Half A Century Old Today

Yes, that's me, just a couple of days ago, sitting on a tomb in the cemetery enjoying the uncharacteristically beautiful warm November weather. On my 50th birthday, I came to the realization that I have had gray hair for half of my life. Yes, I have been gray since I turned 25. (For those of you not doing the math) I also realized that I have been married for half of my life.

To be honest, I am the luckiest guy in the world. (I know that sounds cliché, but in my case, it's totally accurate) My wife Patty is my soul mate and the most wonderful and beautiful woman I could ever imagine. (And I had a thing for super model Christy Brinkley!)

My son Patrick and I were talking just the other day and the topic moved to what life was like back when I was a child. (You know, in the Dark ages!) (Patrick is a hell of a son. He has his grandfather Jacks work ethic. He has a big heart and I am very proud of him.)

I replied: Before I was gray, I jumped roof to roof from neighborhood houses. I climbed flag poles just to reach the top. I hitched rides on trains just to see where they were going. I would play baseball, football, and basketball all day and capture the flag and flashlight tag at night. I would ride my bike to Idora Park and ride the Wild Cat roller coaster.

Before I was gray, telephones had rotary dials. And were connected to a phone cable. Entering area codes were only necessary when dialing long distance. Prefix numbers, (The first three digits of your phone number) didn't need to be dialed either, you merely told the operator that was on the line that you wanted Riverside and the last four digits of the number and the operator would connect you. Cell phones were only worn by Dick Tracy.

Before I was gray, Television pictures were black and white. Only the rich had color pictures. Televisions only had three channels. ABC, CBS, and NBC. Those were the only letters you needed to know. Televisions had names like Admiral, Curtis-Mathis, Motorola, Philco, Zenith, Sylvania, Westinghouse, and RCA. The remote control was the youngest child. VCR's were science fiction. Imagine being able to watch Gun Smoke any time you wanted to. Television broadcasts usually signed off the air after the 11 O'clock news with a somber rendition of God Bless America. Johnny Carson was the king of late night. Nothing better than Ed Ames and the Tomahawk incident. Google it.

Before I was gray, the Internet was a misspelling for Interstate. Computers were as big as houses. Floppies were girls not wearing their bra's. Surfing involved water, waves, and a flat board resembling an ironing board. You had to go to the public library for research. Porn came in magazines, from seedy side stores and sold by a cigar smoking man in a ripped dirty t-shirt. National Geographic magazine was always the fall back source for porn. You were grateful to see a glimpse of Playmates nether regions, but only from afar.

Before I was gray, the British invaded the United States and Americans loved it. The Beatles stormed the country rising to the top of Billboards top 40 chart. We bought single 45 records and rarely listened to the "B" side. The record covers were pieces of art work. With lyrics enclosed. The 8-Track player was all the rage. We knew when playing certain Beatle songs backwards special messages and clues could be heard. "I'm buried" was one of them.

I was born in 1959, right before the Kennedy administration came into power. The population of the world has more than doubled since I was born. Minimum wage was $1 dollar an hour. Nixon was Vice President. There were only 48 states. Alaska and Hawaii joined later in the year. Stamps cost 4 cents.

On the tube, Bonanza debuted, in living color. Rod Serlings science fiction series, The Twilight Zone scared the Hell out of viewers.

Pornography entered the mainstream of society as Playboy was first published with blond bombshell actress Marilyn Monroe as the first centerfold.

Speaking of porn, the Barbie doll was introduced in 1959. And remember the Frisbee? Introduced in 1959 by Wham-O. (Wake me up before you go go!!!)

Turning to sports, The Dodgers won the World Series and the Baltimore Colts the National Football Championship.

At the movies, Gigi won best picture of 1959. Tony Curtis won best actor.

February 2nd, 1959, was the day the music died. Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper, died in a plane crash after a concert.

Famous people born in 1959, other than me of course:

Linda Blair, The Exorcist star.

Keith Olbermann, broadcaster, They're not gonna get him.

Cris Collinsworth, Bengals receiver and broadcaster.

Lawrence taylor, linebacker from the Giants.

John McEnroe, Tennis ace.

Danny Bonaduce, Danny Partridge, from the TV series.

Jessica Hahn, political sex scandal queen.

Magic Johnson, NBA star for the Lakers.

Simon Cowell, American Idol judge.

Marie Osmond, half of Utah's first couple.

Royalty Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York.

weird Al Yankovic. Musical artist mastering in parodies.

Mackenzie Phillips, famous for sleeping with her father.

Val Kilmer, Ice and Batman.

They say 50 is the new 40. I received my application for my AARP card in the mail the other day. WTF! However, I am 50 years old. Fifty years! It seems like only yesterday Patty and I were walking over the bridge in Mill Creek Park, the day I proposed to her, and she said yes. I am looking forward to the next 50 years. Please come back and visit me then and read my centennial post.

I'll leave you with a song written and performed by Robert Lamm from the band Chicago. Its titled, Beginnings. And that is what being 50 means to me. Only the beginning....

When I'm with you,
It doesn't matter where we are.
Or what we're doing,
I'm with you, that's all that matters.

Time passes much too quickly,
When we're together laughing.
I wish I could sing it to you, oh no,
I wish I could sing it to you.

Mostly I'm silent, mm-hm-hm-hm.. Silent,
Never think of the right words to say.
When I kiss you, I feel a thousand different feelings,
The color of chills all over my body, hey, hey, hey.

And when I feel them,
I quickly try to decide which one,
I should try to put into words,
Oh no, try to put into words.

Mostly I'm silent, Silent.
Silent...

Only the beginning of what I want to feel forever,
Yeah, oh, oh, whoa,
Yes, only the beginning of what I want to feel forever,
Only the beginning, only just the start, yeah.
I've got to get you into my life mama,
I've got to get you next to me.
Only the beginning, only just the start,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...Mmm-hmmm...

Only the beginning...Only the beginning...

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Smoky Mountain Brewery Chicken Tenders

Fresh Warm Rolls

If you read my Diner critiques, (And shame on you if you do not) then The Smoky Mountain Brewery restaurant on the Parkway in Gatlinburg, Tennessee is no stranger. Tonight's offering was a simple choice, and with the restaurant crowded but not over flowing, we were seated quickly and positioned our table to the TV with the football game of our choice.

Our waitress was bubbly and took our drink and dinner order and in a short time, rolls and drinks were at our table. The rolls were hot, fresh, and tasted very good. Of course they tasted home made, not known if they actually were, but tasted so.

Brewery Chicken Tenders

My order was a chage up from the standard menu. I ordered the chicken planks and a baked potato with butter. I saw an order of chicken go to a table next to us and they looked delicious. A few minutes later, my eyes were correct.

The chicken was hot, fresh, juicy, the batter spicy enough and cooked golden brown to almost perfection. The taste, delicious.

The baked potato was hot, well cooked, and completed the meal. A cold diet Coke was a refreshing addition to the meal.

The portion was adequate, not to much, not to little. the meal was filling and I left felling full but not bloated.

The cost was reasonable, $13 dollars before tip. Yes, only $13 dollars.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 4 out of 5 shots and recommends Smoky Mountain Brewery in Gatlinburg for dinner.

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1. 
   

   Enis74 said

   November 11, 2009 at 3:27 pm e
   Now thats a whole lot of fried food. Fried chicken in the south, thats not surprising, the baked potato is whats surprising. They should be fries or biscuits and gravy.
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     November 13, 2009 at 10:09 pm e
     I know, I was expecting biscuits and gravy for just about every meal in Tennessee, but alas, not many offer it.
     Reply
2. 
   

   Gumby said

   November 12, 2009 at 10:19 am e
   When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     November 13, 2009 at 10:22 pm e
     I’m in the South, that doesn’t help…..
     Reply
3. 
   

   Moominboy said

   November 14, 2009 at 5:44 pm e
   Looks very nice. I actually prefer cooked, baked or mashed potatoes to fries but I didn’t see many places in U.S. offering them. Good to know they are still around.
   Reply
   • 
     

     LOTGK said

     November 15, 2009 at 11:38 am e
     Yes, they are still around, usually, you can get just about any variety at most places. Sometimes not though.
     Reply

Original Thought Screen Helmet Wearers

Protection Against Telepathic Aliens - Not Rulers

The Grassy Knoll Institute has long suspected that Catholic nuns were the original target of the evil race of aliens stealing and controlling our very thoughts. The aliens plan was to control the nuns that teach and shape the children of the world and make the nuns cruel and abusive to the children.

However, due to a unique Catholic nun habit design, (The ergonomic curve of the habit bounces back the telepathic waves) the evil aliens telepathic rays become erratic and interrupted leaving the nuns non-influenced in any way by the aliens.

If this is true, then what excuse do the Nuns have now!!

Disclaimer: It is not a known fact if Catholic nuns habits are lined with velostat material or not.

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V - The Visitors - Sexy Aliens

Giant Aliens Fingers Cut Off 

The Grassy Knoll Institute was not fooled by the 29 giant alien space ships hovering over the worlds major cities last night at 8pm Eastern Standard Time. We knew straight away (We're rocket scientists) that the sexy alien spouting eternal peace and health to all was all a ruse. We know for a fact that the Visitors are an alien race bent on the obliteration of the human race and enslaving the survivors to a lifetime of servitude to the whims of Anna and her cohorts.

Last week, in the wooded area of Spokane, Washington, the Grassy Knoll Institute captured a sleeper cell V alien. During a fierce battle the V's fingers were cut off as it was performing a patented Three Stooges eye poke maneuver. (Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk) Before the V alien died, it spilled its guts revealing the plan of annihilation to humankind.

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Elephant Ear Restaurant - Cheeseburger - Fries

Elephant Ear Restaurant 

It's the end of September and the local and state fairs are now just a recent memory. Some wishing they would have bought that giant Elephant Ear or hot sausage sandwich smothered in peppers and onions.

As if my prayers had a direct hot line to the big guy, a new restaurant popped up in my old town called the Elephant Ear. The menu was simple and ingenious. All your fair food favorites.

We pulled in and the place was packed. There was one parking spot left out of about 25 in the lot. It must be good if the place is packed right?

Elephant Ear Corn Dog

The layout was simple. A small sit down area with a few booths and tables, maybe seating for 25-30 people. An order and pickup counter on the left side. We waited in line for our turn. We waited about 5 minutes to place our order. After we placed our order, it took almost 20 minutes for our order to come up. That is why the place was packed. The food preparation was very slow. We noticed that everyone sitting at the tables and booths were waiting for orders.

Finally, our number was called and I retrieved our order. Of course I had to order a corn dog. It was standard fare, (Fair) and standard size. It was cooked well and tasted good. I have to say, it tasted just like the Canfield Fair corn dogs. And at $2.75 it better.

Elephant Ear Cheeseburger And Fries

The second part of my artery clogging dinner was a cheeseburger and original "Fair" french fries. The cheeseburger was nothing special, no outstanding qualities. The bun was a little beat up, and it looked like it was just tossed in the container. It was well cooked, the cheese melted, the beef adequate quality.

The fries, on the other hand, were not "Fair" quality. In fact, they were pretty horrendous. Perhaps if they were cooked properly, they would have tasted better. They had the texture of fat spaghetti strings. They were soggy, wet, greasy, and well, terrible. The cost was $6 dollars for the combo which was reasonable if the fries were edible.

So, the service was terrible, the food below average, and the price adequate. However, I have to commend the owners for the unique idea of Fair food without all the stinky animals and smelly pumpkins and rotting hay. Since the restaurant was still new, I have decided to give them one more chance to redeem themselves. With that.....

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 2.5 out of 5 shots and is on the fence about recommending Elephant Ear Restaurant for dinner.

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KFC - Chicken Strip Dinner

KFC Chicken Strip Dinner

This is what Kentucky Fried Chicken considers a dinner! Pictured left, the three piece chicken strip meal. The meal consisted of three strips of breaded chicken, one biscuit, and one side which I selected mashed potatoes with gravy. It was all tossed packed in this handy box.

I will say that the chicken, although not healthy or good for you, did taste good. (600 plus calories, 27 fat grams, 80 gram of cholesterol, 54 carbs) As well as the biscuit and mashed potatoes. You can see by the photo how the food was packaged. Not the best as the grease from the chicken was beginning to ooze through the cardboard. The cost was $5 dollars, which is respectable I suppose.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 2.75 out of 5 shots and recommends KFC chicken strip meal for dinner.

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