Michael Jackson Fabricated His Death

Watergate had "Deep throat," (An inside informer that blew the lid off president Nixon's wire tapping operations of the Democratic presidential hopefuls.) The Grassy Knoll Institute has "Moonwalker." (Not to be confused with Moon Doogie from the 1960's Gidget fame) Moonwalker has turned over evidence and information to support the conspiracy theory that Michael Jackson is alive and that he faked his own death.

Michael Jackson, the self ordained King Of Pop, passed away June 25th, 2009 from an apparent drug overdose at his rented Hollywood home. He leaves three adopted children behind, an estate worth hundreds of millions of dollars, executors of the will that are not family, and a massive conspiracy surrounding his death. The official coroner's report stated Jackson's cause of death as "Deferred." (Basically the coroner does not know exactly what killed Mr. Jackson and will need more time, up to three more months to make a final determination) The Grassy Knoll Institute offers an alternative scenario. Michael Jackson Faked His Own Death:

But we have to get into our Time Travel Machine to understand what has actually transpired before our very eyes. While still married to Lisa Marie Presley, (Daughter of the late great king of rock and roll Elvis Presley) Jackson confided to her that he knew he would meet the same fate as her father, to die a recluse by an overdose of painkillers. See the pattern here readers? Presley's posse were enablers and looked the other way as long as they were getting paid plus Cadillac's and gifts. The same can be said about Michael Jackson and his entourage.

At that point, Jackson set in motion his well orchestrated plan and set off a chain of events that brought us to today. A conspiracy surrounding his death with plenty of characters as suspects. Throw in an enraged ex-wife and you have a circus better than any ever hosted at Neverland ranch.

The question before us all is why would Jackson stage his own death? What benefit could become of it? And how would he be able to pull it off being in the spotlight of the media for so long. He is one of the most recognizable personality in the world.

The first question, (Why) is simplistic. Jackson had legal woes a mile high. Not just from the alleged pedophile suits that he was acquitted from, (And reports that he paid hundreds of millions of dollars to settle out of court) but from payouts to attorneys for services rendered, failed business ventures, a league of doctors on his payroll, medical expenses in the millions, a contingent of attorneys at his beckoned call, the loss of Neverland, and his career going into the tank. Jackson fell from his throne and was no longer the king of pop having not released an album since 2001. Jackson was running out of money. He needed to stop the leeches from sucking any more money from his bones.

The next question, (How) Jackson faked his death would need a bit of magic, sleight of hand, misdirection, and several loyal friends.

To begin, several years ago, Michael Jackson began a transformation of his body and face. (This is the real reason he wore the mask and hat, to shield his new face, skin, and hair features) When Jackson was ready, he could emerge from under his mask unrecognizable and begin a new identity free from the lawsuits and money crisis that plagued him. Does anyone believe for an instant that a billionaire, yes, a billionaire like Jackson, who could afford the best Hollywood plastic surgeons, would have such substandard work done on him.

The second part, convincing the public that he was dead would be the hard part. When news surfaced that Jackson was taken to the hospital via ambulance and that he was dead, the media frenzy swarmed on the scene like sharks to fresh blood. Jackson knew this would happen and used the media to his advantage. Immediately, conflicting news was reported that Jackson died from a drug overdose, that he was murdered, that he committed suicide, that he had a heart attack, that his personal doctor was present and performed CPR, that the EMT pronounced him dead at the scene, that the ER doctor pronounced him dead at the hospital, and more. After more than a month after Jacksons death, news reports are still conflicting. Exactly what Jackson wanted.

But wait. There was a body at the hospital, and a body was buried in a casket. Who was in the ER room and buried in the casket? From reports of the EMT and the ER doctors and nurses, Jackson was unrecognizable. Several were interviewed afterward and they claimed that they did not know it was Michael Jackson they were working on.

The reason for the confusion is that it wasn't Jackson but a stand in double. Yes, that is right. A stand in. Jackson contracted a terminally ill man that had the same features and characteristics as Jackson. For services rendered, the mans family would receive $25 million dollars. The payments would come via wire transfer semi annually from an off shore bank directly to the family's bank account. A note attached stating that the man had come into some money and wanted to share it with his family.

The next step, Jackson had plastic surgery performed on his double. His features were altered to resemble Jackson and with the mask and wig he was a carbon copy of Jackson. Jackson used an assortment of aliases to procure drugs and perhaps medical procedures such plastic surgery and skin peels. With some many bogus names being used, it would be impossible to trace what surgery was done on Jackson and done on the double.

All Jackson had to do now was wait for the double to die of natural causes and implement the plan. Jacksons own personal doctor and his entourage was at the house at the time of death to see to the details. The plan went perfectly. The media circus provided the sleight of hand and deception as news announced Michael Jackson was dead. The body was taken to an undisclosed mortuary and relocated to several other secret places over the following weeks. This was to ensure that no tampering or more testing could occur to expose the conspiracy.

Only one thing was left to do. Leak the story that Jackson was not the biological father of his children with Debbie Rowe. This would prevent DNA testing on the corpse that would have exposed the conspiracy.

Michael Jackson fled the country several years ago after his most public pedophile court case. He is still oversees. Free from prosecution, persecution, and restitution. In several years, Jackson will emerge with Elvis and perform a duet in Las Vegas, Jackson doing his patented moonwalk and Elvis doing his pelvis shake. It will be the most watched television program of all time.

Cause this is thriller, thriller night.
Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try.
Thriller, thriller night.
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight.

Back To Conspiracy Theories Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

William Shatner Abducted By Aliens

Got...To...Get...Away

Star Trek XI made a galactic splash at the movie theaters this summer becoming the most popular Star Trek film in the entire franchise. Not only that, but Star trek XI is one of the highest grossing films of 2009.

It has been played out in the tabloids as to why William Shatner was left out of the blockbuster movie while his original series costar Leonard Nimoy was given a prominent part. Some tabloids said Shatner was asking for to much money and wanted a larger role and part of the production. While others claimed that he was feuding with the producers about there only being one captain Kirk and it was William Shatner.

After months of speculation and lively banter, the truth comes out. (Just as it always does here at the Grassy Knoll Institute.) The photo above shows William Shatner being abducted by an evil race of aliens from his home in the Hollywood hills, California.

The aliens, widely known for controlling the minds of their abducted, forced him to dress in his original series uniform using an amplifying technique of their telepathic powers. Then they quickly subdued him and easily transported him to their ship without incident.

The only known defense against these aliens is a thought screen helmet made with velostat material that filters out the telepathic connection thus preventing the aliens from overpowering your mind.

Mr. Shatner was returned to him home some weeks later but production had already started on the movie and the producers had no choice but to write him out.

Now you know the real story why William Shatner was not in Star Trek XI.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

NASA Offers Proof Apollo 11 Not A Hoax

Nasa Offers Proof Moon Landing Was Not A Hoax

Today marks the 40th anniversary of the famed Apollo 11 (July 20th 1969) moon landing where astronaut Neil Armstrong took one giant leap for Mankind. That leap not only unified the world but touched off a conspiracy theory almost as large as the Kennedy Assassination. The crux of the conspiracy are supposed fake photos leading many to believe that the United States never landed on the moon but instead staged the landing on an elaborate Hollywood type movie set.

To add even more fuel to this conspiracy, NASA admitted this week that the original films of the historic landing have gone missing. No wait, not missing, erased and reused for some other mission. Cost savings was listed as the reason yet NASA continues to purchase $500 dollar hammers. See the logic.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes we really did go to the moon and return safely back home, but the evidence NASA just released as proof is very week. The photo above supposedly shows the Lunar module, astronaut foot prints, and tools and equipment left behind from previous Apollo missions. To me, it looks like absolutely nothing.

NASA, you can do better. You can take a snap shot from space of a license plate. I'm sure you can snap a photo that shows a little more detail of the moon landing sites. Unless of course we never did go there.

BTW, the shadow of the lunar module seems to be reflecting opposite of the other objects in the photo.

Back To Conspiracy Theories Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Alter Boys Secret Society - Serving Mass

Altar Boys Secret Society

"I was in. A made man. An Altar boy. A license to skip school virtually almost every day. Life was good. I couldn’t wait for Friday." (From Part One of the Original Altar Boys Secret Society)

Friday morning, 8:01 am, the vestibule, my first meeting as an official Altar Boy. I was very smug as I handed Sister Mary Hateme my excuse slip to ditch class in lieu of a crash course in Altar Boyship. There were 10 new recruits, including myself. We were all seated in folding steel chairs waiting for Father Iatti to arrive. A door opened and slammed and in walked Father Iatti.

Before I go on, I have to describe Father Iatti seen through the eyes of a fifth grader in the 1960's. He was of Italian descent. Dark complexion. Slicked back widows peak jet black hair. Dressed completely in black. All Catholic priests are dressed in black. (Better to blend into the shadows on street corners at night. Or so I've heard) And he had a black velvet cape with a red inseam. Yes, there before me stood Dracula incarnate.

Father Iatti had a booming voice, it could be heard from miles around. His confessional booth was avoided like the plague for fear of having your penance announced to the entire church congregation.

Father Iatti began our session informing us that what we were about to embark on was a sacred rite, and that we would become closer to God serving as altar boys. (I was hoping this is where the secret handshake came in) I would have to wait for that. He told us to follow him into the church so we could understand or duties.

What are an altar boy's duties? From the congregation pews, it looked pretty easy. Walk in with a cross, have a seat, bring some stuff to the altar, hold a sword under the neck of the people going to communion, bring more stuff, walk out with the cross. End of mass. This would be easy.

Father Iatti had a differing opinion. To him, everything had to be exactly perfect. One slip up from us, and the entire mass miracle of the bread, water and wine changing into the body and blood of Christ would all be for naught. No pressure here.

For the rest of the day, we learned the duties of a rookie altar boy. Yes, there were several types of altar boys. First were the rookie altar boys, who only served regular masses. Second, there were veteran altar boys, who not only served regular masses, but also weddings and funerals. And third, the kiss ass altar boy. These ass clowns were the priests pets. They claimed they wanted to be priests when they grew up. (Little did these fella's know what was in store for them in the privacy of the sacristy) They got to pick and choose what mass they would serve. They would also receive the honor of serving holy holiday's and midnight mass and the like.

We stayed in the church the entire day learning the ropes of the altar boy and I missed every class that day. (Take that you nun bitches) Sweet! I was an altar boy one day and already getting perks. Until the hammer fell. Father Iatti felt that we needed more instruction and ordered us to be back at the church at 8am sharp Saturday morning to continue. WTF! Saturday morning, my day off from school, and I had to go back to church. What the hell did I get myself into. My father merely chuckled when I told him about Saturday.

Well, after three grueling weeks of training and two damn Saturdays, I was well trained. I found out what duties each altar boy performed and I was well versed in each aspect. For all you non Catholic folks, (You don't know how lucky you are) the altar boy had specific duties before, during, and after a mass. Usually more than one altar boy served each mass.

Typically, three altar boys served each mass. There was the cross man, who carried the cross in the front of the procession at the beginning and end of the mass. He would plant the cross center altar and retreat behind the altar. He would only resurface at the end of the mass, grab the cross, and lead the procession out.

The other two altar boys were the servers that catered to the priests every whim while at the altar. They followed the cross man in the procession and then took up residence on the right side of the altar. At certain times, the altar boy would have to ring a bell hidden in between the stools. I still don't know why we had to ring the bell, but we did. Three times! Sometimes the ball in the bell would roll around the casing and not ring getting the ire up of the priest on duty.

While the cross guy had no other duties, the servers were an intricate part of the mass. Not only did we ring bells, we also assisted the priest with the presentation of the gifts from the offertory, the bread, (The round white host) the chalice, and the water and wine. At the miracle part of the mass, (When the priest changed the water into wine and the bread into the body of Christ) we sprang into action.

The altar boys would gather the water and wine jars and bring them to the priest. He would pour the all the wine into the chalice and then just a drop of water in as well. He would then give the jars back to us. We would go back to our table and and bring back the water and a white towel. The priest would hold out his hands and one altar boy would pour some water over them. The priest would then wash his hands and take the towel from the other altar boy and dry his hands. He would fold the towel and give itm back to us.

The next duty was the fun part. For communion, we would grab our "Patens" (A 3 foot long gold rod with a gold flat plate attached) and follow the priest down to the railing where all the parishioners were lining up to receive communion. When there was a crowded mass, another priest would appear and assist in giving out communion. The priest would work his way down the railing handing out communion. The altar boys job was to place the paten under the chin of each parishioner to catch and particles of the host that may have fallen.

After communion, the priest would wipe off the patens, and motion to the altar boys to bring more water and a towel. He would then pour some water into the chalice, drink the contents, and clean it out with the towel. He would then beckon for the altar boys again to take the chalice and towel back to our table.

A minute later and the cross guy would appear and the altar boys would walk off the altar with the priest joining them and the mass was over.

I was ready to serve my first mass. The next week, the list of masses were posted and who would be the servers. I scanned for my name and there I was, Sunday mass, 11:30 am. This was a prime time mass, the most attended.

My parents dropped me off at 11am Sunday morning so I could prepare. I walked into the side doors of the sacristy and went to put on my cassock. (A red and white robe worn over your clothes) I then went and filled up the gold bowls with unblessed hosts, filled the wine and water bottles, then went out and dressed the altar. I was wondering where the other altar boys were as it was almost showtime.

Come to think of it, where the hell was Father Iatti? 11:25 gave me my answer. Father Iatti whisked into the sacristy, jumped into his black cassock and said let's go. But wait, where were the other two altar boys. Father Iatti said that it was only me and him today. He wanted to see how rookies acted under pressure.

Damn!

Damn Damn!

Well here we go. I grabbed the cross and made my way to the back of the church. Cue the organ music and away we went. Up the aisle we went with Father Iatti singing behind me. Did I mention that he was a loud talker. His singing was twice as loud. And lousy. But who was going to tell him that.

We reached the front of the church and I went to stick the cross in the holder on the front of the altar. An instant later, terror set in. I couldn't get the cross stem into the holder. CLANG CLANG CLANG. I got it in there folks, it was leaning toward the left, but it was in there.

I assumed my position at the table on the right side of Father Iatti. Thank God I got my screw up over with. WRONG! There would be more. I got two out of three bell ringers correct, one did the dreaded spin around the housing. Father Iatti gave me a Dracula stare letting me know he was pissed and that I couldn't afford to make any more mistakes. (All that in a single one second stare)

Now it was time for the magic. I brought up the water and wine. So far so good. I returned for the towel and water. I forgot to put out a towel before mass. DAMN DAMN! I improvised and took the table cloth from my small server table and took it to the altar along with the water. Father Iatti spied the so-called towel and almost exploded. He took it though but concealed it behind his altar.

I thought Jesus himself would begin the Rapture early and start judgment day with me. But there were no lights, fog, thunder, just organ music signaling communion time. The nightmare was almost over. At this time, I was extremely nervous, wondering what was worse, the wrath of God or Iatti.

I fetched the paten and began the communion ritual. Please Lord, don't let me screw up anymore. hey, I was in a church, God was tuned in. He would hear my plea. God must have been on a different channel. Just as I was about to escape communion, I accidentally jabbed a guy in the neck with the paten. Not hard, just a little tap really, but we had an actor on our hands. He fell to the flow clutching his throat like I had cut him with a machete. However, the paten did it's job, I caught the host that he spit out.

A parish member came up to help the macheted man while Father Iatti took the host and placed it back into the chalice. After a minute of drama, the man took the host from Father Iatti and took his seat. We finished the rest of communion and the mass was ended and I was allowed to grab the cross and go in peace.

As soon as I stepped into the sacristy, Father Iatti was in my grill. His face was like a cartoon, his mouth could fit a bowling ball in it. He was yelling faster than I ever heard before. Suddenly Yosemite Sam snapped into my brain. I saw Iatti yelling but heard Yosemite Sam. "GREAT HORNY TOADS!" I was on the verge of laughing which would have been sudden death. Not the kind in football when a tie in a game occurs, but the real deal, sudden death.

The Lord heard my prayer as I was able to avoid cracking a smile or laughing and took Father Iatti's five minute tirade. He finished with a little cherub telling me that this incident was going on my permanent record. (Big deal! My permanent record entries weighed forty already) I told (Lied) Father Iatti I would try harder next mass. He ended the tirade with, "We shall see Patrick. We shall see!"

I checked the schedule for next week's masses and damn, I was penciled in for the God Damn 7am Saturday service. Either Father Iatti was punishing me with such an early mass, or limiting calatteral damage. Either way, I knew my time as an altar boy would be short.

Next Saturday was rapidly approaching and something told me the tide was ready to turn. We shall see Iatti. We shall see!

PS: And there is no secret handshake.

Back To Catholic Nun Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Cartoonist Solves ABC Lost Secret

Lost Update - Summer Of Lost - 07/16/2009

The secret of ABC networks hit show "Lost" can be summed up in one simple cartoon. More cartoons (Some of them funny) can be located by GPS navigation or by simply clicking this link. XKCD Cartoon

Just what is the Grassy Knoll Institutes Lost theory….I’ve been waiting a long time to tell you…..
Although it appears the survivors of Oceanic flight 815 are on a tropical island, they are being deceived. There is no island. The survivors are in a virtual reality laboratory. All the castaways are interconnected to one another sharing each others thoughts, memories, and feelings. While in this virtual reality laboratory, a battery of physical and mental experiments are performed on them. And who is running these experiments? As Juliet stated, the Aliens of course.

Back To Lost Theories Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Michael Jacksons Body Missing

Mystery still surround the whereabouts of Michael Jacksons body as a battle between the family ensue as to where the final resting place will be. It has been speculated that his remains are at Forest Lawn Cemetery awaiting further instructions.

The Grassy Knoll Institute rocket scientists were at Forest Lawn Cemetery yesterday. Michael Jacksons casket was not there.

Back To Postcards Edge Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

A Wish Sandwich

Schwebels White Bread

Yesterday at lunch, I had a wish sandwich. A wish sandwich is where you have two slices of bread, and you wish you had some meat. Bow bow bow.

Schwebel's Bakery makes more than just your standard fare bread. They also make Taliano select. Thirty seconds after I snapped this photo I added some sliced Butterball turkey from the Boardman Sparkle Market grocery store. It was delicious.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 5 out of 5 shots and recommends Schwebel's bread for lunch and dinner.

Thanks to the Blues Brothers for the "Wish Sandwich."

Back To Blue Plate Special Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

M-80 And The Dare Devils Club

With the Fourth of July rapidly approaching, it is time to examine the uses of an illegal explosive commonly mistaken as a firework device. This device has several names but is widely known as the M-80. (M-80'a are also known as, Silver Salutes, Cherry Bombs, Pine Apples, Quarter sticks, M-100, M-1000, and blockbusters.)

Disclaimer: M-80's and other like items are dangerous illegal explosives that have been outlawed since 1966 for obvious safety reasons. M-80's and like items are very dangerous and should not be handled or used for any purpose. Especially like the ones listed below.

* Never, ever, ever, ever, light quarter sticks while driving your convertible at night in Mill Creek park casually tossing them up in the air. One can never really judge the wind resistance and velocity of the car and the gravity of said item. The results are an incessant ringing in your ear and a burned up and blown up back seat. (Try explaining that to your Father the next day)

* Never attempt this scenario: Pound a 3 inch PVC tube into the ground in the middle of the playground. Upon placing said tube, it is not wise to toss a lit M-80 into planted tube followed up quickly with a tennis ball. The results are always the same. Tennis ball in orbit.

* Something not to try at home or anywhere else for that matter is to hollow out a Cloud Penetrating missile and insert an M-80 into the payload section. The results are inconclusive, but with the displacement of the payload and the added extra weight, the missile never flies correctly leaving uncertainty where it will land. (Usually right on the roof of your convertible)

* FYI: A plate glass picture window cannot survive a blast from an M-80 taped to the center of said glass. Results can vary. The glass always smashes, but sometimes neighbors with shotguns begin pursuit.
(Sidenote: Shotgun blast noise ratio is equivalent to M-80 blast.)

* One thing you should never do is use a high powered slingshot to shoot M-80's at the local police station. Especially after calling in a bomb threat. However, it is rather comical seeing the heat (The cops) scramble out of the building after a perfect shot to said police building roof. (Sometimes, the slingshot misfires leaving the M-80 mere inches from your face and body that can cause severe damage)

* For Halloween, pumpkins and M-80's do not mix. Trust me. Stick to soaping windows and toilet papering houses instead. It doesn't matter how fast you can run, you cannot out run the debris of pumpkin guts.

* It is a well known fact that the percussion of an under water M-80 explosion will kill fish making them rise to the top of a lake. There used to be a little lake where the alleged Dare Devil's Club hideout was located. It was back in the woods off to the side of Forest Lawn Cemetery. At the weekly secret meetings M-80's would be lobbed into the lake. A muffled explosion would be heard as a spray of water would shoot up. Moments later, fish would rise to the top. (Sidenote: Said fish were sometimes cooked. The taste was utterly horrendous.) (Or so I'm told!)

M-80's are loud enough on their own. They do not need any assistance to boost their sound. With that in mind, one should not drop an M-80 into school yard pits, (The pits were located behind the school, attached to the school wall itself, and were 8-10 feet in depth and approximately 15 feet wide by 20 feet long.) If one were actually in said pit at time of detonation, they would be deaf for a minimum of three days.

WARNING: Smoking is hazardous to your health. Combining M-80's can be lethal. Although it sounds like a James Bond type maneuver, using a lit cigarette as a time delayed fuse doesn't always go as planned. (No Mister Bond, I expect you to die!) The rationale is shaky at best, but an M-80 wick would be inserted into a lit cigarette and then gingerly placed in the designated blast zone. Several minutes later, while everyone got to a safe distance, BOOM!, the M-80 would detonate. However, sometimes, police cars and other vehicles would stop over the blast zone.

None of what you just read should ever be copied or attempted. Serious injury or death can and may occur. The members of the Dare Devils Club were / are insane nut jobs. The Dare Devil's club may have been the prototype of the popular MTV program Jackass. Just more dumbass than jackass.

With that being said, my advice is to stay away from all illegal explosives. Shop at reputable fireworks outlets that have been serving the community for years. Do a search on Google for fireworks in your area. Make sure you read the warning labels on all fireworks items. Never mix alcohol and fireworks. Never let children light fireworks. Never carry fireworks around with you. Always have water handy in case of a fire. And for God's sake, please, never do any of the stupid ass things mentioned above.

May The Fourth Be With You!!!!

Back To Inner Sanctum Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL