Grassy Knoll Institute

9/30/2004

Worst Songs Ever Recorded

The Grassy Knoll Institute compiled the following list:
The worst songs ever recorded

Fish Heads by Barnes and Barnes.
You all remember, this is the second video that the new MTV music network played on its cable channel.

MacArthur Park by Richard Harris
Someone left the cake out in the rain,....and I'll never have that recipe again, oh no!!!!!

Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
Sorry Ice, you became a laughing stock.

Father Figure by George Michael
I won't be your father figure put your tiny hand in mine.....

Watching Scotty Grow by Bobby Goldsboro
The sequeal to Honey, see the tree how big its grown....

Silly Love Songs by Wings
Sorry Sir Paul.

Norman by Sue Thompson
Can only remember the words Norman, da da da da da d a da something, Norman,....

Boogie oogie oogie by A Taste of Honey
Get down, boogie, oogie, oogie were the only words I believe.

The Night Chicago Died by Paper Lace
Cheesy tune about Al Capone and someones daddy being a cop on the East side of Chicago.

Beach Baby by First Class
From July to the end of September, beach baby, beach baby, beach baby....

Emperors Clothes by Sinead O'Connor
Giving speaking in tongues a whole new meaning.

Informer by Snow
Real fast lyrics of nonsense. Here is a sample...."You know say daddy me snow me-a (gonna) blame A licky boom-boom down' Tective man he say, say Daddy Me Snow me stab someone down the lane A licky boom-boom down"

Rico Suave by Gerardo.
A horn supposedly that was to be sexy, sounds like a dump truck backing up.

She Bangs by William Haung
His 15 minutes of fame was up, now his song lives like "Night of the Living Dead"

Muskrat Love by Captain and Tenille.
A love song about a gerbel. Need anymore be said.

I've never been to me by Charlene
She's been to paradise, but shes never been to me.... And your point?

Disco Duck by Rick Dee's.
The death knell of disco.

Torn Between Two Lovers by Mary Mcgregor
A smarmy marmy tune sung off key.

Havin My Baby by Paul Anka
Just hate it. Couldn't tune the dial fast enough.

Strawberry Letter 23 by Brothers Johnson
It took him 22 previous attempts to write this...."Stained window yellow candy screen, See speakers of kite (ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) With velvet roses diggin' freedom flight (ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) A present from you (ah, ah, ah, ah, ah) Strawberry letter 22 The music plays I sit in for a few (ah, ah, ah, ah...)(Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)(Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...)"

Run Joey Run by David Geddes
And to think Madonna had a remake in her papa don't preach tune."Daddy please don't, it wasn't his fault, he means so much to meDaddy please don't, we're gonna get married...just you wait and see."

Bicycle Race Queen
Nice bell. Thats about it.

Mambo #5 by Lou Bega
Incessant melody that drives me crazy.

Billy Don't Be A Hero by The Heywoods
Well, he became a hero and died.

Feelings by Morris Albert
Most sung song on the gong show. Need more be said?

Cars by Gary Numan
In cars, duhn, duhn, duhm, da, da , da duhn, in cars. Great lyrics. Not!!!!

Lime In The Coconut by Harry Nillson
These lyrics speaks volumes...In what language I don't know."Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime, His sister had another one, she paid it for a lime. She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up. She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up. She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up. She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up, And said, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache? I say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"

Magnet and Steel by Walter Egan
This one was made of tin and it didn't stick...

Sylvias Mother by Dr Hook
Who cares about her mother especially when he's whining about her?

Rapture by Blondie
Well, just read these lyrics...."Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high DJ's spinnin' are savin' my mind. Flash is fast, Flash is coolFrancois sez fas, Flashe' no do. And you don't stop, sure shot. Go out to the parking lot. And you get in your car and you drive real far. And you drive all night and then you see a light. And it comes right down and lands on the ground. And out comes a man from Mars. And you try to run but he's got a gun. And he shoots you dead and he eats your head. And then you're in the man from Mars. You go out at night, eatin' cars. You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too Mercurys and Subarus. And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' cars. Then, when there's no more cars. You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet. Face to face, dance cheek to cheek"

Heartbeat by Don Johnson
Stick with Miami Vice Don.

Superbowl Shuffle by Chicago Bears players
Tainted a superbowl victory.

Fernando by Abba
Yes, we hear the drums? Wish We didn't.

Mickey by Toni Basil
Never look at cheeleaders quite the same.

Saturday Night by Bay City Rollers
Saw them at Idora Park. Last gig they ever had.

Tutti Fruitti by Pat Boone
Sure signs that Viagra has affected him.

Towin The Line by Rocky Burnette
I'm tired of listening dude. Cut the line already.

All By Myself by Eric Carmen
Wish he kept this song to himself.

Radioactive by The Firm
You're radioactive? Now what?

Anything by Kenny G

I Was Made For Dancin by Leif Garrett
But not for singin.

MmmmnBop by Hanson
Can't wait for their greatest hits album.

Chuck E's In Love by Ricky Lee Jones
Cats being tortured.

99 Red Balloons by Nena
She got a great body.

Anything by Art Garfunkel

Paper Roses by Marie Osmond
Utah's first family, Donny and Marie....

Which Way You Goin Billy by Poppy Family
The sign post up ahead...The Twilight Zone.

I Found Love On A Two Way Street by the Moments
But lost it on a lonely highway. DOA.

Telephone Man by Meri Wilson
Hey lolly lolly, get it any way you can. Oh god, make it stop.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds by Will Shatner
Ship.......out.......of.......danger......Beam me up Scotty, there's no talent here.

Betcha By Golly Wow by Stylisitcs
This is something someone would say while watching a porn movie.

Dont Call Us Well Call You by SugarLoaf
They're still waiting for the call.

I'm Not In Love by 10cc
The original boy band. You're not a hit either.

The Show Must Go On by 3 Dog Night
Never thought I'd hear carnival music in rock and roll.

Tip Toe To The Gas Pumps by Tiny Tim
God rest his soul. He peaked on Carson and bottomed by the end of the show.

I Think were Alone Now by Tiffany
Still afraid to go to the mall.

Dont Worry Be Happy by Bobby Mcfarren
Not even Robin Williams could bail this song out.

Anything by Slim Whitman or Box Car Willy.

These are the nominee's. All worthy to be the worst song ever. Did I miss any? Send along a reply to vote for your favorite worst song or add to the list.

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

9/27/2004

Lost Update - Second Verse Same As The First

Lost Update – Lost Is Virtual Reality 09/27/2004

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
Im standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin, its early morn
The taxis waiting, hes blowin his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could cry.

In part one of the two part pilot episode of the ABC series, “Lost” we found out that a jet malfunctioned and was blown more than a thousand miles off course. Knowing this, the search party is more than likely searching in the wrong location and will eventually deem the passengers as missing and then dead.

Next, we notice that there is a diverse group of passengers that survived. A rock star, debutantes, strong willed women, a doctor, a pregnant woman, a thug, a gentle giant, and from many different nationalities. And, it seems that all of them have some sort of secret to hide. What would that secret be?

There are 48 survivors. And not a single cell phone works. Very odd indeed. Yes, yes, out of range and how so convenient. The island looks harmless enough. A standard South Pacific paradise with plenty of green plantation and brush. And, oh yea, an invisible monster that crashes through the brush and comes right to the foliage line stopping just before the shore. A strange for-boding sound is emanating from this invisible creature and seems to be the central focal point of the series. And did you notice the size of this island? Its bigger than the big island of Hawaii. How can this island not be inhabited? And how could this tropical paradise not be cultivated by some business entrepreneur and have it turned into another Mecca of paradise for the elite and famous?

At nightfall, as everyone gathered around the fire, the doctor decides to look for the rest of the fuselage in hopes of finding the transceiver in hopes of communicating with the outside world. At daybreak, a small group embark on their journey. They find the fuselage, and a pilot that is alive, and the transceiver. Ahh, but the monster shows up yet again. Still invisible but this time sucks the pilot from the plane. The others run in fear and after several minutes of TV drama, they escape alive.

So, with all these clues, where are these people? I’m glad you asked. Let’s eliminate where they cannot be. Rod Serling is deceased so you can throw out the Twilight Zone. You can also skip over a remake of the old 1960’s TV show, “The New People”, the show about a plane wrecked crew of young people on a deserted island that was an abandoned nuclear weapons test site. That show only lasted one season. You can toss out the Bermuda Triangle, we are talking the Pacific Ocean, and last I heard, the Atlantic was where the Triangle resided.

OK, here is the kicker. You have waited long enough. Here’s the scoop. The plane wrecked survivors of Lost are actually abductee’s taken from an alien race and the island they are stranded on is a very life like laboratory. (Hold on, take a breath, flex your neck, and read on) The aliens, knowing they got the mix of passengers they want, take control of the plane and make it look like an accident to the FAA. This leaves all the people needed at the disposal of the alien race.

But for what reason you ask:
The survivors are in virtual reality induced coma’s and are all interconnected to one another. My thoughts are your thoughts type of interaction. With this type of environment, the aliens are able and capable to conduct any scientific, or biological experiment on their agenda.

The monster is merely the beginning of the experiment, to determine that everyone is hooked in to the virtual reality simulator. Anyone not seeing the monster is removed. Hence the people dying.

Throughout the series, the alien race will put obstacles in the passengers way to record and study their reactions, how they group together, how they work together, and how their imaginations become more vivid each passing hour. They will be studying the herd. The monster is just like the monster in the Movie, “Forbidden Planet”, a giant vicious invisible monster driven by the doctors ego, super ego, and id. The more the doctor was pushed, the more powerful and daring and jealous the monster became until it was uncontrollable and finally came into the camp and started killing the other people on the planet.

Saying this, perhaps Lost is a rehashed modern day Twilight Zone episode. You know the one. Where there are people trapped in a pit and there is no escape. A clown, a ballerina, a doctor, nurse, Indian, soldier, business man. They don’t know how they got there. They just woke up and they were there. As the days waned on, more people showed up while they slept. All became suspicious of each other and it was making it difficult to work together. Until that is, the people finally realized that they weren’t people at all, but dolls discarded by a child.

The sign post up ahead, The Twilight Zone….

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

9/24/2004

The Elevator

Another sound was just heard overhead. Could it be that they have returned? Maybe it was just a stray Tom cat or mangy dog scrounging for food. At that point, it was very difficult to determine reality from illusion. Maybe I should just come out of hiding and get it all over with. That's what they want anyway. To find me. To Kill Me.They have been hunting me ever since they obliterated the earth and enslaved the population. It was inevitable that one day they would find me. It has been 41 days since I have ventured above ground and soaked in the warm rays of the sun. Instead, I have chosen to survive, if you call it that, living in a burned out basement of a long since abandoned building. In a flash, a loud piercing bell sounded.

It was an elevator bell. Unaware, I was somehow teleported and was now standing inside a moving elevator. Trapped like the proverbial rat. Oh my god, they have finally found me. Panic and anxiety set in. "Excuse me sir," the elevator operator inquired, "You did say the 13th floor didn't you?" I panicked. I pushed the operator out of the door, formulating my escape route, knowing that for at least today, this moment, they would not get their prize, their feast, their trophy. I chanted over and over as I ran from the complex, "I will survive one more day."

"What's his problem?", the operator said to the bystanders. One of the others spoke up and said, "You know those traveling salesmen and how high strung they can be making cold calls."

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LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

9/23/2004

Lost Secrets - Leaving On a Jet Plane

Lost Secrets - Virtual Reality 09/23/2004

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
I’m leavin on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go.

The Grassy Knoll Institute Reveals All The Secrets About The ABC Series, LOST.

I watched the new series "Lost" last night. It was about a horrific plane crash that went down 1000 miles off course leaving 48 survivors stranded on an island. And oh yes, there is a terrible huge invisible monster roaming the island. The Lost pilot was very entertaining but many things did not jive and some scenes were all too familiar. At fisrt notice, my thought process was that the passenegers were all dead and were placed on this island in some sort of Purgatory. But, no, Hell no, it couldn't be about that. Could it?

To start, the premise. Way back in the 1970′s, there was a series that came on right after “Music explosion” titled “The New People”. It was about a group of people stranded on a desert island and all they had to survive was themselves. Until they found an abandoned town smack dab in the middle of the island. The island was stacked with food supplies, water, cars, houses, everything. Except people. Anyway, the reality of the show was that these people were stranded on an island that the U.S. Government had targeted for nuclear bomb testing and was preparing to monitor the effects of the explosion and fallout. Or, was the plan scrapped and forgotten. Each episode would dwell on that. Lets hope LOST is not based on this show. It only lasted one and a half seasons.

Next familiarity. One of the pilots said that they tried to turn back to Australia. Then the tail section broke off and were blown more than a thousand miles off course. The plane crashed where no search party will be looking. This is the tie in tho Tom Hanks movie, “Castaway, ” the movie about a Federal Express Executive left stranded on a deserted island by himself and left with only his wits and desire to be reunited with his wife. The plane was blown off course and the search party was looking in the wrong place. But, it can’t be based on that movie, its been done already. And besides, who would be Wilson?

This TV show is not what you think it is about. The Grassy Knoll Institute will offer up its theory with fact, fiction, and a little back seat driving. But, you will be shocked what we reveal in the next LOST update.

Stay tuned. Part two of the Lost pilot will be discussed and the Grassy Knoll Institute theory fully revealed and mapped out.

Each and every week Lost airs I will post an update on how my theory holds against the episode and the entire theory on Lost.

Back To Lost Theories Archives

LURKING, NOT REALLY LOST, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/16/2003

Vinyl Record Albums Of The Past

These vinyl record albums were rescued from the basement of the secret lair of the Grassy Knoll Institute. These old vinyl albums haven’t seen the light of day in more than a decade. It took me quite awhile to find a turn table (Yes, turn table) with a working needle to play them once again. Enjoy the nostalgia.

Alice Cooper - Billion Dollar Babies 1973
Alice Cooper - Love It To Death (1971)
Beach Boys - Endless Summer (1974)
Beatles - Abbey Road (1969)
Beatles - Introducing The Beatles1964
Beatles - Revolver 1966
Bob Seger - Night Moves (1976)
Bonzo Dog Band - Beast Of The Bonzo's (1971)
Boston - Debut Album (1976)
Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run (1975)
Buoys, The - Timothy (1971)
David Bowie - Alladinsane (1973)
ELO - Discovery -1979
Elvis Presley - Love Me Tender (1956)
Four Tops - Live - 1966
Fleetwood Mac - Fleetwood Mac 1975
Glass Harp - Glass Harp (1971)
Heart - Dreamboat Annie (1976)
Jesus Christ Superstar 1970
Jethro Tull - Aqualung (1971)
Jim Morrison And The Doors - Morrison Hotel (1970)
Jimi Hendrix - Are You Experienced (1967)
Led Zeppelin - Houses Of The Holy 1973
Led Zeppelin - Zoso (1971)
Meatloaf - Bat Out Of Hell (1977)
Peter Frampton - Comes Alive 1976
Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon (1973)
President Kennedy Vinyl (1963)
Prince - 1999 (1982)
Sam Kinison - Louder Than Hell (1986)
Steely Dan - Aja 1977
Rolling Stones - Hot Rocks (1971)
U2 - The Unforgettable Fire (1984)
Yes - Fragile - 1972

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/15/2003

Youngstown Restaurants

Youngstown Restaurants - Youngstown, Ohio is the home of the secret lair of the Grassy Knoll Institute operatives. It's also a city with many dining options. From the greasy spoon, to the little old diner, fast food joints, any style of pizza, and full scale restaurants. And I've been to most of them.

Youngstown Archives A Through F Below:

Alberini's Restaurant - Chicken Parmagiana
Antone's Italian Restaurant - Chicken Parmesan Dinner
Antone's Restaurant - Deep Dish Pasta Bake
Antone's Restaurant - Famous Fried Cheese
Antones Restaurant - Lasagna Dinner
Applebee's Restaurant - Sampler Platter
Arby's Restaurant - Big Montana Roast Beef
Arby's Restaurant - Chicken Sandwich
Arby's Restaurant - Four For Five Deal
Arby's Restaurant - Giant Roast Beef Sandwich
Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich
Avalon Gardens - Chicken Strips
Avalon Gardens - Pizza
A&W Restaurant - Last Meal - Double Cheeseburger
Belleria Pizza - Chicken Parmesan Dinner
Belleria Restaurant - Fried Haddock Dinner
Belleria Restaurant - Large Pizza
Blue Wolf Tavern - Chicken Parmesan
Bob Evans - Bacon Omelette - (Take Out)
Bob Evans - Cheeseburger (Take-Out)
Bob Evans - Take Out - Cheeseburger And Fries
Bob Evans - Take Out - Turkey Dinner
Boulevard Tavern - Chicken Parmigiano
Bruno's Pizza Shop - 18 Inch Large Cheese Pizza
Burger King - Bacon Hot Fudge Sundae
Burger King - Big Enormous
Burger King - BK Stacker Double
Caffe Capri - Chicken Parmesan Dinner
Caffe Capri - Filet Mignon Dinner
Cafe Roma - Chicken Strip Dinner
Cafe Roma - Pepperoni Roll
Cafe Roma - Pizza
Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup
Canfield Scaregrounds - Pizza And Fries
Carabba's Italian Grill - Chicken Parmesan And Penne
Charlie Staples Restaurant - BBQ Chicken Dinner
Cheddars - BBQ Ribs And Chicken - (CLOSED)
Cheddars - Bacon Cheeseburger And Fries - (CLOSED)
Chef Boyardee - Ravioli In A Can
Chick-Fil-A Chicken Breakfast Biscuit
Chick-Fil-A Online Ordering App

Classic Bakery Cookies
Cocca's Pizza Boardman Service Sucks
Cocca's Pizza - Pepperoni Pizza
Coke And A Smile
Cornersberg Pizza - Large Cheese
Dairy Queen Butterfinger Blizzard
Dairy Queen Dilly Bar
Dairy Queen Thin Mint Blizzard
Davidsons - Bacon Cheeseburger
Dominos Sausage Pizza 01/30/2018
Dunkin Donuts - Assorted Dozen
Dunkin Donuts - Independence Day Donuts
Dunkin Donuts - Sausage Egg And Cheese Breakfast Wrap
Elephant Ear Restaurant - Cheeseburger And Corn Dog
Elephant Ear Restaurant - Revisited Critique
Elmton Bar - Large Pizza And Wings
Five Guys Burgers - Cheeseburger And Fries

Youngstown Archives G Through L Below:

Gia's Pizza - Fried Haddock Special

Gloria Jeans Coffees
Handel's Ice Cream - Butter Pecan
Hungry Howie's - Calzone (Take Out)
Hungry Howies - Pizza
Inner Circle - Pepperoni Pizza
Jib Jab Hot Dog Shoppe - Chili Cheese Dog
Jib Jab Hot Dog Shoppe - Chili Cheese Hot Dogs
Jimmy John's -Turkey, Cheese, Bacon Sub
Jorgine's Restaurant - Meatball Sandwich
Jump In Jacks - Chicken Parmesan
KFC - Big Box Meal Deal
KFC - Bucket Of Chicken
KFC - Chicken Strip Dinner
KFC - Lies To its Customers
Lamacusa Tavern - Bacon Cheeseburger
Lamacusa Tavern - Fish Sandwich
Lemon Grove Cafe - Bacon Cheeseburger (Take-Out)
Longhorn Steakhouse - Filet Mignon And Baked Potato
Long John Silvers - Chicken Planks

Youngstown Archives M Through R Below:

Margherita's Italian Restaurant
Marc's Store - BBQ Chicken
Marino's Italian Restaurant - Lent Fish
McDonalds - Double Cheeseburger And Fries
McDonald's - Sausage, Egg, Cheese Biscuit Breakfast
Milky Way Candy Bar - Solid As A Rock
Moore's Tavern - Cheeseburger And Fries (Take Out)
O'Charleys - Steak And Chicken
Outback Steakhouse - Filet Mignon
Pappa's Pizza - Pepperoni Roll
Pastino's - Chicken And Fries
Pastino's - Pizza And Jo Jo Fries
Periscope Sub Shop - Turkey Sub
Pizza Hut - 12 Inch Pizza
Pizza Joe's - Breakfast Pizza
Pizza Joe's - Pepperoni Roll
Plaza Donuts - Assorted Dozen
Popeyes Fried Chicken
Quizzno's Restaurant - Foot Long Turkey Sandwich
Roadhouse - Chicken Parmigiana
Ruby Tuesday - BBQ Chicken Dinner

Youngstown Archives S Through Z Below:

Sandwich Factory French Fries
Scarsella's Italian Restaurant - Fried Cod Fish Dinner
Scarsella's Italian Restaurant - Lasagna Dinner

Scarsellas Meatball And Penne Dinner

Scarsella's Penne and Meatball Dinne
Schwebels' Bread - Wish Sandwich
Smoky Bones - BBQ Platter
Steak N Shake - Cheeseburger And Fries
Steak N Shake - Double Cheeseburger And Fries
Steamers Stonewall Tavern - Chicken Parmesan
Steamers Tavern - Perhaps The Best Cheeseburger
Subway - $5 Dollar Foot Long Meatball Sandwich
Subway - Foot Long Steak And Cheese Sub
Subway - Grilled Chicken Sandwich
Subway - Philly Cheese Steak Foot Long Sub
Subway - Footlong Turkey And Cheese Sub
Taco Bell - Taco's
Taco Bell - Chicken Taquito
Uptown Pizza Chicken Wings
Uptown Pizza - Regular Cheese Pizza
Uptown Pizza - Sausage 12 Inch Pizza
Vending Machines
Vending Machines - Cheese Curls
Vending Machine - Chipped Chopped Ham Sandwich
Wedgewood Pizza - Large 16 Inch Pizza With BBQ Chicken Topping
Wedgewood Pizza - Boardman - 16 Inch Pizza
Wendys - Double Cheeseburger
Wendys - Natural Cut French Fries
West Glen Restaurant - Fried Haddock Dinner
White House Fruit Farm Donuts

LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

San Francisco Restaurants

San Francisco Restaurants - This following program is dedicated to the city and people of San Francisco. Who may not know it but they are beautiful. And so is their city. This is a very personal song. So if the viewer cannot understand it. Particularly those of you who are European residents. Save up all your bread and fly Trans Love Airways to San Francisco U.S.A. Then maybe you'll understand this song. It will be worth it. If not for the sake of this song but for the sake of your own peace of mind. (Eric Burdon And the Animals)