Showing posts with label minnesota vikings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label minnesota vikings. Show all posts

11/13/2013

Vikings Are On Double Secret Probation

ponder-on-double-secret-probation
Your Delta Tau Chi Name Is Flounder
Point of parliamentary procedure:

Little did Viking House realize that they were on double secret probation since early September. Dean Spielman had great expectations this year but after the Vikings midterm exams, scoring a dismal 2-7 record, talk has now shifted to a top draft choice next spring. Right after all the toilet seats explode in the dormitory.

What? Over? Did you say "Over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is!

 For the past three weeks since the Ponder pine riding, Ponder has dare I say, put up respectable numbers. Against Green Bay, Ponder completed 67% of his passes, rushed for 38 yards and a touchdown and recorded an 86.4 passer rating. Against Dallas, he completed 68% of his passes, passed for a touchdown, rushed for 29 yards and a touchdown and recorded an 82.7 passer rating. Against the Redskins, he completed 81% of his passes, passed for two touchdowns, rushed for 13 yards and a touchdown and recorded a 113.1 passer rating.

Some advice: Start drinking heavily.

With that said, I am aware of what the TV bobble-head analysts are saying:
Ponder was a reach. Ponder locks in on his primary target, takes to long to get set in the pocket, leaves the pocket way to early, takes his eyes off the field when forced out of the pocket, does not see the wide open receivers, hasn't passed for over 240 yards this season, etc. Ponder is all but run out of town.

As a die hard Viking fan I have seen this movie before. As recently as the Tavaris Jackson years. All that talk that he is "Thee" guy to take the Vikings to the next level. And then three years later, some guy named Favre replaced him and ran Jackson out of town. And still no Super Bowl ring.

And now we have the new "Guy" in Josh Freeman. The big armed quarterback that will vault the Vikings to the top...

Thank you sir may I have another. WHACK! Thank you sir may I have another. WHACK!

TOGA... TOGA... TOGA...

SKOL VIKINGS!
minnesota vikings icon

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

3/16/2011

Failed Irish Icons

Irelands Celery Man
Celery Man
For the past 23 years Seymore Green has been petitioning the Government of Ireland to change the iconic symbol of the Emerald Island from the shamrock to a stalk of celery. A spokesman for the government released this statement.

It has come to our attention that Mister Seymore Green has made a valiant effort to secure the stalk of celery as Ireland's symbol. We appreciate the effort. However, the Ireland government is not ridgid. We offer a compromise.

If the Minnesota Vikings ever win a Super Bowl, then we will change our iconic shamrock.

Case Closed!


 

LURKING, ERIN GOES BRALESS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/21/2010

Minnesota Vikings Most Popular Christmas Ornament

minnesota-vikings-most-popular-christmas-ornament
Minnesota Vikings Most Popular Christmas Ornament
For the 2010 Christmas season, this is the most popular decoration purchased in the state of Minnesota. “Fired” Childress pot warmers are running a close second.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all the Vikings fans, a very good quarterback in the draft.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


Responses to “Most Popular Decoration In Minnesota”


  1. Gumby said

    Where can I get my hands on a pair of those pot warmers?

  2. Valdunagan said

    That is the Viking season in a nutshell, or gingerbread house. The roof came crashing in on them. I think Jenn Sterger had Favre’s mind somewhere else and that is why he had such a terrible season.

    • LOTGK said

      Very valid points. Favre was off his game the entire season. Perhaps realizing that his marriage, career, and golden boy status could go up in flames had his mind somewhere other than the blitzing linebacker.

  3. Anti-Christ said

    I told you last year that Brett Favre and I had a one year deal. He wanted the deal extended, but a contract is a contract.

1/25/2010

Another Reason To Hate Catholic Nuns

Another Reason To Hate Nuns
The Minnesota Vikings, (My team) lost the NFC championship game Sunday to the New Orleans Saints. And these sons-of-bitches nuns are smiling and carrying on after the game like they just got to kiss the Popes ring.

I will exact revenge!!!

Back To Growing Up Catholic Archives

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

12/24/2009

Minnesota Vikings Christmas

minnesota-vikings-report
Viking Thunder Report
minnesota-vikings-die-hard-fans
11 Viking Victories
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
The Grassy Knoll sent to me,
Eleven Viking Victories.
The Minnesota Vikings are sitting at 11 wins and winner of the NFC North division. The next two games are critical to nail down the playoff bye week. Here’s to Adrian Peterson racking up 150 yards, Sidney Rice hauling in 100 receiving yards, Percy Harvin returning a kickoff for a score, and brett Favre to checking off into a running play.
Merry Christmas Viking Fans!!!
SKOL VIKINGS!

minnesota vikings icon

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

9/03/2008

Fantasy Football League (GPFL)

The NFL regular season kicks off tonight as the Washington Redskins play the Super Bowl champion New York Giants. Millions of Fantasy Football leagues also kick off Thursday. For those that don't know what Fantasy Football is, in a nutshell, a group of friends get together, and by using the rosters of each NFL team, draft players at certain positions that they think will score the most points for the season. each week, the fantasy coaches submit a starting lineup and plays another coach. High score wins the game.

Sounds simple right? Well, actually, it was. I say was for many years back, around 1975, my brother George and I dreamed up our own type of fantasy football. No, our lineups weren't online, (The Internet wasn't around yet) nor did we have complete team lineups with stats from weeks and years past, nor backup or practice squad players. Hell, at the time, we only had access to two games on Sunday.

A Sunday ritual was George and me watching NFL football all day. He was a Browns fan, (I didn't hold that against him) and I of course a Viking fan. We were both very competitive brothers. We made wagers on many things, especially football. Parlay pick four and pick ten teams were played weekly. But we found something a little different. A little more personal. Something we could have bragging rights about.

We would not just bet on the game being played, but on the players individual performances and how many points each would score. The GPFL (George & Pat) Football League was formed.

We quickly came up with some easy rules to avoid any stats wars anomalies. The rules were as follows:
* A coin toss before each game determined who got to pick first.
* 8 positions would be selected.
* You had to pick one, and only one Quarterback, one Kicker, one Tight End, two running backs, two wide receivers, and one defense.
* A $2.50 wager per game was the fee to play. No mercy.
* A TD pass equaled 6 points.
* A TD run equaled 6 points.
* An interception, blocked kick or punt, or fumble return for a TD equaled 6 points.
* A safety equaled 2 points.
* A field goal equaled 3 points.
* An extra point equaled 1 point.
* This stands for all players. Example, if a running back throws a TD pass he is awarded 6 points. If your QB throws a TD pass to your receiver, you will 12 points, 6 points for the pass, and 6 points for the reception.
* After both games are played, (The 1pm and 4pm game) the coach with the highest combined score was declared the winner.
* In case of a tie, the coin flip at the beginning of the day determines the winner.

George and I would play weekly keeping a running win / loss record as well as stats for each game. Everything would be recorded in a spiral notebook pad.

As the weeks turned into years, George and I became very good at our game. We understood each other tendencies, who we would likely pick, stay away from, but most of all, we became Mel Kiper like experts. Not just for our own teams, but for every player in the NFL. We knew the best receivers on each team, what running back came in for goal line plays, what defense was the best, how quarterbacks reacted to other teams defenses, and how a team played in bad weather.

We weren't in it for the money. Remember, we were very competitive. If I won that week, I would always send my brother a letter. Inside the letter would be a picture cut out from the newspaper or magazine of one or more of his team members with either an arm or leg missing and I would add a funny caption or two. I loved to gloat and rub it in. And so did George. He would put signs in the front yard displaying his victory. Other times, he would have his friends call me on the phone claiming to be players on his team. They would say, "Truly the night of the Cardinals." (The Cardinals was the name of his team) At the most unsuspecting time, there would be a note hanging in the closet, taped to my steering wheel, in a cupboard door. You never knew where or when he would pull his prank.

As technology caught up in the 1980's, we added a third and then a fourth game to our mix. ESPN was our third game and Monday Night Football became our fourth game. Strategy became more intense, scores became higher, and the rivalry more intense. The rules remained the same however.

The 1990's saw real change to our league and the rules. We added more coaches, 10 of us in total, and we drafted like the NFL did. We had 15 rounds and after week one, we were able to add three more players to our roster. That would be determined by league record. Worst record picks first. If they deferred, second worse selected, and so on. The players we drafted before the season began were ours for keeps. The next year we would start with those same players making the draft an actual rookie draft and other players cut or waived from our coaches. The USA Today paper became our bible. Whatever the stats said we went with. If there was a typo, it was to bad, the bible was the final say. (Born again Christians must love fantasy football )

The Internet changed things once again. We noticed that many of our rules were the same rules as AOL's fantasy football and Yahoo and CBS sports line. Everything was automated. Scores would magically populate and wins and losses would tally each week. (Electronically they keep the baseball score - Sonny & Cher - The Beat Goes On) Even the gloating became electronic. We would now email our victory smack talk with the push of a few buttons.

My brother George passed away November 20th, 1997. I haven't played our game since. My heart just isn't in it. However, several times over the course of the last 10 years when the New York Yankee's (George's favorite baseball team) or his high school football team, (The Mooney Cardinals) won the World Series or State football Championship, I would stick a yard sign with the newspaper headlines of his teams success on his grave to remind me of the fun we had and that I still miss the hell out of him.

Truly, the night of the Cardinals.
R.I.P. Big George




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

9/02/2003

Viking Thunder

Viking Thunder
Viking Thunder is dedicated to the NFL Minnesota Vikings
The Grassy Knoll Institute operatives are die hard Viking fans but you won’t get any purple colored views of the ownership, management, coaches, or players here. Just cold hard facts (And hopefully humor) about off season moves, player signings, the draft, stadium issues, and finding an offense that has long been extinct. Each week we will critique the current game adding our own one sided opinions on the Vikings.

Nostradamus Predicts Vikings To Win 2018 Superbowl (05/26/2017)

Vikings Have A New Offensive Coordinator - Now What (11/02/2016)

Vikings Have Been On Double Secret Probation 11/13/2013
Mars Needs Women 12/07/2012