Ghost Hunters Jumped The Shark

Last Night, Halloween evening, Sci-Fi channels Ghost Hunters, the widely popular reality television program, conducted a "Live" investigation at the Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville, Kentucky. The camera's went live at 9pm EST and continued to glow until 3am Thursday morning. A full six hours of ghost busting. Captured on camera.

The Atlantic Paranormal Society, (TAPS) headed up by Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson, (Lead investigators) chose the Waverly Hills location for its high concentration of paranormal activity and noted as one of the scariest haunted places on earth. A perfect selection indeed.

Sidenote: Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson are ghost busters at night and hold down full time day jobs as plumbers for a national chain, Roto Rooter.

The sanatorium opened in the early 1900's and in that time over 60,000 people died within the walls of the sanatorium and some believe many of these lost souls haunt the hallways still today.

The stage was set to catch some ghosts, or at least some empirical evidence that spirits do exist. TAPS even incorporated the help of their viewers via a Live Internet feed where thousands can watch multiple camera's and if any activity is spotted, click a "Panic" button alerting the TAPS team so they could send a team pronto.

Josh Gates was host to the live airing and made sure to mention his own show, 'Destination Truth' numerous times. They even invited guests to the haunts, ECW wrestler, Elijah Burke to help assist in the investigation.

The catch phrase, "Lights Out" was said and the haunt was on. For six hours straight. Each crew of two selected a floor of the sanatorium walking slowly down the hallways calling out to the dearly departed in hopes of proof that ghosts exist.

A children's bouncing ball was used in an attempt to bait one of the spirits, suspected to be a little boy, to kick the ball on camera. At least half a dozen times, camera's were trained on the bouncing ball sitting still in the hallway, with the investigators egging the spirit to kick the ball, push the ball, move the ball, anything with the ball. The ball still hasn't moved.

Other times, the crews chased shadows that could not be seen on the TV, and heard sounds, a woman crying, a child singing, spirits shuffling along, moans, groans, and wails. All of which could not be detected on television.

Elijah Burke freaked out as he supposedly saw something, a shadow, or a spirit, and felt it touch him. He bolted down the hall way running away in terror. Sadly, that was the high point of the show.

Josh Gates would break in from time to time updating the incredible amount of evidence that was being gathered, (I think he was watching another program) and then cut to commercial.

Six hours later, it was all over but the shouting. But one more thing was left undone.

An obligatory phone call to Geraldo Rivera letting him know that he is now off the hook for his "Live" television program, 'Al Capone's Secret Vault' (And the three hours of wasted film and time) as being the worst reality TV show ever broadcast.

Meanwhile, Fonzie, the hip beatnick from the popular sitcom 'Happy Days' was out in the Waverly Hills parking lot jumping a shark....

Happy Halloween

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LURKING, IN THE SHADOWS, ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

4th Grade Class Picture 1970

Class Picture - Pick Me Out

Catholic grade school. Where the grassy knoll conspiracy began. I knew the nuns were lying big time, not just to me, but to the entire class. I could see right through them. It was time to rebel, question everything, stop wearing clip on ties, and start eating meat on Fridays. This wise ass Irish kid had a plan, and it was a good one. I implemented phase one in first grade when I exposed the class nuns head by pulling off her habit. They knew at that moment that I meant business.
That led me to here. The Grassy Knoll Institute. Where everything is questioned. And I do still eat meat on Fridays. Not so much wear the clip on ties though.

As an added bonus, can anyone pick me out in the class picture? BTW, the nun pictured is Sister Eileen, the school principal. The FN bitch.

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Avalon Gardens Pizza Youngstown

Avalon Gardens Restaurant

Location: 1719 Belmont Ave Youngstown, OH 44504 Phone (330) 747-7800
The order: 12 inch cheese pizza.
The Service: No delivery, you had to pick up. The stated time was 20 minutes. We arrived on time but had to wait 10 minutes past the allotted 20 minutes.
The Taste: Good. Well cooked. Thick crunchy crust. Tangy sauce. Adequate amount of cheese.
Presentation: Standard cardboard pizza box with Avalon logo imprinted.
The Value: .$7.50 for a plain 12 inch pizza. Pretty steep.

The Rating: 2.75 out of 5 shots. The Grassy Knoll Institute barely recommends Avalon Pizza.

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Meatloaf - Bat Out Of Hell 1977

Meatloaf Bat Out Of Hell Record Album

On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Will he offer me his mouth? Yes!
Will he offer me his teeth? Yes!
Will he offer me his jaws? Yes!
Will he offer me his hunger? Yes!
Again, will he offer me his hunger? Yes!
And will he starve without me? Yes!
And does he love me? Yes!
Yes!
On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? Yes!
I bet you say that to all the boys

Bat Out Of Hell was a rock and roll album released in 1977 by a relatively unknown rocker and songwriter.

The album was a collection of teenage angst songs smartly choreographed to fit together nicely in a tight theme. The Grassy Knoll Institute recommends listening to Bat right away.

Meatloaf, who had a bit part in the cult classic film, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, literally burst onto the music scene with his debut album with such classics as the title theme, Bat out Of Hell, Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad, Paradise By The Dashboard Lights, and You took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth. This album only has 7 songs, but all are classic tunes that fit right in the theme. The song lyrics were printed on the inside jacket cover protecting the record.

The back cover has the song titles, Meatloaf in tux and shades, Jim Steinman, who wrote all the songs, and an unidentified woman rumored to be Ellen Foley who sang on the Paradise By the dashboard Light and You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth tracks.

Bat Out Of Hell Album Lyrics

Bat Out of Hell Record Album Back Cover

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LURKING AND ROCKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Pre-Cana Marriage Classes

Pre-Cana Marriage Preparation Conference

The Pre-Cana Marriage Preparation Conference is for engaged couples planning to be married in the Catholic Church and referred by the priest/deacon or marriage coordinator. A full day is created which will enable you to have an opportunity to discuss honestly with each other your strengths and weaknesses in family living, communication, finances, Christian sexuality, the Sacrament of Matrimony and your role in the Church and society.

Doesn't sound so bad, until you actually go to the conference. My wife Patty and I went 6 months before we were to be married. We went begrudgingly to satisfy our Parish priest. Our Pre-Cana was not a conference but a series of classes.

Part One, The Meet And Greet.

Patty and I arrived at the church rectory and waited patiently for Father Vince to enter. Soon father Vince entered and we all sat around his desk engaging in some small talk. Father seemed to want to get right down to business. He began by explaining that he would be asking questions that would give him some insight into our lives and the ability to evaluate the strength of our love and dedication to one another.

Part Two. The Envelope.

The very first question asked was how much money I made each month. I looked over at Patty and replied, "I make enough". This did not satisfy our priest. Again, he probed, saying it was important to talk about finances to prevent unforseen money problems. I politely replied that we had discussed finances and both of us were in agreement that we could live on our salaries comfortably. We understood about utility bills and that I have been living away from my parents for a while and knew about rent payments, cable TV, and food bills.

Once again, father Vince said that he needed to know how much money I made so that he could evaluate our finances for himself. At this point, I became a little agitated, knowing where his questioning was leading. He wanted to know how much I made so he could calculate his cut for the Sunday envelope offering. I told father Vince that it was none of his business and to move on with the interrogation, err...questions.

Part Three. The Test.

After surviving the financial part, the next part had to be a breeze. What could be worse? I would soon find out. Father Vince said we were now going to take a compatibility test. Patty would take her test in the waiting room down the hall and I would stay with father Vince in his office and take mine there. I was thinking 10-20 questions. WRONG! This test had 300 questions. Everything from finances, furniture taste, to what we would name our children.

Several hours later, I had finished and wouldn't you know, Patty had to and walked in as I was bringing my test booklet to fathers desk. We were told to talk amongst ourselves while he graded our tests. Now I was pretty confident for I was a pretty good test taker and Patty said she knew all the answers right away. A little while later and father Vince began to speak. His tone was very stearn and direct. He said that in all his years conducting these classes, he had never seen test results such as ours. Out of all 300 questions, we didn't miss a single one. We had answered exactly the same. I was feeling pretty good at this time thinking that our test scores spoke volumes of our compatibility and that we were perfect for each other. Then the magic was broken. Father Vince asked if I had cheated. Taken about, I said how could I have with him sitting in the same room as me. He simply couldn't accept that we had tested perfect.

Part Four. The Second Session.

As our first class concluded, father Vince shocked me when he said that there would be four more sessions to prepare us for marriage and that we were to meet back at the rectory next week. The discussion would be on living together as a married couple and sharing responsibilities.

I could see that the battle lines had been drawn. I had to go on the offensive. No way could I survive another class. I quickly lept in and pointed out that as a priest, father Vince really had no perception on married life since he lived as a bachelor his entire life. I saw the opening and continued. I added that since my parents were married for many years and had seven children that I should be asking them for marriage advice instead of from a bachelor who has no bills and lives in a house paid for by the church. Father Vince sensed my advantage and slowly backed off. This would be the last class we would attend.

Part Five. The Departure And The Irony.

Two weeks before we were to be married, father Vince had a lapse in faith and decided to leave the church. He then quickly got married and moved out of the area. I was sort of hoping that he would have to go through the same Pre-Cana classes that Patty and I had to endure. I think I would have put a little extra in the Sunday plate if I could have seen that!

PS. We are going strong on 22 plus years of wedded bliss. I guess the test scores were correct.

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Internet Virus Conspiracy

The Grassy Knoll Institute Reveals An Internet Virus Conspiracy

Another wave of Internet virus strains are infecting millions of computers. The previous headline is becoming common place in the computer age in which we live. Billions of dollars and valuable resources are being spent to combat and deter these virus outbreaks. Yet, after one strain is brought under control, another more powerful and destructive one erupts in the electrons of cyberspace forcing an unending vicious cycle of perpetual doom and gloom to consumers and manufacturers alike.

The MYDOOM virus is an excellent example. MYDOOM attacked the vulnerability of Microsoft powered computers through back doors and cracks in the firewalls. The virus sent a denial of service to a specific website effectively shutting down the site. The computers infected with MYDOOM virus were turned into slave drones and forced them to send that website millions of emails that overloaded the server effectively shutting down the site. And this happened to Microsoft, one of the most powerful software companies in the world.

What is my point you ask?
Many think that these virus strains are merely prototypes, tests if you will, on the Internet backbone and are a prelude to a much broader scale of terrorism via the Internet. MYDOOM virus infected millions of computers in just 48 hours. Could it be that each new strain has an added feature to test certain area's of the Internet structure, learning and building a better virus vehicle on the way. Perhaps the next strain will be more powerful and affect more than just one website and deny service to critical business agencies.

Some also believe it is a prelude to the coming of the antichrist. It fits all the criteria set.

The Grassy Knoll Institute will be watching.

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Nostradamus And Pope John Paul First

Grassy Knoll Institute delves into the Quatrains of Nostradamus. This time, we look at religious connections with a recent pope.

Pope John Paul I was elected in August of 1978 and help the Papacy for a mere 33 days. He followed 3 other popes who ruled for a short periods of time as well. 5 Popes in 20 years.
Nostradamus was very interested in the time of man, especially the 3rd Millennium, as three is the number of man. He wrote in his Quatrains back in the 1500's about a plot to kill the pope concocted by the Vatican council. I will post his Quatrains at the end but first the actual facts of the death of Pope John Paul I.

Pope John Paul I ruled for 33 days. In his very short reign, he ordered an investigation of the Freemasons, a powerful religious group, and the Mafia concerning a rumored murder committed involving several clergy in the church.

On the night of his death, Pope John Paul I gave a list to Cardinal Villot of people he wanted removed from power.

The pope died mysteriously the next day. The list given to Cardinal Villot singling out several was never seen again.

No post mortem was done on the pope. He was deemed dead from natural causes. The Pope was cremated, which went against the Catholic religion, especially for the Pope.

Pope John Paul II was elected on his third try, (There’s that number three again) and reigned until his death earlier this year. The new Pope, Joe Radzinger, Pope Benedict the XVI was quickly elected and is the first Pope elected in the new Millennium.

There are two Quatrains that validate my Grassy Knoll theory. The first one is from:

Century IV Quatrain XI

He who will have government of the great cape will be led to execute them in some cases.
The twelve red ones will come to spoil the cover, under murder, murder will be perpetrated.

Nostradamus always referred to the Popes as the great cape. The twelve red ones are of course the 12 Cardinals, college of Cardinals who elect the pope.

Did the new pope uncover evidence that several Cardinals were involved in some sort of cover up? Did he move quickly to remove these men from power but keep them from prosecution? Did the Cardinals fear for their prestige and new found knowledge of the new pope so much that he was murdered?

Here is the next Quatrain:

Century V Quatrain XCIII

After the seat has been held for seventeen years,
five will change within the same period of time.
Then one will be elected at the same time who will not be to agreeable to the Romans.

OK, lets look at the last several popes beginning with Pope John XXIII, 1958-63. Then Pope Paul VI, 1963-78. John Paul I, 1978. And John Paul II, 1978-2005. Did Nostradamus misinterpret Pope John Paul I as two popes? After all, Pope John Paul I was the first Pope in history to select two first names as Pope. So Nostradamus sees John, Paul, John Paul, John Paul. An easy mistake, especially being 400 years looking into the future.

Getting to the first pope elected in the 3rd Millennium, Pope Benedict XVI, who Nostradamus says will not be agreeable with the Romans. Benedict served before Pope as the guardian of the Catholic law. He believes in the Catholic religion to the letter. He is not open to change, or flexible on the interpretation of the Catholic faith. He will not be too agreeable with the ROMAN Catholics.

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Vanguard Of An Invading Army

Strange and unexpected happenings are occurring on Pluto, our most distant planet in the solar system. Pluto is the focal point of many scientific studies and conjecture as of late. Vast amount of equipment and resources are being expended on Pluto and the Grassy Knoll Institute wants to know why.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has obtained these facts so far on our distant planet. Like Mars, Pluto is closer to Earth than it has been in many years. Pluto is just now beginning to move away from the sun and the Earth returning back to its regular orbit. Pluto's atmosphere is also getting thicker even though it is moving away from the sun. In fact, the atmosphere is now so thick it completely obscures the surface of the planet.

Adding to the mystery, NASA has had the Hubble telescope trained on Pluto for over a year now snapping pictures as fast as it can focus. Many of the images show small disc like objects entering and exiting the planets atmosphere. These discs are coming from outside our solar system and do not have an orbit pattern. NASA has claimed that these so-called objects are merely dust particles that have been magnified by the suns closer proximity to the planet. NASA then immediately classified all the data incoming from Hubble and the radio telescopes that monitor sound wave and transmissions.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes that these discs prove that life exists outside our solar system and these discs are actually alien ships using the planet Pluto as a space warehouse. If this is true, then the question begging to be asked is what are the aliens on Pluto doing and why are they amassing supplies and more and more ships there?

NASA plans on launching a probe to the planet in late 2006 to study the new thick expanding atmosphere and to discover the true identity of the discs surrounding Pluto. The only problem is that the probe won’t reach Pluto for more than 13 years from now.

Does NASA know more than they are telling?

Does NASA possess another Mars face type photo?

Is the government already covering up this monumental discovery of potential proof of life outside our own Earth's boundary?

Or, like War of the Worlds, is this the vanguard of an invading army?

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War Of The Worlds Conspiracy

War of the Worlds Conspiracy

War of the Worlds Conspiracy

No, no, no. Not the Tom Cruise Katie Holmes baby announcement. I'm talking real Halloween legend conspiracy.

Halloween setup or real conspiracy cover-up? We all know the story of H.G. Wells War Of The Worlds. What many don't know is that his novel was used as a clever Government cover-up of an Alien race making first contact to retrieve a crashed ship.

The Grassy Knoll Institute knew if news of an alien ship landing reached the mass populace, wide spread hysteria would ensue and military secrets that have been obtained from the alien crash would now be brought out into the open. What the Government needed was a ploy to confuse and diffuse the situation. What better way than to use a radio broadcast hosted by Orson Wells, a respected actor and radio personality. They contracted Wells and used national security as the guise to convince Wells to spread misinformation and then have Wells at the end of his broadcast proclaim that it was all a hoax, a joke before Halloween.

Orson Wells used a news broadcast format interrupting the regularly scheduled show to leak out small amounts of information to peak the interest of his listeners. Then all hell broke loose. Wells announced that a huge flaming object had been spotted descending from the sky over New Jersey. Reports started coming in from Grovers Mill, New Jersey that a shiny cylindrical object had landed there, in a farmers field.

Mass panic erupted when it was reported that Martians had landed and that they were in a terrible battle with the military. Talk of hideous aliens emerging from the ships with V shaped mouths using laser type weapons to destroy tanks and military equipment kept the audience close to the radio. Even the media itself was fooled into believing these events were occurring as they picked up on the story and broadcast it to many other radio stations. The rest is history as this became the greatest Halloween prank of all time.

Now that the elaborate hoax was implemented, it was very easy to cover-up the real invasion, or attempted recovery by the alien race. The United States now had their plausible deniability in place claiming it was just a radio broadcast and that anyone that really saw something was paranoid and should just try to calm down.

The United States now had the time to understand the alien technology and to adapt it to their own machines and technology. It was excellent timing for it was 1938 and the world was on the verge of the second world war with Germany invading Poland. The United States would use the alien craft technology to help them win the war. By studying the power plant of the alien craft, Albert Einstein would realize his mathematical equations were correct and help perfect the ultimate weapon of destruction, the atomic bomb.

Space flight, the shuttle, and stealth bombers would later be developed using the alien knowledge to help keep America strong and the most powerful nation the world has ever, or will ever see.

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Gemma Massey - Sexiest Catholic Nun

Gemma Massey - Sexiest Catholic Nun Ever

 I Met Gemma Massey at the Chicago Halloween trade show in March of 2007. She was modeling sexy Halloween costumes. (Photo Above: Sexiest Catholic Nun Ever) Gemma is a professional model, (As if you couldn't tell) and the new face of the very popular Mac and Bumble website. Yea Baby Yea!

She can be found at her Myspace address. Go and check her out. Plenty of photo's and information about Gemma including where she will be appearing next.

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Mars Moon Phobos Is Hollow

Mars Moon Phobos Not Made Of Cheese

With the arrival of two more rovers transmitting data from the planet Mars, it's moon Phobo's has sparked interest once again. Hopes are high that today's technology will finally be able to put to rest a 40 plus year debate on whether the moon is a natural satellite or a hollow manufactured moon. Conjecture has it that Phobos is a Martian military base abandoned long ago after Mars atmosphere escaped dooming the Martian race unless an evacuation plan was in place.

Tantalizing photographs have shown perfectly round docking ports hidden inside the moons craters which would allow Martian ships to dock and supply the base and provide transport to and from Mars.

Other photographs show an intricate mining operation on Phobos. Apparently, the moon is being concealed from prying eyes attached to powerful telescopes to keep the moon base a well guarded secret.

All of the spacecraft so far sent to Mars have focused only on landing on the red planet utterly ignoring it's moons orbiting the planet. Some speculated that the failed missions actually were targeted to land or orbit Phobos to photograph and to survey the surface. These 25 or so missions failed with the space craft going silent never to be heard or seen from again with not a single bit of data gathered. Were these spacecrafts shot down by a Phobos weapons system that is still active today even with the Martian race long since gone? Is the system some sort of automated array designed to keep it's secrets well hidden, even going as far as destroying each and every probe that dared cross it's path?

Imagine the wondrous technology just waiting to be discovered on Phobos. Perhaps on NASA's next mission, it will be announced that it is targeting Phobos to better understand it's orbit and design. That will be the official announcement while the actual mission will be to attempt to land or achieve orbit on Phobos to hopefully unlock it's technological alien wonders.

George Bush is willing to spend trillions on this project. It better be more fruitful than bringing back a couple of rocks to put into a museum.

President Bush also wants to establish a manned mission to Phobos within the next twenty years as well.

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Geneva Times Square French Fries

Cheeseburger And Fries In Paradise.

One of my favorite summer time relaxation spots is Geneva On The Lake, Ohio. Geneva is a little town time has forgotten from the 1950's, when roll up cuffs on jeans and hot rods was the craze.

One place we always stopped at while there is Time Square Restaurant, a quaint little outside restaurant that is famous for its huge order of french fries.

The first time we ordered lunch, I went to the counter, ordered two cheeseburgers, a chili dog, three cokes, and three orders of french fries. The waitress kindly told me that I only wanted one order of fries. I told her, "No, I want three orders, there are three of us." She just looked at me in disbelief, smiled, and told me matter-of-factly that I would only be getting one order. I thought she was messing with me. She said to trust her. I did.

I grabbed my rock, which had a number painted on it, which was my order number, and took a seat on the round picnic table. (I did tell you that this place was right out of the 1950's)

The waitress called my rock number and I went to the counter to claim my prize. The picture above is what we received. Now I know why the waitress only gave me one order of fries. The fries were almost 8 inches tall and filled the entire cafeteria tray.

To the critique. The cheeseburgers were excellent, and were quarter pound in size. The buns were fresh, cheese melted, and tasted great. The fries were well cooked, almost crunchy, and as you can see, it was a large order. No, we did not finish the fries. There were to many of them.

The service was excellent, the waitress friendly, and the food fantastic. The price was under 18 bucks which was remarkable considering the ample amount of food received. The Grassy Knoll Institute rates Times Square Geneva On The Lake 5 shots out of 5 and recommends them for lunch and dinner.

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Dairy Queen Dilly Bar

Dairy Queen Dilly Bar

Probably the most well known item Dairy Queen sells is the Dilly Bar. As a child, the Dilly bar was much bigger, more than twice the size and it only cost 10 cents. (Yes, it was back in the 1960's, but still, only a dime.) Today, the Dilly bar is how you see it above. And it costs 79 cents.

I bought this dilly bar from the North Lima Dairy Queen. It was frozen, which is always a bonus. (Sometimes, the bars are not cold enough and melt all over) The taste is as I remember.

The Grassy Knoll Institute recommends Dilly Bars and gives 3 out of 5 shots.

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Gatlinburg Brewery Cheeseburger

The Brewery, Gatlinburg, TN

While staying in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, another great place to eat is "The Brewery" found right on the Parkway, the main drag of Gatlinburg. This place sells every kind of beer imaginable. It is also a sportsmen delight as TV's are viewable from every seat in the house.

I ordered the bacon cheeseburger with fries for the entree and for an appetizer, Hot Sam Pretzels with hot beer cheese sauce for dipping. When the pretzels came out, I was amazed. I figured they would be bite size. I was not expecting full size pretzels. Let me tell you, they were delicious.

Now, to the entree. The cheeseburger was excellent. Cooked just right. Tasty, juicy, and hot. The bun was buttered and toasted to a light golden brown. The bacon was cooked, not soggy, and the cheese was melted. The fries were good, crunchy, hot and plentiful.

The service was quick, friendly, and correct.

The cost, again being in a resort town, was quite inexpensive, as I again walked away under $15 dollars before tip.

The Grassy Knoll Institute rates 4.75 out of 5 shots and recommends The Brewery.

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Xenia Seeberg - Sci-Fi Sexy Siren

Xenia Seeberg Played Xev On Lexx

I Worship Her Shadow

Xenia Seeberg, star of the Sci-Fi television series Lexx, is one of the sexiest women in both the light and dark universes. Xenia played Xev, a fat woman transformed in mind and body to become a love slave to the first person she saw. But the transformation went wrong as she was mixed with a nasty lizard and now this sexy woman is on the run hiding from His Shadow in the universe's most powerful weapon and ship, the Lexx.

Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens brought to you by the Grassy Knoll Institute marketing team to boost readership and placement on search engines.

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The Day The Earth Stood Still

Gort, Klaatu, Barada, Nikto

The motion picture, The Day The Earth stood Still is the finest Science Fiction movie ever made. It is also the favorite Sci-Fi movie of the Curator of the Grassy Knoll Institute. It was the vanguard of all science fiction movies that followed to the present days thrillers. First screened in 1951, it starred:

Starring:
Michael Rennie as Klaatu/Carpenter
Patricia Neal as Helen Benson
Hugh Marlowe as Tom Stevens
Sam Jaffe as Prof. Jacob Barnhardt
Billy Gray as Bobby Benson
Frances Bavier as Mrs. Barley
Lock Martin as Gort the robot

The Day The Earth Stood Still had a simple premise. Instead of portraying the aliens as invaders bent on earth's destruction and enslaving all of humankind, a new approach, a new technique was used. Instead, a friendly race of aliens eager to extend friendship and help for humankind. Expectedly, the paranoia running through the United states military spark a chain of events that brings the entire globe to a halt. The following is a brief synopsis of the movie and Klaatu's farewell warning to humankind.

A huge menacing flying saucer lands in Washington, DC. A semi-panic ensues among the community as troops arrive surrounding the space craft. A humanoid alien (Klaatu) and a giant robot (Gort) emerge, but Klaatu is shot and wounded by a nervous soldier as he extended his arm in friendship and help. Gort then uses his laser beam eye to melt the weapons right out of the soldiers hands and even vaporizes a tank. Klaatu's arm is treated at Walter Reed hospital and he tries to arrange a meeting with the leaders of the world, but they cannot agree on a meeting place, letting pettiness and pride rule them.

Klaatu escapes, evading the army and attempts to blend in with the citizens of earth by disguising himself as a salesman, a Mr. Carpenter. He then takes refuge at a boarding house and befriends the innkeeper, Helen, and her son, Bobby. Klaatu listens to the people surrounding him talking about the space man and how dangerous he can be. Some suggest he is not a space man but a Russian spy. Klaatu pays a visit to a prominent scientist and completes a complicated equation on his chalk board while waiting him to return.

After a while, Klaatu is found out by Helen's love interest, Tom, who alerts the military and a chase ensues. Klaatu returns to his ship and prepares to leave the planet. But before he leaves, Klaatu, as scientists from around the globe gathered near the spaceship, addresses the people of Earth warning them about their current actions and endeavors and their consequences.

"Citizens of earth. I am leaving soon. And you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller everyday. And the threat of aggression of any group can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure. This does not mean giving up any freedom. Except the freedom to act irresponsibly. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired policemen to enforce them.

We, of the other planets, have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection for all worlds and the complete elimination of all aggression. The test of any such higher authority is of course the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets, in space ships like this one, and preserve the peace. In matters of aggression, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of violence, they act automatically against the aggressor. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk.

The result is, we live in peace. Without arms or armies. Secure in the knowledge that we are free from aggression and war. Free to pursue more profitable enterprises. Now we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works. I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet. But if you threaten to extend your violence, this planet of yours will be reduced to a burned out cinder. Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course, and face obliteration.

We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.

Gort, Maringa."

GORT, KLAATU, BARADA, NIKTO

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Grassy Knoll Post It Note

Dealey Plaza Post-it Note Art

This post-it note offers evidence that there was a second shooter lurking on the grassy knoll. Notice the angle of Oswalds perch from the 6th floor of the school book depository and from the grassy knoll. Kennedy was hit from two sides.

The above post-it doodle is the Curators own artistic rendering of the Kennedy Assassination. It was submitted and accepted to the most renown post-it art website on this planet. To secure your own private viewing of many post-it art doodles, please visit one of the Grassy Knoll Institutes very good friends, Matthew Pico Post-It Art website. More post-its are added regularly. Why not submit your own post-it art? Maybe it'll get hung up next to mine. (If you're lucky)

Matt's site also has some very keen insight on HTML code, metatags, and search engine positioning. Be careful, you may actually learn something.

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Shark Sinks Boat

Great White Shark Capsizes Fishing Boat

Shark Attacks Fishing Boat!

Just when you thought it was safe to go fishing again, alien sharks attack. An estimated 35 foot great white alien shark sank a fishing boat off Martha's Vineyards this afternoon. No survivors were reported.

The photo above shows the shark breeching onto the boat using it's massive weight to capsize the boat. Being the beginning of spring, the Grassy Knoll Institute believes many more such alien shark sightings will appear.

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Ghost Hunters Secrets Revealed

With it being Halloween week...

The Atlantic Paranormal Society , also known as TAPS, or T.A.P.S., is one of the highest rated Sci-Fi network program this year.

The TAPS crew, consisting of Roto Rooter employee’s actively investigate alleged haunted establishments. Hotels, private residences, restaurants, buildings, warehouses, schools, churches, woods, hospitals, taverns, jails, even entire towns are investigated by this group of drain cleaners.

TAPS receives calls from concerned owners asking them to investigate their property to verify if it is haunted or not. Sounds pretty innocent so far, so let’s continue shall we?

Jason, lead investigator of TAPS, meets the client and he and his crew have a walk through the structure, a tour if you will, as the client explains why they think the place is haunted.

At this time, the crew unloads their equipment and sets up. The TAPS crew has a very impressive array of equipment in their possession. (We’re not talking drain busters and pipe wrenches) The crew sets up many camera’s and microphones throughout the property. They also install infrared camera’s, audio booms, thermal imaging devices, EMF’s, or Electro Magnetic Fields, and EVP’s, or Electronic Voice Phenomenon devices. When they are satisfied, they go lights out turning off the power of the structure.

The crew then splits into groups armed with portable camera’s and the above listed equipment and roam the structure attempting to capture an entity on camera. The crew wanders for hours filming every second in hopes of seeing a ghost. Sometimes, they even try to invoke the spirits to reveal themselves by voice, sound, appearing, or by moving an object.

As each crew creeps through the darkness with spirits on their mind, each sound, creek in the floor, is registered as a ghost presence. Sometimes they see things out of the corner of the camera’s eye, or an object moves, and speculate what it might have been.

The next phase of the show is called, the findings. This is where after the crew finishes filming and investigating the structure all night, they collect their equipment, pack it up and then analyze all the film and evidence from said equipment.

The crew pours over hours of film in what looks like a mobile home, and attempts to refute the findings. Most can be explained as normal everyday coincidences, (Steam moving through pipes, water in lines, pipes rubbing on walls, light reflecting off mirrors)

This brings the show to the final phase, what TAPS calls, “The Reveal.” This is where the crew present their evidence to their client to either debunk or support the claim of a haunting. So far, there hasn’t been any difinitive evidence of an actual ghost haunting, but plenty of conjecture and speculation which merely adds to the mystique to the clients residence.

And this is where the conspiracy begins. The Grassy Knoll Institute asks the simple and obvious questions.

If the Grassy Knoll Institute were the owner of an establishment that was locally known as a haunted place, say, a haunted hotel, how would we drum up business to get more paying customers to come and stay at our hotel? I know, let's call TAPS and have them investigate the hotel to verify if it is haunted.

With TAPS investigating the hotel, it will get national exposure, in essence, an hour’s worth of advertising as the show is broadcast on the Sci-Fi network. It would be a literal fortune to buy that amount of air time on a national network.

Secondly, droves of people who religiously watch TAPS book reservations at the haunted hotels and restaurants featured on the show. These fanatics want to experience a paranormal event and following TAPS clients is their best bet to achieve their quest.

Everyone wins with this scenario. TAPS has become one of the most popular shows on the Sci-Fi network and the crew are raking in the money. The clients investigated are reaping the benefits of the show as thousands of people are filling up their hotels and restaurants. Sci-Fi network is enjoying strong viewership ratings. Everyone wins. Everyone makes money.

I have to hand it to the Roto Rooter plumbers, taking a hobby they did in the evening and turning it into a multi-million dollar hit television series. Do you think they still work at Roto Rooter?

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Great White Shark Attack

Great White Shark Downs Jet Fighter

On a routine mission over the Bermuda Triangle, a jet fighter pilot was attacked by a 35 foot super great white shark. The shark breeched out of the water and lunged at the jet narrowly missing it.

A Coast Guard patrol team was dispatched by the Grassy Knoll Institute to capture the great white shark, but as of today, the shark has not been captured or seen.

Sarah, A concerned citizen, stated and I quote, "Hi wow what a shark. I love sharks. If you capture it please don't kill it. Its just like you and me. I think you should test it for science and find out stuff. Well bye bye good luck! Sarah!"

Our reply was simply: Sarah, we at the Grassy Knoll Institute share your beliefs concerning great white sharks. And we did capture it, and we did several tests on it, and we found out that sharks are quite delicious.

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Carver Turkey Sandwich - Rosemont Convention Center

Trade Show Convention Food

Anyone that has attended large trade shows and conventions know about the so-called cuisine served there. Its terrible. And whats worse, the food is expensive. An example is a regular hot dog costs $3.50 each. And if you want ketchup or mustard, its an additional 50 cents per packet. A twelve ounce beverage, Coke, Pepsi, water, is $3.00 per beverage. Pizza is $4.00 a slice. You get the gist. And I guess it wouldn’t be so awful a price if the food was good, or at least edible.

However, a saving grace is a little known secret at the convention centers around the nation. Its called Carver Food Service. Carver is at the Rosemont Convention center in Chicago and the Sands Exposition center in Las Vegas. In Vegas, its downstairs and out of the mainstay of the garbage food passed out. Those that don’t venture downstairs never see Carver. In Chicago, its all the way in the back with curtains blocking most of the entrance.

OK, to the critique. The lunch costs $12.00 either in Chicago or Vegas. You get your choice of turkey, roast beef, or ham on a roll, chips or slaw and a cold pepsi.

The turkey was real turkey, not processed lunch meat. It was hot, juicy, and smelled great. Several chefs are on hand to carve your turkey fresh. They do serve an ample amount. The roll was fresh and large. The chips were standard fare and the pepsi, although I prefer Coke, was cold with enough ice. All this on a cardboard carrier.

Grassy Knoll Institute rates Carver of Chicago 4 out of 5 shots for its value compared to other venues and its taste which is superior to other convention food.

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Applewood Restaurant - Pigeon Forge Tennessee

Dinner at the Apple Barn in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. On good authority, (Thanks Mac) I selected the turkey dinner with all the fixins. My source would not disappoint.

As you can see, the main entree was turkey, stuffing, mashed potatos, macaroni and cheese, all doused with home made gravy. And yes, the mashed potatos were not instant. Same for the stuffing. The turkey was carved not processed.

Before the main course, we ordered the soup of the day which of course was Chicken Noodle with home made butter biscuits and apple roll.

The meal finished with Apple Fritters and a little watered down iced apple cider.

The cost was relatively inexpensive with the entire meal with coke coming to $15 dollars. The service was excellent and the ambiance exquisite. The taste, absolutely divine. Real turkey, tender, juicy, and hot. The Grassy Knoll Institute rates the Apple Barn 5 out of 5 shots.

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Chef Boyardee Ravioli

Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Ravioli

Location: Purchased at Boarman Sparkle Market.
The order: One can of overstuffed Ravioli.
The Service: Warmed in microwave in large cup bowl until hot. Not over cooked.
The Taste: Ya know, it's the Chef, and the tomato sauce is orange. Other than that, it is not that bad.
Presentation: Sturdy can, easy opening top avoiding the dreaded (no can opener in the office syndrome)
The Value: I counted 10 ravioli. The cost was 99 cents. Pretty cheap, a fair value.
The Rating: 2.5 out of 5 shots. The Grassy Knoll Institute recommends Chef Boyardee Ravioli for a quick inexpensive lunch.

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McDonalds Double Cheeseburger

McDonalds Double Cheeseburger

Location: Market Street, Youngstown, Ohio
The order: Double Cheeseburger, 10 pack chicken mcnuggets, large fry.
The Service: Standard drive through. Again, fast, courteous, and efficient, and correct.

The Taste: Best fries in the land bar none. The mcnuggets were good. The new formula all white chicken meat adds to the flavor. The cheeseburger was good if not a little greasy.

Presentation: Logo on each wrapper and box. Standard paper bag with plenty of napkins and sauce, pepper, and salt.

The Value: Double cheese for 99 cents is a good bargain. Large fry for $1.59 OK value, $2.49 for the 10 pack nuggets OK. For just over 5 bucks, plenty to eat.

The Rating: 3.75 out of 5 shots. Grassy Knoll Institute recommends McDonalds.

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Long John Silvers Chicken

Long John Silvers Restaurant

Location: 1035 Boardman Poland Rd
Phone: (330) 726-8644
The order: 15 piece chicken planks, fries for four.
The Service: Standard drive through. Had to wait over five minutes. Had to endure the dreaded.. "Please pull forward and we'll bring your order out to you when it's ready" speech.

The Taste: Good. Crunchy, hot. Well cooked. The fries were a little soggy and were warm, not hot.
Presentation: Yellow cardboard box with logo on top of boxes.
The Value: You have to read the menu here. If you order the dinner meal, you get hush puppies with the meal which adds almost $4.00 to the total. Avoid this pitfall unless you really like the fried onion dough balls. I got this meal for $14.49 which isn't bad when feeding four.

The Rating: 3 out of 5 shots. The Grassy Knoll Institute recommends Long John Silvers for lunch.

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Cafe Roma Pizza

Cafe Roma Pizza

Location: 2nd Floor YMCA 17 N. Champion Street Youngstown, OH 44503 330-746-6900
The order: Two large slices of New York style pizza.
The Service: Standard pickup service. The order was ready on time, hot, fresh, and correct.
The Taste: Thin style pizza, a little crunchy, saucy, not enough cheese. Pretty good.
Presentation: Styrofoam box with a paper plate.
The Value: . $1.25 per slice. Not bad, the pizza slices were adequate size.

The Rating: 3.5 out of 5 shots. Grassy Knoll Institute recommends Cafe Roma.

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Subway - Eat Fresh

Subway, Eat fresh!

The Order: Twelve inch sub of turkey, American cheese, and bacon on Italian bread. Added extra turkey.

The Service: The order was incorrect or very very cheap. I paid for extra turkey and compared it to a regular sandwich and received the same amount. The American cheese ordered was actually provolone. The Italian bun was actually white bread. The bacon consisted of two pieces, one on each part of the sandwich.

The Taste: The bun was not fresh, was a little stale and was torn and beat up. The turkey was good, as was the cheese even though it was the wrong kind. It was filling.
Presentation: Wax paper wrap with Subway logo placed in a see through plastic bag.
The Value: This sandwich cost just under 8 bucks. That's about $4.00 to much.
The Rating: 1 out of 5 shots. Grassy Knoll Institute does NOT recommend Subway for lunch.

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Confetti Bandit Strikes Again

In the Grassy Knoll Institutes ongoing battle against Catholic nuns of the 1960’s, I came up with yet another ingenious plan to drive the nuns crazy. It was a simple stunt with no harm ever coming to any child, animal or property, but plenty of aggravation for the nuns. After all, fair is fair and the nuns needed a little dose to bring the score even.

My plan was simple, the execution quick, and the devastation monumental. The delivery method still posed a problem for I needed to be alone to deliver the package. I needed to think this out for I feared if any witnesses were present; the nuns would surely be able to squeeze that information from the spineless witness.

So I started mapping out the movements of the nuns each day and the daily lunch and recess period. I soon found a pattern I could use. When we finished our lunch, we then went out on the playground for 20 minutes. Child after child would file out one by one as they finished. For the first five minutes of lunch, when all of us were still eating, the nun in charge would get up, excuse herself, and then go and do nun things for 30 minutes while we ate.

I would get up when a few kids were left and instead of going outside, I would sneak down the hallway and into the bathroom. I would stay there for a couple of minutes and then back track back to my room. I would walk by casually and if no one was left in the room, I would re-enter the room and quickly go to my notebook and grab a few pieces of standard notebook paper making ever sure they were completely blank so as not to leave any incriminating evidence behind. I would then tear the paper into tiny little pieces and drop them into the overhead heater and air vents.

If perchance the motor was running pumping out air or heat during lunch, I would abort the mission and go outside. But, on that particular day, the vent motor was off, I shoved several sheets of confetti sized paper down in the four vents. The vents were screened so you couldn’t get your fingers stuck and also hid the paper from view.

Now, let me describe the vents for you. Each classroom had one wall that had our lockers on the bottom and very tall windows reaching the ceiling on top. There was a shelf alongside the entire wall about five feet tall. The windows were recessed so if anyone felt the urge to jump out, they would have to climb up the wall, and stand on the ledge, and then open the windows to climb out. This was also the area that housed the room heater and air circulator. You could not see down the vents as the screens obscured the view and it was pretty dark down there.

OK, back to the story. I quickly shoved the paper down the vents and then quickly exited the room and blended into the crowd with the rest of the kids on the playground. Then, all I had to do was wait. The recess bell rang and all the kids lined up in single file according to classroom and proceeded to file inside the school in an orderly fashion not saying a word. Wait. All I had to do was wait. And to my surprise, the wait would be mere minutes.

The nun in charge, feeling a chill, walked over to the heater and turned the switch on. My plan was implemented in a moment. The heater churned to life and in an instant tiny confetti paper shot out and up scaring the hell out of the nun. The nun actually gasped and jumped back as if the confetti was stinging her. The entire class roared with laughter for almost a minute until the nun got her wits about her and turned off the switch to the heater. My plan had worked perfectly and only later would I realize that there was an added bonus.

As all nun investigations go, this one would be long and drawn out making the Spanish inquisition seem like a short movie at the Caans film festival. The janitor was summoned to clean out the heater and examine any remaining evidence. Which, by the mess on the floor, was minimal at best. The nuns started out tough, claiming that after examining all the evidence, they knew the child responsible. The nuns were staring directly at me as they spoke in unison. Damn that nun radar. But I was safe. There were no witnesses, no evidence to link me, I was in the clear baby.

The nuns gave us one last chance to fess up before they called the parents for the one responsible. No one fussed up. No one dared. Silence from the kids and the nuns. After five more minutes of silence, and the bonus that no lessons were being taught in class and finally the nuns spoke again. A firm speech that God saw the child that did this terrible thing and it was the Catholic thing to do to confess their sin. No freakin way baby.

Another nun appeared in the room, now there were three of them, almost a gaggle, and they quickly huddled and then called alphabetically one by one each child out into the hallway to interrogate them. The door slammed as two nuns were now in the hall and one nun stayed to observe our mannerisms. I heard yelling, big time yelling and ranting about heart attacks, Jesus, mortal sin, and other intimidation tactics used on second graders of Catholic school.

My name was called sixth, and the nuns really tried to brow beat me. I simply took the tirades in stride knowing I had beaten the nuns this time. I was returned to my seat unscathed but a little hard of hearing. Each child had a turn with the dueling nuns but still no one confessed.

Frustrated, the nuns gave up but continued their inquisition for three days till finally they announced that even though they knew who the culprit was, they were not going to single him/her out. They were going to make the culprit have to live with the terrible mortal sin on their soul until they confessed it to the priest in confession on Friday.

So, that was their ploy, their way of extracting information. Let the priests do the dirty work and then sing like stool pigeons to the nuns of the crimes we confessed. No way was I going to fess this one up even knowing that I was endangering my mortal soul and if perchance I would die, I would go straight to hell. I would have to be careful playing outside until I could visit a neighboring church and go to confession there so as not to divulge my identity. I carried that sin on my soul for two weeks. Damn the nuns to hell.

The confetti bandit struck several more times that year and the nuns never did catch me on this one. After I graduated from grade school and in the safe harbor of high school, I sent the nuns a letter from the confetti bandit letting them know that I was still on the loose and that some day I would pass down my knowledge to my children and that the bandit would be reborn.

I knew the nuns would be ready...

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