The Guinness Beer company, Ireland's famous brewing facility, named a new tough as nails C.E.O. to steer the company out of it's economic down turn. The New CEO, Robert Flanagan, was determined to tighten the belt of the corporation and rid the company of all the slackers not pulling their weight.
On his first day on the job touring the facility, he noticed a lad leaning lazily on the wall. He looked around and saw the room was full of employees and he thought to himself that this was a perfect opportunity to show everyone that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the lad leaning on the wall and sternly asked, "And how much money do you make in a weeks time sir?" The young lad looked up nonchalantly and replied, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?" The CEO reached into his pocket and took out a wad of money and counted out $200.00 so everyone could see. He then turned to the lad and screamed, "Here's a weeks pay then, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about firing his first employee for slacking on the job, he looked around the room and asked, "Can anyone tell me what that slacker did here?"
Out from the back of the room, one of the young workers muttered. "He's the pizza delivery guy!"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Showing posts with label irish humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irish humor. Show all posts
3/12/2010
3/17/2009
Irish Humor - Shamus Names The Twins
A pregnant County Mayo woman was in a car accident and fell into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and realizes she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks Dr. Flanagan what happened to her baby. The doctor replies, "Lassy, now don't you worry now, you had healthy twins! Tis a boy and a girl. Your brother Shamus named them for you for the birth records."
The new mother thought to herself, "Oh no, not my brother Shamus, he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asked the doctor, "Doctor, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name at all now is it! I guess I was wrong about Shamus. I like the name Denise!" Then she asked the doctor, "And What is the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
The new mother thought to herself, "Oh no, not my brother Shamus, he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asked the doctor, "Doctor, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name at all now is it! I guess I was wrong about Shamus. I like the name Denise!" Then she asked the doctor, "And What is the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Irish Humor - The Devil You Say
Every evening old Paddy Flaherty came home drunk and the missus was not to happy it either. She decides to shock Paddy sober. So the next evening she hides in the cemetery behind the tombstones to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Paddy wanders by, drunk of course, the missus, dressed in a red devil costume, jumps from behind a tombstone and lets out a blood curling scream.
Paddy looked startled. The missus then said in a deep demonic voice, "Paddy Flaherty, sure enough if you don't give up you're drinkin' it'll be to Hell I'll be taking ye'." Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded in a stern voice, "Just who the hell be you?!" The Missus replied, "I'm the devil ya' damned old fool!" Paddy looked relieved and replied, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I married yer sister 30 years ago!"
Paddy looked startled. The missus then said in a deep demonic voice, "Paddy Flaherty, sure enough if you don't give up you're drinkin' it'll be to Hell I'll be taking ye'." Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded in a stern voice, "Just who the hell be you?!" The Missus replied, "I'm the devil ya' damned old fool!" Paddy looked relieved and replied, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I married yer sister 30 years ago!"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/15/2009
Irish Humor - Long Distance Salvation
An Irish business man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take customer service phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately. This went on for about an hour until the boss asks Pat, "Who was that on the phone and why did you hang up on him?"
Pat said, "twas some fool kept calling me and saying it was long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that half an hour ago."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Pat said, "twas some fool kept calling me and saying it was long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that half an hour ago."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/13/2009
Irish Humor - House Of Ill Repute
Pat and Mike were doing some street repairs in front of a well known house of ill repute in Boston when along came a Jewish Rabbi walking down the street. The Rabbi looked to his left, then to his right, and quickly ducked into the house. Pat paused a bit from swinging his pick and said "Mike... will you look at that! A man of the cloth, and going into a place like that in broad daylight!"
A wee bit later, a Baptist minister came down the street. The Minister looked to his left, then to his right, and then scurried into the house. Mike laid down his shovel, turned to Pat and said "Pat! Are you seeing what
I'm seeing right now? A man of the Church, and he's giving that place his custom!"
About twenty minutes later a Catholic Priest came down the street. The Priest looked to his left, then to his right, and waltzed into the bawdy house of ill refute. Pat and Mike straightened up upon seeing this with their own eyes, quickly removed their hats, bowed their heads, as Mike says "Faith be to Jesus, there must be somebody sick in there."
A wee bit later, a Baptist minister came down the street. The Minister looked to his left, then to his right, and then scurried into the house. Mike laid down his shovel, turned to Pat and said "Pat! Are you seeing what
I'm seeing right now? A man of the Church, and he's giving that place his custom!"
About twenty minutes later a Catholic Priest came down the street. The Priest looked to his left, then to his right, and waltzed into the bawdy house of ill refute. Pat and Mike straightened up upon seeing this with their own eyes, quickly removed their hats, bowed their heads, as Mike says "Faith be to Jesus, there must be somebody sick in there."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
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