Alcatraz Pier 33 Cafe Sandwich

The Rock - Alcatraz Island

We were in San Francisco recently and of course we had to go and visit the Rock, Alcatraz Island and prison. We left from pier 33 and spent almost the entire day on the island exploring the grounds and prison. (I highly recommend Alcatraz Island as a must see when in San Francisco) One caveat, the island does not permit any food or beverage on the island except for bottled water.

Pier 33 Alcatraz Island

After spending approximately 7 hours on the rock, we were starving. Stepping off the boat that transported us back to Pier 33, we ventured into a souvenir shop and small cafe in search for a quick fix of food. As we waded through souvenir row we spied the food counter. It was old style cafeteria. Grab your tray, shuffle it down the counter and select a pre-made sandwich, salad, or other snack. (I felt a little like Blutto from the movie, Animal House)

Turkey And Cheese

I selected the turkey and cheese sandwich. At least I thought I did. It looked more like baloney but I was hungry. I added a Coke Zero to wash it down. This feast cost me $12 dollars, $9 dollars for the sandwich and $3 dollars for the Coke Zero.

The sandwich was stale. Even the baloney turkey. It was edible, barely. I still don't know if it was turkey or some other mystery meat. Hell, it may not have even been meat. The Coke Zero was the saving grace. after drinking water all day, the Zero was a much needed bonus. Twelve dollars for this, not even close to a value. The Cafe is lucky Alcatraz is closed for charging that kind of money for that quality of food is a capital crime. I can almost sympathize with the inmates assigned to Alcatraz and the food they were forced to eat.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 1.5 out of 5 shots and does not recommend Pier 33 Alcatraz Cafe for lunch or dinner.

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Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up

Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up

The age-old question for every Catholic school boy in the 1960's was; Do black patent leather shoes reflect upwards? Wait a minute, you don't know what that means?

You see, in the 1960's at Catholic grade school, it was pretty difficult to get a little female action as there were a few obstacles in our way. First, the girls had to wear ugly ass uniforms with the hem having to touch the knee making them feel non-sexy.

Second, they were Catholic grade school girls. (Only the good die young) They were indoctrined early to stay chaste.

Third, there were approximately 100 Catholic nuns (I say approximately 100 nuns for they never let on to their exact number perhaps to keep us off guard) patrolling the halls and class rooms just waiting for a boy to make eye contact with a girl for more than three seconds. (Three seconds was the standard time frame) A mere second longer, and the nuns would administer blunt force trauma.

However, all hope wasn't lost. The boys did have a well-known secret kept among ourselves. We knew the secret that black patent leather shoes really did reflect up. You see, it was our only hope of stealing a glimpse of girls underwear as they were waiting in line at the drinking fountain, or lining up to go out on the playground for recess, or even marching into church. Since most of the girls wore black shoes, and if the lighting was just right, we were treated to a magnificent view. (Way better than the National Geographics)

There were many a sunny days on the playground that a small crowd of boys gathered around several select girls unwittingly displaying her underwear. Thinking back, I believe that perhaps many of the girls knew of this phenomenon as well and out of the goodness of their hearts offered us cheap thrills to get us through religion class. Perhaps they wanted our lunch and mass money, or both. Welcome to Catholic grade school, 1965.

Thank Christ the Nuns wore flat black (Non shiny) shoes. I would have been scarred for life.

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Oldest Milky Way Candy Bar Discovered

Oldest Milky Way Candy Bar Ever

Every now and again I get that “Chocolate” urge and venture down the hallway to the Las Vegas vending machine. I call it Las Vegas for it’s a gamble if you receive something after you feed it money. I inserted my money and I selected the Milky Way candy bar. As the candy bar fell into the slot at the bottom I mumbled under my breath, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner.” The above photo is what I received. WTF!

Where the Hell did this candy bar come from? Had I somehow awoken in the future in a post apocalyptic zombie outbreak. If so, I’m lucky to have found a treasure such as this. I could now live to fight zombies another day.

Dejected, I went back to my office, placed the candy bar on my desk, took out my cell phone, and snapped this photo. I then sent it to the printer, 8X11 size in color. I then went back to the Las Vegas vending machine and taped the photo of the Milky Way candy bar on the glass where everyone can see.

It was on…

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

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Oldest Milky Way Candy Bar Discovered

Every now and again I get that "Chocolate" urge and venture down the hallway to the Las Vegas vending machine. I call it Las Vegas for it's a gamble if you receive something after you feed it money. I inserted my money and I selected the Milky Way candy bar. As the candy bar fell into the slot at the bottom I mumbled under my breath, "Winner, winner, chicken dinner." The above photo is what I received. WTF!

Where the Hell did this candy bar come from? Had I somehow awoken in the future in a post apocalyptic zombie outbreak. If so, I'm lucky to have found a treasure such as this. I could now live to fight zombies another day.

Dejected, I went back to my office, placed the candy bar on my desk, took out my cell phone, and snapped this photo. I then sent it to the printer, 8X11 size in color. I then went back to the Las Vegas vending machine and taped the photo of the Milky Way candy bar on the glass where everyone can see.

It was on...

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

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Nixon Covertly Meets With Extraterrestrial

Nixon Covertly Meets Extraterrtrials

As history depicts, Kennedy was gunned down in Dallas, Texas, November 22nd, 1963 in Dealey Plaza. Lee Harvey Oswald was the only suspect and was taken in to custody. Shortly thereafter, Jack Ruby silenced Oswald putting an end to any stream of information. The Warren commission took over and convoluted the facts of the assassination planting the seeds of a conspiracy that has lasted almost 50 years. That is the official record.

For decades the Grassy Knoll Institute has claimed that Richard Nixon was the mastermind behind the plot to assassinate President John F. Kennedy and used Oswald as a Patsy to take the fall. Before today, it was merely speculation, but the Grassy Knoll Institute investigators finally caught a break.

While researching the Richard Nixon Presidential Library, an old black and white photograph was found between the pages of the novel, Camelot. Scribbled on the back of the photograph was a date and place, (October 31st, 1963, Yorba Linda) and an informal agreement between Nixon and the extraterrestrial pictured.

*Yorba Linda is Nixon's home town.
*The meeting took place a mere three weeks before the assassination.
*No one could really explain the trajectory of the supposed "Magic bullet."
*Strip Clubs became an almost overnight sensation as many opened just weeks after the assassination.
*The photo was between the pages of Camelot, the term coined by the press of Kennedy's presidency.
* Nixon had the resources and contacts to place men and convolute facts.

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Eliminate Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet

Eliminate Those Pesky Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet

From the makers of the Thought Screen Helmet suit comes a revolutionary product designed to eliminate telepathic aliens from conducting anal probes. The Grassy Knoll Institute proudly presents, The Thought Screen Helmet Anal-Eliminator. Once inserted you will feel safe and secure in the knowledge that no aliens will ever probe you again.

The A.E. (Anal-Eliminator) was designed for abductee's on the go. No longer will you have to cower inside your home afraid of alien probes. As with all our products the A.E. is lined with velostat, that magical material that filters out any unwelcome telepathic connection between you and the aliens. The A.E. is encased handsomely in supple leather for your enjoyment and comfort. It will arrive at your door in an unmarked plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy.

Stop Alien Anal Probes Now! Order the A.E. Call 1-800-ANAL PRO. Operators are standing by now. Have your credit card ready.

But wait, if you order in the next 30 minutes you will receive as our gift to you absolutely free, (Just pay separate processing and handling) a Thought Screen Helmet for pets.

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Uptown Pizza - Regular 12 Inch Cheese

Uptown Pizza Youngstown Ohio

Uptown Pizza is right around the corner from us. It is a conveinent place to eat when time is fleeting. (Madness takes it’s toll) I called and placed my order and was told twenty minutes for pickup. Standard, no problem.

Uptown Pizza 

I got there about five minutes early and bellied up to the counter to wait for my name to be called out. I love when my name gets called out for pickup. I always tell them either “Grassy Knoll” or “Second Shooter” when they ask for my name.

Anyway, as I was waiting, the phone rang and one of the employees answered. The conversation went something like, “Uptown pizza,” then a pause, then a “Yes mam, we do sell pizza.” Pause. “Yes, we are open right now.” Pause. “Yes, I’m in the store right now.” Pause. “Ok.” Click the phone down, hang-up.

A minute later, the same employee yells out “Second shooter” and looks at me knowing who I am. I pay the man and as I begin to leave, I ask him if they sell pizza here at Uptown Pizza. He burst out laughing.

I must say, the pizza is well cooked, with a firm enough crust, not hard, but a good texture. The cheese was melted and the sauce zesty enough. I ordered sausage on half and it was cooked under the cheese and was a good spicy sausage. The cost was reasonable, at $7.00 for a 12 inch pizza.
One negative, and it’s small, but the pizza itself was greasy, just a little.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 3.25 out of 5 shots and recommends Uptown Pizza of Youngstown for lunch and dinner.
                    

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Reading While Driving

It was raining hard in Frisco. (Youngstown) On my way home from work today I spied a woman driving a pickup truck and unbelievably she was reading a Barnes And Noble Nook. Cell phone chatter is the norm these days but reading a FN book? Intrigued, I switched to the left lane and followed her a little ways in hopes of getting a photo. In less than a half mile I took my shot and snapped the above photo.

She was oblivious, holding her Nook and glancing up at the road as we drove on. A moment after I snapped the picture, I chuckled to myself of the absurdity of the event. I realized that, there I was, cell phone in hand, driving in the rain, hoping to get in position to snap this woman driving while reading a Nook.

A perfect ending would have been Harry Chapin's Taxi playing on the radio. Alas, Aerosmith was playing.

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