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| Small Explosion Reported In North Korea |
At 6:05am EST a small explosion was heard and felt in the Korean Peninsula..
South Korean warships are underway to investigate.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
4/01/2016
Small Explosion At Korean Peninsula
At 6:05am EST a small explosion was heard and felt in the Korean Peninsula..
South Korean warships are underway to investigate.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Paris Hilton Is Pregnant
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| Paris Hilton Pregnant |
Breaking news: Paris Hilton, unable to hide the news anymore, announced today that she is pregnant and will be getting married after several details are cleared up.
That's hot...
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/31/2008
Putting On My Jester Hat
Tomorrow is April 1st. And that means it's also April Fools Day which just happens to be the Grassy Knoll Institutes "Feast Day!" It is the one day out of the year that we get serious with current events and news stories.
I have already pulled out my Jester hat, (My wife Patty says its the same hat I wear every day) (I think in a way she is calling me a fool) and I am ready to deliver the news as only the Curator can. Some of you have made the news. Some I have had mercy on. And some I tread ever so lightly with.
Either way, the updates begin at midnight EST, and will continue until midnight tomorrow. (Thats 24 hours for those keeping score at home)
It is in your best interest to click here:
April Fools Day Archives to keep abreast of all the breaking news as this site will be updating at least once an hour beginning at 8am (I need some sleep people, I am not an animal, I am a human being) with at least 20 updates. Twenty one if you are in Vegas.
And remember, I am only the Curator. If you have a complaint, please email the (Lead Scientist) and let him have it with both barrels.
I have already pulled out my Jester hat, (My wife Patty says its the same hat I wear every day) (I think in a way she is calling me a fool) and I am ready to deliver the news as only the Curator can. Some of you have made the news. Some I have had mercy on. And some I tread ever so lightly with.
Either way, the updates begin at midnight EST, and will continue until midnight tomorrow. (Thats 24 hours for those keeping score at home)
It is in your best interest to click here:
April Fools Day Archives to keep abreast of all the breaking news as this site will be updating at least once an hour beginning at 8am (I need some sleep people, I am not an animal, I am a human being) with at least 20 updates. Twenty one if you are in Vegas.
And remember, I am only the Curator. If you have a complaint, please email the (Lead Scientist) and let him have it with both barrels.
3/17/2008
Irish Language Lost In Translation
The Irish speak English. Not the kings English, not the American English, but a dialect all their own. Sometimes you must pay close attention to what they are saying and many times what the commentator is saying has a completely different meaning to others. Here are some examples.....
At a women's weightlifting tournament:
Next up is Shannon O'Malley... I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing.
At an Irish horse race event:
Tis really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.
At a soccer championship game:
He's pulling him off! The manager is pulling his
captain off!
Soccer player interview:
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
Announcer At Ireland's race speedway:
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it
which is identical.
Interview at a charity event:
I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
Commentator at boxing event:
Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none
of them serious.
Irish TV Weatherman:
If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same
thing again.
At an Irish football game:
"I would not say he is the best left winger in
the Premiership, but there are none better."
Commentator at a boat race:
Ah, isn't that lovely indeed, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.
Commentator at an indoor track meet:
O'Toole has four fastest 1500-meter times ever. And all those
times are at 1500 meters.
Commentator at soccer field:
Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks
on the field.
Commentator reporting the news:
"And later we will have action from the men's cockless pairs..."
Irish betting:
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
Irish observation at a soccer game:
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in
the air for even longer."
Irish interview with a retiring sports star:
"What will you do when you leave the sport of soccer? Will you stay in soccer?"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
At a women's weightlifting tournament:
Next up is Shannon O'Malley... I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing.
At an Irish horse race event:
Tis really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.
At a soccer championship game:
He's pulling him off! The manager is pulling his
captain off!
Soccer player interview:
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
Announcer At Ireland's race speedway:
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it
which is identical.
Interview at a charity event:
I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
Commentator at boxing event:
Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none
of them serious.
Irish TV Weatherman:
If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same
thing again.
At an Irish football game:
"I would not say he is the best left winger in
the Premiership, but there are none better."
Commentator at a boat race:
Ah, isn't that lovely indeed, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.
Commentator at an indoor track meet:
O'Toole has four fastest 1500-meter times ever. And all those
times are at 1500 meters.
Commentator at soccer field:
Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks
on the field.
Commentator reporting the news:
"And later we will have action from the men's cockless pairs..."
Irish betting:
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
Irish observation at a soccer game:
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in
the air for even longer."
Irish interview with a retiring sports star:
"What will you do when you leave the sport of soccer? Will you stay in soccer?"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Irish Comedian Hal Roach Passing
Hal Roach, Ireland's finest comedian, spins some yarns about the people of Ireland and how we walk and talk and conduct business. enjoy.
This Irish fella Murphy walked into a Macy's store and asked the sales clerk to show him the cheapest suit in the store.
The sales clerk replied, "You're wearing it."
Did you hear about the Kerry man who was disqualified at the annual tug of war contest?
He was pushing!
When reading the Irish obituaries, sometimes you have to read very carefully as certain words have different meanings.
Example:
To my husband Shamus O’ Shawnessey, May he rest in peace, Until we meet again!
Sometimes when the Irish talk amongst themselves, we answer a question first, and then we ask it. Examples:
You won't be having a drink with me will ya Paddy?
You're not going out are you?
Have you not gone home yet? (As he sees me at the bar)
I was traveling in County Mayo late one evening and stopped outside a little boarding house. I knocked on the door and a second later the top floor window opened and a woman yelled down, "What do you want so late in the evening?" I asked, "Could I stay here for the evening?" The woman yelled down to me, "YES!" and then closed the window.
Addendum:
Sadly, Hal Roach, Ireland's international comedian, passed away this morning, February 28th, 2012. Mr. Roach was 84 years old.
May he have been in Heaven an hour before the devil knew he was dead.
I'm sure the first question he asked St. Peter at the pearly gates was, "Is that yourself?"
This Irish fella Murphy walked into a Macy's store and asked the sales clerk to show him the cheapest suit in the store.
The sales clerk replied, "You're wearing it."
Did you hear about the Kerry man who was disqualified at the annual tug of war contest?
He was pushing!
When reading the Irish obituaries, sometimes you have to read very carefully as certain words have different meanings.
Example:
To my husband Shamus O’ Shawnessey, May he rest in peace, Until we meet again!
Sometimes when the Irish talk amongst themselves, we answer a question first, and then we ask it. Examples:
You won't be having a drink with me will ya Paddy?
You're not going out are you?
Have you not gone home yet? (As he sees me at the bar)
I was traveling in County Mayo late one evening and stopped outside a little boarding house. I knocked on the door and a second later the top floor window opened and a woman yelled down, "What do you want so late in the evening?" I asked, "Could I stay here for the evening?" The woman yelled down to me, "YES!" and then closed the window.
Addendum:
Sadly, Hal Roach, Ireland's international comedian, passed away this morning, February 28th, 2012. Mr. Roach was 84 years old.
May he have been in Heaven an hour before the devil knew he was dead.
I'm sure the first question he asked St. Peter at the pearly gates was, "Is that yourself?"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Irish Hospital Charts - Be Very Afraid
Ireland has free health care to all it's citizens. And by reading some of these hospital charts, I can see why.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
She is numb from her toes down.
Patient has exhibited occasional constant infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
She is numb from her toes down.
Patient has exhibited occasional constant infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/16/2008
Irish Humor To Start Your Day
Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"
She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
--------------------------
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye, FOOM! The oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! There was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
-----------------
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
------------------
A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up .Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. ""Well " said the bartender "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!"
----------------
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
----------------
Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, "Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"
"Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?"
"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"
So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"
She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
--------------------------
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye, FOOM! The oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! There was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
-----------------
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
------------------
A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up .Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. ""Well " said the bartender "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!"
----------------
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
----------------
Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, "Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"
"Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?"
"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Irish Catholic Confession Penance
Making Poteen (Moonshine) is a sin in Ireland.
This fella goes to confession and gets the newly appointed priest. The fella begins, bless me father for I have sinned, I have made 8 gallons of poteen.
The new priest, unaware of what the penance for poteen (Moonshine) is in this parish, tells the gentleman to hold on a second and he'll be right back. The young priest leaves the confessional, walks into the sacristy where the Bishop is half asleep and says, "This fella in the confessional made 8 gallons of poteen, what should I give him?" The Bishop says, "Give him two pounds a gallon and not a penny more."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
This fella goes to confession and gets the newly appointed priest. The fella begins, bless me father for I have sinned, I have made 8 gallons of poteen.
The new priest, unaware of what the penance for poteen (Moonshine) is in this parish, tells the gentleman to hold on a second and he'll be right back. The young priest leaves the confessional, walks into the sacristy where the Bishop is half asleep and says, "This fella in the confessional made 8 gallons of poteen, what should I give him?" The Bishop says, "Give him two pounds a gallon and not a penny more."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
An Irish Fairy Tale
Shannon O'Malley wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Shannon sits weeping in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Shannon with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." We all know what happens after these balls now don't we Shannon. And what would the priest say when he sees you in church?
Shannon agrees and asks what the second condition is.
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Shannon nods and agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.
Of course, 2:00 am comes and goes but Shannon doesn't show up! Finally, at 5:00 a.m. when the cock is crowing, Shannon shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours
ago!!!"
Shannon, still panting, replied, "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything and we had a wonderful time after the ball."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! I demand that you tell me his name!"
Shannon replied, I can't remember his name exactly,... It was Peter, Peter, something or other eater."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." We all know what happens after these balls now don't we Shannon. And what would the priest say when he sees you in church?
Shannon agrees and asks what the second condition is.
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Shannon nods and agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.
Of course, 2:00 am comes and goes but Shannon doesn't show up! Finally, at 5:00 a.m. when the cock is crowing, Shannon shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours
ago!!!"
Shannon, still panting, replied, "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything and we had a wonderful time after the ball."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! I demand that you tell me his name!"
Shannon replied, I can't remember his name exactly,... It was Peter, Peter, something or other eater."
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/15/2008
The Essential Irish List
As by now you more than likely guessed that I am Irish. If you haven't, then you must be English....
Anyway, the following is my Irish list. A sort of best off Ireland.
My Favorite Irish Singer:
Van Morrison. Brown Eyed Girl.
U2 - Rock and roll from Bono and Edge for decades now and still going strong.
Enya - Just because of her Celtic voice and haunting melodies.
Irish Rovers - Yes, the unicorn song.
Favorite Irish Actors:
Colin Farrell. Best in S.W.A.T. and Daredevil.
Liam Neeson. A Jedi Knight and a teacher to the Caped Crusader Batman.
Pierce Brosnan. Bond, James Bond.
Favorite Actress:
Maureen OHara. Her role as Kate in the Movie "The Quiet Man" was made for her.
Favorite Irish Movie:
A Quiet Man. Starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara. A glimpse into old Irish country. Pretty funny story with plenty of beautiful scenery and Irish Catholic stereotypes.
Leprechaun. Yes, a Sci-Fi spoof about an evil Leprechaun on a killing spree after a group of people steal his pot of gold.
Favorite Irish Song:
Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
Danny Boy.
Favorite Irish Comedian:
Hal Roach. "Write it down, it's a good one."
Dennis Leary. "Can I just buy coffee flavored coffee?"
Favorite Irish Dancer:
Begrudgingly, Michael Flatly, Lord of the Riverdance.
Aww, who am I kidding. I hate Lord of the dance.
Favorite Irish Beer:
Guinness (Is there any other?)
Favorite Irish Ship:
Alas, tis was the Titanic. Several of my relatives attempted to cross the Atlantic on that ship. Alas, third class passengers didn't have much of a chance to survive.
Favorite Irish Saying:
"Is that yourself?" When seeing someone you know.
"Shut up lest ye be feelin the back of me hand!"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Anyway, the following is my Irish list. A sort of best off Ireland.
My Favorite Irish Singer:
Van Morrison. Brown Eyed Girl.
U2 - Rock and roll from Bono and Edge for decades now and still going strong.
Enya - Just because of her Celtic voice and haunting melodies.
Irish Rovers - Yes, the unicorn song.
Favorite Irish Actors:
Colin Farrell. Best in S.W.A.T. and Daredevil.
Liam Neeson. A Jedi Knight and a teacher to the Caped Crusader Batman.
Pierce Brosnan. Bond, James Bond.
Favorite Actress:
Maureen OHara. Her role as Kate in the Movie "The Quiet Man" was made for her.
Favorite Irish Movie:
A Quiet Man. Starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara. A glimpse into old Irish country. Pretty funny story with plenty of beautiful scenery and Irish Catholic stereotypes.
Leprechaun. Yes, a Sci-Fi spoof about an evil Leprechaun on a killing spree after a group of people steal his pot of gold.
Favorite Irish Song:
Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
Danny Boy.
Favorite Irish Comedian:
Hal Roach. "Write it down, it's a good one."
Dennis Leary. "Can I just buy coffee flavored coffee?"
Favorite Irish Dancer:
Begrudgingly, Michael Flatly, Lord of the Riverdance.
Aww, who am I kidding. I hate Lord of the dance.
Favorite Irish Beer:
Guinness (Is there any other?)
Favorite Irish Ship:
Alas, tis was the Titanic. Several of my relatives attempted to cross the Atlantic on that ship. Alas, third class passengers didn't have much of a chance to survive.
Favorite Irish Saying:
"Is that yourself?" When seeing someone you know.
"Shut up lest ye be feelin the back of me hand!"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/14/2008
Nookie Green Irish Humor
To kick off the St. Patrick's Day weekend holiday, I offer an old family joke told over and over this time around St. Patrick's day.
When our family gets together, and there are a lot of us, we sit around the dinner table and tell old jokes. This is one of my favorites. Don’t stop me if you’ve heard it already, I have to much fun telling it again and again.
Father Flanagan enters the confessional ready to listen to the parishioners confess their sins. He hears the door creek open and a male voice begins to speak…..
“Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.” Father Flanagan, hearing almost the same confession just the day before from Paddy begins to realize that Nookie Green is becoming very popular with the male parishioners. Then, he tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go now and say three Hail Mary’s and three Our Fathers.”
Soon, another man enters the confessional and begins, “Bless me Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.” This time Father Flanagan simply has to ask — “Who is Nookie Green?”
“A new widow woman in town,” the sinner replies. “Very well,” says the priest. “Go now and for penance, say ten Hail Mary’s and ten Our Fathers.” With that, the priest leaves the church wondering, what’s going on with this widow named Nookie Green?
The next morning in church Father Flanagan is preparing to deliver his sermon,when suddenly a gorgeously tall woman enters. All the men’s eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is a shiny bright green and way too short, and she is wearing matching shiny emerald green shoes, and a green boa.
Father Flanagan and the alter boys gasp, as the woman in the matching green outfit, sits there with her legs slightly spread apart. Father Flanagan turns to the alter boy and whispers, “Is that Nookie Green?” The alter boy, breathing hard, squints his eyes and replies; “No, I think it’s just the reflection off her shoes.”
Happy St. Patrick's Day To Ye
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
When our family gets together, and there are a lot of us, we sit around the dinner table and tell old jokes. This is one of my favorites. Don’t stop me if you’ve heard it already, I have to much fun telling it again and again.
Father Flanagan enters the confessional ready to listen to the parishioners confess their sins. He hears the door creek open and a male voice begins to speak…..
“Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.” Father Flanagan, hearing almost the same confession just the day before from Paddy begins to realize that Nookie Green is becoming very popular with the male parishioners. Then, he tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go now and say three Hail Mary’s and three Our Fathers.”
Soon, another man enters the confessional and begins, “Bless me Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.” This time Father Flanagan simply has to ask — “Who is Nookie Green?”
“A new widow woman in town,” the sinner replies. “Very well,” says the priest. “Go now and for penance, say ten Hail Mary’s and ten Our Fathers.” With that, the priest leaves the church wondering, what’s going on with this widow named Nookie Green?
The next morning in church Father Flanagan is preparing to deliver his sermon,when suddenly a gorgeously tall woman enters. All the men’s eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is a shiny bright green and way too short, and she is wearing matching shiny emerald green shoes, and a green boa.
Father Flanagan and the alter boys gasp, as the woman in the matching green outfit, sits there with her legs slightly spread apart. Father Flanagan turns to the alter boy and whispers, “Is that Nookie Green?” The alter boy, breathing hard, squints his eyes and replies; “No, I think it’s just the reflection off her shoes.”
Happy St. Patrick's Day To Ye
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
4/01/2007
Pope Benedict XVI Announces Radical Changes
Hell Really Exists
UFO Crashes In Las Vegas
An unidentified flying object, (UFO) crash landed on the Las Vegas strip this morning. Thousands of reports flooded the LVPD describing the giant UFO in the sky over the strip. Eyewitness accounts stated the UFO was unsteady and flying very low almost hitting several casino's until it finally nose-dived and crashed in the street right by the fashion mall. The above exclusive photo was taken by a Grassy Knoll Institute rocket scientist just seconds before impact. The markings on the bottom right side of the ship looks strangely familiar and could possibly shed some light on from whence the aliens came from.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
EFX2 Blogs Conspiracy Indeed
I was the second shooter on the Grassy Knoll that brought up Google Adsense to raise more money.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
EFX2 Blogs Command Center
Fearless leader Keith and his See You Next Tuesday kind of a wife hard at work fixing the corrupted data on EFX2 blog platform.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
EFX2 Blog Ass Kissing Lessons
Can you identify any of your favorite EFX2 bloggers?
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
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