Thought Screen Helmet Haiku

I Know What You are Thinking

A Thought Screen Helmet Haiku by the Grassy Knoll Institute:

What am I thinking,
Time to don thought screen helmet,
Evil aliens.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Mass Alien Abduction In Progress

Sole Survivor Wearing His Thought Screen Helmet

An important announcement from the Grassy Knoll Institute to all those afflicted with M.A.A. (Multiple Alien Abductions)

Yesterday afternoon, a group of M.A.A. members were targeted by aliens and quickly and easily abducted from their camp site. Only Eddy survived by following the thought screen helmet credo to always wear your helmet no matter how safe you feel.

Eddy watched in horror as the aliens unceremoniously levitated his fellow M.A.A. members to the mother ship perhaps never to be seen again. Only Eddy's velostat lined thought screen helmet prevented his abduction by shielding his thoughts and his location from the aliens.

Don't let this happen to you. Wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat at all times is the only way to prevent the wearer from being the victim of an alien abduction.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Alien Abductees Living In Giant Dollhouse

Giant Aliens Holding Human Couple Hostage

Case Solved: From the Boardman Police Cold Case files
The mysterious disappearance involving Marge and Henry Adams sheds new light.
Marge and Henry Adams were last seen March 15th, 1954 on the way to the local market. Several neighbors remember waving to them as they drove down the neighborhood street. Their car was found abandoned about 2 miles from their home in a vacant lot.

An intense search was conducted at their home in hopes of finding a lead or clue to their whereabouts. Police found no letter or ransom note. It appeared that no foul play befell them as the doors and windows were locked and the house was in good order.

Marge and Henry Adams were never found. After several weeks of running down leads and shaking bushes, the Boardman police department halted the investigation and declared the Adams missing and the case went cold.

Until...

One daring Grassy Knoll operative covertly stowed away onto a giant alien craft during one of its routine landings to leave map markers for the invading fleet to follow. (Most people believe these to be crop circles.) The Grassy knoll operative quickly downloaded important intel from the mass of archived files from the giant aliens database.

Upon reviewing the data, one particular abductees file came to light. It was the file on Marge and Henry Adams. They were taken back in 54 to study the habits of humans and to learn their weaknesses. The internal file reads that the aliens caged the Adams family in a horrific giant-sized doll house and observed them night and day. They were fed and offered clothing to keep them alive and warm. They were permitted to exercise outside their home in a fenced in area four hours every week. The only entertainment permitted was a radio that picked up broadcasts from the Earth.

The Adams lived 21 more years in captivity and interrogated daily about the American way of life but not once did they offer any valuable intel. Alas, the file states that the Adams were eliminated (Murdered) after a failed escape attempt.

Case closed.

Back To Giant Aliens Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Eliminate Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet

Eliminate Those Pesky Alien Anal Probes With A Thought Screen Helmet

From the makers of the Thought Screen Helmet suit comes a revolutionary product designed to eliminate telepathic aliens from conducting anal probes. The Grassy Knoll Institute proudly presents, The Thought Screen Helmet Anal-Eliminator. Once inserted you will feel safe and secure in the knowledge that no aliens will ever probe you again.

The A.E. (Anal-Eliminator) was designed for abductee's on the go. No longer will you have to cower inside your home afraid of alien probes. As with all our products the A.E. is lined with velostat, that magical material that filters out any unwelcome telepathic connection between you and the aliens. The A.E. is encased handsomely in supple leather for your enjoyment and comfort. It will arrive at your door in an unmarked plain brown wrapper to protect your privacy.

Stop Alien Anal Probes Now! Order the A.E. Call 1-800-ANAL PRO. Operators are standing by now. Have your credit card ready.

But wait, if you order in the next 30 minutes you will receive as our gift to you absolutely free, (Just pay separate processing and handling) a Thought Screen Helmet for pets.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Thought Screen Helmet For Your Pets

Take Me To Your Litter

A Public Announcement To All Thought Screen Helmet Wearers:
Even though you wear your thought screen helmet religiously, it doesn't mean you are entirely safe from alien abduction and / or alien domination. As we all know, the evil aliens become quite angry when the telepathic link has been severed by wearing a properly constructed thought screen helmet lined with velostat. When they notice the interruption they immediately go to the source to investigate.

Upon inspection, the aliens will look for other means of control and your pets are the next logical step. Using their telepathic mind control, the aliens will infiltrate your pets thoughts. Once they have control over your cat or dog, while you are safely sleeping in your bed at night, they will command your pet to jump up on the bed and claw away at the helmet until it is removed. Once it's off and the wearer is now exposed to telepathic thought control, the aliens will pounce and assume control.

The Grassy Knoll Institution has the solution. Introducing Thought Screen Helmets for your pets.
Your move evil aliens. Your move.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device

Thought Screen Helmet Listening Device

In an attempt to collect vital information on the evil race of space aliens controlling a small population of people through telepathy, the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists have engineered a device they call a reverse thought screen helmet. Unlike other thought screen helmets, this device intercepts the telepathic commands of the aliens, and with the help of velostat, a magical material with telepathic blocking properties, filters, processes, and records them. The data is then sent to the secret laboratory of the Grassy Knoll Institute to decipher the encrypted messages.

The latest message decoded: Lady Gaga is a man. Now the world knows where that rumor began. With the evil race of space aliens. More messages will be revealed as soon as they are deciphered.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

On The Fifth Day Of Christmas

Pointy Thought Screen Helmet

 On the fifth day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Five Thought Screen Helmets...


Meet the Ferris family. Born and raised in Greenwood, Nebraska, the entire family has been repeatedly abducted by evil telepathic aliens during the Christmas holiday for the past 15 years. But not this year.

Thanks to the generous donation of five thought screen helmets from the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute, the Ferris family will be safe this holy silent night.

Merry Christmas!

Back To Thought screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday Thought Screen Helmet

Black Friday is a good day for aliens to abduct you. Be prepared!
For being a bad man, and not following the instructions causing the construction of an improper thought screen helmet, Billy banished Ned to the cornfield for good.

Disclaimer: Don't let what happened to Ned happen to you. Your lifestyle and job does not have to suffer from the fear of alien abduction. You can learn how to construct your very own authentic thought screen helmet lined with velostat (A magical material that cancels telepathic emissions) that will effectively eliminate 100% of the telepathic transmissions from the aliens attempting to control your thoughts. Don't be wished out to the corn field. Act today!

Back To Christmas Holiday Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Original Thought Screen Helmet Wearers

Protection Against Telepathic Aliens - Not Rulers

The Grassy Knoll Institute has long suspected that Catholic nuns were the original target of the evil race of aliens stealing and controlling our very thoughts. The aliens plan was to control the nuns that teach and shape the children of the world and make the nuns cruel and abusive to the children.

However, due to a unique Catholic nun habit design, (The ergonomic curve of the habit bounces back the telepathic waves) the evil aliens telepathic rays become erratic and interrupted leaving the nuns non-influenced in any way by the aliens.

If this is true, then what excuse do the Nuns have now!!

Disclaimer: It is not a known fact if Catholic nuns habits are lined with velostat material or not.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

V - The Visitors - Sexy Aliens

Giant Aliens Fingers Cut Off 

The Grassy Knoll Institute was not fooled by the 29 giant alien space ships hovering over the worlds major cities last night at 8pm Eastern Standard Time. We knew straight away (We're rocket scientists) that the sexy alien spouting eternal peace and health to all was all a ruse. We know for a fact that the Visitors are an alien race bent on the obliteration of the human race and enslaving the survivors to a lifetime of servitude to the whims of Anna and her cohorts.

Last week, in the wooded area of Spokane, Washington, the Grassy Knoll Institute captured a sleeper cell V alien. During a fierce battle the V's fingers were cut off as it was performing a patented Three Stooges eye poke maneuver. (Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk) Before the V alien died, it spilled its guts revealing the plan of annihilation to humankind.

Back To Giant Aliens Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Naked Thought Screen Helmet Leaders

Thought Screen Helnet Leaders

This exclusive never before seen photograpg of the alleged leaders of the evil race of aliens controlling the a vast majority of the Earth's population. The photo was taken in Elkhart, Indiana, just outside the property line of the Winnebago plant that President Obama toured just months ago. It would appear that these evil space aliens have set up a base in an abandoned home in the suburbs.

The aliens skin appears to have a shiny silvery metallic surface. Both are wearing some sort of protective face shield speculated by the Grassy Knoll Institute scientists to perhaps amplify their telepathic energy enabling to better hone in on the local population of abductee's. We can also assume that the weather was a bit nippy that morning.

WARNING!

Keep wearing your velostat thought screen helmets to stop alien abductions.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Thought Screen Helmet Suit

Max Protection

The Thought Screen Helmet Suit. For maximum protection on those heavy flow days. (Wait a minute, wrong commercial)

Submitted by Gumby, ruler of Pokey: Hey Curator guy, other than the obvious reason, (Chic style) why buy an entire thought screen helmet suit when the helmet is supposed to be protection enough?

Excellent question Gumby. To answer, yes, it is very stylish, as several Hollywood heavy hitters arrived at the Oscars last Sunday wearing the TSH suit. But style is not the only purpose. Protection from the evil race of aliens attempting to invade your thoughts and control your mind is the number one priority.

As all TSH (Thought Screen Helmet) wearers are aware, March is the most intense telepathic period. Sometimes the helmet gets bombarded by aliens and may overload. The TSH suit kicks in at these times eliminating all threats of alien invasion and abduction.

Of course each of our TSH Suits are lined with velostat, the magical material that intercepts and blocks alien telepathic thought waves. And on those hot days, a built in air cooler that pumps air throughout the suit to keep you cool even when aliens are pressuring your frontal lobe. A glimmering silver coating spray completes the ensemble.

Available at all reputable drug and department stores.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Thought Screen Helmet Companion

Pam Andersons Obama Inaugural Ball Date

Thought Screen Helmet Companions. Just in time for president elect Barack Obama's inauguration.

Don't let evil aliens that are controlling your thoughts put a damper on your inauguration plans. The rocket scientists at the secret Grassy Knoll Institute laboratory have created the thought screen helmet companion so you can attend the inauguration in style.

Pamela Anderson, iconic sex goddess swears by her thought screen helmet buddy. It allows her to go helmet free and attend Hollywood events and the Barack Obama inauguration and all the balls afterward. (And of course, no animals were harmed in the production of the thought screen helmet companion.)

But how does it work?
Good question. The thought screen helmet companion is stuffed with advanced technology to eliminate alien abduction. The companion works so well that not a single person using the companion has been abducted. 100% effective. Now that is a testimonial.

The companion is a full bodied mannequin lined with velostat, a magical material that blocks alien telepathic signals to the potential abductee. The companion senses the telepathic signal and intercepts and filters them before they reach its target. The companion comes in two styles, male or female and can be accessorized for any event. Mission accomplished.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Thought Screen Helmet Inauguration Fittings

Inaugural Ball Style

As was expected, the Grassy Knoll Institutes scientific studies conclude that alien telepathic activity spikes during presidential inaugurations. With president-elect Barack Obama being sworn in January 20th, every precaution is being taken to avoid any national security issues.

Washington Thought Screen Helmet makers have geared up production and are cranking out tailor made helmets to those attending the presidential inauguration and ball. Hurry though, supplies are limited and you don't want to be the only one not wearing your thought screen helmet.

Back To Thought Screen Helmet Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Thought Screen Helmet - Pumpkin Head

Even Icabod Is Protected

For the upcoming Halloween season, manufacturers at the Thought Screen Helmet factory are offering a special design for parties and events. We aptly call it, The Pumpkin Head.

You won't have to worry about pesky aliens using telepathy to force you to do things against your will while wearing the pumpkin head. Each helmet is precision designed and lined with velostat, (The magical material that blocks alien telepathic thoughts from entering your brain) to ensure complete protection. Now all you have to worry about is if you will win best costume at your party.

Happy Halloween - Samhain

Back To Halloween Dark Zone Archives

LURKING IN THE SHADOWS ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

When You Stop Wearing Thought Screen Helmets

Do Not Remove Your Thought Screen Helmet

You should know by now wearing a thought screen helmet lined with velostat prevents an evil alien race from telepathically controlling your mind. However, if you are feeling safe and are considering removing your helmet, look what happens when you do remove your thought screen helmet? Jesse, Wylene, and Ernie found out the hard way.

Back To Thought Screen Helmets Archives

LURKING, TIGHTENING MY HELMET, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL