Rare Catholic Nun Shark Breach

Catholic Nun sharks Breaching

In honor of Discovery Channel Shark Week… After 53 years of chumming the oceans the Grassy Knoll Institute Oceanography division offers this very rare photograph of not one, not two, but three Nun Sharks breaching off the coast of San Francisco. The Nun Shark is the most vicious of all shark breeds. When nun sharks hunt in numbers it is known as a sharknundo.

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Bring Me Solo And The Wookie

I was recently at the Ripley's Aquarium in the Smoky mountains in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. In the shark tank, this one particular sawfish kept circling and then finally settled right above to rest on the glass. As I was watching the fish, (That's what I do when I'm in aquariums) it started moving it's mouth. In that instant, the sawfish looked like Jabba The Hut. I started laughing. I pointed out Jabba to my wife Patty and of course I had to speak the obligatory line, "Bring me Solo and the Wookie!" Watch it again and listen to me state the classic line.

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Gatlinburg Aquarium Shark Tank

On a tip from a reliable source that Jimmy Hoffa's remains were buried under the Smoky Mountains Aquarium owned and operated by Ripley's, the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists immediately went there to investigate. We didn't find Hoffa, however, we snapped a few shots while inside the aquarium.

As you can see, the aquarium is huge. Sharks and other fish swim on the side and above you as you wind your way through the aquarium.

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Hooked On A Feeling

Shark Hooks In Womans Back

When in Florida, the Grassy Knoll Institute likes to relax and do a little deep sea fishing. Usually we don't catch anything and really don't care that we don't. Marlin, swordfish, and sharks are the usual catch but sometimes we get our hooks into something unusual.

Although we hauled this one into the boat, reluctantly we had to release the catch due to the Florida fish and wildlife license.

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Body Armor Sharks

Sharks With Body Armor

With their continuing assault on the human population, Super Alien Sharks have mutated and now have genetically altered steel plating and incredibly, they still remain buoyant and ferocious hunters and excellent swimmers.

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Great White Shark Attack

Great White Shark Downs Jet Fighter

On a routine mission over the Bermuda Triangle, a jet fighter pilot was attacked by a 35 foot super great white shark. The shark breeched out of the water and lunged at the jet narrowly missing it.

A Coast Guard patrol team was dispatched by the Grassy Knoll Institute to capture the great white shark, but as of today, the shark has not been captured or seen.

Sarah, A concerned citizen, stated and I quote, "Hi wow what a shark. I love sharks. If you capture it please don't kill it. Its just like you and me. I think you should test it for science and find out stuff. Well bye bye good luck! Sarah!"

Our reply was simply: Sarah, we at the Grassy Knoll Institute share your beliefs concerning great white sharks. And we did capture it, and we did several tests on it, and we found out that sharks are quite delicious.

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Shark Attack On City Street

Great White Shark Attack On City Street

Shark Attack On City Street

The Grassy Knoll Institute reports that a 30 foot great white Shark surfaced during a Flash Flood on a washed out backstreet at Ft. Meyers Beach, Florida.

As a neighbor waded into the street to help a stranded motorist, the great white shark attacked. Several eyewitnesses, Steve, Nancy, Frank, and Jack, snapped this photo just before the attack.

News At 11......

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Toilet Seat Shark Attack

Toilet Seat Shark Attack

Residential Shark Attack

Just when you thought it was safe to do a little reading in the library...

Great White Sharks are in the news again as one surfaced this week in a Rosemont, Illinois residential household. The occupant at the time barely escaped injury as he lept from the toilet in the nick of time. However, he did say the episode scared the crap out of him.

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Shark Week

Suited Up For Shark Week

Today, Sunday, is the 26th anniversary to Shark Week, Discovery Channels popular series to make the public more aware of the splendor and danger of our ocean’s perfect eating machine. In honor of Shark Week, The Grassy Knoll Institute offers our bizarre shark stories for your entertainment. Cue the Jaws Theme Music.

Rare Catholic Nun Shark Breach 
Shark Attacks Helicopter In San Francisco
Do You See The Shark Eye Test
Bring Me Solo And The Wookie
Gatlinburg Aquarium Shark Tank
Hooked On A Feeling
Body Armor Sharks
Great White Shark Capsizes Fishing Boat
Great White Shark Downs Jet Fighter
Great White Shark City Street Attack
Toilet Seat Shark Attack

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Shark Attacks Helicopter

Shark Attacks Helicopter

San Francisco Bay, California – July 13th, 1995

And You Think You Are Having A Bad Day

The San Francisco Chronicle reported today that a great white shark estimated at 27-30 feet in length made a surprise breach attacking a low hovering United States special forces UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter during Air Force air and sea manuevers.

Tragedy was thwarted however as the airman clinging to the bottom of the rescue ladder nimbly avoided the lunging shark and was quickly pulled up via winch and the helicopter climbed to a safer altitude.

A Grassy Knoll operative who snapped the photo was summoned to the San Francisco Bay town hall for an emergency meeting to cap information and keep panic of the citizens to a minimum. Council chairman Brody stated that this picture has “National Geographic Photo Of The Year” written all over it. Our Grassy Knoll operative replied to Brody, “Next time you think you are having a bad day at work, imagine how this airmen feels right now!”

Of course our operative complied with the city council and military unit and squashed the news story until we uncovered the reason for the shark attack. We found this incident to coincide with a similar swept under the rug event that occurred 18 months earlier.

The Grassy Knoll was involved in an ongoing investigation of a marine experiment conducted at the mysterious military base, Area 51. Scientists were attempting to boost the intelligence of great white sharks to assist them in the ever present danger of a foreign country terrorist attack.

Sharks have roamed the earth’s oceans for over 30 million years evolving into a perfect eating machine. The perfect hunter. The perfect predator. Sharks have no known natural enemies unless perhaps they consider humans as enemies or maybe merely a snack. Sharks and humans have had relatively rare contact until recently when scientists injected a select group of pregnant female sharks with super DNA engineered to boost the intelligence of the shark.

After the sharks birthed their offspring, the mothers were destroyed. The offspring were closely monitored and evaluated. It was hoped that the sharks would be able to communicate with humans to perform dangerous tasks and chores. Alas, after months of tests, the sharks became unmanageable and the experiments were deemed a failure. The sharks were released back into the wild of the ocean. The super sharks have now resurfaced and are now in attack mode showing up in the most unusual places. Expect many more attacks as the sharks are learning and adapting after each attack. The Grassy Knoll will keep you updated with each new super shark attack.

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