To Serve Man

To Serve Man

Grassy Knoll Institute Ion News Reporting:
The world is rejoicing today as war against the giant aliens appear to be over. Left on the doorsteps of the United Nations building was a giant book with the inscription "To Serve Man" emblazoned on it.

The Giant Aliens sent a message that this book was their equivalent of the holy books of the religious faiths on Earth. A team of language experts are pouring over it in an attempt to decipher its contents now. One particular passage, Kanamits 812 is repeated throughout the book. If this is the cipher, then the rest of the book and all it's wisdom can be unlocked.

Strangely, this sounds all to familiar to the scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute.

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First Glimpse Of Asteroid TU24

First Glimpse Of Asteroid TU24 To Slam Into Earth

Asteroid TU24

As Monday rapidly approaches NASA has all their satellites trained on asteroid TU24 which is speeding towards earth on an direct impact course. The asteroid should hit the Southern hemisphere at 0500 GMT on Monday the 28th.

NASA through it's tracking satellites was able to capture this startling photograph of TU24 just as it swung around the moon heading towards earth.

God save us all.....
And for you atheists, you're up the creek without a paddle.

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Mars Has Water

Mars has Water And Life

Several weeks ago NASA splashed the headlines with news that they had found water on the red planet. Not just evidence of an ancient water flow long ago dried up, or frozen water embedded at the polar ice caps that may or may not be water, but actual flowing water currently on the planet Mars not more than a year.

What an incredible coincidence that this major discovery of flowing water, an essential key building block of life, is discovered now on Mars. At a time when space exploration is being scrutinized and interest in the red planet is waning.

The Grassy Knoll Institute offers this explanation as to why water has now been revealed on Mars. Like millions of people, the Grassy Knoll Institute was intrigued when the Mars rover Pathfinder, a little unmanned craft took it's first treadmill like steps on the Martian soil snapping hundreds of photo's and boldly going where no machine ever went before. (Thanks Gene Roddenberry)

Then came the Spirit and Opportunity NASA Mars rovers. Twin rovers larger and more durable than Pathfinder, blasted off to Mars for a 90 day survey mission. The rovers were only supposed to last for 90 days in the harsh surface conditions, but 90 days went and gone and the rovers were still ticking. They are now going into their fourth year on the planet still taking pictures of rocks and craters and mountains. But no one cares anymore. Because once you've seen a Martian rock from the rovers position of 2 feet from the ground, seeing thousands more of the same pictures of the rocks cousins is not that exciting.

NASA needs to be in the public eye once again, to capture the American interest in space exploration again. What better way than to announce the discovery of water on Mars alluding to the possibility that life does exist on the planet, not just ancient fungus long ago dead and dried, but thriving green plant life. And everyone knows the next logical step from that is mammal life.

It will be very interesting to see how NASA approaches the appropriations committee for their new space endeavor to land on Mars, take soil samples, water samples, and plant life samples, and blast off from the planet back to Earth for analysis.

The Grassy Knoll Institute will be watching.

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NASA Shuttle Atlantis

NASA Space Shuttle Conspiracy

NASA is in the news spotlight once again as shuttle Atlantis returned to earth after a successful mission with the international space station. The shuttle's camera's spotted some space debris in the shuttle's orbit possibly posing a threat during re-entry.

Shuttle Atlantis commander Brent Jett stated to Mission Control that the debris looked like two rings and a piece of tin foil. He further noted that the object was 100 or so feet from the shuttle and was "A reflective cloth or a mechanic looking-cloth...It's not a solid metal structure."

Does anyone else find this explanation familiar? Oh, I don't know, maybe about 50 years ago, in a tiny little town called Roswell. Hundreds of townsfolk reported seeing something strange in the sky. Many said they saw it crash in a farmers field. Even the newspapers said it was a Unidentified Flying Saucer.

After a panic and more media, the government put a lid on the story and concocted the cover story that a top secret weather balloon was what was actually seen in the sky. They even showed some nuts, bolts, rings, and a large piece of tin foil.

The Shuttle landed perfectly in a very rare night time landing. Grassy Knoll Institutes own rocket scientists have acquired the classified film footage taken from the shuttle camera and found startling evidence that the objects are not so-called space junk. Our scientists were able to extrapolate that the objects were alien probes, sent to spy on the space station.

The shuttle astronauts, after un-docking from the station, spent an extra day syncing its orbit with the probes and the shuttles robotic arm was able to snatch the probe and place it in the cargo bay.

Of course, the cover story was that NASA was concerned about the objects and danger they presented to the shuttle. Hence the extra day in space. And the landing in the cover at night completed the mission.

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