Pre-Cana Marriage Preparation Conference
The Pre-Cana Marriage Preparation Conference is for engaged couples planning to be married in the Catholic Church and referred by the priest/deacon or marriage coordinator. A full day is created which will enable you to have an opportunity to discuss honestly with each other your strengths and weaknesses in family living, communication, finances, Christian sexuality, the Sacrament of Matrimony and your role in the Church and society.
Doesn't sound so bad, until you actually go to the conference. My wife Patty and I went 6 months before we were to be married. We went begrudgingly to satisfy our Parish priest. Our Pre-Cana was not a conference but a series of classes.
Part One, The Meet And Greet.
Patty and I arrived at the church rectory and waited patiently for Father Vince to enter. Soon father Vince entered and we all sat around his desk engaging in some small talk. Father seemed to want to get right down to business. He began by explaining that he would be asking questions that would give him some insight into our lives and the ability to evaluate the strength of our love and dedication to one another.
Part Two. The Envelope.
The very first question asked was how much money I made each month. I looked over at Patty and replied, "I make enough". This did not satisfy our priest. Again, he probed, saying it was important to talk about finances to prevent unforseen money problems. I politely replied that we had discussed finances and both of us were in agreement that we could live on our salaries comfortably. We understood about utility bills and that I have been living away from my parents for a while and knew about rent payments, cable TV, and food bills.
Once again, father Vince said that he needed to know how much money I made so that he could evaluate our finances for himself. At this point, I became a little agitated, knowing where his questioning was leading. He wanted to know how much I made so he could calculate his cut for the Sunday envelope offering. I told father Vince that it was none of his business and to move on with the interrogation, err...questions.
Part Three. The Test.
After surviving the financial part, the next part had to be a breeze. What could be worse? I would soon find out. Father Vince said we were now going to take a compatibility test. Patty would take her test in the waiting room down the hall and I would stay with father Vince in his office and take mine there. I was thinking 10-20 questions. WRONG! This test had 300 questions. Everything from finances, furniture taste, to what we would name our children.
Several hours later, I had finished and wouldn't you know, Patty had to and walked in as I was bringing my test booklet to fathers desk. We were told to talk amongst ourselves while he graded our tests. Now I was pretty confident for I was a pretty good test taker and Patty said she knew all the answers right away. A little while later and father Vince began to speak. His tone was very stearn and direct. He said that in all his years conducting these classes, he had never seen test results such as ours. Out of all 300 questions, we didn't miss a single one. We had answered exactly the same. I was feeling pretty good at this time thinking that our test scores spoke volumes of our compatibility and that we were perfect for each other. Then the magic was broken. Father Vince asked if I had cheated. Taken about, I said how could I have with him sitting in the same room as me. He simply couldn't accept that we had tested perfect.
Part Four. The Second Session.
As our first class concluded, father Vince shocked me when he said that there would be four more sessions to prepare us for marriage and that we were to meet back at the rectory next week. The discussion would be on living together as a married couple and sharing responsibilities.
I could see that the battle lines had been drawn. I had to go on the offensive. No way could I survive another class. I quickly lept in and pointed out that as a priest, father Vince really had no perception on married life since he lived as a bachelor his entire life. I saw the opening and continued. I added that since my parents were married for many years and had seven children that I should be asking them for marriage advice instead of from a bachelor who has no bills and lives in a house paid for by the church. Father Vince sensed my advantage and slowly backed off. This would be the last class we would attend.
Part Five. The Departure And The Irony.
Two weeks before we were to be married, father Vince had a lapse in faith and decided to leave the church. He then quickly got married and moved out of the area. I was sort of hoping that he would have to go through the same Pre-Cana classes that Patty and I had to endure. I think I would have put a little extra in the Sunday plate if I could have seen that!
PS. We are going strong on 22 plus years of wedded bliss. I guess the test scores were correct.
LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL
