Nookie Green Irish Humor

To kick off the St. Patrick's Day weekend holiday, I offer an old family joke told over and over this time around St. Patrick's day.

When our family gets together, and there are a lot of us, we sit around the dinner table and tell old jokes. This is one of my favorites. Don’t stop me if you’ve heard it already, I have to much fun telling it again and again.

Father Flanagan enters the confessional ready to listen to the parishioners confess their sins. He hears the door creek open and a male voice begins to speak…..
“Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.” Father Flanagan, hearing almost the same confession just the day before from Paddy begins to realize that Nookie Green is becoming very popular with the male parishioners. Then, he tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go now and say three Hail Mary’s and three Our Fathers.”

Soon, another man enters the confessional and begins, “Bless me Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.” This time Father Flanagan simply has to ask — “Who is Nookie Green?”
“A new widow woman in town,” the sinner replies. “Very well,” says the priest. “Go now and for penance, say ten Hail Mary’s and ten Our Fathers.” With that, the priest leaves the church wondering, what’s going on with this widow named Nookie Green?

The next morning in church Father Flanagan is preparing to deliver his sermon,when suddenly a gorgeously tall woman enters. All the men’s eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is a shiny bright green and way too short, and she is wearing matching shiny emerald green shoes, and a green boa.

Father Flanagan and the alter boys gasp, as the woman in the matching green outfit, sits there with her legs slightly spread apart. Father Flanagan turns to the alter boy and whispers, “Is that Nookie Green?” The alter boy, breathing hard, squints his eyes and replies; “No, I think it’s just the reflection off her shoes.”

Happy St. Patrick's Day To Ye

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

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Triple Dog Dare

Triple Dog Dared!

Great Christmas gift. Really slow in adding it to the Institute, but I am committed to getting everything up to date. (Someday anyway!) Make sure your speakers are turned up. (No, a scary monster won't jump out at you. It's just so you can hear the dialog.) Enjoy.

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Maxwell's Restaurant - Grilled Chicken

Maxwells Of Gatlinburg

Maxwell's Restaurant is located right on the Parkway in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Being in the mood for something different to eat, we ventured in and were greeted by a huge fish tank with apparently our dinner swimming inside. We were met by the hostess and seated right away. (Not a good sign on a busy week during the Smoky Mountain trade show in Gatlinburg) Our waitress took our drink order, (Diet Coke) and then our dinner order which was the grilled chicken in a lemon sauce.

Potato Soup

Instead of the salad, I opted for the soup, which was a wise choice for it was potato soup. A huge assortment of bread was brought to our table with plenty of butter. The potato soup was exquisite, the best potato soup I have ever had. Big chunks of potato, carrots, celery, a hint of bacon, onion, and a very steamy broth that made my mouth water. The bread I passed on.

Grilled Chicken

The main dish came out minutes after our soup and salads were done. The chicken was plentiful, cooked just right, and several added lemon slices were on hand just in case more was needed. A steaming hot baked potato in butter completed the meal.

The chicken tasted great. (It tasted just like chicken!) Very tender, juicy, and just spicy enough. As baked potatoes go, this one was very good.

The cost was just under $30 not including tip.

The Grassy Knoll Diner awards 4.25 out of 5 shots to Maxwell's Restaurant in Gatlinburg and recommends them for dinner.

Addendum: 10/24/2011: Sadly, Maxwell's restaurant has closed. The reason is not known. The sign is still up but no new restaurant seems to be going in anytime soon.

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1. 
   

   Contessa Confessa said

   March 5, 2008 at 11:12 pm e
   I just love a man that delivers… *wink*
   Reply
2. 
   

   LOTGK said

   March 5, 2008 at 11:40 pm e
   There’s plenty more where that came from.
   I was at Stack, Kokomo’s, California pizza, and Carnegie Deli twice this trip. But I’m lazy, it will take a little while to get them posted.
   Reply
3. 
   

   Eddy said

   March 6, 2008 at 1:36 am e
   I thought you were in Las Vegas. or are you behing again.
   Reply
4. 
   

   Jungljim69 said

   March 6, 2008 at 7:25 am e
   You know what gets me LOTGK? You and I both travel extensively. When I look at the meal listed above and add up the cost of the ingredients, (.60 potato, .30 diet coke, 1.00 potato soup and MAYBE .99 worth of chicken and they have the nerve to charge 30.00 for it. I can see maybe charging 10.00. BASTARDS!
   Reply
5. 
   

   LOTGK said

   March 7, 2008 at 12:19 am e
   Excellent point Jim.
   I always wondered the same at the service garage for my car. You can buy the part needed to repair the car for 10 bucks, but then have to pay a mechanic 150 dollars to install it.
   I guess the same goes with restaurants.
   You pay the cook 30 dollars to cook it.
   Plus tip….
   All of them bastards.
   Reply
6. 
   

   Scott said

   April 6, 2009 at 3:47 pm e
   My wife and I try to always get to Maxwell’s every time we are in Gatlinburg. I have always been happy with the quality of the service and the food. Given that it is a local restaurant we weren’t expecting a lot the first time we went in and honestly only did so because it was open later than most other places.
   The trout is good and the beef loin, excellent. The bananas foster is a kick but it’s definitely a dessert for two or more. I agree they are overpriced (what isn’t in Gatlinburg?) but for a couple’s night out I am willing to splurge a little.
   I recently tried getting to their website but the one I found had expired, I went to a to get the phone number to make sure they were still open for business.
   Reply
7. 
   

Nun Punishment

Gemma Massey - Sexy Catholic Nun Punishment

Sister Gemma Massey, disciplining a careless student caught passing notes in second period religion class. The penalty, of course was immense torture followed by death by belt hanging.Perhaps nun punishment wasn't quite so harsh as depicted above, but to be fair, the nuns didn't look anything like the sexy Gemma Massey, the international model portraying the maniacal Catholic nun at the Chicago Halloween trade show.

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Idora Park Entrance Sign

This was the Idora Amusement Park entrance sign just off of Canfield Road in Youngstown, Ohio. It stood proud and tall for many years. Even years after the park closed in 1984.

A polka festival was the last advertised event at Idora Park. I can remember the yellow blinking lights and the blue background announcing to all that you had arrived at Idora Park.

The sign has been torn down several years ago but you can still see in the road the indentations where it stood.

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Triple Dog Dared

Triple Dog Dare

Apparently Inga never watched the classic holiday film, A Christmas Story. Otherwise, she would have known what happens when she sticks her tongue onto a pole.

Perhaps Inga was Triple dogged Dared much like Flick was in the movie and couldn't resist the challenge.

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Rosie O'Grady Restaurant And Bar - Fish And Chips

Rosie O' Gradys Restaurant And Bar New York

Being Irish, I have an soft spot for Irish cuisine. While In New York, we were drawn to the huge red neon sign that shone outside Rosie O'Grady's. Thinking it was an Irish restaurant, we went in for dinner. We were in luck, it wasn't packed yet, and we were seated in about 10 minutes.

Rosie O'Gradys Fish And Chips

Being that Rosie O'Grady's is an Irish restaurant, and their specialty of the house was fish and chips, I decided not to tempt fate and went with the special. Fresh bread and butter was brought to the table almost immediately as we sat down. It was very good.As you can see, the portions were generous, with four large beer battered fried cod with chips, (Flat fries) and a coke to finish the meal. The batter was deep fried to a crispy outside and a flaky moist inside. A squeezed lemon on the fish was the only topping I used. And well, ketchup for the fires, or chips.

Rosie O'Grady Apple Pie Dessert

Dessert was apple pie ala mode. The portion was average size, and it tasted good, but there was some type of paper wrapper on the plate as well. I don't know if the apple pie was frozen and the wrapper sort of stuck to the bottom, but that was the last bite I took just to be safe.The service was good, the restaurant was clean and efficient, the food hot, well prepared, and cooked to order, and the price was around $20 dollars excluding tip. Points are deducted for the dessert.

The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 3 shots out of 5 shots and recommends Rosie O'Grady's for dinner. (But not dessert)

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New And Improved Thought Screen Helmet

Not feeling feminine fresh? Now you can everyday with the new and improved Thought Screen Helmet (Developed by the rocket scientists at the Grassy Knoll Institute) made just for women. Look, it has wings and it makes toast as an added bonus. The ultimate multi-task accessory for the on-the-go business women.

WARNING:
Women are not immuned from the threat of alien abduction as some people in the scientific community had believed. Wearing the TSH to board room meetings will assuredly get you noticed. In fact, you and your thought screen helmet will be the topic of conversation no matter where you go.
And who doesn't want that type of recognition.

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Waffles For Breakfast - Philadelphia Style

Liberty Bell Waffles

In August, we spent a couple of days in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We stayed at the Downtown Philadelphia Marriott hotel. we had a very busy evening seeing the sites of the city and turned in for bed late. The next morning, we decided to eat at the hotel restaurant. (Mistake!)

We were seated quickly and soon the waitress took our order. I ordered a waffle with maple syrup and turkey sausages. After about 10 minutes wait, my waffle arrived, and as you can see, was as big as the plate. And being in Philly, it had the Liberty Bell icon embedded in the waffle. A nice touch.

The waffle was as waffles go, but it was good, cooked well, and filling. The turkey sausage was surprisingly good as well.

The cost however was where the good feelings ended. What you see here, a waffle, and several links of turkey sausage,  cost 18 bucks. Even for Manhattan, 18 bucks would be extremely high.

For the cost reason alone, the Grassy Knoll Institute does not recommend the downtown Philadelphia Marriott hotel restaurant for breakfast, lunch, or dinner and awards 1.5 shots out of 5.

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