Five Good Leads From Confession

Who Is Nookie Green

As the custom is in Ireland, every Saturday morning, the entire congregation makes their way to confession to cleanse their souls to prepare for Sunday mass. The priest enters his side of the confessional and waits for the first sinner to enter. A moment later he hears the door open and a voice say...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
Father Flanagan, the Parrish priest recognized the voice as one of his altar boys and asked, "Tis that you little Sean O'Malley?" Sean sheepishly replied, "Yes, Father, it is."
Father Flanagan pressed, "And who was this loose girl you were with then?"
Sean stated, "I cannot tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

Father Flanagan whispered back, "Well, Sean, I am sure to find out her name soon enough so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Rooney?"
Sean replied, "I cannot say."
Father Flanagan pressed further, "Was it Elizabeth Casey?"
Sean spoke, "I'll never tell Father."
Father asked, "Was it Patty Mulligan?"
Sean replied, "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
Father continued to press, "Was it Kathy Mannagan?"
Sean softly spoke, "My lips are sealed Father."
Once more, Father Flanagan asked, "Was it Rebecca Muldoon then?"
Sean coyly said, "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

Father Flanagan sighed in frustration. He said, "You are a very tight lipped lad, and I admire that. But you have sinned and now you have to atone. Starting today, you will be relieved of your altar boy duties for four months. Now go back to your pew and say ten Hail Marys and ten Our Fathers."

Sean slowly walks back to his pew and his friend Mike slides over and whispered, "What'd you get?" Sean whispered, "Four months vacation and five good leads."


Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Chicago River Dyed Green

Chicago River Dyed Green For St. Patricks Day

Every year since 1961, for the St. Patrick's Day parade, the city dyes the Chicago river green. Today the river turned green at approximately 10:45am. Members of the Journeymen Plumbers Union add a highly secretive blend of special dye and with a wee bit of assistance by a band of Leprechauns, dyes the river for the day.

But what's in this so-called highly secretive blend of dye? For starters, the dye is orange, one of three colors of Ireland's flag. As the dye is poured into the river, it magically transforms into the bright Irish green. The rest will have to be left to the imagination. City officials have stated that the dye is non toxic and environmentally safe to the fish and ecosystem but still guard the actual ingredients close to their vest.

See the boat in the river. Take a close look at the back of the boat. Yeah, that's the Grassy Knoll Institute LOTGK logo. Yeah, we're everywhere!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Guinness Brewery Gets New CEO

The Guinness Beer company, Ireland's famous brewing facility, named a new tough as nails C.E.O. to steer the company out of it's economic down turn. The New CEO, Robert Flanagan, was determined to tighten the belt of the corporation and rid the company of all the slackers not pulling their weight.

On his first day on the job touring the facility, he noticed a lad leaning lazily on the wall. He looked around and saw the room was full of employees and he thought to himself that this was a perfect opportunity to show everyone that he meant business.

The CEO walked up to the lad leaning on the wall and sternly asked, "And how much money do you make in a weeks time sir?" The young lad looked up nonchalantly and replied, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?" The CEO reached into his pocket and took out a wad of money and counted out $200.00 so everyone could see. He then turned to the lad and screamed, "Here's a weeks pay then, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about firing his first employee for slacking on the job, he looked around the room and asked, "Can anyone tell me what that slacker did here?"

Out from the back of the room, one of the young workers muttered. "He's the pizza delivery guy!"


Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Lost Update - The Teacher

Lost Update - Season Six - 03/09/2010

Well the dawn was coming,
heard him ringing on my bell.
He said, ``My name's the teacher,
that is what I call myself.
And I have a lesson
that I must impart to you.
It's an old expression
but I must insist it's true.

Jump up, look around,
find yourself some fun,
no sense in sitting there hating everyone.
No man's an island and his castle isn't home,
the nest is for nothing when the bird has flown.''

So I took a journey,
threw my world into the sea.
With me went the teacher
who found fun instead of me.

Hey man, what's the plan, what was that you said?
Sun-tanned, drink in hand, lying there in bed.
I try to socialize but I can't seem to find
what I was looking for, got something on my mind.

Then the teacher told me
it had been a lot of fun.
Thanked me for his ticket
and all that I had done.

Hey man, what's the plan, what was that you said?
Sun-tanned, drink in hand, lying there in bed.
I try to socialize but I can't seem to find
what I was looking for, got something on my mind.

Lucifer was one of the most beautiful angels in all of heaven. So much so that he believed he could rival the Lord and plotted against him with a band of other recruited angels. God banished Lucifer to the pits of Hell for all eternity and turned him into an ugly offensive beast. Ever since the dawn of time Lucifer has been scheming to break free from Hell and return to Heaven to claim what we most desired. The kingdom of Heaven.

Throughout history, there are stories of great men and women being tempted by Lucifer during their time of weakness. Lucifer would promise what they so desired most. (Money, power, love, revenge) Some resisted, some did not. Even Jesus himself was tempted by Lucifer while he fasted in the desert for 40 days. Lucifer mocked Jesus telling him to rise up and end his own suffering and take a drink of water and to strike down the Roman guard readying to crucify him. Jesus resisted.

I'm telling you this bible story because it runs parallel with the last several episodes of Lost. MIB is Lucifer, the angel cast out of Heaven into the pits of Hell. (The island) He recruits an army of followers to overthrow the temple, (Heaven) leaving all others dead. He promises candidates what they so most desire to gain their allegiance. He even mocks Jacob, (Jesus) claiming what he does is a waste of time. And why does MIB (Lucifer) do all this? To get off the island.

There is your shout out to all the religion theorists, believing that the castaways are all dead, or in purgatory, or hell and need to prove themselves for redemption to move on.

However, that isn't what's happening on the island. My theory is far from this theory. Although, it can be easily incorporated as one of the many variables and scenario's being simultaneously being played out on the island.

Just what is the Grassy Knoll Institutes Lost theory….I’ve been waiting since Genesis to tell you…..
Although it appears the survivors of Oceanic flight 815 are on a tropical island, they are being deceived. There is no island. The survivors are in a virtual reality laboratory. All the castaways are interconnected to one another sharing each others thoughts, memories, and feelings. While in this virtual reality laboratory, a battery of physical and mental experiments are performed on them. And who is running these experiments? As Juliet stated, the Aliens of course.

Tonight's episode is a continuation of the final conflict, an epic battle between good and evil. The Rapture comes to mind here, (Yet another bible reference) where the line is drawn in the sand. The good on the right, the evil on the left. How you choose is critical to your human life and your spiritual soul. Case in point, when MIB entered the temple as smoky. He killed all those who opposed him and gathered the rest as reluctant followers.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, the good side of the island, Llana, Ben, Sun, Lapedus, Miles, Hurley, Jack, and Richard were setting up camp at the site of the original crash of Oceanic 815.

Folks, this is all an experiment, a test of human nature. Conducted under the shroud of virtual reality. Unwilling and unknowing participants believing what they see and fell is real. In essence, a perfect laboratory where exact data can be recorded and studied. In this scenario, drawing from deep rooted religious beliefs, God, Lucifer, heaven, Hell, the after life, the castaways are pitted against each other in a battle of good and evil. On one side, MIB, (Lucifer) will take the charge against the good (Followers of Jacob) in a winner take all struggle to the death.

Imagine if you will a young adult playing Xbox 360. After playing the same game for awhile, he becomes good at the game, he adapts to the surroundings, anticipates the computers next move, and easily defeats the game. However, when he reloads the game and dials the skill level up a notch, the game becomes much harder, with more surprises. The castaways have been in this continuous loop for a long time. They know how to play the game. Case in point. Jack with Richard while the fuse is burning toward the dynamite. He tells Richard he will not die. He knows the game. He sees the end game. He knows this is not how it ends.

The virtual reality tests have conditioned the castaways readying them for this final epic battle. Each scenario previous was dialed up a notch until they are now all at expert level. What comes next is pure human instinct. Survival. At what cost! Will the castaways murder in cold blood to survive? Will they murder loved ones in order to stay alive? That is the end game folks. Level 9, and the ones who survive, win the game.

Tidbits From Tonight's Episode:

* Ben teaches about Elba, the island Napolean was banished to after the war. He kept the title of Emperor but without power, titles meant nothing.

*Sun is a candidate.

* Miles gives up Ben to Llana stating Ben killed Jacob.

* Llana is pissed. Chains Ben to the ground and makes him dig his own grave.

* Richard tells Jack he was touched by Jacob and received a great gift.

* He tells Jack that he needs to go and die. Runs off into the jungle.

* Richard tells Jack he cannot kill himself. Exactly what happened to Michael. Michael tried to kill himself many times but always failed.

* Richard is dejected, said he followed Jacob for many many years. That jacob told him he had a plan, and that richard fit into the plan. That things were happening for a reason. But now Jacob is dead and his life is useless.

* Jack lights the dynamite, telling Hurley, if he wants to die, so be it.

* The fuse burns out just as Jack had predicted earlier.

* MIB frees Ben, tells him to come to the Hydra station.

* MIB tells Ben to shoot Llana with the rifle. He does not.

* All Ben wants is to be loved..... And to have all the power of the island once again.

* Ben in his sideways flash, does not betray Alex as he had on the island. Instead, he changes her fate, and his, for the good.

* The sub arrives, Widmore looks pissed.

Until next week, Get Lost!

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Birdman Of Alcatraz Found

Giant Alien Skeleton Unearthed

During a routine repair on the South wall at infamous Alcatraz island prison, incredulously an intact giant alien skeleton was unearthed by construction workers. The skeleton found was approximately 36 feet in length when laid out on a concrete slab and is estimated to have weighed 1200 pounds with flesh and blood. A handful of sightseers on Alcatraz island at the time were treated to a rare sighting of actual proof of an alien race.

The skeleton was named "The Birdman Of Alcatraz due to it's unique bone structure of the nose. The Grassy Knoll Institute is in the process of offloading the giant alien for transport to a secret West Coast laboratory for genetic testing in hopes the skeleton will reveal a biological weakness for humankind to exploit against them.

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ABC Lost Versus The Twilight Zone

Lost In The Twilight Zone Update 03/05/2010

Submitted For Your Approval:
For years I have been preaching about the similarities between ABC's Lost series and the 1960's science fiction program, The Twilight Zone. Last night while surfing Youtube I came across two most excellent video's combining Lost and the Twilight Zone. The editing skills are off the charts for both of these video's.

You can find more Lost video's at her home page at this link. Night Dancer 342

 The second video uses a different Twilight Zone season intro that uses Lost icons mixed with the Twilight Zone icons to make a most excellent introduction.
 

You can find more Lost video's at his home page at this link HANSOLOW 

The Lost writers (Lindelof and Cuse) have already admitted in interviews they were heavily influenced by Rod Serling and the Twilight Zone and the Lost series displays this perfectly. Just when you think you know what is happening on screen, a twist of fate to convolute the outcome.

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Breakfast Of Champions

I was talking to my friend Dave the other day and the topic of eating ants came up. (Dave is a former Special Black Ops Officer so many a bizarre topics come up in discussion) He said that on one of his missions he had no food provisions and he needed to look for alternative sources. He found an ant hill, stuck his finger in the hole and swirled it around until the ants attached themselves to his finger. He then quickly pulled his finger out and ate them. He said he would still be hungry but the protein in the ants kept him going.

Now I'm no Special Ops soldier but I did eat bugs once. A while back I was having breakfast at our old house. I found a box of Mini Wheats and broke out the bowl, spoon, and milk. I poured the milk and went to town on the Mini Wheats. I was very hungry.

About halfway through the bowl, I noticed that my cereal was moving ever so slightly. Upon further inspection, there were hundreds of tiny black bugs infested in the Mini wheats. And I just ate half of them. Did I mention there were hundreds of bugs.

Faster than any Olympic sprinter (Or Michael Phelps swimming towards a Ding Dong) I raced to the bathroom to puke up the nasty bugs. I barely made it throwing up my breakfast of Mini Wheats and hundreds of little black bugs into the toilet. I felt better straight away.

After a few minutes of dry heaving, I came out of the bathroom and immediately took the box of cereal outside and freed the rest of the black bugs left in the cereal box in the back yard. (I should have set the bastards on fire for ruining my breakfast)

Back inside, I called my sister Nancy who is a nurse and told her that I just ate a big box of bugs. She said why on earth would I do that. I told her I didn't eat them intentionally, they were in a bad box of cereal. I asked if the bugs would make me sick and if I should have my stomach pumped or anything.

Nancy told me, "Whatever you do, don't throw up! The bugs will latch themselves to your throat and pinch at your flesh." GOD DAMMIT! Now I was in a panic. I told Nancy it was to late, I already threw up most of the cereal, milk, and bugs. What was I supposed to do now?

Nancy told me to calm down. Eating bugs wasn't going to hurt me one single bit. Not even the large amount I ate. She said as soon as the bugs hit the digestive acids in my stomach they were dead and merely became food. Albeit not good tasting food, but food nonetheless. (I could hear in Nancy's voice her holding back her laughter) I thanked Nancy for the advice and hung up.

For a brief moment, I laughed at what I had just done, and what my sister told me not to do. Growing up with four older sisters and two older brothers should have prepared me for Nancy's advice. I was caught off guard. This time! In the future I will be set to Def Con 1.

BTW, I haven't eaten Mini Wheats since.

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Lost Update: Sundown You Better Take Care

Lost Update - Season Six - 03/02/2010

I can see her lyin' back in her satin dress
In a room where ya do what ya don't confess

Sundown ya better take care
If I find you been creepin' 'round my back stairs
Sundown ya better take care
If I find you been creepin' 'round my back stairs

She's been lookin' like a queen in a sailor's dream
And she don't always say what she really means

Sometimes I think it's a shame
When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain
Sometimes I think it's a shame
When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain

When did Lost turn into a spaghetti western. (BTW, its what I had for dinner tonight, at the Grand Lux restaurant inside the Venetian hotel in Las Vegas) Just like an old time Western, we got the MIB (The bad guy) going to the sheriff (Dogen) of the town of Temple and telling him he has until sundown to get out of town or else he's going to kill everyone. Has the Lost island somehow magically transported back to the wild, wild West days or does this chain of events of what we witnessed tonight strengthen my theory even more.

Just what is the Grassy Knoll Institutes Lost theory….Said in my best John Wayne voice: Now wait a minute pilgrim...
Although it appears the survivors of Oceanic flight 815 are on a tropical island, they are being deceived. There is no island. The survivors are in a virtual reality laboratory. All the castaways are interconnected to one another sharing each others thoughts, memories, and feelings. While in this virtual reality laboratory, a battery of physical and mental experiments are performed on them. And who is running these experiments? As Juliet stated, the Aliens of course.

From the pilot episode of Lost, we were witness to 48 survivors of a terrible plane crash on a presumed deserted island leaving only themselves to either band together and survive, or to separate and die alone. From the beginning, unknown and unseen forces were at work dividing the survivors pushing them to choose to stay at the shoreline with the wreckage or to seek shelter further inland. Later on, the castaways were separated by good and evil and that's where we begin.

Tonight, Dogen tells Sayid that everyone has a scale balancing the good and evil in them. For Sayid, the scale is weighted towards evil. Sayid and Dogen fight and after a battle, Dogen tells Sayid to leave and never return. So who is the good guy, and who is the bad guy? That is the six year old question.

Lets take it from the top shall we. Jack once was the good guy, helping the castaways after the crash. He took charge and made good sound decisions to keep the castaways safe. He then slowly turned into the bad guy. Sawyer was the bad guy and slowly morphed into the good guy. Claire was the good girl and after axing her captive, we know she's on the wrong side of the tracks. Michael, good guy, looking out for his son, and then the bad guy, killing Ana Lucia and Libby. Ben, good, bad, good, bad, and over and over. Charlie, Locke, Sayid, Boone, Ana Lucia, even Jacob and MIB. In fact, everyone has had a scale malfunction shifting either from good to evil or evil to good. Some have had several scale changes.

This reminds me of the old proverb about the fox and the scorpion. One day down by the lake, a scorpion asks the fox if he would ferry him over to the other side of the lake by riding on the foxes back. The fox refuses stating the scorpion would sting him and he would drown. The scorpion reasons with the fox that if that were true, then both would drown for scorpions cannot swim. The fox agrees and the scorpion crawls on the back of the fox. Halfway across the lake, the scorpion stings the fox. The fox asks why the scorpion did that for now both were going to die. The scorpion simply replied, I could not help it. It is my nature.

And this my friends is exactly the experimetation being conducted. Through conditioning, can the scorpion be coerced to change it's nature. Can humankind through conditioning, be coerced to change it's nature. Is mankind capable of avoiding conflict, hate, jealousy, murder, betrayal, greed, and war. This is Jacobs experiment. To see if mankind deserves a second chance.

Jacob, (Or the alien race controlling the virtual reality lab) has run various pyschological and physical tests to see if they are worthy to survive. To be permitted to live on. Or as the MIB stated in the season five finale exchange with Jacob on the beach:
MIB: You’re still trying to prove me wrong.
Jacob: You are wrong!
MIB: They come, fight, they destroy, they corrupt. It always ends the same.
Jacob: It only ends once. Anything that happens before that, it’s just progress.

Jacob (The alien race) understands that time is running out. In an attempt to force the issue, (Mankinds inherent nature) he brings the current scenario to a head in hopes that good will triumph over evil.

Looking at the history of mankind, the future does not look promising at all.

Tidbits From Tonight's Episode:

* Sayid in taxi, at Nadias house, Nadia has a wedding ring, She is married, but not to Sayid,

* sayid barges in on Dogen, he wants answes, Dogen offers a scale, of good and evil, the machine tells us how it is balanced. For Sayid, it is evil.

* Dogen and Sayid fight, A baseball falls, Dogen tells Sayid to leave and never come back.

* Claire and MIB at the temple, claire asks MIB if he is going to hurt them, MIB says, only the ones that wont listen. He also says he always does what he says he will.

* Claire walks in the temple gate, tells Dogen that he wants to see him. Dogen says he is not an idiot, that if he steps out of the temple, MIB will kill him. Claire says then he better send someone that he wont kill.

* Dogen tells Sayid the evil incarnate will come to him as somebody already dead. Dogen wants Sayid to kill MIB.

* Sayid, in a sideways flash, sees Jack in the hospital when his brother was taken to emergency. Sayid will avenge his brother, gets the evil look in his eyes.

* Sayid looks for MIB, the jungle begins to move. The wind blowing circular, in an instant Sayid is face to face with MIB. MIB says hello and then Sayid plunges the dagger into MIB's chest. MIB pulls it out and says, why did you go and do that.

* Dogen told him to stab him before he spoke or it would be to late. He was right!

* MIB wants Sayid to deliever a message to the temple people and in exchange he would give him wants he wants. Sayid said that died in his arms, MIB said but what if you could.

* Sayid gives the message, that Jacob is dead, and they no longer have to hide in the temple, and that MIB is leaving the island forever, and anyone that wants to go with him is permitted, but if they stay behind, they will die at sundown.

* Kate tells Claire that she took Aaron and raised him, claire looks seething mad. She yells to Kate that he is coming and they can't stop him.

* Sayid meets up with Kheamy, he is the man responsible for Sayid's brother in the hospita. Sayid kills the two thugs and then shoots Kheamy, claiming he cannot let it go,
* Sayid meets up with Jin locked up in the cooler, Jin cannot speak english.

* Dogens story, he was drunk and he killed his son, he was offered a second chance by Jacob, but could never see his son.

* At sundown,, Sayid pulls Dogen into the water pool, and drowns Dogen, Sayid slashes the throat of the interpreter,

* Invisible monster coming, just like season one, Old Smoky comes in and takes the temple inhabitants.

* Llana, Lapedus, Sun hide in a secret room in the temple walls. Smoky flies right past then.

* Kate sees monster, sounds like agony inside.

* Ben speaks to Sayid at the temple, Sayid looks menacing and says its to late for him already.

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