Adam And Eve

Adam And Eve, The Nuns Version

In the last episode, I thought I had escaped punishment from the sadistic Catholic nuns but alas I was wrong. I vowed revenge against these nuns and I would start extracting it right now.

So there I was, (Circa, 1966) in religion class listening to the lesson taught by the nuns. This particular lesson was about Adam and Eve, the first human beings God created and put into the Garden of Eden and then given dominion over all the animals of the earth, the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky. The lesson continued and the nun revealed that Adam and Eve had two children, Cain and Abel. This was my chance, the start of my revenge. I would quietly wait until the nun asked if there were any questions. Then I would strike.

Of course the nun finished the lesson and indeed asked that fateful question. Slowly, indignantly, I raised my hand cautiously, not wanting to make the nun suspicious. The stage was set. The nun slowly scanned the classroom defiantly looking for raised hands. Only a single hand was raised. Mine. The nun narrowed her scan and rotated her head towards my upright hand and began to speak. “It looks like Patrick has a question for the class,” she said. OK, I thought to myself, perspiring a little, anticipating the outcome of my question.

Out it came. Loud and clear. Thee ultimate classic religious question of all time. Before i asked the question, I needed a little back story to fortify my stance so I began by saying.... The bible said Cain and Abel had children. If God only created Adam and Eve, and they had only two sons, Cain and Abel, then who were their wives, and who were the mothers of their children?

The gauntlet had been dropped. The nun stared at me in disbelief. The classroom was as quiet as a tomb. All the sound and motion had been quickly sucked away. It was a moment suspended in time. The nun was frozen in her place.

My question had implied that the Catholic religion was based on incest and the real reason why we are all considered brothers and sisters was because Eve had to be the mother to Cain and Abel’s children.

A minute later, which felt more like an hour, the nun descended upon me, grabbing me by my arm, lifting me from my school desk, and briskly and quietly dragged me out of the room and of course down to the principles office. Sacrilege was the only word the nun spoke to me. In an instant, a gaggle of nuns gathered, and murmuring became more prominent. I was told to sit in the chair and wait for the Pastor to speak to me.

Fifteen minutes later, the Pastor made his entrance, ever looking like Count Dracula with his black loose flowing cape with a bright blood red satin inset. A black buttoned up collarless shirt, and slicked back black hair completed the ensemble. If he had said “Good evening”, I probably would have fainted.

Our talk began the usual way with the Pastor lecturing me on upsetting my class room and the nuns with such questions but to put my mind at ease, he would answer my question for me. He explained that Adam and Eve was a parable of sorts to explain Gods creation of man and the completion of Genesis. Besides, the Pastor asked me, “Don’t you remember the story of Noah and his great ark and how God flooded the earth for man had sinned and had to be punished and only spared Noah, his wife, and his three sons and wives?” The Pastor continued and explained that if I reread the story, I would understand that God cleansed the earth of mans sin and what happened between Eve and her sons did not matter anymore.

Feeling satisfied, the Pastor said the only thing left to do was call home to my parents to give them a progress report on my days activities and that I could return to my class and resume my learning.

As I got up from my chair, something had dawned on me about the story of Noah and his ark and the selection of two sets of animals each to preserve them after the waters have receded. If all the people on the earth perished in the great flood then……

Before I finished my thought, I reeled around looking for the Pastor to ask just one more question but a nun, who I recognized as the hall monitor nun came into the room and was told to escort me back to my cell, err, class room. The Noah question would have to wait for now. Enough damage had been instilled on the nuns for one day. I again would lay in the weeds waiting for the right time to strike. And strike I would. But that is yet another story, another legend.

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