Small Explosion At Korean Peninsula

Small Explosion Reported In North Korea

At 6:05am EST a small explosion was heard and felt in the Korean Peninsula..

South Korean warships are underway to investigate.

Back To April Fool's Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Paris Hilton Is Pregnant

Paris Hilton Pregnant

Paris Hilton Is Pregnant

Breaking news: Paris Hilton, unable to hide the news anymore, announced today that she is pregnant and will be getting married after several details are cleared up.

That's hot...

Back To April Fool's Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Television And The Grassy Knoll

We'll Be Right Back

Do Not Touch That Dial

The Grassy Knoll Institute reveals rumors, theories, thoughts, and updates on your favorite television programs. We nailed ABC Lost for six seasons,  the House finale prediction, Persons Of Interest finale, Fringe, and many more programs. Check here for the latest updates and theories on Hulu Plus, Netflix, Amazon Prime, and whether the Governor on AMC's The Walking Dead is still alive or became a biter.
_______________________________________________________
Walking Dead Govenor Proof Of Life 02/03/2014
Hulu Plus Commercials Suck Mirror Balls 01/07/2014
Walking Dead Governor Is Not A Biter Yet 12/02/2013
ABC Lost Sequel - 4 Part Series - Beyond The Church 07/12/2010

Clowns Never Laughed Before Video

For those people afflicted with Clownaphobia, (Clownaphobia is the illogical fear of clowns) I present for your viewing pleasure a Halloween prop from the Dark Zone. I decided to add a werewolf and a zombie to your nightmare. Beanstalks never grew...  Happy Halloween

Back To Halloween Dark Zone Archives

LURKING, IN THE SHADOWS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

One Hell Of A Happy Meal At McDonalds

On my way to work this morning, (Yes readers, I do work sometimes) I drove past the local McDonald's on Market Street and spied their billboard advertising "Cone" for 50 cents.

Now that is one Hell of a Happy Meal...

Back To Postcards Edge Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

When The Humans Are Away - Storm Cat Parties

I often wondered what my pet cat does all day while Patty and I are hard at work making money so we could buy him even more cat toys and treats. Every morning as Patty and I backed the car out of the drive way, we would see Storm (Our 20 plus pound male cat) looking out the kitchen window at us. It was almost like he was waving goodbye to us. Or so we thought.

One day, on a whim, I turned on the living room computer web cam and set the camera for motion detection. I positioned the lens to display the entire living room area. I wanted to track his movement during the day to see exactly what he did, or didn't do. Every time he would walk into the living room, the webcam would snap a shot. Below is the startling photographic evidence that Storm had invited guests over after we left. The damn cat was hosting parties all day.

No wonder the damn cat sleeps all night.

Back To Postcards Edge Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

NFL Lockout Attributed To Alien Influence

NFL Labor Dispute Ego - Or Thought Screen Helmet

Grassy Knoll Institute operative declare Thought Screen Helmet aliens have infiltrated the NFL and caused the lockout.

As the NFL lockout stretches into the middle of July evidence it is evident that thought screen aliens have influenced both the players association and the owners for their own ulterior motives.

With no training camp, preseason games, or regular season games in 2011, football fans will look for alternative activities to fill their daily lives. Thought screen aliens believe the NFL football fan will be more easily manipulated with plenty of idle time and will telepathically push them toward other interests that the aliens need to conquer humankind.

God, please don't let the aliens be NASCAR fans.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

WikiLeaks Hacked By Giant Aliens

Wiki Leaks Snowden

In a reversal of roles, Wiki-Leaks, the nefarious non-profit website publisher of classified media from governments around the world, has been hacked. An elite team of giant aliens infiltrated Wiki-Leaks files during a routine server reboot. Terabytes of valuable information was downloaded concerning strategy and assessment of the enemy which will certainly damage the war effort against the giant aliens poised to take over the world.

One data disk was left behind by the aliens with an encrypted file

After decoding the file, it merely read....

Processing... processing... processing... and a single link was present named Fresh Hell.

Back To Giant Aliens Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Led Zeppelin - Houses Of The Holy - 1973

Led Zeppelin Houses Of The Holy Record Album

The year 1973 was a mere two years from the explosion of disco music and the down fall of modern society. Led Zeppelin released their fifth album, Houses Of The Holy. This album actually had a title, unlike the previous offering, unofficially known as Led Zeppelin IV. However, the rock band stayed with their bizarre artistic view by not having any words on the album cover. You had to buy the album and crack the plastic protective sheet to explore the lyrics and song titles.

What is the first thing you see when looking at this cover? Perhaps these are outcasts from the movie Splash, starring Darryl Hannah as the sexy nude mermaid coming ashore to mate with Tom Hanks. Perhaps a sequel to the Stepford Wives, Stepford Daughters. Perhaps albino zombies attacking. Yes, a total WTF album cover.

The back cover of Houses Of The Holy doesn't offer up any clues as well. No name, no album title, no band members, no year recorded, not a single word or hint of who released the album.

You must remember, this was 1973, way before the Internet, before MTV, before MP3 players. Listening to the FM radio was the base of music knowledge. When we heard a song or album we had to have, we actually had to go to a record store, browse the rows of albums offered, choose our selection, stand in line and pay cash for our record. Finding Houses Of The Holy was somewhat difficult. One had to ask what album was the new Led zeppelin vinyl. Some record stores rectified this problem by adding a sticker to the outside plastic wrapper denoting Houses Of the Holy.

The inner cover stays with the non disclosure theme. Simply a panoramic view of an old English castle on a hill-side with one naked man holding a naked woman over his head. Perhaps he is sacrificing her to the Gods.

Finally, once inside the album, the vinyl sleeve offered the album title, song titles and lyrics, band members, year recorded, and all the other album information.

Led Zeppelin is comprised of four band members. Robert Plant - Vocals, Jimmy Page - Guitar, John Paul Jones - Bass and Organ, John Bonham - Drums.

Album Tracks:
Side One: The Song Remains The Same, The Rain Song, Over The Hills And Far Away, The Crunge.
Side Two: Dancing Days, D'Yer Mak'er, No Quarter, The ocean.

Over the Hills And Far Away was the album's radio air time hit. The exact lyrics follow.

Hey Lady - you got the love I need,
Oh may Be - more than enough.
Oh, Darling Darling Darling walk a while with me,
Oh, you got so much, so much, so much.

Many have I loved,
Many times been bitten,
Many times I've gazed,
Along the open road.

Many times I've lied,
And many times I've listened,
Many times I've wondered,
How much there is to know.

Many dreams come true,
And some have silver linings,
I live for my dream,
And a pocketful of gold.

Mellow is the man,
Who knows what he's been missing,
Many many men,
Can't see the open road.

Many is a word,
That only leaves you guessing,
Guessing' bout a thing,
You really ought to know.
You really ought to know.
I really ought to know.

Sidenote: The lyrics printed in the liner notes are not exactly what is listed above. Also, for the record, Led Zeppelin was not the "Panty wetter" music many claimed it to be. Just sayin.

Houses Of the Holy Back Cover

Led Zeppelin House Of the Holy Inside Cover Art

Album Jacket Cover

Album Lyrics

Houses of the Holy Vinyl

Back To Vinyl Record Vault Archives

LURKING AND ROCKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up

Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up

The age-old question for every Catholic school boy in the 1960's was; Do black patent leather shoes reflect upwards? Wait a minute, you don't know what that means?

You see, in the 1960's at Catholic grade school, it was pretty difficult to get a little female action as there were a few obstacles in our way. First, the girls had to wear ugly ass uniforms with the hem having to touch the knee making them feel non-sexy.

Second, they were Catholic grade school girls. (Only the good die young) They were indoctrined early to stay chaste.

Third, there were approximately 100 Catholic nuns (I say approximately 100 nuns for they never let on to their exact number perhaps to keep us off guard) patrolling the halls and class rooms just waiting for a boy to make eye contact with a girl for more than three seconds. (Three seconds was the standard time frame) A mere second longer, and the nuns would administer blunt force trauma.

However, all hope wasn't lost. The boys did have a well-known secret kept among ourselves. We knew the secret that black patent leather shoes really did reflect up. You see, it was our only hope of stealing a glimpse of girls underwear as they were waiting in line at the drinking fountain, or lining up to go out on the playground for recess, or even marching into church. Since most of the girls wore black shoes, and if the lighting was just right, we were treated to a magnificent view. (Way better than the National Geographics)

There were many a sunny days on the playground that a small crowd of boys gathered around several select girls unwittingly displaying her underwear. Thinking back, I believe that perhaps many of the girls knew of this phenomenon as well and out of the goodness of their hearts offered us cheap thrills to get us through religion class. Perhaps they wanted our lunch and mass money, or both. Welcome to Catholic grade school, 1965.

Thank Christ the Nuns wore flat black (Non shiny) shoes. I would have been scarred for life.

Back To Catholic Nun Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Shot Of Vodka At Age 6

Way back in the 1960's when I was a lad, my parents used to bring all the kids, (There were 7 of us, me being the youngest) to grandma's house for a visit. Actually, it was more of a drop-off now, Mom and Dad would stay for a minute and then off to go shopping or some other important business matters. (Like go and make more kids) (Not a lot of private time in a house full of 7 kids)

Anyway, my grandmother Veronica was from Ireland, (Both sets of grandparents were from Ireland but that's not the point here) and every Saturday she would prepare us traditional Irish meals for dinner. Now I'm sure grandma was an excellent cook, however, I was not accustomed to such cuisine. I was more of a meat and potatoes kind of kid. Blood pie (Yes, sounds exactly as terrible as you think) was not my cup of tea. Even her dog, Chrissy, wouldn't eat the food I attempted to sneak to him from the table without grandma looking. Forced, I would eat as much as I could and move on to playing in the basement of grandma Veronica's house.

The basement was my haven. Grandma had it decorated like an old-time Western saloon. Veronica called it a Pub, but I thought it was a saloon. Irish, American, Pub, Saloon, same thing. It had swinging doors, a full bar, counter, bar stools, and just about every kind of bottle of alcohol you could imagine. (Grandma Veronica was a heavy drinker and smoker)

The basement was also the place grandma read her magazines and made her phone calls to the local radio talk show host to set them right in their opinions. Veronica would always have a glass of something by her side all the time.

That one afternoon, after playing hard, I was sweaty and thirsty. I saw grandma's mini glasses (Shot glasses) on the bar counter filled and asked her if I could have some for I had a powerful thirst going on. I assumed the liquid was 7-Up or some other clear soda pop. Grandma looked up and sternly told me that I could not, that the drink was for adults, not children.

I pressed harder. (Pretty please grandma thirty times in a row usually did the trick) After the 30th time, Veronica acquiesced and told me I could have one with one condition. Being thirsty I immediately agreed. Veronica poured me a drink from a clear bottle and then told me to drink it all as fast as I could, all in one gulp. (That's how the grown up people drink it)

I grabbed the double shot glass and in one quick motion, gulped the drink down. Damn! It tasted like gasoline. Approximately three seconds later my tongue was on fire. The flames quickly spread to my mouth, teeth, throat, and then to my stomach. If it were possible, my ears would have been letting off steam from the heat my body was producing. I started running around in circles screaming and yelling hoping that somehow the flames would subside. They did not. (I seriously felt like my hair was on fire)

Veronica calmly walked over to where I was doing my little Indian dance and gave me a cookie and told me to eat it. I was skeptical of the cookie for the last thing grandma gave me set me on fire. However, Veronica insisted. I ate the cookie. Grandma then told me to get a drink from the water faucet. I think I had two gallons.

After I calmed down, Veronica told me about alcohol, and that only adults were allowed to drink it. She also told me that from that day forward, any time I had the urge to drink alcohol again, I would remember this day and how it tasted.

And grandma was right. I still recall that taste. That is one of the main reasons why I do not drink at all. There, you have now met an Irishman that doesn't drink.
Alas, if only Veronica would have taught me the same lesson with blood pie.

Back To Inner Sanctum Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

St. Patricks Day Knitting Fail

Irish Knitting Fail

I asked my grandmother to knit me a green sweater for St. Patrick's Day. After two weeks, Grandma sends me this with a note, "I hope it Fits."
At least now I can go and rob the ATM without being recognized.

 

Back To St. Patrick's Day Lore Archives

LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Working With The Lights Out - Irish Humor

Paddy and Mick were working on a local building site when Paddy says to Mick "I can not be bothered working all day. I want to go home." so Paddy climbs to the top of the structure he was working on and hangs upside down on a steel girder. The foreman of the site see's Paddy and comes out of the office and shouts up to him, "Paddy, what the devil do you reckon you're doing up there upside down?"

Paddy looks down at the foreman and says "I'm pretending to be a light bulb!" The foreman scratches his head and yells up to Paddy, "Go home Paddy, you're being stupid today. We don't need you." Paddy climbs down and smiles at Mick as he punches the time clock heading out the door.

Mick decides Paddy had a great idea and tries to follow suit and tells the foreman that he is going home too and begins to put his coat on. As Mick was heading toward the time clock the foreman yells over to Mick, "And where the devil do you think you are going Mick?" Mick replies, "If you think I'm working in the dark that high up you're crazy!"

 

Back To St. Patrick's Day Lore Archives

LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Ireland Minister Of The Government Entry Exam

Now you know why Ireland's economy is at one of the worst levels since the great potato famine.

Sidenote: Does anyone know the answers?

 

Back To St. Patrick's Day Lore Archives

LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Irish Chocolate Candy

Chocolate From Ireland

With St. Patrick's Day fast approaching, everything begins to turn green. The green beer you drink at 5am on March 17th. The green eggs and ham breakfast you shovel down to begin St. Patrick's Day. The green shirts, pants, beads, hats, sweaters, socks, even underwear you wear out to work during the day and the bars at night.

Jumping on the McDonald's Mint green shake bandwagon, the Mars Candy company has recently introduced the 3 Musketeer Mint candy bar just in time for St. Patrick's Day.

When I bought the candy bar above, I was expecting the inside to be green. It was not! I was also expecting it to be the size of the standard chocolate 3 Musketeer bar. It was not. The cost was the same, 79 cents for what you see. Indeed a rip off.

Alas, I guess I paid for the novelty of the "Irish" experience. It's only a matter of time before potatoes are dyed green and served mashed, fried, and raw. Yes, raw. The true Irish understand about raw potatoes.

 

Back To St. Patrick's Day Lore Archives

LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Irish Penance

Megan, a bright young girl, had just finished parochial school. After that horrendous ordeal she felt she was ready for anything so Megan shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York. In a very short time, Megan became a successful performer in show business.

As many Irish folk, eventually Megan returned to her home town for a visit and on Saturday night she went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. Father Sullivan was hearing confession that evening and quickly recognized her when she began to speak. Father Sullivan struck up a conversation asking her about her work. Megan explained that she was an acrobatic dancer on Broadway but Father Sullivan didn't quite understand what that meant.

Megan said she would be happy to show him the kind of acrobatic dancing she did on stage. When confession was over, Megan stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, hand springs and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies witnessed Megan's acrobatics with wide eyes, and the one said to the other:

"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"

 

Back To St. Patrick's Day Lore Archives

LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

My ABC Lost Theory Was Correct After All

I remember May 23rd, 2010, late evening, the waning moments of the six-year sojourn of what was the finale episode of ABC's Lost series flickering away. Christian Sheppard gathered the castaways in the church, their special place to find each other, and guided them into the light right before a tearful and joyous reunion of the castaways that mattered most to Jack. Damn it all to Hell, they were all in Purgatory. My Lost theory of Virtual reality with a dash of alien intervention was shattered. Or was it?

Just what was the Grassy Knoll Institutes Lost theory…. For six years it was…..
Although it appeared the survivors of Oceanic flight 815 were on a tropical island, they were being deceived. There was no island. The survivors were in a virtual reality laboratory. All the castaways were interconnected to one another sharing each others thoughts, memories, and feelings. While in this virtual reality laboratory, a battery of physical and mental experiments were performed on them. Who was running these experiments? As Juliet stated, the Aliens of course.

That evening I fired off my Lost Series Finale Theory, begrudgingly accepting that my theory was not only flawed, but down right incorrect. Until some months later when a new wrinkle of my Lost theory would come to light.

You see, although I recorded the series finale, I had put off viewing it until just last night. (Anger can do that sometimes) And there it was, the Holy Grail, my missing link, looking me square in the face. After watching the entire show from beginning to end from my DVR, the very last scene before the screen went dark made me ask this question.

Why did ABC Lost show the wreckage of flight 815 during the credits? With no survivors! Nor a single shred of evidence that there ever were any survivors. Just wreckage. No foot prints. No makeshift huts. No clothing. No tools. No bodies. No people. Nothing. (The network claims that these scenes were placed to decompress the audience from such an emotional roller coaster that was the finale before the local news came on.) (However, the Grassy Knoll Institute has an alternate explanation)

That is when it occurred to me that my virtual reality theory was correct after all. Wait for it readers... Perhaps these fleeting images signified that no one survived the plane crash and the entire series never happened. Or... The reason there are no bodies or any sign of survivors is because the castaways are still in the VR chamber.

You see, in reality, the castaways were never on the island, never got on flight 815, never crashed. Instead, they were secretly ushered into a VR lab where unspeakable experiments were performed on them. The castaways were put through the paces time and time again until a favorable outcome was achieved. Perhaps Jack and his crew finally got it right this time, Jack giving in to the island mystique, creating the end game, the church scene.

Remember the season five finale, when Jacob and the Man in black were talking on the beach. It was the VR experiment they were discussing. How no matter what they did, no matter what obstacles placed in the castaways path, the result was always the same. They were both waiting for a unique outcome, the church scene.
MIB: You’re still trying to prove me wrong.
Jacob: You are wrong!
MIB: They come, fight, they destroy, they corrupt. It always ends the same.
Jacob: It only ends once. Anything that happens before that, it’s just progress.

If you can remember, I stated that the VR experiment would reset itself after an unfavorable outcome. Hence, Miles, Ben, and Desmond, remembered fragments of past scenario's giving them the ability to predict the future. This also easily explains the time travel scenario of the castaways on the island living in the 50's, 70's, and present time. These were merely new variables and parameters of the experiment.

In essence my dear readers, the Lost castaways did not crash, did not get on the plane, did not die, nor went to heaven. Instead, they were reset to begin yet another battery of tests. Perhaps we will get lucky enough to see these new tests come to light, in say, a 2011-2012 Lost movie or mini series expanding on what happened right after the church scene in the finale.

I feel better now....

Back To Lost Theories Archives

LURKING, STILL LOST ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Best Soccer Logo Ever

At times like these, I wish our logo had twice as many letters.

Back To Logo Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Fleetwood Mac - Fleetwood Mac 1975

Fleetwood Mac Fleetwood Mac Vinyl Album

 Fleetwood Mac released its tenth album in July of 1975 and after a year on the charts reached number one on Billboards Album charts. This is the second album also titled Fleetwood Mac with the original released in 1968. 

John Mcvie is on the left holding the cane and sipping champagne and Mick Fleetwood, who is the tallest member of the band, is depicted as very short juggling the world with the band revolving.

Fleetwood Mac album back cover has a photo of the band inside a bathroom. Band members from left to right are, Stevie Nicks, Mick Fleetwood, Christine McVie, Lindsey Buckingham, And John McVie.

At the bottom of the back cover: The song titles are listed in the first two rows, the band members in the third row, and the legal mumbo jumbo in the fourth row.

Side One: Monday Morning, Warm Ways, Blue Letter, Rhiannon, Over My head, Crystal.
Side Two: Say You Love Me, Landslide, World Turning, Sugar Daddy, I'm So Afraid.

The front side of the liner notes had the lyrics to each side. The biggest hit from the album was Rhiannon, sung by Stevie Nicks. The exact lyrics are below.

Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover..

All your life you've never seen
A woman - taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win...

She is like a cat in the dark
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark-
And when the sky is starless-

All your life you've never seen-
A woman - taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win...
Will you ever win..

Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon

She rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover

All your life you've never seen
A woman - taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win

Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon

Taken by
Taken by the sky (Repeat three times)

Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind (Repeat three times)

Please not that the lyrics on the liner notes do not match up. Perhaps space was at a premium and the lyrics were condensed.

The back side of the liner notes contained the lyrics to the flip side of the album. Playful penguins were scattered on the page.

This album is a Warner Brothers Records, song selections published by Rockhopper Music, 1975.

This album propelled Fleetwood Mac to new heights of popularity. I remember in late 75 and 76 this album dominating the airwaves. It was also the time I got my drivers license and i couldn't wait to blast the 8-Track of Fleetwood Mac with the bass turned up high in my car.

Good times, good times,

Dreams unwind, love's a state of mind.

Fleetwood Mac Back Cover Art

Fleetwood Mac Lyrics

Album Lyrics

Back To Vinyl Record Vault Archives

LURKING AND ROCKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Giant Alien Woman Wanders Onto Military Airfield

Giant Alien Female Invades Air Strip

Giant Alien sighting today in the biggest little city in the World, Reno, Nevada. A day before the Reno National Championship Air Races a giant alien female wandered onto the air strip and began to inspect several of the aircraft.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes the female alien was taking inventory during a recon mission to size up the firepower of the area. An imminent attack is quite possible as the aliens attempt to pinpoint the location of the very secretive military base, Area 51.

Back To Giant Aliens Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL