Mass Alien Abduction In Progress

Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet

An important announcement from the Grassy Knoll Institute to all those afflicted with M.A.A. (Multiple Alien Abductions)

Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.

Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.

Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.

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NFL Lockout Attributed To Alien Influence

NFL Labor Dispute Ego - Or Thought Screen Helmet

Grassy Knoll Institute operative declare Thought Screen Helmet aliens have infiltrated the NFL and caused the lockout.

As the NFL lockout stretches into the middle of July evidence it is evident that thought screen aliens have influenced both the players association and the owners for their own ulterior motives.

With no training camp, preseason games, or regular season games in 2011, football fans will look for alternative activities to fill their daily lives. Thought screen aliens believe the NFL football fan will be more easily manipulated with plenty of idle time and will telepathically push them toward other interests that the aliens need to conquer humankind.

God, please don't let the aliens be NASCAR fans.

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Eliminate Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet

Eliminate Those Pesky Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet

From the makers of the Thought Screen Helmet suit comes a revolutionary product designed to eliminate telepathic aliens from conducting anal probes. The Grassy Knoll Institute proudly presents, The Thought Screen Helmet Anal-Eliminator. Once inserted you will feel safe and secure in the knowledge that no aliens will ever probe you again.

The A.E. (Anal-Eliminator) was designed for abductee's on the go. No longer will you have to cower inside your home afraid of alien probes. As with all our products the A.E. is lined with velostat, that magical material that filters out any unwelcome telepathic connection between you and the aliens. The A.E. is encased handsomely in supple leather for your enjoyment and comfort. It will arrive at your door in an unmarked plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy.

Stop Alien Anal Probes Now! Order the A.E. Call 1-800-ANAL PRO. Operators are standing by now. Have your credit card ready.

But wait, if you order in the next 30 minutes you will receive as our gift to you absolutely free, (Just pay separate processing and handling) a Thought Screen Helmet for pets.

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Thought Screen Helmet Aliens Sinister Intent

Results Not Waering Thought Screen Helmet

The question of whether aliens exist is a moot point as millions of citizens have well documented sightings with miles of evidence of their visitations. However, until just today, the most puzzling question was; Why are aliens here on Earth? Why bother with humankind? What advantage would they have coming here?

The Grassy Knoll Institute can now reveal that answer. In a word, the aliens are looking for a little "Action." It takes hundreds of years for alien ships to travel from their home world to Earth. After many generations of breeding, the gene pool depleted, leaving the women incapable of bearing offspring. The only solution was to find a new fertile gene pool. Human females.

Through their telepathic abilities, the aliens are able to control humans. Once a female candidate is selected, the aliens proceed to seduce them in hopes of impregnating them. If a successful pregnancy occurs, the female is abducted so the fetus can be removed and implanted in an alien female host. This assures perpetuation of the alien species. The human female is then returned left wondering what had happened to her remembering only fragments of her abduction.

This is a warning to all the abductees' being taken and visited by aliens. To prevent unwanted pregnancy, you must continue to wear your properly constructed Thought Screen Helmet at all times. The helmet, lined with velostat offers telepathic canceling properties that prevents the aliens from linking to your mind. Think of it as wearing a condom on your head. No link, no control, no intercourse, no pregnancy.

For the men taken, perhaps this explains that pain in your ass when you are returned. Perhaps.....

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Thought Screen Helmet For Your Pets

Take Me To Your Litter

A Public Announcement To All Thought Screen Helmet Wearers:
Even though you wear your thought screen helmet religiously, it doesn't mean you are entirely safe from alien abduction and / or alien domination. As we all know, the evil aliens become quite angry when the telepathic link has been severed by wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat. When they notice the interruption they immediately go to the source to investigate.

Upon inspection, the aliens will look for other means of control and your pets are the next logical step. Using their telepathic mind control, the aliens will infiltrate your pets thoughts. Once they have control over your cat or dog, while you are safely sleeping in your bed at night, they will command your pet to jump up on the bed and claw away at the helmet until it is removed. Once it's off and the wearer is now exposed to telepathic thought control, the aliens will pounce and assume control.

The Grassy Knoll Institution has the solution. Introducing Thought Screen Helmets for your pets.
Your move evil aliens. Your move.

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Unknown Thought Screen Helmet Wearer

Thought Screen Helmet Unknown Abductee

Hi, my name is Bobby Smith and I've been an alien abductee in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area since 1996. For over 10 years I have been abducted by aliens 17 times. In late 2006 while surfing the Internet for alien abductions, I came across the Grassy Knoll Institute, the utmost authority on alien abductions. I learned about the Thought screen Helmet and how it prevented alien abductions by severing the telepathic link the aliens had over me.

In no time at all I was able to construct my own Thought Screen Helmet lined with velostat, a material that has electrical properties that cancels telepathic rays. Ever since I've been wearing my (TSH) I have not been abducted by aliens.

Thank you Grassy Knoll Institute for giving me my life back. I am now a productive member of society again. I can maintain my job and I have found romance once again. Hopefully all the other unknown alien abductee's can share in my success story and return to living a meaningful life in society.

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Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device

Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device

In an attempt to collect vital information on the evil race of space aliens controlling a small population of people through telepathy, the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists have engineered a device they call a reverse thought screen helmet. Unlike other thought screen helmets, this device intercepts the telepathic commands of the aliens, and with the help of velostat, a magical material with telepathic blocking properties, filters, processes, and records them. The data is then sent to the secret laboratory of the Grassy Knoll Institute to decipher the encrypted messages.

The latest message decoded: Lady Gaga is a man. Now the world knows where that rumor began. With the evil race of space aliens. More messages will be revealed as soon as they are deciphered.

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Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday is a good day for aliens to abduct you. Be prepared!
For being a bad man, and not following the instructions causing the construction of an improper thought screen helmet, Billy banished Ned to the cornfield for good.

Disclaimer: Don't let what happened to Ned happen to you. Your lifestyle and job does not have to suffer from the fear of alien abduction. You can learn how to construct your very own authentic thought screen helmet lined with velostat (A magical material that cancels telepathic emissions) that will effectively eliminate 100% of the telepathic transmissions from the aliens attempting to control your thoughts. Don't be wished out to the corn field. Act today!

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Original Thought Screen Helmet Wearers

Protection Against Telepathic Aliens - Not Rulers

The Grassy Knoll Institute has long suspected that Catholic nuns were the original target of the evil race of aliens stealing and controlling our very thoughts. The aliens plan was to control the nuns that teach and shape the children of the world and make the nuns cruel and abusive to the children.

However, due to a unique Catholic nun habit design, (The ergonomic curve of the habit bounces back the telepathic waves) the evil aliens telepathic rays become erratic and interrupted leaving the nuns non-influenced in any way by the aliens.

If this is true, then what excuse do the Nuns have now!!

Disclaimer: It is not a known fact if Catholic nuns habits are lined with velostat material or not.

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Naked Thought Screen Helmet Leaders

Thought Screen Helnet Leaders

This exclusive never before seen photograpg of the alleged leaders of the evil race of aliens controlling the a vast majority of the Earth's population. The photo was taken in Elkhart, Indiana, just outside the property line of the Winnebago plant that President Obama toured just months ago. It would appear that these evil space aliens have set up a base in an abandoned home in the suburbs.

The aliens skin appears to have a shiny silvery metallic surface. Both are wearing some sort of protective face shield speculated by the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists to perhaps amplify their telepathic energy enabling to better hone in on the local population of abductee's. We can also assume that the weather was a bit nippy that morning.

WARNING!

Keep wearing your velostat thought screen helmets to stop alien abductions.

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A Horse Is A Horse Of Course Of Course

Even Mister Ed Knows An Improperly Constructed Thought Screen Helmet When He Sees One. Of Course!

The Grassy Knoll Institute is disappointed that people susceptible to alien abduction are not taking our advice by constructing a proper Thought Screen Helmet layered with velostat covering your entire dome. Without the velostat, the magical material that blocks the aliens telepathic signals to your brain preventing you from being in their control. You may as well be beating a dead horse.

Oh Wilbur....

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William Shatner Abducted By Aliens

Got...To...Get...Away

Star Trek XI made a galactic splash at the movie theaters this summer becoming the most popular Star Trek film in the entire franchise. Not only that, but Star trek XI is one of the highest grossing films of 2009.

It has been played out in the tabloids as to why William Shatner was left out of the blockbuster movie while his original series costar Leonard Nimoy was given a prominent part. Some tabloids said Shatner was asking for to much money and wanted a larger role and part of the production. While others claimed that he was feuding with the producers about there only being one captain Kirk and it was William Shatner.

After months of speculation and lively banter, the truth comes out. (Just as it always does here at the Grassy Knoll Institute.) The photo above shows William Shatner being abducted by an evil race of aliens from his home in the Hollywood hills, California.

The aliens, widely known for controlling the minds of their abducted, forced him to dress in his original series uniform using an amplifying technique of their telepathic powers. Then they quickly subdued him and easily transported him to their ship without incident.

The only known defense against these aliens is a thought screen helmet made with velostat material that filters out the telepathic connection thus preventing the aliens from overpowering your mind.

Mr. Shatner was returned to him home some weeks later but production had already started on the movie and the producers had no choice but to write him out.

Now you know the real story why William Shatner was not in Star Trek XI.

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Thought Screen Helmet Wearers On The Go

Hello, Yes, Is This Gary Busey

Thought Screen Helmet wearers have a new choice to the shut in lives they now lead thanks to the newly designed Though Screen Helmet phone. (Many citizens must wear a thought screen helmet to prevent being abducted by telepathic aliens linked to them)

Manufactured at the secret laboratory of the Grassy Knoll Institute, this new and improved thought screen helmet allows wearers to freely go where no thought screen helmeter has gone before. (With no roaming charges with a two year activation plan)

A new formula comprised of a clear coat velostat polymer allows the helmet to stay cool in the summer and let the sunshine in. It also doubles as a handy phone booth. (Twenty five cents for local calls)

Now In reputable stores where anti alien abduction technology is sold. See us at the Comic Con in San Diego this July.

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St. Patricks Day Alien Abduction

Don't Get Abducted On St. Patricks Day

Notice To All Irish People Being Harassed Or Abducted By Evil Aliens:

St. Patrick's Day is fast approaching, and many of you will be donning the green and partying with your friends at your favorite pubs and bars. Keep in mind, thought screen helmet aliens never rest. They never give up. They are relentless in the pursuit of invading your thoughts and controlling your very being.

Before you leave your house for the St. Patrick's Day festivities, make sure you have a correctly constructed thought screen helmet securely fastened on your dome. Note: Make sure you construct your helmet before partaking in the consumption of the green ale lest you become a victim like Sean O'Reiley pictured on the left. Sean failed to properly line his helmet with velostat, the magical material that filters out telepathic transmissions from the evil aliens.

Sadly, Sean was abducted just seconds after this photograph was taken of him at last year's party. Heed the warning from the Grassy Knoll Institute and have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Thought Screen Helmet Suit

Max Protection

The Thought Screen Helmet Suit. For maximum protection on those heavy flow days. (Wait a minute, wrong commercial)

Submitted by Gumby, ruler of Pokey: Hey Curator guy, other than the obvious reason, (Chic style) why buy an entire thought screen helmet suit when the helmet is supposed to be protection enough?

Excellent question Gumby. To answer, yes, it is very stylish, as several Hollywood heavy hitters arrived at the Oscars last Sunday wearing the TSH suit. But style is not the only purpose. Protection from the evil race of aliens attempting to invade your thoughts and control your mind is the number one priority.

As all TSH (Thought Screen Helmet) wearers are aware, March is the most intense telepathic period. Sometimes the helmet gets bombarded by aliens and may overload. The TSH suit kicks in at these times eliminating all threats of alien invasion and abduction.

Of course each of our TSH Suits are lined with velostat, the magical material that intercepts and blocks alien telepathic thought waves. And on those hot days, a built in air cooler that pumps air throughout the suit to keep you cool even when aliens are pressuring your frontal lobe. A glimmering silver coating spray completes the ensemble.

Available at all reputable drug and department stores.

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Consequences Not Wearing Thought Screen Helmet

Consequences Of Not Wearing A thought Screen Helmel

Just Saying...
Don't let this happen to you!!!
Make sure your thought screen helmet is properly constructed.
Do not skimp on the magical 3M velostat cloth.
Make sure your helmet covers your entire dome.
Wear it at all times.

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Thought Screen Helmet Companion

Pam Andersons Obama Inaugural Ball Date

Thought Screen Helmet Companions. Just in time for president elect Barack Obama's inauguration.

Don't let evil aliens that are controlling your thoughts put a damper on your inauguration plans. The rocket scientists at the secret Grassy Knoll Institute laboratory have created the thought screen helmet companion so you can attend the inauguration in style.

Pamela Anderson, iconic sex goddess swears by her thought screen helmet buddy. It allows her to go helmet free and attend Hollywood events and the Barack Obama inauguration and all the balls afterward. (And of course, no animals were harmed in the production of the thought screen helmet companion.)

But how does it work?
Good question. The thought screen helmet companion is stuffed with advanced technology to eliminate alien abduction. The companion works so well that not a single person using the companion has been abducted. 100% effective. Now that is a testimonial.

The companion is a full bodied mannequin lined with velostat, a magical material that blocks alien telepathic signals to the potential abductee. The companion senses the telepathic signal and intercepts and filters them before they reach its target. The companion comes in two styles, male or female and can be accessorized for any event. Mission accomplished.

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Thought Screen Helmet - Pumpkin Head

Even Icabod Is Protected

For the upcoming Halloween season, manufacturers at the Thought Screen Helmet factory are offering a special design for parties and events. We aptly call it, The Pumpkin Head.

You won't have to worry about pesky aliens using telepathy to force you to do things against your will while wearing the pumpkin head. Each helmet is precision designed and lined with velostat, (The magical material that blocks alien telepathic thoughts from entering your brain) to ensure complete protection. Now all you have to worry about is if you will win best costume at your party.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

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Improper Thought Screen Helmet Design

Improper Thought Screen 

Sadly, Lars didn't quite understand the translated instructions for the construction of his thought screen helmet. Clearly, there was no velostat cloth used and the helmet did not cover his ears.

This is the last photo of Lars just before being abducted by an evil race of telepathic aliens bent on world domination. (Heard in the distant background was a hushed alien voice chanting, I want my baby back baby back baby back)

Let this be a lesson learned to everyone being harassed by aliens controlling their thoughts. If you are going to make a thought screen helmet, follow the instructions to the letter.

For those not handy sewing and cutting, the Grassy Knoll Institute has constructed their very own Thought Screen Helmet guaranteed to eliminate telepathic connections from 4 out of 5 evil races of aliens.

Click the above link for the features of the Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen Helmet.

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Thought Screen Helmet Sale

Designer Thought Screen Helmets

In an effort to prevent citizens of Earth constructing faulty thought screen helmets to avoid alien abduction, the Grassy Knoll Institute has produced a new and improved helmet.

Our rocket scientists have been working round the clock designing the LOTGK version. Notice the sleek ergonomic design. Wind drag has been cut by 85% compared to older models enabling wearers to move more easily and smoothly throughout the day.

Another upgraded feature is the air cooled compartments in the dome of the helmet allowing the wearer to keep cool throughout the entire day. Those in hot and humid climates can thank the Grassy Knoll Institute later.

To order a Grassy Knoll Institute thought screen helmet, please send an email to us. For verification purposes, press on your keyboard the exact value of 22 divided by 7.

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