Showing posts with label TSH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TSH. Show all posts
4/01/2017
Patient Zero Thought Screen Helmet Alien Abduction
It is a well established fact that aliens from another galaxy have been visiting Earth for over two millennium now. However, this is the first year that a government has finally acknowledged that an alien race is present and controlling human beings.President Trumps newly appointed Secretary Of Space Exploration, Andrew Cornhusker has been tasked to document and record all abductions. Cornhuskers first act of business was to establish documented time lines of abductions and to find the earliest recorded abduction.
The first file showing promise for patient zero was the mysterious case of George Tookie from Pine Bluff, Arkansas. The hospital report dated April 1st, 1955 had the following interview and account of the strange and bizarre behavior by Mr. Tookie.
Three men not wishing to be identified claim they witnessed the following acts over several days of visiting Tookie's farm.
Day One:
The three men drove up to Mr. Tookie's farm to ask for his assistance on planting several acres on their adjacent farmland. They found Mr. Tookie outside his house aimlessly walking in circles at the side of his barn. The men could hear him talking to himself. He seemed to be carrying on a conversation with several people at the same time. The men could make out bits and pieces of the conversation but do not understand the context. They heard Tookie say the word velestat, and helmet, 10 years of hiding, and thought screen. They did hear one complete sentence from Tookie, "As instructed, for the past ten years, I have never removed this thought screen helmet from my head and still I can hear them talking to me."
When Tookie noticed the men standing around him, he straightened up and stopped mumbling and told the men that he wasn't feeling well that day and to come back again tomorrow or the next. The men agreed and left.
Day Two: Several days later, the same three men returned to Tookie's farm to ask for the same assistance on their farm. This time, the men found Tookie repeatedly slamming the crown of his head against the barn wall. All the while he was yelling, "No, I will never remove my helmet." The men looked around and found no other people there and assumed Tookie had gone mad.
Seeing how hard Tookie was throwing himself against the barn wall, the men restrained him and attempted to calm him down. He would not listen to reason, almost as if someone, or something was controlling him from a stealthy vantage point.
Finally, to avoid Tookie doing any more harm to himself, the men forced him into their car and drove him to the local hospital.
They explained the situation to the attending doctor and the doctor admitted Tookie to a private room. He was sedated and begrudgingly fell asleep still ranting and raving about not controlling him and never removing his helmet.
With Tookie sedated, the doctor examined him more closely. He found that the hat he was wearing appeared to be glued to his scalp and was so tight it was cutting off the circulation to his brain. The doctor deduced that Tookie's delusions were the cause of the hat being to tight.
While still under heavy sedation, the doctor removed the hat carefully having to cut Tookie's hair in the process and using solvents to lesson the grip on the hat on his skin.
Thirty minutes later, the hat was removed and the doctor found it to be in good condition less one tiny pin hole crack in the black lining.
The doctor hooked an IV into Tookie's arm and informed the nurse on duty to check in on him every several hours and to administer the sedative to keep him asleep until morning. The nurse confirmed her orders and the doctor went on to his other duties.
Early in the morning, the nurse on her final rounds of her shift checked in on Mr. Tookie. The bed was empty. Tookie was gone.
The police were called and a hunt for George Tookie began. The first places they searched for him was his farm, the stores and businesses he frequented, and then the people he associated with. He was never found to this day.
Perhaps that tiny tear in Mr. Tookie's hat (Thought Screen Helmet) allowed the evil race of telepathic aliens to gain a little control. But Tookie fought it, did not listen to the aliens telepathic suggestions. Tookie may have paid for his life not adhering to the aliens commands.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
11/09/2016
Empirical Proof Aliens Are Controlling Government
Attention Citizens Of Earth.
Cause: Removing your tin foil thought screen helmet before the presidential election.
Effect: Donald Trump wins the presidential election.
Results: Empirical proof that a race of evil aliens are controlling our government.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
Cause: Removing your tin foil thought screen helmet before the presidential election.
Effect: Donald Trump wins the presidential election.
Results: Empirical proof that a race of evil aliens are controlling our government.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
8/23/2016
Thought Screen Helmet Haiku
2/12/2012
Mass Alien Abduction In Progress
Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet |
Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.
Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.
Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
7/17/2011
NFL Lockout Attributed To Alien Influence
NFL Labor Dispute Ego - Or Thought Screen Helmet |
As the NFL lockout stretches into the middle of July evidence it is evident that thought screen aliens have influenced both the players association and the owners for their own ulterior motives.
With no training camp, preseason games, or regular season games in 2011, football fans will look for alternative activities to fill their daily lives. Thought screen aliens believe the NFL football fan will be more easily manipulated with plenty of idle time and will telepathically push them toward other interests that the aliens need to conquer humankind.
God, please don't let the aliens be NASCAR fans.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/29/2011
Eliminate Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet
Eliminate Those Pesky Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet |
The A.E. (Anal-Eliminator) was designed for abductee's on the go. No longer will you have to cower inside your home afraid of alien probes. As with all our products the A.E. is lined with velostat, that magical material that filters out any unwelcome telepathic connection between you and the aliens. The A.E. is encased handsomely in supple leather for your enjoyment and comfort. It will arrive at your door in an unmarked plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy.
Stop Alien Anal Probes Now! Order the A.E. Call 1-800-ANAL PRO. Operators are standing by now. Have your credit card ready.
But wait, if you order in the next 30 minutes you will receive as our gift to you absolutely free, (Just pay separate processing and handling) a Thought Screen Helmet for pets.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
3/08/2011
Charlie Sheen Defeats Thought Screen Aliens
Tiger Blood In My Veins |
In tonight's episode of Sheen's Korner, Charlie reveals how he single-handedly defeated an evil race of aliens controlling people's minds through telepathy. Sheen recounts his terrifying ordeal which started several years ago driving home late from the set one evening.
That evening, Sheen had an uncontrollable urge to drive his car over the cliff but somehow managed to hang on and steer the car back onto the highway. As the weeks and months passed, Sheen became more and more distracted, almost as if someone was reading his very thoughts and manipulating him to behave in unusual ways. (Almost like a prenup)
Sheen began to show up in the news for his erratic behavior, and the media, like sharks smelling blood in the water, were circling waiting for Sheen to fall. But Sheen had other plans. After all, he was a Warlock. Using his magical warlock brain Sheen quickly came to the realization that an other worldly presence was in his head and no form of exorcism could cast the demons out. Other mere mortal men would have succumbed to the torture and treachery of the alien influence. But not Sheen. He was all about Winning!
Flash forward to the present day. Charlie Sheen reveals tonight that with his fire-breathing fists and the tiger blood coursing through his veins at high-speed and low drag, he confronted the aliens in a duel of brain power never before witnessed.
Sheen unloaded volley after volley of his torpedoes of truth leaving the aliens retreating. At the aliens moment of weakness, Sheen realized, through close contact and interaction with him and his magical warlock brain, the aliens were high on the most powerful drug known to the universe, The Charlie Sheen drug. Within minutes, the evil telepathic aliens, made a hasty retreat with Sheen claiming victory. #Winning!
Sheen has moved on focusing his energy on the trolls under the bridge sneaking out in the shroud of darkness to sling unheralded barbs at him. But as Sheen was overheard just the other day, "For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."
For Sheen, it's all about the winning. Charlie, you may be 0-3 in the marriage department, but against evil aliens and trolls, you are batting 1000. #Winning!
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
2/04/2011
Thought Screen Helmet Aliens Sinister Intent
Results Not Waering Thought Screen Helmet |
The Grassy Knoll Institute can now reveal that answer. In a word, the aliens are looking for a little "Action." It takes hundreds of years for alien ships to travel from their home world to Earth. After many generations of breeding, the gene pool depleted, leaving the women incapable of bearing offspring. The only solution was to find a new fertile gene pool. Human females.
Through their telepathic abilities, the aliens are able to control humans. Once a female candidate is selected, the aliens proceed to seduce them in hopes of impregnating them. If a successful pregnancy occurs, the female is abducted so the fetus can be removed and implanted in an alien female host. This assures perpetuation of the alien species. The human female is then returned left wondering what had happened to her remembering only fragments of her abduction.
This is a warning to all the abductees' being taken and visited by aliens. To prevent unwanted pregnancy, you must continue to wear your properly constructed Thought Screen Helmet at all times. The helmet, lined with velostat offers telepathic canceling properties that prevents the aliens from linking to your mind. Think of it as wearing a condom on your head. No link, no control, no intercourse, no pregnancy.
For the men taken, perhaps this explains that pain in your ass when you are returned. Perhaps.....
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
4/30/2010
Thought Screen Helmet For Your Pets
Take Me To Your Litter |
Even though you wear your thought screen helmet religiously, it doesn't mean you are entirely safe from alien abduction and / or alien domination. As we all know, the evil aliens become quite angry when the telepathic link has been severed by wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat. When they notice the interruption they immediately go to the source to investigate.
Upon inspection, the aliens will look for other means of control and your pets are the next logical step. Using their telepathic mind control, the aliens will infiltrate your pets thoughts. Once they have control over your cat or dog, while you are safely sleeping in your bed at night, they will command your pet to jump up on the bed and claw away at the helmet until it is removed. Once it's off and the wearer is now exposed to telepathic thought control, the aliens will pounce and assume control.
The Grassy Knoll Institution has the solution. Introducing Thought Screen Helmets for your pets.
Your move evil aliens. Your move.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
4/10/2010
Unknown Thought Screen Helmet Wearer
Thought Screen Helmet Unknown Abductee |
In no time at all I was able to construct my own Thought Screen Helmet lined with velostat, a material that has electrical properties that cancels telepathic rays. Ever since I've been wearing my (TSH) I have not been abducted by aliens.
Thank you Grassy Knoll Institute for giving me my life back. I am now a productive member of society again. I can maintain my job and I have found romance once again. Hopefully all the other unknown alien abductee's can share in my success story and return to living a meaningful life in society.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
1/22/2010
Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device
Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device |
The latest message decoded: Lady Gaga is a man. Now the world knows where that rumor began. With the evil race of space aliens. More messages will be revealed as soon as they are deciphered.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
12/18/2009
On The Fifth Day Of Christmas
Pointy Thought Screen Helmet |
On the fifth day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Five Thought Screen Helmets...
Meet the Ferris family. Born and raised in Greenwood, Nebraska, the entire family has been repeatedly abducted by evil telepathic aliens during the Christmas holiday for the past 15 years. But not this year.
Thanks to the generous donation of five thought screen helmets from the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute, the Ferris family will be safe this holy silent night.
Merry Christmas!
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
11/06/2009
Original Thought Screen Helmet Wearers
Protection Against Telepathic Aliens - Not Rulers |
However, due to a unique Catholic nun habit design, (The ergonomic curve of the habit bounces back the telepathic waves) the evil aliens telepathic rays become erratic and interrupted leaving the nuns non-influenced in any way by the aliens.
If this is true, then what excuse do the Nuns have now!!
Disclaimer: It is not a known fact if Catholic nuns habits are lined with velostat material or not.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
8/13/2009
Naked Thought Screen Helmet Leaders
Thought Screen Helnet Leaders |
The aliens skin appears to have a shiny silvery metallic surface. Both are wearing some sort of protective face shield speculated by the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists to perhaps amplify their telepathic energy enabling to better hone in on the local population of abductee's. We can also assume that the weather was a bit nippy that morning.
WARNING!
Keep wearing your velostat thought screen helmets to stop alien abductions.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
8/03/2009
A Horse Is A Horse Of Course Of Course
Even Mister Ed Knows An Improperly Constructed Thought Screen Helmet When He Sees One. Of Course! |
Oh Wilbur....
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
7/22/2009
William Shatner Abducted By Aliens
Got...To...Get...Away |
It has been played out in the tabloids as to why William Shatner was left out of the blockbuster movie while his original series costar Leonard Nimoy was given a prominent part. Some tabloids said Shatner was asking for to much money and wanted a larger role and part of the production. While others claimed that he was feuding with the producers about there only being one captain Kirk and it was William Shatner.
After months of speculation and lively banter, the truth comes out. (Just as it always does here at the Grassy Knoll Institute.) The photo above shows William Shatner being abducted by an evil race of aliens from his home in the Hollywood hills, California.
The aliens, widely known for controlling the minds of their abducted, forced him to dress in his original series uniform using an amplifying technique of their telepathic powers. Then they quickly subdued him and easily transported him to their ship without incident.
The only known defense against these aliens is a thought screen helmet made with velostat material that filters out the telepathic connection thus preventing the aliens from overpowering your mind.
Mr. Shatner was returned to him home some weeks later but production had already started on the movie and the producers had no choice but to write him out.
Now you know the real story why William Shatner was not in Star Trek XI.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
7/02/2009
Thought Screen Helmet Wearers On The Go
Hello, Yes, Is This Gary Busey |
Manufactured at the secret laboratory of the Grassy Knoll Institute, this new and improved thought screen helmet allows wearers to freely go where no thought screen helmeter has gone before. (With no roaming charges with a two year activation plan)
A new formula comprised of a clear coat velostat polymer allows the helmet to stay cool in the summer and let the sunshine in. It also doubles as a handy phone booth. (Twenty five cents for local calls)
Now In reputable stores where anti alien abduction technology is sold. See us at the Comic Con in San Diego this July.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
6/10/2009
Stop Alien Abductions Telethon
I...Can...Help...You |
Special celebrity guest star Gary Busey will speak about his private battles with the little green alien bastards and how he beat them with sticks until they fled plus the several that he captured and now dines on regularly. Mister Gary Busey was overheard saying that he is not afraid of those pussy aliens and that he would eat the bastards like they were on the menu at an all you can eat IHOP restaurant. Join him for supper. It's a hoot. I can hear him now saying the word "Outstanding" just the way he pronounced it in his hit movie, Under Siege.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
2/24/2009
Thought Screen Helmet Suit
Max Protection |
Submitted by Gumby, ruler of Pokey: Hey Curator guy, other than the obvious reason, (Chic style) why buy an entire thought screen helmet suit when the helmet is supposed to be protection enough?
Excellent question Gumby. To answer, yes, it is very stylish, as several Hollywood heavy hitters arrived at the Oscars last Sunday wearing the TSH suit. But style is not the only purpose. Protection from the evil race of aliens attempting to invade your thoughts and control your mind is the number one priority.
As all TSH (Thought Screen Helmet) wearers are aware, March is the most intense telepathic period. Sometimes the helmet gets bombarded by aliens and may overload. The TSH suit kicks in at these times eliminating all threats of alien invasion and abduction.
Of course each of our TSH Suits are lined with velostat, the magical material that intercepts and blocks alien telepathic thought waves. And on those hot days, a built in air cooler that pumps air throughout the suit to keep you cool even when aliens are pressuring your frontal lobe. A glimmering silver coating spray completes the ensemble.
Available at all reputable drug and department stores.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
1/28/2009
Consequences Not Wearing Thought Screen Helmet
Consequences Of Not Wearing A thought Screen Helmel |
Don't let this happen to you!!!
Make sure your thought screen helmet is properly constructed.
Do not skimp on the magical 3M velostat cloth.
Make sure your helmet covers your entire dome.
Wear it at all times.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
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