One morning, Sister Mary Francis announced to the class that the upcoming Friday would be special talent day. On Friday, each student would be asked (Told) to go to the front of the class and reveal what special talent they possessed. My mind wandered to the league of super heroes, and what super power I would like to have. Flying would be ultra cool but invisibility would always win out to my perverted mind. (Walking into the girls locker room without being seen, how cool would that be?)
Anyway, Friday came slowly and child by child was called to the front of the class for their special talent. One nun brown noser student sang. (Let there be peace, a religious tune, go figure)
One student, Kevin, danced an authentic Irish jig. It was hilarious. He was the original Michael Flatley, Riverdance king.
One girl, brought in drawings and paintings she drew. I have to admit, they were pretty good for a 3rd grader.
A couple of students performed gymnastics, a few flips, jumps and leaps. I was secretly hoping for them to fall or crash into the nun. None of them did. (Damn!)
Some played musical instruments. The drums, guitar, clarinet, and one played the flute-o-phone. It was going to be difficult to follow this diverse group of talent.
My name was called next. I was just your normal everyday Joe. I had no special talents. God knows I couldn't sing, dance, or play an instrument. At that moment I wish I had given this assignment a little more thought before now. Then it dawned on me. I remembered back in first grade, when we all learned how to print with big boy and big girl pencils. I would use that lesson to my advantage. I was going to dazzle the students and impress the hell out of the nuns.
I confidently walked to the black board, took a piece of chalk in my right hand and asked a student to say aloud any sentence that came to their mind. I immediately wrote it down on the black board. Now here is the special talent. I then switched the chalk to my left hand and wrote the same sentence underneath the one I wrote with my right hand. The writing looked identical.
Time for a little back story. In the 1960's, at Catholic grade school, all students were considered right handed. From day one in first grade, the nuns instructed us in right handed printing only. I was left handed and was having problems with my writing. I wasn't really ambidextrous, but no one needed to know that. See this link for the back story. All Catholics Are Right Handed
Gasps were heard from the kids seated in class. It was a show stopper folks. No one including the nuns ever saw someone that could write left and right handed. Sister Mary Francis stopped and asked me where I learned how to do that trick, to write left handed. I told her the trick was to learn to write right handed and that she was looking at a real life left handed Catholic.
Special Talent day was over for me that day as I was sent to wait in the principal's office.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
You totally upset the order of the universe as dictated by whatever pope du jour was in charge at the time.
ReplyDeleteBut if you want this story to really go viral, you need to add the correct ending.
...she was looking at a real life left handed Catholic "and the nun fainted"
Very funny story. I never knew Catholics were all right handed. I am going to have to investigate on that and get back to you. :)
ReplyDeleteI,m impressed, as a fellow 'Southpaw', I also had teachers at (non-catholic) school trying to persuade me to give up my left-handedness, but I never learned to write right-handed. Apparently there are many examples throughout history of this discrimination, http://www.dpjs.co.uk/lefthandpath.html#LeftHanded .
ReplyDeleteDory Previn wrote a song in which she explains that she was born left-handed but nuns in her school "broke her out of it". Later in life, she went back to using her left hand and discovered her musical talent, among other things.
Sorry ,that should read 'I'm '
ReplyDeleteI knew one day that my left handedness would come in handy to screw with the nuns.
ReplyDeleteAll catholics are not right handed. the nuns just wanted us all to be. BITCHES!!!
ReplyDeleteI did learn how to write with my right hand. The desks were all right handed type, with the rest on the right. It was very difficult to write left handed.
ReplyDeleteI need all the left handers for my fight against the rapture which is coming up fast citizens of earth. It is now time to choose your side.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of it happening, but I didn't think it was true that catholic schools used to did that. Here is an interesting fact, there has been studies that links left-handed people with higher IQ's. Research has studied scientists, musicians, artists, politicans, etc. who are known to be left-handed to have high IQ's.
ReplyDeleteWhat about left handed bloggers?
ReplyDelete:D
Well it doesn't take much smarts to scare a nun, but I think left-handed bloggers can fall into that category.
ReplyDeleteThat's why i hated catholic school they always forced me to write with my right..
ReplyDeleteExactly. Not only that, but the strict rules, like no talking in line when going out or coming in to recess. Why?
ReplyDeleteSee, I knew all you lefties were bad seeds. The Catholics knew it long ago.
ReplyDeletebeing "bi" you can switch hands without loosing a stroke, sometimes you can gain 1 stroke
ReplyDeleteAgain, bullshit. There are plenty of people left handed and catholic. Jeez of man, this is so false.
ReplyDeleteI got the bitches back though.
ReplyDeleteI need both hands......
ReplyDelete;)
Of course there are left handed people. The thing is though, in the 1960's, at Catholic school, the nuns attempted to convert us to right handed. Check it out. It's true.
ReplyDeleteYou should join the circus! Maybe you already did! If you did, good choice, ambi-boy!
ReplyDeleteI did because they said I was circus sized.....
ReplyDeleteCircus sized!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteJust look at the clown shoes. You know what they say about big feet.
12 wide dude.
ReplyDeleteHow do you want me to check it out. You should check it out and prove it to me.
ReplyDeleteSorry lazy ass. I speak the truth. it's up to you to attempt to prove me wrong. But you cannot. :D
ReplyDeletetouche'
ReplyDeletethey say it is hard to find shoes sometimes
ReplyDelete