How To Properly Pour Guinness Beer

For the 2012 St. Patrick's Day Holiday season, the Grassy Knoll Institute kicks off the celebration with an upmost important skill on how to properly pour a Guinness Beer.

But before we get to that, a reminder if you will, to check back regularly in March to see the latest Irish updates on folklore and especially the sexiest women Ireland has to offer.

Now just make sure when the bartender presents the properly poured Guinness beer to you, you follow proper procedures on drinking the beer.

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New Village Cafe Breakfast - San Francisco

The New Village Cafe located in San Francisco is a quaint little cafe that has a good breakfast at reasonable rates. I always ask the locals where the best places to eat are. Several nice folks directed me to this cafe.

We walked into the cafe and noticed it wasn't crowded and had the look and fell of an old 1950's diner making me wonder about the name, New Village Cafe. Anyway, reports were positive about the joint so we took a table and our waiter came over.

He was a Chinese man and apparently was the only waiter in the joint. He was hustling all over the cafe. he was very efficient. A few minutes passed and he was at our table to take our orders. 

The cafe breakfast was scrambled eggs, hash browns, and sausage links plus some white toast with butter and jelly. All for around $5 dollars. As we waited for our order, I noticed his wife was the cook and popped her head outside the kitchen from time to time. The cafe was a two person operation.

The eggs were good, standard fare, well cooked. The hash browns were well cooked, not greasy, and tasted good. The sausage again was well cooked, and was standard fair. All in all, excellent service, good food all at an affordable price. The locals were correct, The New Village Cafe was a good place for breakfast.

Oh yes, don't want to forget about the toast, well toasted, warm, not soggy, and plenty of butter and jelly.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 4.25 out of 5 shots and recommends New Village Cafe for breakfast.

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Burg Coffee - Gatlinburg

Burg Coffees Of Gatlinburg

Every year I return to Gatlinburg, Tennessee and even though it appears to not change, new businesses do spring up along the Parkway. Berg Coffee's is one of the new shops on the scene.

It was raining hard in Frisco,
I needed one more fare to make my night.....
Wait a minute, wrong city.
It was raining hard in Gatlinburg,
I ducked inside for shelter from the rain.
The sexy redhead Russian hostess asked me what I desired.
I said a large ice cream twist please.

My apologies to the late Harry Chapin for mangling his lyrics.

The red head whose name was Veronica struck up a conversation with us. Asking where we were from, if we were here for work or pleasure, (Yes, those were her words, spoken in a sexy Russian accent) and how long we planned on staying.

As I enjoyed the ice cream, which cost $3 dollars was on the average size for around these parts as was the cost. If I were in Geneva, the size of the cone and ice cream would be at least double this size for 50 cents less. Yes, that big.

But, this ice cream was served by a sexy 20 something red head in tight jeans and perky breasts with a killer accent. Now you can see the reason for the up-charge.

The taste was standard fare, the cone fresh and not soggy, and as ice cream cones go, it was adequate. The Burg dispenses ice cream as a side item. Specialized coffee was their forte as their menu had many types and variations of coffee.

Because of the sexy red head, The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 3.25 out of 5 shots and recommends Burg Coffees for an exquisite pause from inclement weather. And sunshine as well.

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Marcs BBQ Grilled Chicken Take Out

Marc's Grocery Store in Boardman, Ohio is my usual place to stock up on Coke Zero. Marc's runs some deep discount deals on pop every so often and that's when i stock up.

The other day after loading my cart with Coke Zero, I spied in the cold section some packaged grilled chicken breasts with BBQ sauce. The cost was $3.09 for the package. Feeling saucy, I decided to try a pack.

After loading the Coke zero in the basement I fired up the microwave and warmed that chicken BBQ up. I wasn't expecting much, (It was cheap, in a plastic container, and it was from Marc's) but I was hungry. The portion was generous with the cost at just over three bucks. I cut a small piece off and tasted it.

WOW! I was impressed. The chicken breast was juicy, tender, with no fat. The BBQ sauce was tangy and flavorful and complimented the chicken perfectly. It tasted really good. Not just plastic wrap take out from a grocery store good, but from a respected BBQ restaurant specializing in BBQ chicken good. Shocking! I rate this BBQ right up there with the Outback, Calhouns, and Texas Roadhouse. Yes, it was that good. And it was cheap.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 5 out of 5 shots and recommends Marc's Grocery Store BBQ Grilled Chicken take out for dinner.

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Mass Alien Abduction In Progress

Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet

An important announcement from the Grassy Knoll Institute to all those afflicted with M.A.A. (Multiple Alien Abductions)

Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.

Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.

Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.

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Travellers Beware: Murphys Deli - Houston Texas

Travellers Beware: If you ever happen to find yourself walking the streets of Houston, Texas in search for a place to eat, do not, I repeat, do not walk into Murphy's Deli. I warned you twice.

As I entered Murphy's Deli, it appeared to be a standard Deli restaurant that are scattered across this great country. Murphy's Deli had a standard counter, a few tables and chairs for patrons to sit and eat, and a menu board behind the counter. What could go wrong?

I ordered a turkey and cheese sandwich on an Italian roll. I added bacon and asked for tomatoes and olives. Before you is what was presented to me and it only cost me $15 dollars! What a bargain!

Upon inspection of this so-called deli sandwich, it had two thin slices of turkey. Processed turkey, perhaps turkey loaf, but certainly not turkey breast. The bacon was three thin strips, just like the microwave kind you get at the grocery store. Yes, you could see through the bacon strips. And the American cheese, not slices, but a little bit of sprinkles. The tomato was paper-thin and the olives just on one part of the sandwich. WTF!

The taste of this deli sandwich, well, it tasted like cardboard. The roll was rough and almost stale. As I said earlier, the turkey was processed or loaf, and the rest of this abomination was so poorly prepared, it ranks as the worst sandwich I ever had the bad luck to buy.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend Murphy's Deli from Houston, Texas for dinner.

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Smoky Bones Restaurant - BBQ Combo

Smoky Bones is located on South Avenue, a very busy highway in Boardman, Ohio. Today, we decided to stop driving by and instead pulled into the parking lot.

We were seated quickly as it was not very busy and our waitress came over to take our drink order. We ordered diet Cokes. She returned with our drinks and took our dinner order.

I ordered the pretzels as an appetizer as they looked intriguing. Fifteen minutes later, the pretzels arrived at our table. I asked the waitress for plates, napkins, and utensils to eat the pretzels. After asking three times, I never received them.

As I stated earlier, it wasn’t crowded leaving no excuse for lousy service which we were receiving. It took our waitress 30 minutes after she delivered our pretzel appetizer to deliver our dinner.

Triple Combo Platter

Finally, our dinner was served. I ordered the triple combo and selected BBQ pulled pork, BBQ chicken strips, and BBQ grilled chicken. A baked potato and garlic bread completed the dinner.

Inspecting the plate, I noticed the pulled pork was not the BBQ variety. Nor was the chicken strips and the grilled chicken. Luckily our waitress returned with refills on our diet Cokes. I informed her I ordered BBQ and she said for me to use the tubes of BBQ sauce kept on the table. I then noticed she had given us iced tea instead of diet Cokes.

I once again sternly asked for napkins and at least a fork to eat my dinner. I also pointed out that we ordered diet Cokes and not iced tea. She said she would be right back with them. Instead of waiting, I got up and found an empty table and took the napkins and utensils and returned to our table. Our waitress never did bring us any.

I also noticed in our thirty minute wait patrons that came in after us and serviced by another waitress were served their dinners before us. There were four other tables served before us.

Side Note: As we were eating, the table behind us had a problem with their bill and it took the waitress (Our waitress) several trips to the cashier to remedy the problem.

Still want to read the critique?

OK, the baked potato was cold, seriously, it was cold. Not hot, not warm, but cold. It was not baked all through and the center was hard. Score for the potato, zero.

The pulled pork was maybe warm, tasted OK but was bland as Hell. I was afraid to use any of the sauces our waitress directed to use on the table. Some of the tubes were oozing several foul-smelling odors and the sauce was dried and chunky on the tubes. Score, zero.

The fries were also cold. See the trend here? I really think our waitress forgot about our order. I hate cold fries. Score, zero.

The chicken was adequate at best, and could have been better if hot, at least warm.

Our waitress should be fired.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommends Smoky Bones for dinner.

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KFC Lies To Customers

Driving down South avenue the other day I spied a KFC restaurant (Kentucky Fried chicken) and a minute later I found myself in the drive through. Since I was there I decided to order something. It would have been a little awkward if when the drive through window employee asked, "May I help you," and I said, "No, just browsing right now!" Instead, I ordered a #10 which was two chicken filets, a biscuit, wedge fries, and a Pepsi. All for $6 dollars. I was told to pull around to the window.

After I paid my $6 dollars, I was told that the filets were not cooked and it would be 5-6 minutes. She told me to pull over and park on the right and they would bring it out. I noticed the time and it was 5:24pm. I pulled over. It started to rain. Perhaps a bad omen.

Six minutes passed and still no winner winner chicken dinner. Ten minutes passed and KFC became officially liars. Three minutes later the KFC employee was spotted, running my take out bag to me in the pouring rain.

For a brief moment I thought of being mean, with it raining hard and the girl outside my Jeep window holding my take out, perhaps I would pretend not to notice her. Make her wait on me. Instead, I unzipped the window and took my order and drove off.

The moral of this post is:
KFC lies to its customers. When they tell you it will only be a 5-6 minute wait, expect that time to be at least double.

You see, I am at a loss for rating this take out dinner. The chicken was good, the fries and roll hot and tasty, but the service was down right despicable.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 1 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend KFC Drive through for lunch or dinner.

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