Paddy got in an automobile accident and was taken to a Catholic hospital in Dublin.
After the doctor stitched Paddy up and stabilized his condition, the doctor let Paddy to rest.
A few minutes later a Catholic nun entered the room and asked if paddy were well enough to answer some questions for her. Paddy nodded affirmative.
The nun started right asking, "Do you have any medical insurance?"
Paddy shook his head and said no.
The nun continued, "Do you have any cash money to help pay for your medical bill?"
Paddy again said no.
The nun pried even more, "Do you have any family members to help you settle up your medical bill?
Paddy scratched his chin for a moment and said, 'Why yes, I do have a spinster older sister and she's a Catholic nun just like you."
The nun looked sternly at Paddy and said, "Sir, we are not spinsters, I like your sister, are married to Jesus.'
Paddy looks at the nun and says, "Good then, send me medical bill to me Brother-In-Law!"
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Showing posts with label irish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irish. Show all posts
3/09/2012
Now That Is How You River Dance In Ireland
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3/05/2012
An Old Irish Prayer
May those who love us, love us;
And those who don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
But if God doesn’t turn their hearts,
May God turn their ankles.
So we’ll know them by their limping.
And those who don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
But if God doesn’t turn their hearts,
May God turn their ankles.
So we’ll know them by their limping.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/01/2012
How To Properly Pour Guinness Beer
For the 2012 St. Patrick's Day Holiday season, the Grassy Knoll Institute kicks off the celebration with an upmost important skill on how to properly pour a Guinness Beer.
But before we get to that, a reminder if you will, to check back regularly in March to see the latest Irish updates on folklore and especially the sexiest women Ireland has to offer.
Now just make sure when the bartender presents the properly poured Guinness beer to you, you follow proper procedures on drinking the beer.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/21/2011
Shot Of Vodka At Age 6
Way back in the 1960's when I was a lad, my parents used to bring all the kids, (There were 7 of us, me being the youngest) to grandma's house for a visit. Actually, it was more of a drop-off now, Mom and Dad would stay for a minute and then off to go shopping or some other important business matters. (Like go and make more kids) (Not a lot of private time in a house full of 7 kids)
Anyway, my grandmother Veronica was from Ireland, (Both sets of grandparents were from Ireland but that's not the point here) and every Saturday she would prepare us traditional Irish meals for dinner. Now I'm sure grandma was an excellent cook, however, I was not accustomed to such cuisine. I was more of a meat and potatoes kind of kid. Blood pie (Yes, sounds exactly as terrible as you think) was not my cup of tea. Even her dog, Chrissy, wouldn't eat the food I attempted to sneak to him from the table without grandma looking. Forced, I would eat as much as I could and move on to playing in the basement of grandma Veronica's house.
The basement was my haven. Grandma had it decorated like an old-time Western saloon. Veronica called it a Pub, but I thought it was a saloon. Irish, American, Pub, Saloon, same thing. It had swinging doors, a full bar, counter, bar stools, and just about every kind of bottle of alcohol you could imagine. (Grandma Veronica was a heavy drinker and smoker)
The basement was also the place grandma read her magazines and made her phone calls to the local radio talk show host to set them right in their opinions. Veronica would always have a glass of something by her side all the time.
That one afternoon, after playing hard, I was sweaty and thirsty. I saw grandma's mini glasses (Shot glasses) on the bar counter filled and asked her if I could have some for I had a powerful thirst going on. I assumed the liquid was 7-Up or some other clear soda pop. Grandma looked up and sternly told me that I could not, that the drink was for adults, not children.
I pressed harder. (Pretty please grandma thirty times in a row usually did the trick) After the 30th time, Veronica acquiesced and told me I could have one with one condition. Being thirsty I immediately agreed. Veronica poured me a drink from a clear bottle and then told me to drink it all as fast as I could, all in one gulp. (That's how the grown up people drink it)
I grabbed the double shot glass and in one quick motion, gulped the drink down. Damn! It tasted like gasoline. Approximately three seconds later my tongue was on fire. The flames quickly spread to my mouth, teeth, throat, and then to my stomach. If it were possible, my ears would have been letting off steam from the heat my body was producing. I started running around in circles screaming and yelling hoping that somehow the flames would subside. They did not. (I seriously felt like my hair was on fire)
Veronica calmly walked over to where I was doing my little Indian dance and gave me a cookie and told me to eat it. I was skeptical of the cookie for the last thing grandma gave me set me on fire. However, Veronica insisted. I ate the cookie. Grandma then told me to get a drink from the water faucet. I think I had two gallons.
After I calmed down, Veronica told me about alcohol, and that only adults were allowed to drink it. She also told me that from that day forward, any time I had the urge to drink alcohol again, I would remember this day and how it tasted.
And grandma was right. I still recall that taste. That is one of the main reasons why I do not drink at all. There, you have now met an Irishman that doesn't drink.
Alas, if only Veronica would have taught me the same lesson with blood pie.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Anyway, my grandmother Veronica was from Ireland, (Both sets of grandparents were from Ireland but that's not the point here) and every Saturday she would prepare us traditional Irish meals for dinner. Now I'm sure grandma was an excellent cook, however, I was not accustomed to such cuisine. I was more of a meat and potatoes kind of kid. Blood pie (Yes, sounds exactly as terrible as you think) was not my cup of tea. Even her dog, Chrissy, wouldn't eat the food I attempted to sneak to him from the table without grandma looking. Forced, I would eat as much as I could and move on to playing in the basement of grandma Veronica's house.
The basement was my haven. Grandma had it decorated like an old-time Western saloon. Veronica called it a Pub, but I thought it was a saloon. Irish, American, Pub, Saloon, same thing. It had swinging doors, a full bar, counter, bar stools, and just about every kind of bottle of alcohol you could imagine. (Grandma Veronica was a heavy drinker and smoker)
The basement was also the place grandma read her magazines and made her phone calls to the local radio talk show host to set them right in their opinions. Veronica would always have a glass of something by her side all the time.
That one afternoon, after playing hard, I was sweaty and thirsty. I saw grandma's mini glasses (Shot glasses) on the bar counter filled and asked her if I could have some for I had a powerful thirst going on. I assumed the liquid was 7-Up or some other clear soda pop. Grandma looked up and sternly told me that I could not, that the drink was for adults, not children.
I pressed harder. (Pretty please grandma thirty times in a row usually did the trick) After the 30th time, Veronica acquiesced and told me I could have one with one condition. Being thirsty I immediately agreed. Veronica poured me a drink from a clear bottle and then told me to drink it all as fast as I could, all in one gulp. (That's how the grown up people drink it)
I grabbed the double shot glass and in one quick motion, gulped the drink down. Damn! It tasted like gasoline. Approximately three seconds later my tongue was on fire. The flames quickly spread to my mouth, teeth, throat, and then to my stomach. If it were possible, my ears would have been letting off steam from the heat my body was producing. I started running around in circles screaming and yelling hoping that somehow the flames would subside. They did not. (I seriously felt like my hair was on fire)
Veronica calmly walked over to where I was doing my little Indian dance and gave me a cookie and told me to eat it. I was skeptical of the cookie for the last thing grandma gave me set me on fire. However, Veronica insisted. I ate the cookie. Grandma then told me to get a drink from the water faucet. I think I had two gallons.
After I calmed down, Veronica told me about alcohol, and that only adults were allowed to drink it. She also told me that from that day forward, any time I had the urge to drink alcohol again, I would remember this day and how it tasted.
And grandma was right. I still recall that taste. That is one of the main reasons why I do not drink at all. There, you have now met an Irishman that doesn't drink.
Alas, if only Veronica would have taught me the same lesson with blood pie.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/17/2011
St. Patricks Day Knitting Fail
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| Irish Knitting Fail |
At least now I can go and rob the ATM without being recognized.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
No More Snakes In Ireland
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| Not All The Snakes Left Ireland |
Looks like he missed one.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/16/2011
Irish Redneck Rainbow
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| Hey - Even Ireland Has Rednecks |
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Failed Irish Icons
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| Celery Man |
It has come to our attention that Mister Seymore Green has made a valiant effort to secure the stalk of celery as Ireland's symbol. We appreciate the effort. However, the Ireland government is not ridgid. We offer a compromise.
If the Minnesota Vikings ever win a Super Bowl, then we will change our iconic shamrock.
Case Closed!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Working With The Lights Out - Irish Humor
Paddy and Mick were working on a local building site when Paddy says to Mick "I can not be bothered working all day. I want to go home." so Paddy climbs to the top of the structure he was working on and hangs upside down on a steel girder. The foreman of the site see's Paddy and comes out of the office and shouts up to him, "Paddy, what the devil do you reckon you're doing up there upside down?"
Paddy looks down at the foreman and says "I'm pretending to be a light bulb!" The foreman scratches his head and yells up to Paddy, "Go home Paddy, you're being stupid today. We don't need you." Paddy climbs down and smiles at Mick as he punches the time clock heading out the door.
Mick decides Paddy had a great idea and tries to follow suit and tells the foreman that he is going home too and begins to put his coat on. As Mick was heading toward the time clock the foreman yells over to Mick, "And where the devil do you think you are going Mick?" Mick replies, "If you think I'm working in the dark that high up you're crazy!"
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Paddy looks down at the foreman and says "I'm pretending to be a light bulb!" The foreman scratches his head and yells up to Paddy, "Go home Paddy, you're being stupid today. We don't need you." Paddy climbs down and smiles at Mick as he punches the time clock heading out the door.
Mick decides Paddy had a great idea and tries to follow suit and tells the foreman that he is going home too and begins to put his coat on. As Mick was heading toward the time clock the foreman yells over to Mick, "And where the devil do you think you are going Mick?" Mick replies, "If you think I'm working in the dark that high up you're crazy!"
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/15/2011
Ireland Minister Of The Government Entry Exam
Now you know why Ireland's economy is at one of the worst levels since the great potato famine.
Sidenote: Does anyone know the answers?
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/14/2011
Naughty Catholic School Girl Logo Hunt
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| Sexy Irish Redhead School Girl |
1) Sexy Irish Catholic Redhead school girl.
2) The sexy Catholic short school uniform.
3) Red patent leather shoes really do reflect up.
4) Erin Goes Braless.
5) Students are frequently in the kneeling position.
Sidenote: If you are looking at the photo above, my logo is hidden somewhere in there.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/13/2011
The Genetic Irish Ginger Gene (Red Head)
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| Genetic Sexy Irish Redheads |
However, one of these things don't belong here. It's the red-headed people. Honest! I'm not kidding. Only 10% of the entire Irish population are gingers. (How ironic that Ginger from Gilligan's Island was a ginger) That's right, brown and black hair are the most dominant hair color for the Irish. Red hair is a recessive trait, and may only occur every third or fourth generation. Hence, less red-haired folks.
Don't get me wrong here though folks. The entire world population consists of approximately only 2% red-haired people. With Ireland having 10%, it is significant, but still not accurate.
Some famous redheaded people in history not in any order. Some may surprise you.
Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Judas, (Christ Apostle) Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme (Manson gang member) L Ron Hubbard, (Scientology creator) Napoleon Bonaparte (He was a short General) Lizzie Borden (Gave her mother 40 whacks) Cleopatra, (Egyptian Queen) President Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, Galileo, Winston Churchill, King David, Malcolm X, Queen Elizabeth 1st. And just newly discovered, Pharaoh Ramsis I was a red-head.
Notice a pattern here.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/10/2011
Irish Chocolate Candy
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| Chocolate From Ireland |
Jumping on the McDonald's Mint green shake bandwagon, the Mars Candy company has recently introduced the 3 Musketeer Mint candy bar just in time for St. Patrick's Day.
When I bought the candy bar above, I was expecting the inside to be green. It was not! I was also expecting it to be the size of the standard chocolate 3 Musketeer bar. It was not. The cost was the same, 79 cents for what you see. Indeed a rip off.
Alas, I guess I paid for the novelty of the "Irish" experience. It's only a matter of time before potatoes are dyed green and served mashed, fried, and raw. Yes, raw. The true Irish understand about raw potatoes.
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/04/2011
Irish Penance
Megan, a bright young girl, had just finished parochial school. After that horrendous ordeal she felt she was ready for anything so Megan shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York. In a very short time, Megan became a successful performer in show business.
As many Irish folk, eventually Megan returned to her home town for a visit and on Saturday night she went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. Father Sullivan was hearing confession that evening and quickly recognized her when she began to speak. Father Sullivan struck up a conversation asking her about her work. Megan explained that she was an acrobatic dancer on Broadway but Father Sullivan didn't quite understand what that meant.
Megan said she would be happy to show him the kind of acrobatic dancing she did on stage. When confession was over, Megan stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, hand springs and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies witnessed Megan's acrobatics with wide eyes, and the one said to the other:
"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
As many Irish folk, eventually Megan returned to her home town for a visit and on Saturday night she went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. Father Sullivan was hearing confession that evening and quickly recognized her when she began to speak. Father Sullivan struck up a conversation asking her about her work. Megan explained that she was an acrobatic dancer on Broadway but Father Sullivan didn't quite understand what that meant.
Megan said she would be happy to show him the kind of acrobatic dancing she did on stage. When confession was over, Megan stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, hand springs and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies witnessed Megan's acrobatics with wide eyes, and the one said to the other:
"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
2/28/2011
The 2011 Irish Update
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| Saint Patricks Day Guinness Challenge |
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/17/2010
Happy St. Patricks Day (2010)
 |
| Its Good to Be Irish |
From the Grassy Knoll Institute
May the Guinness be cold and hearty,
And tonight's party full of fun and laughter.
May you be surrounded by both family and friends,
And all your barmaids be like the one above.
And tonight's party full of fun and laughter.
May you be surrounded by both family and friends,
And all your barmaids be like the one above.
Have a happy and safe St. Patrick's Day
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Irish Leprechaun Legend
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| Other End Of The Rainbow |
The Irish legend of Leprechaun's and their pot of gold isn't always what it's cracked up to be. As the legend goes, Leprechauns are magical imps who live in the forest. They are expert shoe cobblers and hoard their money in the form of gold coins at the end of the rainbow.
With any legend, sometimes you get the bull, and sometimes you get the horns.
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
A Tall Texan In Ireland
A Texan on vacation walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinking fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back." The room goes quiet and no one takes of the Texans offer.
Old Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks Paddy. The Texan answers, "Yes," and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately, Paddy goes into action and downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, "If ya don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
Old Paddy Murphy replies, "Aye, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Old Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks Paddy. The Texan answers, "Yes," and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately, Paddy goes into action and downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, "If ya don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
Old Paddy Murphy replies, "Aye, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Sexy Irish Ninjas
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| Irish Ninjas - Hotties In A Half shell |
They're heroes in bikini's and they're green.
When the evil Wedgie attacks,
These Ninja girls don't cut him no slack!
Teenage Bikini Ninja Girls
Teenage Bikini Ninja Girls
Meet the Irish Ninja Force. (INF) A secret sect of the Irish government rarely talked about and almost never seen. Until now!
You Are Welcome!
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
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