Irish Driver Instructor

Fasten Your Seatbelts

Dublin, Ireland:
Over the past several years, Dublin's Department Of Motor Cars has seen a sharp decrease in passing grades in young males taking their drivers license test. It now takes the average male 12 attempts to obtain their license.

The Irish Ministry of transportation is in the process of conducting a study on why the failure rate is so profound. Perhaps it has something to do with the new Dublin school instructor, Kathleen McPeaks.

The cobblestone roads in Ireland and the inferior car shocks make objects in cars jiggle more than normal. Keeping your hands on the wheel and not keeping one's eyes on the road are the top two failure reasons.

Wait! Are you still reading this?

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St. Patricks Day Knitting Fail

Irish Knitting Fail

I asked my grandmother to knit me a green sweater for St. Patrick's Day. After two weeks, Grandma sends me this with a note, "I hope it Fits."
At least now I can go and rob the ATM without being recognized.

 

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No More Snakes In Ireland

Not All The Snakes Left Ireland

Irish legend has it that St. Patrick, in order to convert the Celtic people to Christianity, drove all the snakes out of Ireland.
Looks like he missed one.

 

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Irish Redneck Rainbow

Hey - Even Ireland Has Rednecks

St. Patrick's Day Tip: Tomorrow when you go searching for the end of the rainbow, what you find at the end isn't always a Leprechaun and his pot of gold.

 

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Failed Irish Icons

Celery Man

For the past 23 years Seymore Green has been petitioning the Government of Ireland to change the iconic symbol of the Emerald Island from the shamrock to a stalk of celery. A spokesman for the government released this statement.

It has come to our attention that Mister Seymore Green has made a valiant effort to secure the stalk of celery as Ireland's symbol. We appreciate the effort. However, the Ireland government is not ridgid. We offer a compromise.

If the Minnesota Vikings ever win a Super Bowl, then we will change our iconic shamrock.

Case Closed!


 

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Working With The Lights Out - Irish Humor

Paddy and Mick were working on a local building site when Paddy says to Mick "I can not be bothered working all day. I want to go home." so Paddy climbs to the top of the structure he was working on and hangs upside down on a steel girder. The foreman of the site see's Paddy and comes out of the office and shouts up to him, "Paddy, what the devil do you reckon you're doing up there upside down?"

Paddy looks down at the foreman and says "I'm pretending to be a light bulb!" The foreman scratches his head and yells up to Paddy, "Go home Paddy, you're being stupid today. We don't need you." Paddy climbs down and smiles at Mick as he punches the time clock heading out the door.

Mick decides Paddy had a great idea and tries to follow suit and tells the foreman that he is going home too and begins to put his coat on. As Mick was heading toward the time clock the foreman yells over to Mick, "And where the devil do you think you are going Mick?" Mick replies, "If you think I'm working in the dark that high up you're crazy!"

 

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Ireland Minister Of The Government Entry Exam

Now you know why Ireland's economy is at one of the worst levels since the great potato famine.

Sidenote: Does anyone know the answers?

 

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Naughty Catholic School Girl Logo Hunt

Sexy Irish Redhead School Girl

How does the Catholic church get away with charging so much for a Catholic education?
1) Sexy Irish Catholic Redhead school girl.
2) The sexy Catholic short school uniform.
3) Red patent leather shoes really do reflect up.
4) Erin Goes Braless.
5) Students are frequently in the kneeling position.

Sidenote: If you are looking at the photo above, my logo is hidden somewhere in there.

 

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The Genetic Irish Ginger Gene (Red Head)

Genetic Sexy Irish Redheads

Ireland is the land of legend, myth, and magic. It is also the land of red-headed (Ginger) people. Or is it? When people describe Ireland, Guinness beer, Leprechaun's, Fairies, Blarney Stone, St. Patrick, Shamrocks, Bagpipes, and Red Headed people are part of the description. To a lesser extent, Catholics priests and the Irish Cross.

However, one of these things don't belong here. It's the red-headed people. Honest! I'm not kidding. Only 10% of the entire Irish population are gingers. (How ironic that Ginger from Gilligan's Island was a ginger) That's right, brown and black hair are the most dominant hair color for the Irish. Red hair is a recessive trait, and may only occur every third or fourth generation. Hence, less red-haired folks.

Don't get me wrong here though folks. The entire world population consists of approximately only 2% red-haired people. With Ireland having 10%, it is significant, but still not accurate.

Some famous redheaded people in history not in any order. Some may surprise you.
Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Judas, (Christ Apostle) Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme (Manson gang member) L Ron Hubbard, (Scientology creator) Napoleon Bonaparte (He was a short General) Lizzie Borden (Gave her mother 40 whacks) Cleopatra, (Egyptian Queen) President Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, Galileo, Winston Churchill, King David, Malcolm X, Queen Elizabeth 1st. And just newly discovered, Pharaoh Ramsis I was a red-head.

Notice a pattern here.

 

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Irish Chocolate Candy

Chocolate From Ireland

With St. Patrick's Day fast approaching, everything begins to turn green. The green beer you drink at 5am on March 17th. The green eggs and ham breakfast you shovel down to begin St. Patrick's Day. The green shirts, pants, beads, hats, sweaters, socks, even underwear you wear out to work during the day and the bars at night.

Jumping on the McDonald's Mint green shake bandwagon, the Mars Candy company has recently introduced the 3 Musketeer Mint candy bar just in time for St. Patrick's Day.

When I bought the candy bar above, I was expecting the inside to be green. It was not! I was also expecting it to be the size of the standard chocolate 3 Musketeer bar. It was not. The cost was the same, 79 cents for what you see. Indeed a rip off.

Alas, I guess I paid for the novelty of the "Irish" experience. It's only a matter of time before potatoes are dyed green and served mashed, fried, and raw. Yes, raw. The true Irish understand about raw potatoes.

 

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Charlie Sheen Defeats Thought Screen Aliens

Tiger Blood In My Veins

Actor Charlie Sheen, recently fired from his hit television show, Two And A Half Men, is set to reveal a bombshell concerning his recent behavior.

In tonight's episode of Sheen's Korner, Charlie reveals how he single-handedly defeated an evil race of aliens controlling people's minds through telepathy. Sheen recounts his terrifying ordeal which started several years ago driving home late from the set one evening.

That evening, Sheen had an uncontrollable urge to drive his car over the cliff but somehow managed to hang on and steer the car back onto the highway. As the weeks and months passed, Sheen became more and more distracted, almost as if someone was reading his very thoughts and manipulating him to behave in unusual ways. (Almost like a prenup)

Sheen began to show up in the news for his erratic behavior, and the media, like sharks smelling blood in the water, were circling waiting for Sheen to fall. But Sheen had other plans. After all, he was a Warlock. Using his magical warlock brain Sheen quickly came to the realization that an other worldly presence was in his head and no form of exorcism could cast the demons out. Other mere mortal men would have succumbed to the torture and treachery of the alien influence. But not Sheen. He was all about Winning!

Flash forward to the present day. Charlie Sheen reveals tonight that with his fire-breathing fists and the tiger blood coursing through his veins at high-speed and low drag, he confronted the aliens in a duel of brain power never before witnessed.

Sheen unloaded volley after volley of his torpedoes of truth leaving the aliens retreating. At the aliens moment of weakness, Sheen realized, through close contact and interaction with him and his magical warlock brain, the aliens were high on the most powerful drug known to the universe, The Charlie Sheen drug. Within minutes, the evil telepathic aliens, made a hasty retreat with Sheen claiming victory. #Winning!

Sheen has moved on focusing his energy on the trolls under the bridge sneaking out in the shroud of darkness to sling unheralded barbs at him. But as Sheen was overheard just the other day, "For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."

For Sheen, it's all about the winning. Charlie, you may be 0-3 in the marriage department, but against evil aliens and trolls, you are batting 1000. #Winning!

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Irish Penance

Megan, a bright young girl, had just finished parochial school. After that horrendous ordeal she felt she was ready for anything so Megan shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York. In a very short time, Megan became a successful performer in show business.

As many Irish folk, eventually Megan returned to her home town for a visit and on Saturday night she went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. Father Sullivan was hearing confession that evening and quickly recognized her when she began to speak. Father Sullivan struck up a conversation asking her about her work. Megan explained that she was an acrobatic dancer on Broadway but Father Sullivan didn't quite understand what that meant.

Megan said she would be happy to show him the kind of acrobatic dancing she did on stage. When confession was over, Megan stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, hand springs and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies witnessed Megan's acrobatics with wide eyes, and the one said to the other:

"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"

 

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Antone's Restaurant - Youngstown -Lasagna Dinner

Antones Restaurant Lasagna Dinner

Boardman, Ohio has plenty of restaurant options to choose from. Antone’s Italian Restaurant is tonight’s option. Let me introduce you to one of the top menu choices at Antone’s, the Lasagna dinner.

The hostess seated us right away even though it was semi-crowded. Italian bread and our drinks were brought to our table and our waitress took our main course dinner order.

I went with the Lasagna. I have heard all kinds of good things about the lasagna that I finally had to try it. In about 15 minutes it was delivered to our table.

BTW, a side of Penne pasta came with the lasagna.

The portion was fair, the lasagna and Penne was hot and fresh. The sauce was zesty enough. The lasagna was meaty and cheesy and the noodles thick and well cooked. The Penne was hot with a good taste. I could not eat the entire entrée. With the cost at $9.99 for the meal, it was quite reasonable.

The Grassy Knoll Diner scores 3.25 out of 5 shots and recommends Antone’s Italian Restaurant Lasagna for dinner.

               

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The 2011 Irish Update

Saint Patricks Day Guinness Challenge

The Grassy Knoll Institute kicks off the St. Patrick's Day holiday with an Irish tradition. Guinness beer drinking. Not only will there be plenty O Guinness to go around, but we have some very sexy surprises in store this year. Be sure to check back soon to get the latest Irish update and get a glimpse of the hottest girls Ireland has to offer.

 

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Natalie Wood Found Alive

Natalie Wood Faked Her Death

Christopher Walken Vindicated!
One of Hollywood's most intriguing mysteries re-surfaced today as a photo of actress Natalie Wood taken in 1985, (Photo on left) four years after her death, was published in the Hollywood Underground News tabloid.

Actress Natalie Wood died from an apparent boating accident that occurred on the Splendour, a yacht owned by her and her then husband, Robert Wagner. Christopher Walken was also aboard, lurking around. Rumor had it that Walken and Wood were having an affair during the filming of their movie, Brainstorm. As the story went, all three got liquored up and Natalie, for some unknown reason, found herself out on deck, late at night, in her night-gown to tie down a dingy. Moments later she fell over board and drowned. (Now you all know the answer to the question, What kind of wood doesn't float?)

Both Walken and Wagner were suspects of foul play but no charges were issued by the police even though both men offered very little details about that night. This tight lipped stance opened up Pandora's box allowing conspiracy theories and outlandish stories fueled by captain Dennis Davern's testimony claiming Walken and Wagner were in a heated argument with pushing and shoving on deck. A perfect scenario for a murder mystery.

So why now, why leak this photo of Wood now? The Grassy Knoll Institute investigators believe they have uncovered the truth. Natalie Wood seized the opportunity and faked her own death to get back at her alleged cheating husband Robert Wagner. Before Woods new movie began with Walken, she hired a private investigator to follow her husband as she suspected him of sleeping around with younger starlets.

Apparently Wagner found the private eye's sealed report in Woods belongings the night of the boating accident. The argument the captain of the boat heard that night was when Wagner confronted Natalie with the envelope. Walken stepped in to take the side of Natalie, (His alleged lover at the time) and the argument grew quite boisterous and heated. The rest is history.

However, Wood was well prepared that evening knowing that Wagner already knew of her own cheating and the private eye she hired to tail him. That night she would set her plan in motion. She would be free from him and start her life anew.

Woods made sure the argument was loud enough for the boat captain to hear and made sure both Wagner and Walken were quite drunk. After the argument subsided, Wood went to her state-room as well Wagner and Walken to theirs. Later that evening, Wood returned on deck, unhooked the dingy that was knocking against the state-room walls, removed an inflatable rescue raft and disembarked the yacht navigating away from the Splendour and went to shore. Arrangements were already made onshore with a close friend for a getaway car and enough funds to start a new life.

The next morning, the coast guard found Natalie Wood floating in the water dead from drowning. The coroners report ruled the death accidental, believing Wood fell overboard being drunk herself and drowned some minutes later.

But wait a minute, if they found Natalie Wood dead in the water, then how was she onshore making a getaway? Wood had that figured out. One of her under studies (Rebecca Handraddy) had a remarkable resemblance to Natalie. Rebecca had the exact same body type, height, weight, hair, eyes. Rebecca was a perfect double. One more similarity, Rebecca was also having an affair with Robert Wagner.

Before Wood boarded the yacht, she met with Rebecca and confronted her with the photographic evidence from her hired private eye. Rebecca broke down and admitted the affair and sobbed trying to tell Natalie she was sorry. Natalie wasn't buying any of this. She tied up Rebecca, forced alcohol down her throat, then took her out to sea. With Rebecca unconscious, Wood pushed her overboard. She was found by the coast guard the next day.

The body was spotted and pulled from the sea and sent to the coroner's office. The body was in such bad condition, Wood was hardly recognizable. Only her jewelry and clothes helped identify her. The coroner quickly ruled accidental drowning with no foul play as her official cause of death. Case closed.

Natalie Wood had gotten away with murder and the ultimate revenge on her husband.

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Four Tops - Live - 1966

Four Tops Live Vinyl

The Four Tops, Levi Stubbs, Duke Fakir, Obie Benson, and Lawrence Payton, together for over 40 years. This album is from 1966, where they recorded a live performance at the legendary Roostertail Nite Club in Detroit, Michigan.

As you can see from the cover, this is a “Live” album. A picture of the Four Tops outside of the famed Roostertail dominated the bottom half of the cover. The Motown logo is listed on the bottom right.

Add caption

The back cover has informative liner notes written by Scott Regen recalling his experience attending the live performance of that night. A picture at the bottom left is a snap shot of the Four Tops on stage.

The right side has the song title list.
Side One: Introduction, It's The same Old Song, It's Not Unusual, Baby I Need Your Loving, Reach out I'll Be There, I'll Turn To Stone, I left My Heart In San Francisco, You Can't Hurry Love

Side Two: Ask The Lonely, Climb every Mountain, The Girl From Ipanema, If I Had A Hammer, I Can't Help Myself, I Like Everything About You

Four Tops Worn Vinyl Record

The vinyl record has the iconic Motown logo. Reach Out I'll Be There, (Side one, Track five) is one of my all time favorite tunes. The lyrics are below.

Now if you feel that you can't go on (can't go on),
Because all of your hope is gone (all your hope is gone),
And your life is filled with much confusion (much confusion),
Until happiness is just an illusion (happiness is just an illusion),
And your world around is crumbling down, darlin',
(Reach out) Come on girl reach on out for me,
(Reach out) Reach out for me,
I'll be there with a love that will shelter you,
I'll be there with a love that will see you through,

When you feel lost and about to give up (to give up),
Cause your life just ain't good enough (just ain't good enough),
And your feel the world has grown cold (has grown cold),
And your drifting out all on your own (drifting out on your own),
And you need a hand to hold, darlin'
(Reach out) Come on girl reach out for me,
(Reach out) Reach out for me,
Hah, I'll be there to love and comfort you,
And I'll be there to cherish and care for you,

(I'll be there to always see you through,
I'll be there to love and comfort you),
I can tell the way you hang your head (hang your head),
Your not in love now, now your afraid (you're afraid),
And through the tears you look around (look around),
But there's no piece of mind to be found (no piece of mind to be found),
I know what your thinking,
You're alone now, no love of your own, but darling,
(Reach out) Come on girl reach out for me,
Reach out (Reach out).......... just look over your shoulder,
I'll be there to give you all the love you need,
And I'll be there you can always depend on me,
I'll be there to always see you through,
I'll be there to love and comfort you

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Anna Torv - Fringe Sexy Siren

Anna Torv On the Fringe

Anna Torv, the star of FOX Network Science fiction drama television series, Fringe, plays Olivia Dunham, an FBI agent recruited to work with a secret division investigating supernatural and beyond explanation scenario’s. Dunham is paired with a brilliant yet institutionally insane scientist (Dr. Walter Bishop) and his handler, his son and Dunham’s love interest, Peter Bishop. The lead role in this successful series is ample enough for Anna Torv to shoot up our Sexy Sirens page.

Sidenote: Fringe reminds me of the FOX Network 1990′s classic series, X-Files with Fox and Scully.

Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens brought to you by the Grassy Knoll Institute marketing team to boost readership and placement on search engines.

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