Mass Alien Abduction In Progress

Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet

An important announcement from the Grassy Knoll Institute to all those afflicted with M.A.A. (Multiple Alien Abductions)

Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.

Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.

Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Travellers Beware: Murphys Deli - Houston Texas

Travellers Beware: If you ever happen to find yourself walking the streets of Houston, Texas in search for a place to eat, do not, I repeat, do not walk into Murphy's Deli. I warned you twice.

As I entered Murphy's Deli, it appeared to be a standard Deli restaurant that are scattered across this great country. Murphy's Deli had a standard counter, a few tables and chairs for patrons to sit and eat, and a menu board behind the counter. What could go wrong?

I ordered a turkey and cheese sandwich on an Italian roll. I added bacon and asked for tomatoes and olives. Before you is what was presented to me and it only cost me $15 dollars! What a bargain!

Upon inspection of this so-called deli sandwich, it had two thin slices of turkey. Processed turkey, perhaps turkey loaf, but certainly not turkey breast. The bacon was three thin strips, just like the microwave kind you get at the grocery store. Yes, you could see through the bacon strips. And the American cheese, not slices, but a little bit of sprinkles. The tomato was paper-thin and the olives just on one part of the sandwich. WTF!

The taste of this deli sandwich, well, it tasted like cardboard. The roll was rough and almost stale. As I said earlier, the turkey was processed or loaf, and the rest of this abomination was so poorly prepared, it ranks as the worst sandwich I ever had the bad luck to buy.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommend Murphy's Deli from Houston, Texas for dinner.

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Smoky Bones Restaurant - BBQ Combo

Smoky Bones is located on South Avenue, a very busy highway in Boardman, Ohio. Today, we decided to stop driving by and instead pulled into the parking lot.

We were seated quickly as it was not very busy and our waitress came over to take our drink order. We ordered diet Cokes. She returned with our drinks and took our dinner order.

I ordered the pretzels as an appetizer as they looked intriguing. Fifteen minutes later, the pretzels arrived at our table. I asked the waitress for plates, napkins, and utensils to eat the pretzels. After asking three times, I never received them.

As I stated earlier, it wasn’t crowded leaving no excuse for lousy service which we were receiving. It took our waitress 30 minutes after she delivered our pretzel appetizer to deliver our dinner.

Triple Combo Platter

Finally, our dinner was served. I ordered the triple combo and selected BBQ pulled pork, BBQ chicken strips, and BBQ grilled chicken. A baked potato and garlic bread completed the dinner.

Inspecting the plate, I noticed the pulled pork was not the BBQ variety. Nor was the chicken strips and the grilled chicken. Luckily our waitress returned with refills on our diet Cokes. I informed her I ordered BBQ and she said for me to use the tubes of BBQ sauce kept on the table. I then noticed she had given us iced tea instead of diet Cokes.

I once again sternly asked for napkins and at least a fork to eat my dinner. I also pointed out that we ordered diet Cokes and not iced tea. She said she would be right back with them. Instead of waiting, I got up and found an empty table and took the napkins and utensils and returned to our table. Our waitress never did bring us any.

I also noticed in our thirty minute wait patrons that came in after us and serviced by another waitress were served their dinners before us. There were four other tables served before us.

Side Note: As we were eating, the table behind us had a problem with their bill and it took the waitress (Our waitress) several trips to the cashier to remedy the problem.

Still want to read the critique?

OK, the baked potato was cold, seriously, it was cold. Not hot, not warm, but cold. It was not baked all through and the center was hard. Score for the potato, zero.

The pulled pork was maybe warm, tasted OK but was bland as Hell. I was afraid to use any of the sauces our waitress directed to use on the table. Some of the tubes were oozing several foul-smelling odors and the sauce was dried and chunky on the tubes. Score, zero.

The fries were also cold. See the trend here? I really think our waitress forgot about our order. I hate cold fries. Score, zero.

The chicken was adequate at best, and could have been better if hot, at least warm.

Our waitress should be fired.

The Grassy Knoll Institute scores 0 out of 5 shots and DOES NOT recommends Smoky Bones for dinner.

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL