12/23/2009

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas

christmas-pussy-trim
Thunder Cat Newman Trimming The Tree

On the tenth day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Thunder tangled in trimmings.


You all know my cat Thunder, the 4.5 pound cat that loves water, the sweeper, and my computer desk. She also loves helping me trim the Christmas tree. Here she is helping me untangle the silver tinsel.

Merry Christmas!


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/22/2009

General George Patton Photo-Op

My Dad was a World War II veteran serving as a Corporal in General George Patton’s 3rd Army, 249th Combat Engineers. Dad passed away one year ago today. R.I. P. Dad.

One of the pictures in Dad’s files was the one above. My Dad did not snap the picture, however he was there and saw almost this exact viewing angle. He wrote on the back of the photo the following…

March 25th, 1945. Nierstein, Germany, on the Rhine River. General George Patton stopped to inspect the Treadway bridge constructed by the 249th Combat Engineers. Patton is on the left raising the level of the Rhine River a little. (Patton is relieving himself over the side of the river)


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/21/2009

Fannie Farkle’s Corn Dogs – (Ogle Dogs)

Famous Ogle Dogs
I was in Gatlinburg back in November when the weather was very pleasant, temperatures in the low 70's. As I was strolling the parkway enjoying the sunshine, I stopped in Fannie Farkle's to have myself a giant foot long corn dog.

Cooking The Ogles
The corn dogs were on display in the front window of the store. Even after seeing them, I still ventured inside to buy one. You could smell the grease outside, a large tub of cooking corn dogs. I then noticed they didn't sell corn dogs, but Ogle Dogs. Apparently Ogle Dogs are the house favorite of Fannie farkle's.
Ogle In A Bag
With it being not busy, I thought I would get waited on right away. After all, there were only four people in the building. Three were already eating on the side counter and one was ordering a sausage sandwich. It took five minutes for one of the three cashiers to ask if I wanted something. (No, no, I'm just inside your corn dog building admiring the impressive art decco) A few minutes later, he wraps my corn dog up in this fancy Fannie Farke take out bag.
Yeah - I Know
The cashier rang up my corn dog, the cost, $5 dollars plus tax. Yes, $5 dollars, and that was only for the corn dog, no fries, no chips, no beverage. Unwrapping the bag, I was met with this log. It smelled of old grease, and in a moment, I found that it tasted like old grease as well.

Continuing with the taste, it was well cooked, not burned, and the hot dog inside the dough was hot completely through. As corn dogs go, it was of regular tasting, but the old grease taste had a strong presence. After a few bites, the rest of the corn dog was laid to rest in the trash container outside of Fannie Farkle's.

PS: Technically, it was a a foot long corn dog, but upon inspection, it was two regular hot dogs on the same stick. Not splitting hairs here, just reporting the findings.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 2 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend Fannie Farkle's Corn Dogs for dinner.



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


Responses to “Fannie Farkle’s Corn Dogs – (Ogle Dogs)”


  1. Max Jackl said

    WTF! That looks like it came straight out of a porno movie.

  2. Moominboy said

    Ok, so if I understand this correctly, a corn dog is a hot dog covered in… cooked corn? Fried corn? Or what is it? And why would anybody want to buy it? o.O

12/20/2009

On The Seventh Day Of Christmas

14 Deadly Sins
On the seventh day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Seven new deadly sins...


Vatican City, Rome:
Pope Benedict XVI announced today the Catholic Church, after 1500 years, has revised its list of the 7 deadly sins and added 7 new "Modern" sins. The Pope felt that with the globalization of religion, a new focus on the evils of society had to be addressed. The original seven deadly sins of Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth just couldn't cover the complex society humanity has evolved into.

Pope Benedict XVI released his updated list of 7 new activities considered to be deadly, or mortal sins and wants all Catholics to incorporate the list into their lives and teach their children so that future generations will become more spiritual and Godlike.

The Modern Seven deadly Sins are as follows:

1. Yanni: Any musician that irritates an audience to the level of hostile intentions.

2. Speidi: To overexpose oneself to the level of vomitus claiming self-importance. (See Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montag)

3. Lip Sync Ashley: Thou shall not charge huge amounts of money for a concert or event and Lip Sync to the audience.

4. Too Dutch: To hate for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

5. A Gosselin: Allowing parents to exploit their children for profit or fame by forcing them on reality shows. (See Jon And Kate Plus 8 and Balloon Boy Dad)

6. Kanyeism: To interrupt award ceremonies, weddings, other events with intent to blather on how the winner is not deserving of said accomplishment.

7. Bushing: To run the world economy into a recessionary state all for the good of one man or company.

Merry Christmas!


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/18/2009

On The Fifth Day Of Christmas

pointy-thought-screen-helmet
Pointy Thought Screen Helmet

 On the fifth day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Five Thought Screen Helmets...



Meet the Ferris family. Born and raised in Greenwood, Nebraska, the entire family has been repeatedly abducted by evil telepathic aliens during the Christmas holiday for the past 15 years. But not this year.

Thanks to the generous donation of five thought screen helmets from the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute, the Ferris family will be safe this holy silent night.

Merry Christmas!

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/17/2009

Tiger Woods Mistress #16 Revealed

Tiger Woods Mistress #16
Tiger Woods Mistress #16
.Mistress #16 on the Tiger Woods hit list surfaced last evening in Boca Raton, Florida. Paparazzi sources claim the woman to be at least 50 feet tall. Grassy Knoll Institute alien investigators (No, we aren't aliens, we just investigate them, and only the ones not of this Earth) were called to the scene and quickly confirmed that this woman, judging by the size of her discarded bra hanging from the side of the building, does indeed belong to the race of giant aliens attempting to take over the world and enslave humanity.

Tiger has a lot of explaining to do.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


12/14/2009

On The First Day Of Christmas

leg-lamp-a-major-award
I Present The Leg Lamp - A Major Award
To kick off the Christmas Holiday season, I thought I would sing the Twelve Days Of Christmas for everyone. However, Patty informed me of the International ban from 35 countries preventing me from singing.

But its Christmas, so damn the torpedoes. Here goes...

On the first day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
A leg lamp in the window.


Oh yea, can you spot the LOTGK logo.
Hint, its not on the Italian lamp.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/10/2009

Lost Update Twilight Zone: Where Is Everyone


It has been a little while since my last Lost update and as we patiently wait for the start of season six, the final season of Lost to begin February second, 2010. As promised earlier, we are going to discuss the correlation between Rod Serling’s science fiction television program, The Twilight Zone, (1959-1964) and the current ABC network hit, Lost.

Some Background Before we Proceed:
The Twilight Zone was a classic science fiction television series created by Rod Serling that aired from 1959 to 1964. Each episode intertwined the supernatural with topical moral events in today’s society ending with a twist convoluting the outcome. I argue that the same can be said about ABC Lost. The castaways are more than just stranded on an island. There are mysterious forces at work of powers unknown. And just like the Twilight Zone, a twist is inserted in the story convoluting the outcome.

The Twilight Zone had a standard format. Each episode began with a prologue, usually with the host, Rod Serling doing the voice over introducing the characters and setting. At the end of the show, Serling would offer up a final narration of what the viewer just witnessed.

Tonight's offering is: Season 1 Episode 1 Where Is Everybody

I think once you see the similarities of both programs, you will quickly realize that Lost is a modern day Twilight Zone.

Monologue:
The place is here, the time is now, and the journey into the shadows that we're about to watch could be our journey.

Plot:
Mike Ferris wakes and finds himself in a strange town all alone. He is dressed in an air force uniform but doesn't remember how he got there. As he walks through town, he seems to have just missed finding people as he sees water dripping from faucets, stoves burning, food cooking, tea boiling, cigarettes in ashtrays but no living sole in sight. While in the street, he clicks the traffic walk sign which brings him back to reality. Mr. Ferris was in an experiment for the space agency, testing his ability to cope with being alone in the void of space.

Epilogue:
Up there, up there in the vastness of space, in the void that is sky, up there is an enemy known as isolation. It sits there in the stars waiting, waiting with the patience of eons, forever waiting... in the Twilight Zone.

Lost Tie In:
Ben Linus is Mr. Ferris. Perhaps Ben is also in an experiment, one to study absolute power and authority and how it affects morality. Similar attire, air force jump suit Mr. Ferris wears and the Dharma institute jump suit Ben wears. The empty town Mr. Ferris sees and the empty village Ben sees. Mr. Ferris in some outlandish experiment dealing with isolation and Ben isolated from the outside world in the middle of some outlandish experiment.

Mr. Ferris then clicks the traffic sign and returns to reality. Perhaps that is what Ben is about to do as well. Click the button and return from scratch. With a new cast and new scenario.



LURKING, STILL LOST ON THE GRASSY KNOLL