Thought Screen Helmet Hair

TSH Hair

One of the drawbacks of wearing the stylish thought screen helmet is classic Helmet Hair Syndrome. You see, once you are abducted, you must forever wear the thought screen helmet to prevent any more alien influence. Rolf, pictured above, is one of the many tormented souls hounded by aliens attempting to control his mind and actions.

However, the above photo does prove a point on a hotly debated subject that velostat, the secret magical material that lines official thought screen helmets does hold an electric charge and provides protection against aliens using telepathy to control the mind.

Knowledge is power. The Grassy Knoll Institute will continue to investigate the shocking story of alien abductions and the thought screen helmets that prevent them.

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Thought Screen Helmet Face Shield

No one can be 100% protected and secure from the evil race of aliens attempting to control ordinary citizens minds through telepathy. Thats why the Grassy Knoll Institutes team of rocket scientists have developed the Thought Screen Face Shield to compliment the thought screen helmet.

Up until today, the thought screen helmet was the only protection to prevent alien abduction and mind control. Now, the sleek light weight Thought Screen Face Shield is more added protection.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is constructed from durable lightweight polyurethane that contours to your facial features for a snug perfect fit. It is lined with a thin layer of velostat to block out a full frontal assault by thought controlling aliens giving you the freedom to go about your everyday chores and live a normal life.

Extensive testing proved when both are worn together, alien abductions dramatically decreased by over 95%. (Degree of accuracy scale is plus or minus 95%) With results like this, you cannot afford to be without one.

The Thought Screen Face Shield is proudly endorsed by:
The Phantom of the Opera
Freddy Kruger
Jason Verhooves
The Lone Ranger
Michael Myers
Spiderman
Batman
The Flash
The Green Lantern

Sold at reputable stores everywhere.

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Thought Screen Helmet Death

On A Scale of 1 To 10

An evil alien race controlling local citizens minds through telepathy strike once again.

These two men barely had enough time to don their helmets before the aliens struck. Johnny, the man wearing the shiny metal thought screen helmet was quoted saying, "Thank god for the magical properties of velostat." (Velostat is a 3M fabric said to possess special magnetic properties that shield telepathic thought waves from aliens.)

Sadly, several seconds after this photo was taken, Johnny's head exploded from the pressure generated from the aliens attempting to penetrate Johnny's cranium.

The funeral is Saturday.

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Thought Screen Helmet Analysis

Thought Screen Helmet - Never So Sexy

Thought Screen Helmet In Silver

Liz Hurley, super model, cover girl, world reknown actress, all around good girl, alien abductee, swears by her thought screen helmet. (We cannot print how she's swearing, but she does, trust us!)

The Grassy Knoll Institute has some questions relating to the properties and value of the Thought Screen Helmet. Does the thought screen helmet really work? If so, how does it work? Is the helmet water proof? Where can you find these helmets? And, wouldn't you think the aliens would concentrate their mental powers and effort on world leaders other than a dairy farmer in Kansas, or a secretary in Beloit? All good questions indeed which will be answered.

What is the Thought Screen Helmet?
It is a garment device, a hat, nay, a helmet, made out of several secret materials that give it special telepathic canceling powers that stop aliens from controlling your thoughts and actions. If you have ever been abducted by aliens, and have been or are currently being controlled by an alien, the thought screen helmet is for you. The helmet is designed to prevent alien abductions by blocking the mental telepathy of the aliens to your brain. And it's guaranteed to work 100% of the time.

Does the thought screen helmet really work?
A testimonial is perhaps the best way to answer this question. Autie Skimmelhorn, baker at Buttermaid Bakery, attests that since wearing his thought screen helmet 24 hours a day for the past 8 months, he has not once been abducted by aliens. How can you argue with that statement? You can also attest that since he hadn't brushed his teeth in the same time frame, that may have skewed the results. It's too early to call at this point.

How does the hat work?
Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The hat emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens. The secret is in the ingredients. Velostat is the main ingredient. Velostat is a material made of opaque, volume conductive, carbon impregnated polyolefin. They are easily grounded. Neither age nor humidity affects the electrical characteristics of velostat.
Basically, three square yards are needed to line your hat or helmet of choice and by using duct tape, hold the velostat in place thus blocking out any alien invasion of the mind.

Is the thought screen helmet waterproof?
Depending on the hat, which should be vinyl, rubber, or leather, it is safe to assume that they are. The reasoning behind this question is how does one take a shower with the helmet still encased on your skull? If you need to wear it 24/7 to prevent alien control, wouldn't you think the aliens would be smart enough to abduct you while showering?

How do I get one of these wonderful hats, err, helmets?
They are not sold in any stores. (Rumor has it that Wal-Mart has a small secret selection to choose from. Note: You must know the secret handshake) If you do need a helmet, alas, you must make one from scratch yourself. But fear not. There are instructions that even a first time alien abductee can understand.

Why don't the aliens concentrate their efforts on world leaders instead of non political people?
If aliens were here on earth, and do have the capability to invade human minds and control them, why would they waste their time on non-political non-influential people? I would go straight to capital hill and the white house. I would make sure president Bush was under total control along with the entire house and senate. (Perhaps the presidents action do lend credence to alien mind control) With the political and military leaders under mind control, the aliens can easily control the rest of the population forcing the alien will upon us. How else can you explain Skating With The Stars and Survivor, 12th Installment?

In closing, if you believe aliens are attempting to control your mind, or have already taken control of your mind, and that the thought screen helmet will effectively eliminate the telepathic waves, you're unequivocally nuts.

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