out of 5 shots and recommends Shoeless Joe’s of Chicago for dinner.

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How To Properly Pour Guinness Beer

For the 2012 St. Patrick's Day Holiday season, the Grassy Knoll Institute kicks off the celebration with an upmost important skill on how to properly pour a Guinness Beer.

But before we get to that, a reminder if you will, to check back regularly in March to see the latest Irish updates on folklore and especially the sexiest women Ireland has to offer.

Now just make sure when the bartender presents the properly poured Guinness beer to you, you follow proper procedures on drinking the beer.

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New Village Cafe Breakfast - San Francisco

The New Village Cafe located in San Francisco is a quaint little cafe that has a good breakfast at reasonable rates. I always ask the locals where the best places to eat are. Several nice folks directed me to this cafe.

We walked into the cafe and noticed it wasn't crowded and had the look and fell of an old 1950's diner making me wonder about the name, New Village Cafe. Anyway, reports were positive about the joint so we took a table and our waiter came over.

He was a Chinese man and apparently was the only waiter in the joint. He was hustling all over the cafe. he was very efficient. A few minutes passed and he was at our table to take our orders. 

The cafe breakfast was scrambled eggs, hash browns, and sausage links plus some white toast with butter and jelly. All for around $5 dollars. As we waited for our order, I noticed his wife was the cook and popped her head outside the kitchen from time to time. The cafe was a two person operation.

The eggs were good, standard fare, well cooked. The hash browns were well cooked, not greasy, and tasted good. The sausage again was well cooked, and was standard fair. All in all, excellent service, good food all at an affordable price. The locals were correct, The New Village Cafe was a good place for breakfast.

Oh yes, don't want to forget about the toast, well toasted, warm, not soggy, and plenty of butter and jelly.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 4.25 out of 5 shots and recommends New Village Cafe for breakfast.

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Burg Coffee - Gatlinburg

Burg Coffees Of Gatlinburg

Every year I return to Gatlinburg, Tennessee and even though it appears to not change, new businesses do spring up along the Parkway. Berg Coffee's is one of the new shops on the scene.

It was raining hard in Frisco,
I needed one more fare to make my night.....
Wait a minute, wrong city.
It was raining hard in Gatlinburg,
I ducked inside for shelter from the rain.
The sexy redhead Russian hostess asked me what I desired.
I said a large ice cream twist please.

My apologies to the late Harry Chapin for mangling his lyrics.

The red head whose name was Veronica struck up a conversation with us. Asking where we were from, if we were here for work or pleasure, (Yes, those were her words, spoken in a sexy Russian accent) and how long we planned on staying.

As I enjoyed the ice cream, which cost $3 dollars was on the average size for around these parts as was the cost. If I were in Geneva, the size of the cone and ice cream would be at least double this size for 50 cents less. Yes, that big.

But, this ice cream was served by a sexy 20 something red head in tight jeans and perky breasts with a killer accent. Now you can see the reason for the up-charge.

The taste was standard fare, the cone fresh and not soggy, and as ice cream cones go, it was adequate. The Burg dispenses ice cream as a side item. Specialized coffee was their forte as their menu had many types and variations of coffee.

Because of the sexy red head, The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 3.25 out of 5 shots and recommends Burg Coffees for an exquisite pause from inclement weather. And sunshine as well.

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Marcs BBQ Grilled Chicken Take Out

Marc's Grocery Store in Boardman, Ohio is my usual place to stock up on Coke Zero. Marc's runs some deep discount deals on pop every so often and that's when i stock up.

The other day after loading my cart with Coke Zero, I spied in the cold section some packaged grilled chicken breasts with BBQ sauce. The cost was $3.09 for the package. Feeling saucy, I decided to try a pack.

After loading the Coke zero in the basement I fired up the microwave and warmed that chicken BBQ up. I wasn't expecting much, (It was cheap, in a plastic container, and it was from Marc's) but I was hungry. The portion was generous with the cost at just over three bucks. I cut a small piece off and tasted it.

WOW! I was impressed. The chicken breast was juicy, tender, with no fat. The BBQ sauce was tangy and flavorful and complimented the chicken perfectly. It tasted really good. Not just plastic wrap take out from a grocery store good, but from a respected BBQ restaurant specializing in BBQ chicken good. Shocking! I rate this BBQ right up there with the Outback, Calhouns, and Texas Roadhouse. Yes, it was that good. And it was cheap.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 5 out of 5 shots and recommends Marc's Grocery Store BBQ Grilled Chicken take out for dinner.

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Mass Alien Abduction In Progress

Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet

An important announcement from the Grassy Knoll Institute to all those afflicted with M.A.A. (Multiple Alien Abductions)

Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.

Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.

Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.

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Travellers Beware: Murphys Deli - Houston Texas

Travellers Beware: If you ever happen to find yourself walking the streets of Houston, Texas in search for a place to eat, do not, I repeat, do not walk into Murphy's Deli. I warned you twice.

As I entered Murphy's Deli, it appeared to be a standard Deli restaurant that are scattered across this great country. Murphy's Deli had a standard counter, a few tables and chairs for patrons to sit and eat, and a menu board behind the counter. What could go wrong?

I ordered a turkey and cheese sandwich on an Italian roll. I added bacon and asked for tomatoes and olives. Before you is what was presented to me and it only cost me $15 dollars! What a bargain!

Upon inspection of this so-called deli sandwich, it had two thin slices of turkey. Processed turkey, perhaps turkey loaf, but certainly not turkey breast. The bacon was three thin strips, just like the microwave kind you get at the grocery store. Yes, you could see through the bacon strips. And the American cheese, not slices, but a little bit of sprinkles. The tomato was paper-thin and the olives just on one part of the sandwich. WTF!

The taste of this deli sandwich, well, it tasted like cardboard. The roll was rough and almost stale. As I said earlier, the turkey was processed or loaf, and the rest of this abomination was so poorly prepared, it ranks as the worst sandwich I ever had the bad luck to buy.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend Murphy's Deli from Houston, Texas for dinner.

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Smoky Bones Restaurant - BBQ Combo

Smoky Bones is located on South Avenue, a very busy highway in Boardman, Ohio. Today, we decided to stop driving by and instead pulled into the parking lot.

We were seated quickly as it was not very busy and our waitress came over to take our drink order. We ordered diet Cokes. She returned with our drinks and took our dinner order.

I ordered the pretzels as an appetizer as they looked intriguing. Fifteen minutes later, the pretzels arrived at our table. I asked the waitress for plates, napkins, and utensils to eat the pretzels. After asking three times, I never received them.

As I stated earlier, it wasn’t crowded leaving no excuse for lousy service which we were receiving. It took our waitress 30 minutes after she delivered our pretzel appetizer to deliver our dinner.

Triple Combo Platter

Finally, our dinner was served. I ordered the triple combo and selected BBQ pulled pork, BBQ chicken strips, and BBQ grilled chicken. A baked potato and garlic bread completed the dinner.

Inspecting the plate, I noticed the pulled pork was not the BBQ variety. Nor was the chicken strips and the grilled chicken. Luckily our waitress returned with refills on our diet Cokes. I informed her I ordered BBQ and she said for me to use the tubes of BBQ sauce kept on the table. I then noticed she had given us iced tea instead of diet Cokes.

I once again sternly asked for napkins and at least a fork to eat my dinner. I also pointed out that we ordered diet Cokes and not iced tea. She said she would be right back with them. Instead of waiting, I got up and found an empty table and took the napkins and utensils and returned to our table. Our waitress never did bring us any.

I also noticed in our thirty minute wait patrons that came in after us and serviced by another waitress were served their dinners before us. There were four other tables served before us.

Side Note: As we were eating, the table behind us had a problem with their bill and it took the waitress (Our waitress) several trips to the cashier to remedy the problem.

Still want to read the critique?

OK, the baked potato was cold, seriously, it was cold. Not hot, not warm, but cold. It was not baked all through and the center was hard. Score for the potato, zero.

The pulled pork was maybe warm, tasted OK but was bland as Hell. I was afraid to use any of the sauces our waitress directed to use on the table. Some of the tubes were oozing several foul-smelling odors and the sauce was dried and chunky on the tubes. Score, zero.

The fries were also cold. See the trend here? I really think our waitress forgot about our order. I hate cold fries. Score, zero.

The chicken was adequate at best, and could have been better if hot, at least warm.

Our waitress should be fired.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommends Smoky Bones for dinner.

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KFC Lies To Customers

Driving down South avenue the other day I spied a KFC restaurant (Kentucky Fried chicken) and a minute later I found myself in the drive through. Since I was there I decided to order something. It would have been a little awkward if when the drive through window employee asked, "May I help you," and I said, "No, just browsing right now!" Instead, I ordered a #10 which was two chicken filets, a biscuit, wedge fries, and a Pepsi. All for $6 dollars. I was told to pull around to the window.

After I paid my $6 dollars, I was told that the filets were not cooked and it would be 5-6 minutes. She told me to pull over and park on the right and they would bring it out. I noticed the time and it was 5:24pm. I pulled over. It started to rain. Perhaps a bad omen.

Six minutes passed and still no winner winner chicken dinner. Ten minutes passed and KFC became officially liars. Three minutes later the KFC employee was spotted, running my take out bag to me in the pouring rain.

For a brief moment I thought of being mean, with it raining hard and the girl outside my Jeep window holding my take out, perhaps I would pretend not to notice her. Make her wait on me. Instead, I unzipped the window and took my order and drove off.

The moral of this post is:
KFC lies to its customers. When they tell you it will only be a 5-6 minute wait, expect that time to be at least double.

You see, I am at a loss for rating this take out dinner. The chicken was good, the fries and roll hot and tasty, but the service was down right despicable.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 1 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend KFC Drive through for lunch or dinner.

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Alien Abductees Living In Giant Dollhouse

Giant Aliens Holding Human Couple Hostage

Case Solved: From the Boardman Police Cold Case files
The mysterious disappearance involving Marge and Henry Adams sheds new light.
Marge and Henry Adams were last seen March 15th, 1954 on the way to the local market. Several neighbors remember waving to them as they drove down the neighborhood street. Their car was found abandoned about 2 miles from their home in a vacant lot.

An intense search was conducted at their home in hopes of finding a lead or clue to their whereabouts. Police found no letter or ransom note. It appeared that no foul play befell them as the doors and windows were locked and the house was in good order.

Marge and Henry Adams were never found. After several weeks of running down leads and shaking bushes, the Boardman police department halted the investigation and declared the Adams missing and the case went cold.

Until...

One daring Grassy Knoll operative covertly stowed away onto a giant alien craft during one of its routine landings to leave map markers for the invading fleet to follow. (Most people believe these to be crop circles.) The Grassy knoll operative quickly downloaded important intel from the mass of archived files from the giant aliens database.

Upon reviewing the data, one particular abductees file came to light. It was the file on Marge and Henry Adams. They were taken back in 54 to study the habits of humans and to learn their weaknesses. The internal file reads that the aliens caged the Adams family in a horrific giant-sized doll house and observed them night and day. They were fed and offered clothing to keep them alive and warm. They were permitted to exercise outside their home in a fenced in area four hours every week. The only entertainment permitted was a radio that picked up broadcasts from the Earth.

The Adams lived 21 more years in captivity and interrogated daily about the American way of life but not once did they offer any valuable intel. Alas, the file states that the Adams were eliminated (Murdered) after a failed escape attempt.

Case closed.

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Subway - Grilled Chicken Sandwich

I saw a Subway commercial the other day and it showed a very good-looking sandwich. It was called the Grilled Chicken foot long. It was only five dollars so I decided to have one for dinner.

The employee at the restaurant was pleasant and nice and began to make my sandwich. I asked for Italian bread and toasted please. I saw her cut the bread and proceed to place two thin white slabs of what I believed to be chicken on the bun. She then scooped out a ladle full of meatball sauce and spread it over the chicken. Into the microwave to toast it went.

* Cheese was $1 extra if wanted.
* Bacon was $1 extra if wanted.
* Any other meat add-on was $1 extra if wanted.

The sandwich was wrapped up and away I went. When I got it home, I unwrapped it, placed it on the counter and snapped this picture. It looked nothing like the television commercial sandwich. False advertising for sure.

But how did it taste?

Well, the Italian bread was OK. The meatball sauce was OK. The grilled chicken slabs were adequate. Of course the chicken was processed, not real chicken, but parts of the chicken. And that's it. Nothing else. Put it all together and you got a sandwich with no real taste, no real zing. However, the price of $5 dollars saved the sandwich from being a total loss.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 2 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommends Subway Grilled chicken sandwich for lunch or dinner. With so many other choices, this sandwich is a DOA.

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Old Mill Restaurant - Gatlinburg

Old Mill Restaurant

I have been going to Gatlinburg for over 20 years and finally stopped for dinner at the Old Mill. I had heard good things about the Mill, good food, good service, fair prices.

Being November, of course this was a 20-30 minute for a table, but no problem, the air that evening was warm and the Christmas lights were on. The wait wasn't as long as expected and we were seated in less than 20 minutes. Rolls, butter, and an assortment of breads were brought right out along with menu's. So far so good.

Old Mill Soup And Salad

I ordered one of the popular house entree dinners, Southern fried chicken. Soup, house salad, mashed potatoes and corn came with the meal. I asked the waitress if I could have macaroni and cheese (Which was a side order on the menu) but she flatly said that no substitutions were permitted with the dinners. I politely pointed out that it was on the menu as a side but she again said no substitutions were permitted.

No big deal. Odd, but no big deal. My soup and salad were delivered to my table in minutes. Not bad service and not a bad salad either. The soup, chicken noodle, was bland, edible at best.

Southern Fried Chicken

As you can see, the fried chicken was golden brown and the pieces were average sized. And it tasted OK. The batter was crispy and the chicken juicy, as expected. The potatoes were all right but the corn was horrendous. (Now I understand why there were no substitutions, they were pushing the corn.)

The cost was just under $20 without tip.

The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 2.5 out of 5 shots as the food was average, nothing special, and points deducted for not being able to substitute a side dish and with that does not recommend the Old Mill for lunch or dinner.

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1. 
   

   Gumby said

   February 26, 2008 at 12:52 pm e
   Serious, that doesn’t sound good to me. The chicken looks dry and old. From the looks, I would rate below a 2.
   Reply
2. 
   

   Uni-Verse said

   February 26, 2008 at 2:12 pm e
   The proverbial shit on a shingle dinner.
   Reply
3. 
   

   Lolo said

   October 30, 2011 at 8:11 pm e
   the mill is something my family and i go to eat at everysingle time we come to gatlinburg. Ya’ll don’t know what u r talking about.
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     October 30, 2011 at 8:18 pm e
     Lolo.
     I call them as I see them. Perhaps the waitress was having a bad night or whatever but, the fact is that she was border line rude and I really never heard that you couldn’t substitute one of the side dishes from your main course.
     Reply
   • 
     

     Deeroddy said

     February 17, 2012 at 1:12 am e
     We eat at the old mill everytime we are in the area. Always great service and great food. We love it !!!!!
     Reply
     • 
       

       LOTGK said

       February 17, 2012 at 8:44 am e
       I’m glad you have a great experience when you dine there. Perhaps our waitress was having a bad day.
       Reply

Vending Machine Cheese Curls

Vending Machine Action

Take a good look people. What you see is one dollar's worth of a vending machine snack, Herr's Cheese Curls. That's 15 churls to a bag. One ounce for $1 dollar. Is this a good deal? Depends on how hungry you are and the availability of other viable choices. For me, for that day, the vending machine was one of two options. Insert a $1 dollar bill into the machine or go hungry.

As cheese curls go, well, they were puffy and crunchy. They had fake cheese glued on them. And they are orange.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 1.25 out of 5 shots and does not recommend Vending Machine Cheese Curls for a snack. My advice, pack a lunch.

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Youngstown - A&W Restaurant Last Meal

A&W Restaurant

A&W Family Restaurant located on Route 224 and West Boulevard is closing tomorrow. The details are sketchy but apparently the owners wanted to retire and attempted to sell the business but there were no takers. So, on December 31st, 2011, A&W will serve it's last mug of root beer and close it's doors for good. I believe Advanced Auto Parts purchased the property and will begin building shortly after the new year.

A&W was one of those old fashioned fast food restaurants. So old fashioned that they had car ports and waitresses would come out to your car and take your order and bring it out on a tray and attach it to your car window. Just like at Arnold's from the Happy Days television sitcom. The car ports are still there but alas, that type of service was discontinued a long time ago.

However, I remember back in my teens I would take my 68 Camaro to A&W and order up some cheeseburgers and root beer floats. The food was good as fast food goes, and the root beer was unique, a very good blend. Those were the days. But those days are gone my friends.

Patty and I went inside to order, it was not busy, perhaps 10 people sitting in the booths and two people ahead of us in line. We placed our order, I went with the double cheeseburger special. (A double cheeseburger and Root Beer for $3.49) I added a large order of french fries ($1.99) to complete my last meal at A&W.

Cheeseburger And Fries

Our meal took about five minutes to be ready and we took the tray of food to our table. As I unwrapped the cheeseburger, it didn't look at all like the A&W burgers from old. The bun was a generic bun, you can see the powder on the top of the bun. It was not buttered, not toasted, not warmed, just a plain old generic small bun. The burgers were also small, not at all as I remembered. And the taste, well, it was nasty. I liken the taste to horse meat. Patty told me to keep my voice down as I was ranting about the terrible taste. I replied, "What are they going to do, close the place down!" I choked down half the burger and left the rest in the wrapper.

I had hope for the fries. Alas, they were simple standard generic fries. No real taste to them and salty as all hell. And for $1.99 I was expecting perhaps a little more fries.

A&W Root Beer

Perhaps the root beer would be better than the meal. After all, the root beer is what made the restaurant favorite. I remember the tall thick frosty mugs they used to serve for in dining orders. That root beer just tasted fantastic. Not today's however. It was in a paper cup, and was flat and stale. No fizzle, no taste. I would think it was perhaps the worst soft drink I had the displeasure of tasting.

That was strike three for me. Patty however, said the chili dog was excellent so we have that.

Perhaps the restaurant was merely unloading what was buried back in their freezer long ago. (They never did find Jimmy Hoffa's body you know) Perhaps they didn't want to change the CO2 tanks in the soft drink machine. Who knows. Who really cares anymore. The place will be open only another 24 hours or so.

With heavy heart, because I really wanted A&W to go out of business on a high note, The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 1 out of 5 shots for the final meal at A&W Family Restaurant in Boardman, Ohio.

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Antone's - Chicken Parmesan

Antone's Chicken Parm

Antone's Italian Restaurant, just off Western Reserve Road, has been around for many years. Many people know them for their famous "Fried Cheese" but they have much more to offer than that.

For some reason, the restaurant is never crowded when we dine. It is a small place, so perhaps it is better known as a quick take out service restaurant.

Anyway, we were seated quickly at a booth and our waitress asked for our drink orders. Diet pops all around. In a few minutes she returned with the drinks and asked if we were ready to order. We were. As you can see from above, I ordered the Chicken Parmesan and I added a meatball for luck. (Actually, the meatballs are very good and I had to have one) No famous fried cheese this time around for I usually do not finish the meals in front of me.

Our waitress returned with our meals in about 10 minutes and I was surprised at how much pasta and chicken was on the plate. Two pieces of breaded chicken, layered with cheese and sauce and a very generous portion of rigatoni with sauce. And of course topped off with the meatball.

The chicken was moist, tender, hot, and tasty. It was not greasy and the cheese was just enough, not overpowering, but a compliment to the chicken. The rigatoni was well cooked, and with the sauce atop they were very good. Of course the meatball was good.

The cost was about $11 dollars without tip or drink. A very fair deal for the amount of food on the plate. And no, I did not finish all the pasta.


The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 3.5 out of 5 shots and recommends Antone's Italian Restaurant for dinner.

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Santa Claus Must Be A Mormon

Merry Christmas From The Grassy Knoll

I guess we finally know why Santa is so jolly and only works one night a year. Ho Ho Ho and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Grassy Knoll Institute.

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1. 
   

   Anonymous said

   December 27, 2011 at 1:29 pm e
   Lotgk: The Santa Claus being mormon thats not funny because I am Mormon
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     December 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm e
     Why cannot Santa Claus be Mormon?
     Reply
2. 
   

   Gumby said

   December 27, 2011 at 2:08 pm e
   Looks like he gets busy every night of the year.
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     December 28, 2011 at 2:55 pm e
     That’s why he only works one night a year. 
     Reply
3. 
   

   Anti-Christ said

   January 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm e
   Santa is not a mormon. Simply move the letters of his name around a tad.
   SANTA
   SATAN
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     January 13, 2012 at 8:20 am e
     Red suit, magical, animals,…
     Reply