Best Melons Contestant #4 - The Barbie Syndrome

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Best Melons Contestant #4 sculptured her ample melons using the Barbie Doll template. Mattel introduced Barbie in 1959 with eye busting body measurements of 39-18-33 and estimated to be 6 feet tall. I don't know how tall contestant #4 is, but her measurements are certainly in line. Is her boyfriend named Ken?

Happy Halloween

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Cheeseburger In Paradise - Orlando

Not Wasting Away

During Spring Break, Patrick, the Lead Scientist ventured to a warmer climate to soak up the suns rays and investigate several conspiracy theories the Grassy Knoll Institute is working on.

Patrick found himself at Universal Theme Park (Of course he was hard at work chasing down a hot lead concerning Amanda Bynes and thong underwear, or lack thereof)

I Like Mine With...

After a very thorough investigation, Patrick stopped for dinner at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville located inside the theme park. Although the restaurant was busy, it was not crowded and was seated right away. The waiter came over promptly and took their orders.

Of course, Patrick ordered the famous Cheeseburger In Paradise, well done, with fries on the side. A very short wait and the sensuous treat on a big old bun was brought to the table.

The burger was cooked perfect, just exactly as asked. the cheese melted but not sloppy. The tomato and lettuce were crisp and fresh, and the bun warm and toasty. Fries were an after thought, but could stand alone as they were well cooked and plentiful.

The Grassy Knoll Diner awards the cheeseburger in paradise 4.5 shots out of 5 for Margaritaville in Orlando, Florida for dinner.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to Jimmy Buffett's famous tune, cheeseburger In Paradise.

Tried to amend my carnivorous habits,
Made it nearly seventy days.
Losing weight without speed, eating sunflower seeds,
Drinking lots of carrot juice and soaking up rays.

But at night I'd have these wonderful dreams,
Some kind of sensuous treat.
Not zucchini, fettucini or bulgur wheat,
But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat.

Cheeseburger is paradise.
Heaven on earth with an onion slice.
Not too particular, not too precise.
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

I like mine with lettuce and tomato,
Heinz Fifty-seven and French fried potatoes.
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.
Well, good God Almighty, which way do I steer,
For my cheeseburger in paradise.

Heard about the old time sailor men,
They eat the same thing again and again.
Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead,
Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn.

But times have changed for sailors these days,
When I'm in port I get what I need.
Not just Havanas or banana or daiquiris,
But that American creation on which I feed.

Cheeseburger is paradise,
Medium rare with mustard be nice.
Not too particular, not too precise,
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

I like mine with lettuce and tomato,
Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes.
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer,
Well, good god Almighty which way do I steer.

For a cheeseburger in paradise,
Making the best of every virtue and vice.
Worth every damn bit of sacrifice,
To get a cheeseburger in paradise.
To be a cheeseburger in paradise.
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

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1. 
   

   Max Jackl said

   June 24, 2008 at 6:29 pm e
   Looks tasty, a little lacking on lettuce, but good looking.
   Reply
2. 
   

   Gumby said

   June 25, 2008 at 9:20 am e
   Buffett gone commercial. When will the insanity end?
   Reply
3. 
   

   Jack Sparrow said

   June 25, 2008 at 9:41 am e
   It’s my favorite place when I’m in port.
   Reply
4. 
   

   Aintgotno said

   June 25, 2008 at 2:01 pm e
   every time i visit this blog i have to go get a snack
   Reply
5. 
   

   Contessa Confessa said

   June 25, 2008 at 11:10 pm e
   The pic of the margarita is what I want to see… 
   Reply
6. 
   

   Anderson said

   June 25, 2008 at 11:41 pm e
   I like fried onion rings as a topping, crunchy onion rings. Thats a cheesebueger in paradise.
   Reply
7. 
   

   808stevan said

   June 28, 2008 at 1:21 pm e
   True fact: Jimmy didn’t go commercial at first. A couple of saavy ladies and a dude opened a burger joint on Maui called “Cheeseburger in Paradise”. It opened right on Front Street in Old Lahaina town. It is a very successful and reputable business (amidst many a food poisoning claim). The menu features big burgers, but none that look as good as the picture in this blog from Margaritaville. Anyhoo, they also featured a continuous soundtrack booming the CB-Paradise song about every tenth song or so. This place is so busy, I know a Wairess there who sells about $400,000 worth every year. She makes about as much $$$ as the Mayor of the island. Infact, everyone hits a similar mark in the 20 or so wait help that run the place. A big success, but they had to settle a suit filed against them by the Buff master himself to cease and desist use of his trademark sing. An out of court settlement, rumoured to be in the millions came forth and this led to Jimmy’s folks to wonder,”Why don’t we open our own burger joints?”Which they did, however, they unfortunately could not use the name Cheeseburger in Paradise because they had already licensed the name in that aforementioned settlement.
   Reply

Best Halloween Costume #4 - Tits In A Box

With the hugely (That's what she said) successful Justin Timberlake / Adam Sandberg Dick-In-A-Box SNL skit, it was only a matter of time before the female version made it's way into a Halloween costume. 

Step Number One: Cut two holes in the box...

Happy Halloween

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Hotel Conneaut Ghost Elizabeth Levitates

The ghost of bride Elizabeth has been purportedly haunting Hotel Conneaut ever since World War II. Urban legend tells us Elizabeth died in a fire sparked by a lightning storm the night of her wedding. She perished in the fire while frantically searching for her husband, (A war hero on leave to marry his fiance) who mistakenly thought Elizabeth escaped the flames. For the past 60 plus years, Elizabeth has been roaming the hallways looking in every room in hopes of finding her lover.

In 2008, the Grassy Knoll Institute conducted an in depth investigation at the Hotel and collected plenty of empirical data snapping hundreds of photographs, taking hundreds of readings, and an in depth search and mapping of Elizabeth’s honeymoon room.

In early September this year, the Grassy Knoll Institute Paranormal team returned to Hotel Conneaut. This time, the results were more startling than previous encounters. In one very lucky encounter, we spied bride Elizabeth walking down the third floor hallway away from us. Sensing our presence, she turned to make eye contact with us, then quickly levitated and disappeared through the ceiling.

We believe Hotel Conneaut will have a very good 2011 season after this investigation goes public.

Happy Halloween

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Stack Restaurant - Filet Mignon

How Did They Arrive At This Name

At least I know where this restaurant got it's name from. The waitresses and hostesses were all gorgeous women and of course, all were stacked in the breast department. Pamela Anderson size stacked. Hence the name. Stack!

Tomato Soup And Grilled Cheese

We had reservations and we were seated right on time. Menu's were brought out and drinks were ordered. (Lemon water for me)
I started out with tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. I love tomato soup and it did not disappoint. The soup was hot and thick and very tasty. So was the grilled cheese sandwich. Crunchy but not burnt.

A perfect Filet Mignon

The main course was of course filet Mignon and a twice baked potato. The filet was cooked perfectly, medium well done. The portion was generous, the taste, very good. Not a sliver of fat. All grade A choice filet.

The twice baked potato was a huge portion. In fact, it was two large potatoes. I only ate one but it was very good.

The cost was pricey, coming in at around $60 plus tip. (Apparently the price of breast implants has risen)

The total experience was pleasant, service and food excellent allowing the Grassy Knoll Diner to award 4 out of 5 shots to Stack and recommends Stack for dinner while in Las Vegas.

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1. 
   

   Gumby said

   May 19, 2008 at 9:45 am e
   So where are the pictures of the stacked blonde waitresses?
   Reply
2. 
   

   Aintgotno said

   May 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm e
   only in america … 
   Reply
3. 
   

   LOTGK said

   May 19, 2008 at 5:55 pm e
   God bless America.
   Reply
4. 
   

   Chica said

   May 19, 2008 at 11:35 pm e
   Haha I could spend 60 bucks feeding my family for two weeks. The waitresses must have been worth it.
   Reply
5. 
   

   LOTGK said

   May 19, 2008 at 11:53 pm e
   Gumby, I have a few snaps of the waitresses. Seriously, they looked like Pam Anderson clones.
   Blue, Las Vegas should be a country all it’s own.
   Chica, they were.
   Reply
6. 
   

   Fish-On-A-Wall said

   May 20, 2008 at 10:57 pm e
   Should be called Stacked.
   Reply
7. 
   

   Ben said

   May 21, 2008 at 11:08 pm e
   First Hooters now Stack, I am waiting for a restaurant called “Hung”…I wonder if they’d serve vietnamese cuisine.
   Reply
8. 
   

   Dexterp said

   May 24, 2008 at 8:02 pm e
   sound like fun
   Reply
9. 
   

Best Melons Contestant #3 - Carmen Electra

Helpful tips from the Dark Zone Curator: If you find yourself in a scary movie and you find yourself wearing a bikini, and you are a hot chick, under no circumstances should you run out of the house. Take it from professional Goddess and actress Carmen Electra. You don't want to be that girl in a horror movie.

Carmen Electra may be famous for her "Booty Shake" but her melons are most impressive.

Happy Halloween

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Best Halloween Costume #3 - A Pink Nightmare

One of the most popular Christmas holiday movies is the 1983 hit, A Christmas Story. Over the years it has become a cult classic as replica’s of the props from the movie have become sought after gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I have the leg lamp.

In the past several years, A Christmas Story has filtered into the Halloween Holiday. The Pink Nightmare, (Ralphies Christmas present from his aunt, a complete pink colored bunny suit made for a girl) a full sized leg lamp, and the FRAGILE crate the leg lamp was delivered in.

I guarantee that you will see one of these Halloween costumes at one of your parties this October.

Happy Halloween

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Kokomo’s Steak And Seafood Restaurant - Filet Mignon

Mirage Kokomo Steak House Filet

The Mirage Hotel And Casino in Las Vegas has some very fine restaurants. None finer than Kokomo's Steak and Seafood. Of course reservations are required and we were covered. We were seated right away which was a slight surprise for it was pretty busy.

The waitress came over promptly and took our drink order and left us a basket of bread and rolls. A few minutes later she returned to take our dinner order.

Of course, being in a steak house, I ordered the Filet Mignon and baked potato. I asked for the filet to be butterflied and cooked medium well done.

A very short time elapsed and my steak was brought to the table. The filet was cooked perfectly and the potato exactly as ordered. (No sour cream or chives)

Cutting into the steak, it was heavenly, juicy, tasty, an almost perfect combination. Zero fat on this filet. I ate every bite. The baked potato was excellent as well, (As far as naked potatoes go) which completed an almost perfect meal.

The cost was around $40 without tip which is a steep until you consider where the location. (The heart of the Las Vegas strip)

The Grassy Knoll Diner awards 4.5 shots out of 5 to Kokomo's Steak and Seafood Restaurant located inside the Mirage Hotel and recommends the filet for dinner.

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1. 
   

   Soup Cop Jean said

   July 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm e
   We were just at the Mirage and ate there. I had the exact same dinner and I agree it was fabulous. Great service and cleanliness. Yay for the Mirage.
   Reply