Ireland has free health care to all it's citizens. And by reading some of these hospital charts, I can see why.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
She is numb from her toes down.
Patient has exhibited occasional constant infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/16/2008
Irish Humor To Start Your Day
Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"
She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
--------------------------
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye, FOOM! The oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! There was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
-----------------
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
------------------
A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up .Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. ""Well " said the bartender "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!"
----------------
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
----------------
Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, "Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"
"Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?"
"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"
She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
--------------------------
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye, FOOM! The oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! There was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
-----------------
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
------------------
A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up .Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. ""Well " said the bartender "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!"
----------------
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
----------------
Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, "Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"
"Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?"
"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Irish Catholic Confession Penance
Making Poteen (Moonshine) is a sin in Ireland.
This fella goes to confession and gets the newly appointed priest. The fella begins, bless me father for I have sinned, I have made 8 gallons of poteen.
The new priest, unaware of what the penance for poteen (Moonshine) is in this parish, tells the gentleman to hold on a second and he'll be right back. The young priest leaves the confessional, walks into the sacristy where the Bishop is half asleep and says, "This fella in the confessional made 8 gallons of poteen, what should I give him?" The Bishop says, "Give him two pounds a gallon and not a penny more."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
This fella goes to confession and gets the newly appointed priest. The fella begins, bless me father for I have sinned, I have made 8 gallons of poteen.
The new priest, unaware of what the penance for poteen (Moonshine) is in this parish, tells the gentleman to hold on a second and he'll be right back. The young priest leaves the confessional, walks into the sacristy where the Bishop is half asleep and says, "This fella in the confessional made 8 gallons of poteen, what should I give him?" The Bishop says, "Give him two pounds a gallon and not a penny more."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
The Irish People Can Read Your Mind
We Irish folks are a mystical and magical bunch. Many of us have the capability to read people's minds. Ahh, I can sense some skepticism from my readers. See, it's working already. I suppose I will have to prove my mind reading abilities with a test.
First, I need you to read and answer the following questions as fast as you can and then click on the comments section to be amazed.
Important! You must speak the answers out loud. You don't have to shout them, just say them in a normal voice.
Do not click the comments section until you complete the questions. Otherwise, it will ruin the test.
Ready, set, go.....Say your answers out loud please. I won't be able to hear you and read your mind if you don't.
What is one plus six?
What is two plus five?
What is three plus four?
What is four plus three?
What is five plus two?
What is Six plus one?
What's your favorite vegetable?
The answer is in the comments section......
First, I need you to read and answer the following questions as fast as you can and then click on the comments section to be amazed.
Important! You must speak the answers out loud. You don't have to shout them, just say them in a normal voice.
Do not click the comments section until you complete the questions. Otherwise, it will ruin the test.
Ready, set, go.....Say your answers out loud please. I won't be able to hear you and read your mind if you don't.
What is one plus six?
What is two plus five?
What is three plus four?
What is four plus three?
What is five plus two?
What is Six plus one?
What's your favorite vegetable?
The answer is in the comments section......
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
An Irish Fairy Tale
Shannon O'Malley wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Shannon sits weeping in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Shannon with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." We all know what happens after these balls now don't we Shannon. And what would the priest say when he sees you in church?
Shannon agrees and asks what the second condition is.
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Shannon nods and agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.
Of course, 2:00 am comes and goes but Shannon doesn't show up! Finally, at 5:00 a.m. when the cock is crowing, Shannon shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours
ago!!!"
Shannon, still panting, replied, "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything and we had a wonderful time after the ball."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! I demand that you tell me his name!"
Shannon replied, I can't remember his name exactly,... It was Peter, Peter, something or other eater."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." We all know what happens after these balls now don't we Shannon. And what would the priest say when he sees you in church?
Shannon agrees and asks what the second condition is.
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Shannon nods and agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.
Of course, 2:00 am comes and goes but Shannon doesn't show up! Finally, at 5:00 a.m. when the cock is crowing, Shannon shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours
ago!!!"
Shannon, still panting, replied, "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything and we had a wonderful time after the ball."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! I demand that you tell me his name!"
Shannon replied, I can't remember his name exactly,... It was Peter, Peter, something or other eater."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
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