Showing posts with label thought screen helmet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thought screen helmet. Show all posts
4/01/2017
Patient Zero Thought Screen Helmet Alien Abduction
It is a well established fact that aliens from another galaxy have been visiting Earth for over two millennium now. However, this is the first year that a government has finally acknowledged that an alien race is present and controlling human beings.President Trumps newly appointed Secretary Of Space Exploration, Andrew Cornhusker has been tasked to document and record all abductions. Cornhuskers first act of business was to establish documented time lines of abductions and to find the earliest recorded abduction.
The first file showing promise for patient zero was the mysterious case of George Tookie from Pine Bluff, Arkansas. The hospital report dated April 1st, 1955 had the following interview and account of the strange and bizarre behavior by Mr. Tookie.
Three men not wishing to be identified claim they witnessed the following acts over several days of visiting Tookie's farm.
Day One:
The three men drove up to Mr. Tookie's farm to ask for his assistance on planting several acres on their adjacent farmland. They found Mr. Tookie outside his house aimlessly walking in circles at the side of his barn. The men could hear him talking to himself. He seemed to be carrying on a conversation with several people at the same time. The men could make out bits and pieces of the conversation but do not understand the context. They heard Tookie say the word velestat, and helmet, 10 years of hiding, and thought screen. They did hear one complete sentence from Tookie, "As instructed, for the past ten years, I have never removed this thought screen helmet from my head and still I can hear them talking to me."
When Tookie noticed the men standing around him, he straightened up and stopped mumbling and told the men that he wasn't feeling well that day and to come back again tomorrow or the next. The men agreed and left.
Day Two: Several days later, the same three men returned to Tookie's farm to ask for the same assistance on their farm. This time, the men found Tookie repeatedly slamming the crown of his head against the barn wall. All the while he was yelling, "No, I will never remove my helmet." The men looked around and found no other people there and assumed Tookie had gone mad.
Seeing how hard Tookie was throwing himself against the barn wall, the men restrained him and attempted to calm him down. He would not listen to reason, almost as if someone, or something was controlling him from a stealthy vantage point.
Finally, to avoid Tookie doing any more harm to himself, the men forced him into their car and drove him to the local hospital.
They explained the situation to the attending doctor and the doctor admitted Tookie to a private room. He was sedated and begrudgingly fell asleep still ranting and raving about not controlling him and never removing his helmet.
With Tookie sedated, the doctor examined him more closely. He found that the hat he was wearing appeared to be glued to his scalp and was so tight it was cutting off the circulation to his brain. The doctor deduced that Tookie's delusions were the cause of the hat being to tight.
While still under heavy sedation, the doctor removed the hat carefully having to cut Tookie's hair in the process and using solvents to lesson the grip on the hat on his skin.
Thirty minutes later, the hat was removed and the doctor found it to be in good condition less one tiny pin hole crack in the black lining.
The doctor hooked an IV into Tookie's arm and informed the nurse on duty to check in on him every several hours and to administer the sedative to keep him asleep until morning. The nurse confirmed her orders and the doctor went on to his other duties.
Early in the morning, the nurse on her final rounds of her shift checked in on Mr. Tookie. The bed was empty. Tookie was gone.
The police were called and a hunt for George Tookie began. The first places they searched for him was his farm, the stores and businesses he frequented, and then the people he associated with. He was never found to this day.
Perhaps that tiny tear in Mr. Tookie's hat (Thought Screen Helmet) allowed the evil race of telepathic aliens to gain a little control. But Tookie fought it, did not listen to the aliens telepathic suggestions. Tookie may have paid for his life not adhering to the aliens commands.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
11/09/2016
Empirical Proof Aliens Are Controlling Government
Attention Citizens Of Earth.
Cause: Removing your tin foil thought screen helmet before the presidential election.
Effect: Donald Trump wins the presidential election.
Results: Empirical proof that a race of evil aliens are controlling our government.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Cause: Removing your tin foil thought screen helmet before the presidential election.
Effect: Donald Trump wins the presidential election.
Results: Empirical proof that a race of evil aliens are controlling our government.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
8/23/2016
Thought Screen Helmet Haiku
2/12/2012
Mass Alien Abduction In Progress
Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet |
Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.
Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.
Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
7/17/2011
NFL Lockout Attributed To Alien Influence
NFL Labor Dispute Ego - Or Thought Screen Helmet |
As the NFL lockout stretches into the middle of July evidence it is evident that thought screen aliens have influenced both the players association and the owners for their own ulterior motives.
With no training camp, preseason games, or regular season games in 2011, football fans will look for alternative activities to fill their daily lives. Thought screen aliens believe the NFL football fan will be more easily manipulated with plenty of idle time and will telepathically push them toward other interests that the aliens need to conquer humankind.
God, please don't let the aliens be NASCAR fans.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/29/2011
Eliminate Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet
Eliminate Those Pesky Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet |
The A.E. (Anal-Eliminator) was designed for abductee's on the go. No longer will you have to cower inside your home afraid of alien probes. As with all our products the A.E. is lined with velostat, that magical material that filters out any unwelcome telepathic connection between you and the aliens. The A.E. is encased handsomely in supple leather for your enjoyment and comfort. It will arrive at your door in an unmarked plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy.
Stop Alien Anal Probes Now! Order the A.E. Call 1-800-ANAL PRO. Operators are standing by now. Have your credit card ready.
But wait, if you order in the next 30 minutes you will receive as our gift to you absolutely free, (Just pay separate processing and handling) a Thought Screen Helmet for pets.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
4/30/2010
Thought Screen Helmet For Your Pets
Take Me To Your Litter |
Even though you wear your thought screen helmet religiously, it doesn't mean you are entirely safe from alien abduction and / or alien domination. As we all know, the evil aliens become quite angry when the telepathic link has been severed by wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat. When they notice the interruption they immediately go to the source to investigate.
Upon inspection, the aliens will look for other means of control and your pets are the next logical step. Using their telepathic mind control, the aliens will infiltrate your pets thoughts. Once they have control over your cat or dog, while you are safely sleeping in your bed at night, they will command your pet to jump up on the bed and claw away at the helmet until it is removed. Once it's off and the wearer is now exposed to telepathic thought control, the aliens will pounce and assume control.
The Grassy Knoll Institution has the solution. Introducing Thought Screen Helmets for your pets.
Your move evil aliens. Your move.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
4/10/2010
Unknown Thought Screen Helmet Wearer
Thought Screen Helmet Unknown Abductee |
In no time at all I was able to construct my own Thought Screen Helmet lined with velostat, a material that has electrical properties that cancels telepathic rays. Ever since I've been wearing my (TSH) I have not been abducted by aliens.
Thank you Grassy Knoll Institute for giving me my life back. I am now a productive member of society again. I can maintain my job and I have found romance once again. Hopefully all the other unknown alien abductee's can share in my success story and return to living a meaningful life in society.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
1/22/2010
Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device
Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device |
The latest message decoded: Lady Gaga is a man. Now the world knows where that rumor began. With the evil race of space aliens. More messages will be revealed as soon as they are deciphered.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
12/18/2009
On The Fifth Day Of Christmas
Pointy Thought Screen Helmet |
On the fifth day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Five Thought Screen Helmets...
Meet the Ferris family. Born and raised in Greenwood, Nebraska, the entire family has been repeatedly abducted by evil telepathic aliens during the Christmas holiday for the past 15 years. But not this year.
Thanks to the generous donation of five thought screen helmets from the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute, the Ferris family will be safe this holy silent night.
Merry Christmas!
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
11/27/2009
Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet
Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet |
Black Friday is a good day for aliens to abduct you. Be prepared!
For being a bad man, and not following the instructions causing the construction of an improper thought screen helmet, Billy banished Ned to the cornfield for good.
Disclaimer: Don't let what happened to Ned happen to you. Your lifestyle and job does not have to suffer from the fear of alien abduction. You can learn how to construct your very own authentic thought screen helmet lined with velostat (A magical material that cancels telepathic emissions) that will effectively eliminate 100% of the telepathic transmissions from the aliens attempting to control your thoughts. Don't be wished out to the corn field. Act today!
For being a bad man, and not following the instructions causing the construction of an improper thought screen helmet, Billy banished Ned to the cornfield for good.
Disclaimer: Don't let what happened to Ned happen to you. Your lifestyle and job does not have to suffer from the fear of alien abduction. You can learn how to construct your very own authentic thought screen helmet lined with velostat (A magical material that cancels telepathic emissions) that will effectively eliminate 100% of the telepathic transmissions from the aliens attempting to control your thoughts. Don't be wished out to the corn field. Act today!
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
11/06/2009
Original Thought Screen Helmet Wearers
Protection Against Telepathic Aliens - Not Rulers |
However, due to a unique Catholic nun habit design, (The ergonomic curve of the habit bounces back the telepathic waves) the evil aliens telepathic rays become erratic and interrupted leaving the nuns non-influenced in any way by the aliens.
If this is true, then what excuse do the Nuns have now!!
Disclaimer: It is not a known fact if Catholic nuns habits are lined with velostat material or not.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
8/13/2009
Naked Thought Screen Helmet Leaders
Thought Screen Helnet Leaders |
The aliens skin appears to have a shiny silvery metallic surface. Both are wearing some sort of protective face shield speculated by the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists to perhaps amplify their telepathic energy enabling to better hone in on the local population of abductee's. We can also assume that the weather was a bit nippy that morning.
WARNING!
Keep wearing your velostat thought screen helmets to stop alien abductions.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
8/03/2009
A Horse Is A Horse Of Course Of Course
Even Mister Ed Knows An Improperly Constructed Thought Screen Helmet When He Sees One. Of Course! |
Oh Wilbur....
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
7/22/2009
William Shatner Abducted By Aliens
Got...To...Get...Away |
It has been played out in the tabloids as to why William Shatner was left out of the blockbuster movie while his original series costar Leonard Nimoy was given a prominent part. Some tabloids said Shatner was asking for to much money and wanted a larger role and part of the production. While others claimed that he was feuding with the producers about there only being one captain Kirk and it was William Shatner.
After months of speculation and lively banter, the truth comes out. (Just as it always does here at the Grassy Knoll Institute.) The photo above shows William Shatner being abducted by an evil race of aliens from his home in the Hollywood hills, California.
The aliens, widely known for controlling the minds of their abducted, forced him to dress in his original series uniform using an amplifying technique of their telepathic powers. Then they quickly subdued him and easily transported him to their ship without incident.
The only known defense against these aliens is a thought screen helmet made with velostat material that filters out the telepathic connection thus preventing the aliens from overpowering your mind.
Mr. Shatner was returned to him home some weeks later but production had already started on the movie and the producers had no choice but to write him out.
Now you know the real story why William Shatner was not in Star Trek XI.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
7/02/2009
Thought Screen Helmet Wearers On The Go
Hello, Yes, Is This Gary Busey |
Manufactured at the secret laboratory of the Grassy Knoll Institute, this new and improved thought screen helmet allows wearers to freely go where no thought screen helmeter has gone before. (With no roaming charges with a two year activation plan)
A new formula comprised of a clear coat velostat polymer allows the helmet to stay cool in the summer and let the sunshine in. It also doubles as a handy phone booth. (Twenty five cents for local calls)
Now In reputable stores where anti alien abduction technology is sold. See us at the Comic Con in San Diego this July.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
6/10/2009
Stop Alien Abductions Telethon
I...Can...Help...You |
Special celebrity guest star Gary Busey will speak about his private battles with the little green alien bastards and how he beat them with sticks until they fled plus the several that he captured and now dines on regularly. Mister Gary Busey was overheard saying that he is not afraid of those pussy aliens and that he would eat the bastards like they were on the menu at an all you can eat IHOP restaurant. Join him for supper. It's a hoot. I can hear him now saying the word "Outstanding" just the way he pronounced it in his hit movie, Under Siege.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/17/2009
St. Patricks Day Alien Abduction
Don't Get Abducted On St. Patricks Day |
Notice To All Irish People Being Harassed Or Abducted By Evil Aliens:
St. Patrick's Day is fast approaching, and many of you will be donning the green and partying with your friends at your favorite pubs and bars. Keep in mind, thought screen helmet aliens never rest. They never give up. They are relentless in the pursuit of invading your thoughts and controlling your very being.
Before you leave your house for the St. Patrick's Day festivities, make sure you have a correctly constructed thought screen helmet securely fastened on your dome. Note: Make sure you construct your helmet before partaking in the consumption of the green ale lest you become a victim like Sean O'Reiley pictured on the left. Sean failed to properly line his helmet with velostat, the magical material that filters out telepathic transmissions from the evil aliens.
Sadly, Sean was abducted just seconds after this photograph was taken of him at last year's party. Heed the warning from the Grassy Knoll Institute and have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
2/24/2009
Thought Screen Helmet Suit
Max Protection |
Submitted by Gumby, ruler of Pokey: Hey Curator guy, other than the obvious reason, (Chic style) why buy an entire thought screen helmet suit when the helmet is supposed to be protection enough?
Excellent question Gumby. To answer, yes, it is very stylish, as several Hollywood heavy hitters arrived at the Oscars last Sunday wearing the TSH suit. But style is not the only purpose. Protection from the evil race of aliens attempting to invade your thoughts and control your mind is the number one priority.
As all TSH (Thought Screen Helmet) wearers are aware, March is the most intense telepathic period. Sometimes the helmet gets bombarded by aliens and may overload. The TSH suit kicks in at these times eliminating all threats of alien invasion and abduction.
Of course each of our TSH Suits are lined with velostat, the magical material that intercepts and blocks alien telepathic thought waves. And on those hot days, a built in air cooler that pumps air throughout the suit to keep you cool even when aliens are pressuring your frontal lobe. A glimmering silver coating spray completes the ensemble.
Available at all reputable drug and department stores.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
1/28/2009
Consequences Not Wearing Thought Screen Helmet
Consequences Of Not Wearing A thought Screen Helmel |
Don't let this happen to you!!!
Make sure your thought screen helmet is properly constructed.
Do not skimp on the magical 3M velostat cloth.
Make sure your helmet covers your entire dome.
Wear it at all times.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
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