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April Fools Day Update

Today is April 1st. And that means it’s also April Fools Day which just happens to be the Grassy Knoll Institutes “Feast Day!” It is the one day out of the year that we get serious with current events and news stories.

I have already pulled out my Jester hat, (My wife Patty says its the same hat I wear every day) (I think in a way she is calling me a fool) and I am ready to deliver the news as only the Curator can. Some of you have made the news. Some I have had mercy on. And some, because they have voodoo dolls of my likeness, (A Brad Pitt Colin Ferrel mix) I tread ever so lightly with. Hello Cyn!!!

Either way, the updates begin at midnight EST, and will continue until midnight tomorrow. (Thats 24 hours for those keeping score at home)

It is in your best interest to click here:
April Fools Day Archives to keep abreast of all the breaking news as this site will be updating at least once an hour beginning at 8am (I need some sleep people, I am not an animal, I am a human being) with at least 20 updates. Twenty one if you are in Vegas.

And remember, I am only the Curator. If you have a complaint, please email the (Lead Scientist) and let him have it with both barrels.

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California Dreaming - On Such A Winter's Day

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is gray.
I’ve been for a walk
On a winter’s day.
I’d be safe and warm
If I was in L.A.
California dreamin’
On such a winter’s day.

Last week in Youngstown, Ohio the temperature rose to 60 degrees and it was the perfect opportunity for me to exercise outside instead of in the dungeon of my house.

A local cemetery close by was the perfect place to go running as the road is almost exactly one mile around. The photo above was taken after the first lap.

The photo below was taken as I was completing my third lap. I should have started my run a little earlier.

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Thought Screen Helmet Analysis

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Liz Hurley, super model, cover girl, world reknown actress, all around good girl, alien abductee, swears by her thought screen helmet. (We cannot print how she’s swearing, but she does, trust us!)

The Grassy Knoll Institute has some questions relating to the properties and value of the Thought Screen Helmet. Does the thought screen helmet really work? If so, how does it work? Is the helmet water proof? Where can you find these helmets? And, wouldn’t you think the aliens would concentrate their mental powers and effort on world leaders other than a dairy farmer in Kansas, or a secretary in Beloit? All good questions indeed which will be answered.

What is the Thought Screen Helmet?
It is a garment device, a hat, nay, a helmet, made out of several secret materials that give it special telepathic canceling powers that stop aliens from controlling your thoughts and actions. If you have ever been abducted by aliens, and have been or are currently being controlled by an alien, the thought screen helmet is for you. The helmet is designed to prevent alien abductions by blocking the mental telepathy of the aliens to your brain. And it’s guaranteed to work 100% of the time.

Does the thought screen helmet really work?
A testimonial is perhaps the best way to answer this question. Autie Skimmelhorn, baker at Buttermaid Bakery, attests that since wearing his thought screen helmet 24 hours a day for the past 8 months, he has not once been abducted by aliens. How can you argue with that statement? You can also attest that since he hadn’t brushed his teeth in the same time frame, that may have skewed the results. It’s too early to call at this point.

How does the hat work?
Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The hat emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens. The secret is in the ingredients. Velostat is the main ingredient. Velostat is a material made of opaque, volume conductive, carbon impregnated polyolefin. They are easily grounded. Neither age nor humidity affects the electrical characteristics of velostat.
Basically, three square yards are needed to line your hat or helmet of choice and by using duct tape, hold the velostat in place thus blocking out any alien invasion of the mind.

Is the thought screen helmet waterproof?
Depending on the hat, which should be vinyl, rubber, or leather, it is safe to assume that they are. The reasoning behind this question is how does one take a shower with the helmet still encased on your skull? If you need to wear it 24/7 to prevent alien control, wouldn’t you think the aliens would be smart enough to abduct you while showering?

How do I get one of these wonderful hats, err, helmets?
They are not sold in any stores. (Rumor has it that Wal-Mart has a small secret selection to choose from. Note: You must know the secret handshake) If you do need a helmet, alas, you must make one from scratch yourself. But fear not. There are instructions that even a first time alien abductee can understand.

Why don’t the aliens concentrate their efforts on world leaders instead of non political people?
If aliens were here on earth, and do have the capability to invade human minds and control them, why would they waste their time on non-political non-influential people? I would go straight to capital hill and the white house. I would make sure president Bush was under total control along with the entire house and senate. (Perhaps the presidents action do lend credence to alien mind control) With the political and military leaders under mind control, the aliens can easily control the rest of the population forcing the alien will upon us. How else can you explain Skating With The Stars and Survivor, 12th Installment?

In closing, if you believe aliens are attempting to control your mind, or have already taken control of your mind, and that the thought screen helmet will effectively eliminate the telepathic waves, you’re unequivocally nuts.

The entire Thought Screen Helmet story here including many shocking photographs at the below link.

Thought Screen Helmet Archives

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Lost Update - 01/21/2008 Writers Strike

With the Hollywood writers strike still going on, (Talks have broken off and no further talks are scheduled in the near future) how will this affect the ABC series Lost and how will the network present the show for it’s fourth season?

Initially, Lost was to air the first week of February and run 16 consecutive weeks finishing up at the end of May 2008 right before the Summer hiatus. With the strike halting all productions, when they return to work, will the production company have enough time to complete all 16 episodes?

The producers took a calculated risk early last year revealing that Lost will extend for a 4th, 5th, and 6th season airing 16 episodes per season for a total of 48 episodes remaining. No Lost reruns in the Summer or Fall lineup made it very difficult for viewers to get caught up and maintain interest in one of ABC’s most popular programs.

Rumor has it that only eight episodes are completed. If the writers do not return in time, will ABC shelf Lost for the season, or air the eight episodes completed and add the last eight to the 2009 schedule making 24 episodes instead of 16, or hope for the best that the writers return on time?

Every scenario has it’s pitfalls. If only eight episodes are shown in 2008, there will be no season finale, and whatever steam the first eight episodes created, will be lost, (Pardon the pun) leaving the viewers even more angry than they are now.

If they scrap the entire season and extend Lost through 2011, new contracts will need to be drawn up for the cast and crew. several key actors may be forced to leave due to future commitments. Not to mention that not a single episode of Lost would be seen for 21 months. That’s a long time to continue a series that is built on prior episodes to make sense.

If the writers strike continues for 60 more days, the next episode of Lost will be aired in February of 2009 which is 21 months in between the season three finale.

A huge mistake on ABC’s part. Huge. Almost as big as trusting Ben to do the right thing.

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