Santa Claus Reindeer Exact Revenge

Santa Is In For A Big Surprise

As the Christmas holiday quickly approaches, a classic story comes to mind.
Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house...
No, no, no, not that story.

Twas Christmas Eve and Santa Claus was in the middle of making his rounds delivering toys to all the boys and girls in the world. With security systems armed in many of the residences Santa began running behind schedule.

Santa began to push his team of eight reindeer and implored them to fly faster and faster. After about 3.5 million homes later, the Reindeer were getting exhausted but Santa paid no attention. He pressed the Reindeer shouting their names, "On Dancer, on Prancer, on Comet and Cupid."

The Reindeer curved on the horizon to pick up speed and listened for Santa to shout out the next house to land atop of. The Reindeer gently glided to a halt on top of the next house. Santa Claus quickly jumped out of the sled, picked up his sack of toys and shimmied down the chimney.

As soon as Santa hit the floor, he noticed the smell, and loudly screamed up to the Reindeer, "No you dummies, I said the Schmidt house. The Schmidt house!"

The Reindeer had exacted revenge.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

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Merry Christmas From Grassy Knoll Institute

Sexy Snow Bunnies On the Grassy Knoll

Happy Holidays from the entire staff of the
Grassy Knoll Institute

Is it nippy in here?

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Santa Claus Conspiracy

Santa Claus Conspiracy

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house...

The Grassy Knoll Institute Santa Claus Conspiracy Theory has begun.

As a child, I often wondered how Santa Claus was able to tell if I was being naughty or nice, let alone millions of boys and girls.

Or how Santa had reindeer that could fly.

Or how Santa had enough time to visit every house in the world in one night.

Or how Santa fit down the chimney.

Or how Santa could fit all the toys in his one sled.

Well, the Grassy Knoll Institute finally reveals the Santa Mystery.

At the North Pole, Santa's home base and major toy manufacturing facility, are super computers with a huge database of every boy and girl in the world. His employees, also known as elves, work diligently updating their records on each child. Many phone calls to parents are necessary. Santa Claus then analyzes the data and then decides who is naughty and who is nice.

How do reindeer fly? Actually, it is not the reindeer that do the flying, but the sleigh that they pull. The sleigh is designed in such a manner that creates a wind tunnel vortex that sweeps up objects and propels them through the air. The sleighs rudders help control the direction and maneuverability and the reindeer simply guide the sleigh and keep it steady and on course.

The next problem was how does Santa have the time to visit all the boys and girls of the world all in one night? Some say the time lines of each region but there is a much simpler explanation. Santa Claus has the ability to bend time in the same manner as light bends when it comes in contact with water. When Santa begins his once a year journey on Christmas Eve, he enters the Santa space time continuum loop enabling him to virtually slow down time to a halt so an hour to him feels like a second to us. This way, he can carry out his travels and still have plenty of time.

On to the chimney, and what if some houses don't have chimneys? Santa is a contortionist. He is able to bend his body into many difficult and very limited spaces, such as a chimney. When a chimney isn't available, a crawl space or window does just fine.

The sled is only so big. So how does he fit all the toys in there? Since the North Pole is a toy manufacturing plant, they also have a very diverse distribution center. These centers are positioned all over the world and each package is bar coded and shipped to a specific warehouse. As Santa moves across the world, his employees, or elves, restock his sled as needed. That's why you see all those trucks delivering toys to the malls and stores in your area.

So there you have it. The Santa Conspiracy as told by the Grassy Knoll Institute.

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Santa Clone Conspiracy

Santa Claus Is A Clone Conspiracy

The Grassy Knoll Institute in it's relentless pursuit of the truth, has discovered the true secret of the "Santa Claus Myth".For hundreds of years, many people wondered how Santa Claus was able to deliver presents and gifts to all the good boys and girls of the world in just one night.

The photo above is scientific evidence of a vast cloning farm that has been going on at the North Pole for many many years.

As the story goes, the original Santa gene was cloned to make thousands of the magical jolly old elves enabling them to spread out and canvass the entire globe on Christmas. So yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus. In fact, there are several thousand of them.

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You Know It Is Christmas Time When

Coke Santa

As the cartoon character Charlie Brown hinted way back in 1966, Christmas has become to commercialized?

This mornings newspaper weighed in at over 5 pounds as advertisements from every store imaginable were visible.
It seems that Christmas advertising starts a little earlier each year.

I believe it won't be to long that the day after Halloween, we consumers will start to be bombarded with Christmas ads.
Heck, I opened the fridge today, grabbed a Coke, and Lo and Behold, who was on the front of the can. You guessed it, Santa Claus himself.

"Isn't there anyone that knows the true meaning of Christmas"?
Cue Linus......

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Christmas Memories Of The 1960'S

Way back in the early 1960's, I guess I was around 5 years old at the time, I remember my older brother Jack having an argument with my mother about being bad. Being that it was Christmas time, my mother played the Santa Claus card. She saw that I was watching and listening to the argument and decided to kill two birds with one stone.Mom stopped Jack in mid sentence and said that Santa Claus was listening and he wouldn't like this conversation. After all mom said, he knows when you are bad or good so be good for goodness sakes.

My older brother Jack took a step back, paused a moment, formulated his reply, and then let er rip. He told mom that he was bad last year and Santa still bought presents for him.

That was it. Mom pulled the final trump card with the all to frightening, "Wait till your father gets home" ending the argument with Jack running for cover and with me trying to quietly slink away as to not be wrongly associated with what just happened.

That evening, Jack took all the heat as dad lowered the boom on him. I went unscathed from the episode lucking out.

Several weeks later, Christmas was here and my brother Jack was correct. He had plenty of presents under the tree. Exactly the same amount as me. Hmmnnn. Jack was on to something here. I wanted in on it. Of course Jack wanted something in return. A favor perhaps, money, chores. But that is another story......

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