 |
| Santa Claus Conspiracy |
The Grassy Knoll Institute Santa Claus Conspiracy Theory has begun.
As a child, I often wondered how Santa Claus was able to tell if I was being naughty or nice, let alone millions of boys and girls.
Or how Santa had reindeer that could fly.
Or how Santa had enough time to visit every house in the world in one night.
Or how Santa fit down the chimney.
Or how Santa could fit all the toys in his one sled.
Well, the Grassy Knoll Institute finally reveals the Santa Mystery.
At the North Pole, Santa's home base and major toy manufacturing facility, are super computers with a huge database of every boy and girl in the world. His employees, also known as elves, work diligently updating their records on each child. Many phone calls to parents are necessary. Santa Claus then analyzes the data and then decides who is naughty and who is nice.
How do reindeer fly? Actually, it is not the reindeer that do the flying, but the sleigh that they pull. The sleigh is designed in such a manner that creates a wind tunnel vortex that sweeps up objects and propels them through the air. The sleighs rudders help control the direction and maneuverability and the reindeer simply guide the sleigh and keep it steady and on course.
The next problem was how does Santa have the time to visit all the boys and girls of the world all in one night? Some say the time lines of each region but there is a much simpler explanation. Santa Claus has the ability to bend time in the same manner as light bends when it comes in contact with water. When Santa begins his once a year journey on Christmas Eve, he enters the Santa space time continuum loop enabling him to virtually slow down time to a halt so an hour to him feels like a second to us. This way, he can carry out his travels and still have plenty of time.
On to the chimney, and what if some houses don't have chimneys? Santa is a contortionist. He is able to bend his body into many difficult and very limited spaces, such as a chimney. When a chimney isn't available, a crawl space or window does just fine.
The sled is only so big. So how does he fit all the toys in there? Since the North Pole is a toy manufacturing plant, they also have a very diverse distribution center. These centers are positioned all over the world and each package is bar coded and shipped to a specific warehouse. As Santa moves across the world, his employees, or elves, restock his sled as needed. That's why you see all those trucks delivering toys to the malls and stores in your area.
So there you have it. The Santa Conspiracy as told by the Grassy Knoll Institute.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
No comments:
Post a Comment
Entertain Me With Your Wealth Of Worthless Knowledge