10/17/2007

Mars Face Conspiracy

Mars Face Conspiracy
Mars Face Conspiracy
The Mars Face Conspiracy

In 1976, Viking Orbiter, a probe NASA launched years earlier reached it's destination of Mars, the Red Planet. The orbiter was programmed to enter a low orbit around Mars and photograph the surface of the planet. The orbiter executed almost flawlessly and soon after orbit was achieved photo's started to be transmitted back to the home planet of Earth. Spectacular photo's came pouring in as the mapping of the planet commenced.

The photo's showed a Martian landscape decimated with huge craters, dormant volcano's, dried up ocean beds, wind eroded rocks and mountains, and a picture of a face carved into a mountain range in the Cydonia area of Mars. The proportions of the monument were huge, much larger than that of Mount Rushmore. NASA tried to debunk the face stating it was merely a natural formation but many did not and still do not believe it for if one looks closely at the face, the rounded edges and acute right angles are a billion to one to form naturally.

The life on Mars debate spread like wildfire. NASA had no real explanation and as good Government agencies do, a code of silence and denial was implemented.

NASA again launched another probe to the red Planet and in 1998 the Global Surveyor achieved orbit and with it's more advanced technology the picture transmitted back to Earth were much more sharp and clearer. NASA made sure that the same exact area where the face was was first photographed by orbiter. This time though the rock formation showed no semblance of a face but rather more like a flat ameba. Again the debate was sparked by the new photo's and the angle at which they were taken from.

Of course the photo was processed through not one but two camera filters designed to flatten and elongate thus producing an image without depth or perception. The Grassy Knoll Institute feels that NASA felt the pressure from the Government and were instructed to debunk and falsify the new photographic evidence. NASA goes one further releasing their scientific data stating that Mars is a barren dead planet that cannot sustain life as we know it.

The Grassy Knoll Institute however disagree's with NASA's assumption of Mars never having the capability to sustain an advanced civilization such as ours here on Earth. Perhaps Mars millions of years ago had the ability to support life. But how? Mars due to the location of it's orbit around the sun would be far to cold for us earthly humans. True, but there are other ways to radiate heat. Let's look at the planet for a moment.

There are huge volcano's the size of Mount Everest on Mars. They generate immense heat and with an atmosphere to hold the heat close to the planet's surface along with the natural rays and warmth of the sun, Mars could have been quite a nice planet to call home. We already know water exists on Mars. The photo's prove this. Vast dried up ocean beds litter Mars surface. Ice still exists at Mars North and South poles.

With water, air, heat, thermal energy and elements from the core of the planet, the basic building blocks of life existed on Mars just like it did on Earth. The natural process of evolution would occur. Amino acids combining to form microscopic life building more complex multi celled plant and animal life. Basic plants would form turning into jungles, forests, meadows, marshes and deserts. The oceans would come alive with plankton that would evolve into higher forms of sea life.

Soon, just like on Earth, a higher order of species would take control and dominate the planet. At one time, dinosaurs roamed the Earth and were the dominant species until a catastrophic impact of an asteroid occurred and the climate was changed and the dinosaurs became extinct giving way to the natural selection of the next dominant species, the mammal.

More than likely Mars took another path millions of years ago and instead of the dinosaur, mammals took control of the world and evolved into humanoid form.

Unlike Earth, Mars didn't suffer a climate changing disaster that almost destroyed the planet and made nature start from scratch with a new species. Maybe Mars enjoyed millions of years with the same dominant species who logically would be millions of years ahead of us on the evolutionary scale. Martians would learn basic tools of communication, building, and form simple societies. From there, complex language and technology.

Of course the Martians would build structures to worship their god and create idols so all the world could see. Maybe even a large face on a grand scale of it's most loved leader much like Earthlings did with Mount Rushmore. Temples of worship would be erected, pyramids to the gods to show their love, devotion, and loyalty.

A thousand or so years later, space travel and exploration. The little blue planet third from the sun would be the most likely target to dream about and explore. They would build great space ships and travel to Earth. They would find a simple people with the most basic of skills. The people of Earth would consider the Martians gods from the heavens and would worship them as such.

In exchange for their worship, perhaps the Martians accelerated the natural evolution of Earth giving the Egyptians technology to erect pyramids and great buildings. Along with the technology, also bestowed the knowledge of warfare and structured society. After the Martians left, the Egyptians implemented their new found knowledge and with their now great army, controlled the world for centuries. Of course the Egyptians would pay homage to their gods by building great structures to worship and honor them with Pyramids pointing and reaching to the heavens.

Then disaster struck. Mars would be bombarded with planet killing asteroids with some measuring 100 miles wide impacting on every corner of Mars. Within months the atmosphere would be almost gone letting the heat escape, oceans would be altered, the life force drained. The planet would begin to die. With the dust that the asteroids would have put into the atmosphere, sunlight would not be able to penetrate thus eliminating plant reproduction. Perhaps even the planet had it's orbit altered ripping the planet and destroying it's magnetic field. Mars does have several bulges where it looks like a huge portion of the surface was almost pulled apart from the planet. The beginning of the end.

The surviving Martian people would have to act quicky to save what little of their civilization was left. Perhaps several space ships survived and they would venture out into the cosmo's searching for a new planet to call home. Perhaps one such ship landed here on Earth. Perhaps in Rome during the reign of Ceasar. Perhaps this Martian walked among the humans. Perhaps he tried to help the people of his new world and home. He would be so much more advanced than humans that he would appear to be a god.

It would only be logical that if a man from 2002 traveled back to ancient Rome, he would be perceived as a god. Maybe he would save a drowning man by performing CPR and people would say he breathed life back into the dead man. Perhaps healing the sick with a simple antibiotic. Perhaps rubbing an ointment on the skin to heal the lepers. Maybe he would use his fishing skills and sonar devices to know where to throw the nets so as to catch all the fish that a boat could carry. Perhaps he would preach his wisdom to anyone who would listen. Perhaps he would gather a great following.

Maybe Caesar would feel threatened by this new man launching a new religion speaking of his Father in Heaven and that everyone that followed his teachings would also walk in the Kingdom of heaven. Perhaps this man would be betrayed and captured by the Romans and crucified. Strung up on a cross and left to die.

Perhaps during the three hours of darkness that befell the Earth during the Martians death his fellow Martians, in the blackness and chaos took the man down from the cross and replaced him with an impostor. A near death human cleverly disguised through cosmetic and plastic surgery to resemble the Martian.

Perhaps three days later he walked into his most loyal followers meeting room to show them that he was alive and that he was leaving them in body to go and live with his father in heaven but that he would always be with them in mind and spirit. A little light show, some pyrotechnics, a magician's trap door, and the Martian would disappear and a new religion would be born.

Perhaps they would move on to other regions on Earth looking for a quiet place to settle down. To quietly mingle with the humans. To start relatons with them. They may still be here, waiting.....
Mars Face Panoranic View
Mars Face Panoranic View 
Please note the Mars Face in a panaramic view showing the other rock formations surrounding it. Mars face is in the upper right corner.
Egyptian Myths And Mars Face
Egyptian Myths And Mars Face
Notice the rock formation that resembles an Egyptian Pyramid much like the one in Egypt in the Valley of the kings.
Note the cluster of rock formations. These formations resemble the Valley of the Pharohs of ancient Egypt where several pyramids were erected close to one another to honor their dead and to show their superiority to the world.
When you look at this photo taken of Mars surface you can see the striking resemblance of the Great Sphinx and the Great Pyramids of Egypt. Notice the arrangement of the Mars Face photo to the Egyptian layout. Could they be of the same builders?

Notice the striking resemblance of the Mars face and this Egyptian burial mask.
Egyptian Sphinx is The Mars Face
Egyptian Sphinx is The Mars Face
Again, notice the face of the Egyptian Sphinx and the Mars Face. The eyes, nose, open mouth, the ceremonial head dress covering the head piece are almost exactly like the Mars Face formation. Could it be that thousands of years and devastating erosion and a photo transmitted millions of miles has blurred or washed away some of the features of the Mars Face.

Remember, the sands of Egypt once covered the great Sphinx and it had to be uncovered by man. Could it be that the Mars Face is just the tip of the ice berg and a vast structure lies beneath the Martian soil waiting patiently like the Great Sphinx to be uncovered and worshiped once again?


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Moses And The Burning Bush

The Grassy Knoll Institute takes a hard look at the bible story "Moses and the Burning Bush."

The burning bush story in the Old Testament. Everyone knows it. Moses leads his people out of Egypt after his God sent plagues and death to all the first born males without the mark of God on their doors......
Well, taking into consideration that this was written thousands of years ago, one would have a tough time explaining things that you never saw before.
With that intro, I noticed several UFO connections. Lets begin with Moses going to the summit of Mount Sinai to speak to the Lord and receive his laws and Commandments.

Let's set the scene here. Moses and his people are wandering in the desert after escaping the Egyptians and their years of slavery. Moses, through the power of God sent plague after plague onto the Pharoah of Egypt trying to convince him to let his people go. The Pharoah finally relented and Moses and his people marched out of Egypt. But soon the Pharoah had a change of heart and ordered his soldiers to mount their chariots and bring the slaves back to Egypt.

God sent a giant pillar of fire to slow the Egyptian army from advancing on Moses who was pinned at the mouth of the Red Sea. Then God parted the Red Sea and Moses and his followers crossed the sea while the Egyptian soldiers drowned when the wall of water collapsed around them. After years of wandering in the desert to cleanse the sin of Gods people, the Lord called Moses to the Mountain to receive his Commandments. The Lord spoke to Moses through a burning bush and instructed Moses to take the tablets of the 10 Commandments written by the Hand of God and give his people the new law of the land and Lord.

Here's where the UFO connection comes into play. What if,... An alien race played god. The aliens use their technology to unleash plague after plague until they send an airborne bacteria that kills all the first born while protecting Moses and the other believers for they were all inoculated and were immune to the bacteria. Perhaps those bitter herbs and spices were actually a vaccine to protect them from the plague.

The pillar of fire? A mere thrust of the aliens spacecraft engines hovering above would provide plenty of fire so as not to pass. The parting of the Red Sea? A simple pontoon bridge where the people could walk across the sea to safety all the while retracting it so the Egyptians could not follow.

The burning bush? A little light show, some pyrotechnics, a sound system, welding and cutting torches and a few slabs of granite. To primitive man, all these things could only be explained as godlike.

What if Moses was being spoken to through telepathy? Of course Moses would assume it was God who was speaking to him, for God was inside his head, his very thoughts and mind.

The mountain was covered in clouds and dense smoke not letting the people from the ground view the peak of the mountain. Perhaps an alien spacecraft was hovering just above the peak, leaving in it's exhaust thick smoke and the strange fire and lights the people spoke of.

Moses comes down from the mountain with the new laws of God, the 10 commandments and a new religion was born....


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Easter Island Moai Conspiracy


Easter Island Moai Statues conspiracy
Easter Island Moai Statues Pay Tribute
Easter Island. A small island where almost 900 Moai statues stand. Moai is the name the local inhabitants gave the great statues more than 500 years ago. The Grassy Knoll Institute asks why were they built?They were crafted from a rock quarry and then carted over land for miles and then erected on their pedestals facing away from the sea in a silent tribute......

But a tribute to what?

The inhabitants exhausted all of their natural resources to construct and move these great stone statues. The plentiful forest of trees were cut down to make crude rollers to move the great stones. More and more trees were needed to reach a greater distance and to erect the Moai's.

Easter Island inhabitants began to wage war with one another to compete for what little resources were left on the island all for the sake of the Moai's.

What drove them to kill and slaughter their own neighbors so as to erect more Moai's? After many years, the island was left depleted of tree's and food and other building and survival resources. The inhabitants died off leaving no written record of the purpose of the great Moai statues that stood guard around the island.

The only logical answer is that the island inhabitants had come under the influence of another culture. An Alien culture. An alien culture so powerful and terrifying that the island inhabitants would do anything to appease the intruders. Even carve and erect giant statues in a tribute to the intruders. Their only hope being that the aliens would be appeased enough to not destroy and eliminate the villagers. What they failed to realize though, was that they were destroying themselves.

This may be just one of many examples of experimentations on the human race from aliens. Perhaps this test was to see how far man could be driven to the brink of extinction and when he would rebel, if at all in the face of a superior force.

Even today, the island lays barren of trees and enough food sustaining vegetation to let a colony settle on the little island.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Beatles Hoax - Paul Is Dead


Beatles Hoax Paul Is Dead
Beatles Hoax Paul Is Dead
Paul is not dead. And the Grassy Knoll Institute says so.
The Beatles Abbey Road Album has been shrouded in rumor and conspiracy from the day it went on sale in 1969. The rumor was / is that Paul McCartney died in a horrific car accident and to keep the most popular and profitable rock and roll band intact the remaining Beatles sought out and found a look alike replacement to carry on. The Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album offered clues of his demise with Paul facing backwards and the cover depicted a funeral scene for the Beatles. There are over 20 clues on the front and back album cover.

The album songs also gave audio clues that Paul was dead. Many people played their old vinyl records backwards to listen to special secret messages. The song, "Strawberry Fields Forever" at the very end has an audio track that said "I'm buried" hinting Paul was dead and in the ground.

Many other songs eluded to the hoax that Paul was dead.

The Walrus was Paul.

"A Day In The Life" depicted the events that led up to Paul's death.

"Come Together" over me as if Paul was in a casket.

Now, to the Abbey Road Album. Many clues are present with this album as well.

First, John is in white depicting an angel leading the dead to heaven. Ringo is dressed in black representing the minister and Paul's mourners. George is last and dressed in blue jeans representing the grave digger. Paul is third, and bare foot and out of step with the other three. Paul is left handed yet he holds a cigarette with his right hand. He has his best suit on, or his burial suit on. Paul is clean shaven.

The Volkswagen on the left, it's license plate says ( 28 IF ) meaning Paul would be 28 years old if he were still alive.

The gates on the left encircle the church from which the funeral service was held.

They are crossing the street on their way to the grave yard off to the right flanked by the black funeral car waiting for the immediate family.

The three lads in the distance represent the three remaining Beatles looking on in disbelief that Paul is dead.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes this was merely an elaborate hoax intended to sell more records and to generate more press and hype on the Beatles. Some ask why they needed more press than usual. After all, they were the Beatles. Well, remember, back in the 60's and 70's, there was no MTV or cable TV for that matter. And since the Beatles stopped touring doing live shows, their only media blitz was their records and any press they could muster up.

What better way than to invent a hoax to keep the public tuned in to the every move that the Beatles made. Now, they didn't need to tour. The public sought them out. The hoax had worked.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Princess Diana Is Still Alive

Empirical Evidence That Princess Diana Is Still Alive
The above photo is empirical evidence that Diana, the Princess of Wales, faked her death to get out of her marriage to Prince Charles and to cut ties with the Queen Mother. Diana was rumored to be pregnant and the father certainly wasn't Charles.

This photo was taken eight months after Diana tragically died in a brutal car crash. Apparently, she is healing quite nicely and will soon be able to pursue her life in peace. Away from the media hounds, away from Charles, and away from the Queen.

You be the judge...



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


A Genesis Story - With A Twist

And God saw that it was good. And on the seventh day, God rested. And on the eighth day Adam and Eve set up house in the Garden of Eden.

We all know the story of Adam and Eve. The first two humans to set foot upon the Earth. God put them there, in the Garden of Eden, after he created the earth, oceans, land, sky, heavens, animals, birds, and the fish in the sea. God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. The rest is history. Or is it..

The Grassy Knoll Institute has another version of this biblical event. Perhaps Aliens in search of fuel, food, and natural resources landed on this third planet from the sun. Upon investigation, they found a very primitive mammal life. Humans in their utmost infancy. Almost indistinguishable from the apes that they fought for dominance. Perhaps the aliens took a liking to the humans. Sort of on the line as pets. Adhering to standard protocol, several experiments would have been conducted on the wildlife. Enhancements discussed. These enhancements would give humans an edge on the evolutionary chain. They would choose a male and female of the species.

The aliens, after surveying the landscape of the earth, decided an increase in brain capacity to raise the intellect for their two subjects would be the best enhancement. The surgery was performed, brain capacity increased that triggered the human male and female nervous systems to quicken responses from the brain to the body. A sense of awareness and cognitive reasoning was expanded. Add a little alien DNA to develop vocal cords for speech and the transformation was complete. As the humans awoke, they were studied and evaluated to make sure the enhancements had taken hold, and then released back into the wild to be fruitful and multiply.

This scenario explains the fabled missing link of the human species. One day, humans were just another species struggling to survive. The next day, the dominant species of the planet with domain over the fish in the sea, the animals on the land, and the birds in the sky. These two humans, we'll call them Adam and Eve for the sake of not having better names, immediately knew that they had been altered. They were aware of each other on a very personal and intimate level unlike ever before. They could communicate with hand and eye gestures, and soon by voice and finally a crude spoken language.

Adam and Eve became mates and had offspring. Many offspring. These children maintained the genetic enhancements from their parents and carried on the new seed to the existing herd. The alien seed had been planted, the human race would advance in leaps and bounds with every generation and would soon create social order and a written language. Tools would become more elaborate and with every generation, improvements made. The aliens changed the course of Earths evolution and Mankind's destiny forever.

And on the seventh Millennium, the aliens rested.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

10/16/2007

Tricia Helfer - Sci-Fi Sexy Siren

Tricia Helfer Sexy Cylon From Battlestar Galactica
Tricia Helfer Sexy Cylon From Battlestar Galactica
Tricia Helfer, Star of the Sci-Fi channel hit series Battlestar Galactica. Tricia plays a sexy Cylon, a ruthless race of robots created by man long ago. Over time, the Cylons evolved to look more human. Soon after that, they implemented their plan to destroy the human race by infiltrating the human population with gorgeous Cylon babes.


Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens brought to you by the Grassy Knoll Institute marketing team to boost readership and placement on search engines.

Lurking On The Grassy Knoll

Glass Harp - 1971

Glass Harp Classical Rock Band
Glass Harp Classical Rock Band
Glass Harp. The classical rock band consisting of Phil Keaggy, lead vocal, guitar, (Our neighbor when we were growing up) John Sferra, drums and vocals, and Dan Pecchio, bass, vocals and flute.

Glass Harp was a Youngstown, Ohio band that gained an almost cult status years after the band's initial debut album simple title, Glass Harp. The album got plenty of air time here in Youngstown, but no actual hit single for the rest of the nation to latch onto.

This album does not have an inner jacket, just the protective paper sleeve that fits inside the album. The lyrics of the songs were printed on the album.


The back cover showed the band members, standing against a brick wall, in leaves. The album songs list is also posted. I believe this album will be a collector album some day. It is 35 years old already. Damn, I'm old.


If perhaps Phil or Bobby ever stumble upon this site and read this... If you do, Hello, its Jack and George's little brother, Patrick.


Glass Harp Album Lyrics
Glass Harp Album Lyrics

Phil Keaggy, John Sferra, and Dan Pecchio Glass Harp
Glass Harp Back Cover Record Album


LURKING AND ROCKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Giant Halloween Jack O Lantern


Just In Time For Halloween

In a futile and stupid gesture, Grassy Knoll Institute scientists scaled a landed alien ship and positioned a carved giant pumpkin stolen from the ships galley and hoisted it on top of an exhaust vent. We left our calling card emblazoned on the side of the ship to let the giant aliens know exactly what type of organization they are dealing with.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Radio Signals From Space Recorded

The Arizona science observatory admitted to receiving an unexplained radio signal from deep space that could be taken as contact from an alien civilization.

The signal is originating from the Pisces and Aries constellations and has been confirmed that the it is not a repeating signal but emitting a sequence of binary equations. NASA and SETI already have a team of scientists pouring over the data in an attempt to decipher what the signal actually is.

The most popular theory is that it is simply a welcome beacon searching the galaxies for other intelligent life. The United States launched Voyager decades ago with the same hopes and aspirations. It seems that someone has actually phoned home.

Of course, other scientists are explaining away the signal as an unknown anomaly, astronomical phenomenon, or even feedback from the telescope itself.

This explanation is what the government is sticking with, feedback from an out of focus multi- million dollar telescope. The government understands that if word reached the public that a signal from another world was received it would cause panic and religious ramifications. So for now it is a malfunction. Until the secondary contact is received.

The Grassy Knoll Institute was lucky enough to obtain a copy of the signal. It was incoherent, but our cunning linguists were able to determine that the signal, or message was a reference to the Garden Of Eden. So far, this is what we have.

The first signal string was IN
The second signal string was AGODDA
The third signal string was DAVIDDA
The Grassy Knoll Institute scientists are very excited about this astonishing information. And it only took them 17 minutes and 31 seconds to decipher the message.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

10/15/2007

Nostradamus And 9-11

With the attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the failed attempt on the White House, The President, George W. Bush has declared war on the Terrorists responsible for these brutal acts.

To all our brave military service men and women who have and are pledging their lives to keep America free of Tyranny, Oppression, Terrorism, and to keep our rights that have been fought for throughout our history of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. We salute you. God Bless You, and all of America.

With all that is happening in today's world culminating with the United States declaring war on Terrorism, the prophet known as Nostradamus and his futuristic Quatrains is resurfacing.

Nostradamus was a 16th century prophet and astrologer who supposedly foresaw the future of the world. His technique used was a form of meditation where at night, he would sit alone peering into his brass tripod that was centered with a flame.

From there, he would look into the future. He wrote his quatrains of the centuries but realizing what powerful knowledge these quatrains were, he mixed the centuries and quatrains up with only him knowing what was to become. He had hoped that man and woman would take heed and heart of the quatrains and change the world for the better.

A so called Nostradamus quatrain is circulating throughout the Internet like wildfire. It looks and feels like a real quatrain, but in fact it is fake. This prediction has lines from actual quatrains that make it believable. The fake quatrain is as follows.......

In the year of the new century and nine months,
From the sky will come a great king of terror.
The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.
Fire approaches the great new city.
In the city of york there will be a great collapse,
Two twin brothers torn apart by chaos.
While the fortress falls the greatest leader will succumb,
The third big was will begin when the big city is burning.
NOSTRADAMUS 1654


To begin with, Nostradamus died in the year 1566, not in 1654 as was signed at the end of this quatrain.

Second, Nostradamus always recorded what century and what number quatrain he was writing. This fake one does not have that.

Third, Nostradamus has never referred to New York as (york) but as the new city.

Fourth, Nostradamus in such a quatrain as important and powerful as this one, would not have said "in the year of the new century or specify nine months". Instead, he would have begun referring to the third millennium and either the harvest moon which happens in the fall, or the alignment of the planets.

Fifth, the last line is by far bogus. Nostradamus knew that New York City, or the new city was big and wondrous. He also knew that the world wars were big. He would take it for granted and leave the word BIG out of his quatrains.

And last, Nostradamus' quatrains had a semblance of poetry and connection. All the lines were linked to one another and fed off of each other. Change one word or line, or omit or rearrange the lines and they would no longer have meaning. You can see that these lines were inserted to serve a purpose and falsify a prediction.

Below are actual Nostradamus Quatrains that may or may not pertain to the recent attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Nostradamus wrote the quatrains as more of a warning to us and with the hope we could and would change the outcome of his quatrains.
CENTURY 1....QUATRAIN 87

Earthshaking fire from the center of the earth
will cause tremors around the New City.
Two great immovable powers will war for a long time,
Then Arethusa will redden a new river.


Although the New City is mentioned here, I do not feel it is about the World Trade Center. The fire came from the sky, two jets hitting the towers. Nostradamus has the fire coming from the center of the earth. A volcano perhaps. It would explain the new river of red. The lava flow burning a new groove into the land would look like a river of red. This may be a political race, (two powers) at war. A shift in power from Republican to Democrat in the state of New York. Or perhaps, even the NYSE and the NASDAQ looking for control.
CENTURY 5....QUATRAIN 65

Suddenly appeared, the terror will be great,
Hidden by the ringleaders of the situation.
The women on the charcoal will no longer be seen.
Thus, little by little,
The great ones will be angered.


Yes, the attacks were great and by surprise. Absolutely no warning. Even after the first plane crashed into the towers, no one expected a second one to do the same let alone a third hit the Pentagon and a fourth crashing before hitting Washington.

The ringleaders, or terrorists, are hidden or unknown. We are hunting and collecting information on the terorists who are still hidden.

The second line, the charcoal women, could be the women that perished in the attacks and will never be found, or found alive. Charcoal meaning burned from the blast.

The last two lines are happening now. The great ones, (The US GOVT.) are very angered. President Bush is not holding back any words. Either you are on our side or you are not. He will hunt down those responsible and justice will be served.
Yes, this could be about today.
CENTURY 8....QUATRAIN 17

Those at ease will suddenly be cast down.
The world put into trouble by three brothers.
Their enemies will seize the marine city.
Hunger, fire, blood, plague, all evils doubled.


Those living and working in the World Trade Center and Pentagon were at ease and then suddenly cast down, brutally murdered by terrorists.

The second line has been linked to the three Kennedy brothers, but maybe, it means former President George Bush, The current President George W. Bush, and his brother, Governor Jeb Bush. Perhaps Nostradamus took for granted that one was a father, and not a brother. Former president Bush attacked Iraq in Desert Storm and stirred up tensions in the middle East. Was this the start of what is happening today?

The third line, seize the marine city is interesting. Manhattan is an island. A marine city. The terrorists seized the city with it's bombs closing the cities bridges and tunnels permitting no one to enter or leave.

Of course, the fourth line of hunger fire and blood is explained as the great death that occurred. All evils doubled. two attacks on the twin towers. Two attacks on Washington. All evils doubled.
CENTURY 8....QUATRAIN 59

Twice put up and twice cast down,
The East will also weaken the West.
It's adversary, after several battles,
Chased by sea will fail at time of need.


Twice is the key in the first line. Two attacks on the towers, two on Washington.

The East, or middle east, surely weakened the West, United States.

The third line suggests several battles will occur and as the last line describes, the East will be defeated by a sea battle with no relief or aid to come.

President Bush has already said anyone harboring these terrorist criminals will also be considered terrorists and we will not distinguish between them. The terrorists will have no one to hide. Even now, Pakistan is offering assistance in lieu of attacking them. They will fail in their time of need.
CENTURY 10....QUATRAIN 49

The garden of the world near the New City,
In the road of the hollow mountains.
It will be seized and plunged in the tank,
Forced to drink water poisoned with sulphur.


Garden of the world? Maybe, Nostradamus coined the phrase concrete jungle of New York centuries ago. It was very near Central Park, a garden of the world.

The second line, hollow mountains. How else would a man from the 16th century describe the World Trade Center? Huge mountains that are hollow inside where people worked.

The third line speaks of the attack on the towers. The tank I cannot decipher it's meaning. Poisoned water? Maybe it's yet to happen. Or maybe a water tower has somehow become tainted with the fall out of the World Trade Center.
CENTURY 10....QUATRAIN 72

In the year 1999, and seven months from the sky,
Will come the great king of terror.
He will bring to life the great king of the Mongols.
Before and after war reigns happily.


1999 has come and gone. Millennium madness is all but over. Several lines of this quatrain were used to create the fake one on the Internet right now.

Still, 1998, terrorism ran unchecked. The Lockerbie aircrash killing hundreds is linked to Terrorists in the Middle East. The same one's as of September 11th, 2001.

That could have been the start of his reign of terror to end well into the third Millennium.
CENTURY 10....QUATRAIN 82

With the knives will come cries, tears and weeping
Seeming to flee, they will make a final assault around the parks.
They will set up high platforms,
The living pushed back and murdered instantly.


Again, high speculation, but the terrorists used knives to hi-jack the planes to start their reign of terror. Many people lost family members and will grieve for many years. Instead of the hi-jackers taking the planes and fleeing the country, they turned and attacked New York and Washington. Could the parks be Battery Park which was created from the excavation of the site preparing to erect the Twin Towers. Maybe Central Park!

High platforms. They are 110 stories tall and many people were killed instantly when the planes collided with the buildings. To Nostradamus, the Twin Towers could be described as high platforms, or hollow mountains.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Shark Attack On City Street

Great White Shark Attack On City Street
Great White Shark Attack On City Street
Shark Attack On City Street

The Grassy Knoll Institute reports that a 30 foot great white Shark surfaced during a Flash Flood on a washed out backstreet at Ft. Meyers Beach, Florida.

As a neighbor waded into the street to help a stranded motorist, the great white shark attacked. Several eyewitnesses, Steve, Nancy, Frank, and Jack, snapped this photo just before the attack.

News At 11......



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Toilet Seat Shark Attack

Toilet Seat Shark Attack
Toilet Seat Shark Attack
Residential Shark Attack

Just when you thought it was safe to do a little reading in the library...

Great White Sharks are in the news again as one surfaced this week in a Rosemont, Illinois residential household. The occupant at the time barely escaped injury as he lept from the toilet in the nick of time. However, he did say the episode scared the crap out of him.



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

10/14/2007

Nikki Ziering - Sci-Fi Sexy Siren

Nikki Ziering Sexy Fembot
Nikki Ziering Sexy Fembot
Grassy Knoll Institute Presents Nikki Ziering, Sexy Siren

Nikki Ziering gained fame as a Playboy model, one of Bob Barkers Beauties, and as a favorite blond model on the Howard Stern radio show.
She was also the star of the lingerie bowl during super bowl Sunday halftime. Not to mention as the stripper police woman in the movie "American Pie 3." Nikki Ziering is the poor mans Pamela Anderson.

Nikki Ziering lands on the Sexy Sci-Fi Sirens page for her science Fiction portrayal as a blond henchwoman in Austin Powers, Gold Member.

Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens brought to you by the Grassy Knoll Institute marketing team to boost readership and placement on search engines.


Lurking On The Grassy Knoll

All Catholics Are Right Handed

A little back story on my trials and tribulations battling Catholic nuns in the 1960's. As you know, I went to a Catholic grade school. In first grade, we learned how to print the alphabet and then to print words with big blue pencils. I remember the nuns getting this strange device that held 6 pieces of chalk in some sort of metal and wood handle and she would make perfect straight lines, six at a time across the entire chalk board. Then, one by one, each student, (inmate) would be asked to go to the blackboard, (Actually, the boards were green) and print their full name and address on the board. My writing was just atrocious.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't stay within the lines. The nuns would get frustrated with this and scold me and warn that I better improve lest I want to go and see the principal. What was she going to do? Help me with my printing? DOUBT IT!

Anyway, the days turned into weeks and my writing skills did not improve and the inevitable phone call to my parents was now reality. My parents were called about the "problem" and was suggested they take me to a "Specialist" to work on my writing skills.

My parents pulled out my kindergarten papers and and compared them to what I was doing in first grade and noticed that indeed my writing had gotten worse. My dad asked bluntly if I was screwing up on purpose, (He knew I was a troublemaker) and I told him that no, I wasn't. I was really trying hard. I didn’t want the nuns yelling at me because I couldn’t stay inside the perfectly drawn chalk lines. I wanted them yelling at me for something fun I did to piss them off.

At this time, I asked my dad a question about Catholics. I asked dad why Catholics are only right handed. He looked puzzled and inquired why I would ask such a question. I proceeded to explain that on my first day of school the nuns showed everyone how to print the alphabet with our big blue pencils. Then they asked every child to print their name on the black board.

When I picked up the chalk and started printing my name with my left hand, the nuns said to only use my right hand. Sister Charlotte said that all Catholics are right handed and that this training would be invaluable when I went to second grade and learned to write instead of print. For in writing, I would have to tilt my paper and my letters, and I needed to be right handed to do so. What the hell did I know? I was freakin six years old.

My dad was silent. He looked lost. He asked me to repeat what I just said. He then asked if I was lying to him. One thing I learned at a very early age was to never lie to my father. He didn’t like that. I tried a few lies on him before and my punishment was swift and precise. Remind me to tell you about the belt episode at a later blog entry.

Well, my mother was called in to the living room and I repeated the story to her. I was then handed a pencil and paper and asked to print my name and address. With my left hand, I did pretty darn good. With my right, it was awful. I was then told to go get lost and play with my brothers.

My father drove me to school the next day and dropped me off at the front door. He said he had some business with the principal and he would see me when I got home from school. Although I didn’t hear the conversation my father had with Sister Eileen, I could well imagine it. I don’t think it was much of a conversation anyway, more of a, look here, there is how its going to be from now on sister conversation….My father was very persuasive.

Anyway, from that day forward, all Catholics were right handed, except for me, who apparently had special dispensation from the Pope letting me print left handed. All the children gasped as I walked up to the black board and actually printed using my left hand. Some thought I wasn’t really Catholic. I believe this may have been the birth of my loathsome attitude towards the nuns as they would now belittle every little nuance of my printing. I believe they were mad that I was left handed.

Funny thing is though, that yes I was left handed, but also right handed. In third grade, I switched writing back to right handed. I hated getting that lead all over my hands as I dragged my pencil over the paper writing. I was afraid of the lead after my brother Jack told me that I could die from lead poisoning if to much pencil dust got onto my skin. Damn him.

The nuns now had a chip on their shoulders, and I was just the kid to knock it off time and time again. They would never see it coming, they were expecting it from the right and I attacked from the left……




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Human Digital Implants

Big brother Is Already Watching
Digital Human Implants.
This is not a futuristic fantasy but a reality already in progress.

Implants are not just for the military but for every American citizen. Implants are being touted as the newest "must have" technical gizmo. The implants are so microscopic that they are virtually undetectable in the human body. Until that is, the government needs to do a little update maintenance.

Why are implants becoming the buzz word lately? The reason is the many benefits provided with digital implants.

Imagine a noninvasive procedure where the chip is implanted in your thumb freeing you from carrying your wallet or purse with you anymore. No drivers license, no form of ID, or money for that matter. Your digital implant chip would have all that information and much much more.

The fear of robbery would cease for consumers would no longer carry money. No more lost credit cards or identity theft off the Internet.

Business transactions such as grocery store shopping, gas station fill ups, banking, and even Internet sells will be controlled by the tiny little chip implanted in your thumb. A mere wave of your hand over the UPC scanner and your bank account will be debited.

But wait, there's more good news. What happens if your child gets lost? Or worse, kidnapped? A quick call to the police department and with satellite tracking much like the GPS systems in cars, your child will be located in minutes and the nearest law enforcement officer will be immediately dispatched to your child's location. Also, all people in the immediate vicinity of your child will be identified in case the kidnapper decides to run and evade justice.

Sounds to good to be true doesn't it? Well, with new technology, there are some down sides. There are certain disadvantages that the government won't be advertising, much like tobacco companies with their warning labels on cigarette packs. The warning is there, but not really noticed or paid attention to.

The most disturbing disadvantage is the loss of our personal privacy. Yes, George Orwell's Big Brother government will be watching you at all times. The digital implant will record your every move, transaction, conversation. Any establishment you visit, time spent, and goods or services rendered there will be archived. A personal portfolio will slowly be compiled on you to help and aid the government in future endeavors for you or against you.

Your personal privacy will go the way of the 8-Track tape player that will be reasoned away that a small sacrifice must be made to keep all of us safe. More like rounded up and corralled like sheep. The government will speak of crime being eliminated for every door we pass through will scan the chip in our bodies and keep tabs on us. If anyone decides to say, rob a bank, the implant will notify the police right away and the GPS tracking systems will kick in and the robber will be arrested.

We will be a more kinder, gentler society. Afraid to deviate from the norm for fear of being singled out and persecuted and then prosecuted for a crime we did not commit.....Yet!

Indeed, the future looks so bright, I better buy some shades. And some gloves.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Big Foot Revisited

Legend Of Boggy Creek Big Foot Photo
Legend Of Boggy Creek Big Foot Photo
As the third Millennium unfolds, past mysteries continue to resurface that science cannot yet explain away. Such is the mystery of Big Foot, also known as Yeti, Abominable snowman, Sasquatch, Aliens, and the missing link. There have been countless sightings over the years much like U.F.O. phenomenon eye witness accounts. Most eyewitnesses are alone, in a deserted area, with no recording devices such a camera or videotape recorder to capture the event. All they have is their story.

Until that is, two events changed the face of Big Foot lore. These two events are the documentary movie made in 1973 titled, The Legend of Boggy Creek that showed actual footage of big foot in it's natural habitat and Oliver, the Hybrid half human, half ape primate that was so refined that he would mix a round of drinks for everyone at night including himself and sit down and watch TV.

The Grassy Knoll Institute in it's continuing investigations, offer the following insight on the legend or the reality of Big Foot.

It was used to advertise the 1973 movie, The Legend Of Boggy Creek, a documentary film about Big Foot and how it had eluded capture all these years. The film was not a box office success but it did give credence that a creature such as Big Foot may indeed exist.

The footage of the elusive creature was touted to be clear evidence that Big foot existed. Yet when I saw the film, and yes, I saw the film at the theater way back in 1973, it was a mere several seconds of a fuzzy ape like animal walking in the distant. The animal seemed to sense the camera's rolling, stopped a moment and looked directly at the cameraman, and then quickly walked behind a tree and into folklore history as one of the most about mysteries today. Irrefutable proof? Hardly! The film was so grainy and the footage so fleeting, it was impossible to make an accurate scientific analysis.

This is where Oliver comes in. The supposedly missing link. Oliver is a very famous chimp with some very strange qualities and characteristics. Upon first glimpse, one can see that his head is smaller than other chimpanzee's and has more human attributes than that of a chimp. Oliver also is a bipedal primate, as he walks on two feet as humans do. No other chimp recorded has ever mastered this feat for more than a few steps. Oliver strolled around in his large cave always on two feet without the aid of his arms. He also liked to sit in chairs and watch television.

His intelligence was extraordinary. Oliver was able to perform chores such as taking out the trash, loading and emptying a wheel barrel, and even feeding the dogs. Although he couldn't speak or write, Oliver was a creature of habit and knew when it was bedtime and when his favorite TV shows were on.

With all the fanfare surrounding this chimp called Oliver, it was no wonder that medical tests were performed to determine it's genetic makeup. A rumor had it that Oliver had 47 chromosomes which is one more than a human and one less than a chimp who normally has 48. A missing link indeed. Some even speculated that Oliver was some sort of hybrid animal genetically engineered between a human and chimp. Afterall, chimp and human DNA is 99% the same. it's only that small 1% that makes us human.

The results however, showed that Oliver was a mere chimp. Not a genetically engineered new species, not human, but just a mutant chimp. A chimp capable of walking on two feet. The anticipation that actual proof was found slowly dissipated and Oliver is now living out his retirement at a secluded animal habitat content to live out the remainder of his life as a regular chimp.

In conclusion, the Grassy Knoll Institute still asks the question. If Big Foot does really exist, why haven't we found a dead carcass of one in the woods? Surely these creatures die. When they do, where are the dead bodies?

Until we see concrete evidence, and we don't mean the plaster cast versions, the Grassy Knoll Institute is still not convinced that Big Foot exists and will continue it's ongoing investigations until hard evidence does become available.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


Heron Of Alexandria

Time Traveler Heron Of Alexandria

The Grassy Knoll Institute research team dug up some ancient history and came across this tidbit. Heron of Alexandria, born on or around 10 AD in Egypt, was an important geometer and worker in mechanics. The actual date is clouded in history with Heron merely just arriving on the scene.

So what's the big deal about this man? Perhaps Heron was an early time traveler that somehow got trapped in the past. Pretty far-fetched you ask? Yea, probably so, but it's my blog, so listen up anyway and read why.

Heron was a man before his time. He was a brilliant mathematician and scientist. His theorems are still in use today. He was also a great inventor.

Some of his inventions are as follows:

A working steam engine more than 2000 years old.

An automatic opening doors using ingenious pulleys and levies. This device was used to create the illusion that the Pharaoh could open the huge heavy stone doors by merely speaking his will.

The first vending machine was also his invention as the device dispensed blessed holy water for a small cost.

The drinking fountain. Many perceived this as magic as no one has ever seen such marvels before.

He even invented the first automated theater complete with sound, scene changes, and animated action backgrounds. Thousands were astounded when they viewed such gifts from the gods.

Heron was also called on to help on the battlefield. He invented the first "Gatling Gun" that shot wooden arrows with deadly accuracy one after another in rapid fire.

All these feats created with the tools and raw materials of the day. And, after Heron died, the clerics of the time could not duplicate Herons genius and the inventions created slowly broke down and were forgotten for many hundreds of years.

Perhaps Heron, being the inquisitive scientist, somehow traveled back in time from a date yet unknown, to study the Egyptian culture at the dawn of the new millennium. Egyptian hieroglyphics refer to Heron as "Traveler From The Sun", and speak of him as a great teacher. His means of time travel were not look mechanical, such as folklore H.G. Wells and his time machine.

Speculation has it that Heron used several of his theorems on the space time continuum to navigate and control time and space itself. By plotting a course on a simple number line, he could easily go from point "A" to point "B" by inputting his theorems solutions.

Heron either changed the course of history leaving no future for him to return to or miscalculated the power necessary to return to his era by not taking into account the tools and raw materials at his disposal in the year 10 AD. In any event, Heron was trapped and made modern wonders that date 2000 years old.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

The Holy Trinity

Catholic grade school, second period, religion class, 1967

I was seated third row, front seat, the most dreaded seat in the class. It was situated right in front of the nuns desk. Whoever sat there had zero wiggle room for any type of shenanigans.

There I was, starring down the nun teaching the class about the Holy Trinity. Catholic faith believes that God is three people, yet only one. There is God the Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost. (Holy Ghost got upgraded to Holy Spirit late in the 60's) The Father sent his Son, Jesus, to earth so he could die for our sins and save the people. The Holy Ghost went along for the ride to give Jesus guidance and advice. Thus, the mystery of the Holy Trinity.

Then something struck me as odd. I had a question but pretty much knew that the nuns would acknowledge my hand in the air knowing that my questions were never easy ones. Yet I had to try. Up went my hand even before the nun asked if there were any questions signaling the end of the lesson. I guess it took the nun off guard and immediately whirled around, saw my hand raised, and said, "Yes Patrick, do you have a question?"

I was shocked myself but the opening was there. Feeling saucy I went for the jugular straight away. I asked before God sent his Son Jesus to earth, was God only two people. Just God the Father and the Holy Ghost. And only became three people after Mary, the holy Mother gave birth to Jesus. There, that'll oughta hold the nun for awhile.

Well, I wouldn't be sitting in row three, first chair anymore that day. The nun immediately moved towards me, making a beeline straight at me. Yes, another visit to the principles office. She grabbed me by the back of my shirt and hoisted me right out of the chair. As if by magic in mere seconds, I was in the office.

Several minutes passed as the nuns looked on seeing if I would crack. Hell, they held onto their faith, but I would not crack. The principle yelled, (Yes, actually yelled) for me to step in her office. Same routine here, I was to explain why I was there. I told her the story, and the sister looked on with a puzzled face. Then she spoke in a monotone voice saying that God was always three people and only chose to send his Son, who was already a part of the Holy Trinity. I then asked if Jesus was already a part of the Trinity, then how was he born to the virgin Mother Mary?

Yes guessed it. I won a call home to my parents.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Altar Boys Secret Society

The Altar Boys Secret Society Part I

I had survived the Flute-O-Phone Spanish Nunquistion as not a single student cracked under the intense pressure and squealed on me, or themselves for that matter. Life was getting good. Time to venture into new avenues.

My buddy told me about a pretty good gig that would allow me to get out of school for hours at a time. Get out of school!!! That's all I needed to hear. He told me all I had to do was sign up to be an Altar boy. Anything to get out of harms way of the nun's wrath I thought.

Note to all non Catholics out there reading. An Altar boy was an assistant to the priest when he was saying mass. The Altar boy's duties ranged from holding the cross and leading the procession to bringing up the water and wine to the priest as he proceeded to move through the mass. Basically, the Altar boy was an indentured servant.

Ok, back to the story. Amazingly, it was easy to join the altar boys. There were no tests to take. No secret handshakes to learn and no secret password to get into the back of the church where everyone that is in the loop knows that is where all the action is.

That same day during my lunch break I went to see Father Iatti to inform him that he had a new recruit for the Altar boy army. Past the principles office I glided and down the steps to the Sacristy where Father Iatti's office was. Tapping ever so gently on the office door I entered the office slowly, (My spider senses were tingling) nervously looking about preparing myself to be yelled at. You see, a Catholic student never willingly went to see the priests.

The children were sent there by the nuns for more severe punishment apparently only available for the priests to inflict. So, this was a very unusual circumstance, especially for me, walking in to the office of my own free will instead of being dragged there by the nuns. This time I wanted to use my powers for good instead of evil and the priest would immediately sense this.

In reality, that didn't happen. Instead, Father Iatti came into the office, saw me sitting in the chair, and began to rant and rave at me yelling something about calling my mother and that I was in big trouble this time. He then went into his native tongue, which was Italian, and blurted out several more sentences before finally asking me what I had to say for myself. I almost confessed to whatever he was ranting about. He then said, "Well, I'm waiting. Why are you here?" I told him that I wanted to become an Altar boy and was ready to sign up and help the church. I figured that revelation would humble him a bit, quiet him down just a little after yelling at me for no reason at all. I could also see two prominent veins that appeared on his forehead and if perchance they somehow met, I imagined his head would explode. Yes, I know it would be cool to see, and I had a front row seat, but it would be messy but then I would not be inducted into the altar boy guild, or society, or club, whatever.

Fact was, I was offering my services to the church, to serve God, to help him. I waited for the apology but never got it. Instead, Father Iatti became a police inspector and began interrogating me like I was a criminal. Crimony, all I wanted to do was join the Altar boys. This was turning out to be more bother than I expected.

My answers did not satisfy Father Iatti and he continued the brow beating. Ten more minutes went by and still I was not inducted into the Altar boy guild and now my entire recess lunch break was over. What a gip. Not only did I waste my lunchtime, I was getting a lecture and the once over for doing absolutely nothing this time. Then it dawned on me. I was now missing class as the students entered the school in single file from the playground completely silent not daring to utter a peep while in line. This was OK. Let Father Iatti rant and rave at me. It wasn't like I wasn't used to it by now. Four years so far in Catholic school had hardened my nerves and resolve. Nothing could penetrate the fortress.

Then, like a bad dream, Father Iatti stopped his tirade and told me to return to class and that we would discuss this matter further during tomorrows lunch break. This was unacceptable. I had already wasted one recess period and I wasn't about to waste another. I had to move quickly before this got more out of hand then it was. I slowly got up out of my chair, sighed lowly and announced that maybe I wasn't cut out to be an Altar boy after all. Even though both of my older brothers were, maybe I wasn't good enough. I then turned to the door averting my eyes from Father Iatti and began to leave.

Then it happened. Father spoke. He said in a very low tone that there was an Altar boy meeting Friday morning right before first period and that I was invited to attend. He said the meeting was to discuss the Altar boys duties and to introduce several new members of which I was now one. I said thanks and ran out the door and hurried to class so as to not be late and risk the wrath of the nuns for being tardy.

I was in. A made man. An Altar boy. A license to skip school virtually almost every day. Life was good. I couldn't wait for Friday.

But of course, there was a glitch. A glitch that I didn't consider. Thinking only about being able to miss school while serving early morning mass each weekday, I failed to realize that I would also be responsible for serving mass on Saturdays and Sundays. And since I was the rookie, I would be getting the lousy very early morning mass schedules on the weekends. Now this sucked but the wheels were already in progress and Friday was approaching quickly.

I needed a plan. But that is another Altar boy story, another legend. Stay tuned for the update.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

10/13/2007

Flute-O-Phone Concert

 Flute-O-Phone Concert From Hell!

Suck It Bitches

Go tell aunt Rhoda, go tell aunt Rhoda, Go tell aunt Rhoda the old gray goose is dead. Ahh yes, every Catholic boy and girl in the 1960's knew this song and knew it well. It was just one of the many magical musical hits we learned to play on our "fluteophone" recorders in music class. You remember this musical instrument don't you?

The fluteophone was the Nuns favorite instrument for it was an amazing tool for them to wield power and influence over us Catholic school kids. It was a rite of passage that every Catholic child had to endure. And it was now my turn to carry on the tradition.

So there I was, about 9 weeks into the school year thinking that maybe the fluteophone curse would skip a generation sparing me the pain and agony of playing this silly annoying instrument. But, just like the swallows that return to Capistrano every Springtime, so would the fluteophone rear it's ugly face and sound. The Nuns, or Sisters as we sometimes called them, informed my class of the good news that our fluteophones would be arriving in several days and that we would begin practice immediately afterward. The Sisters were all giddy in anticipation, some almost smiling. An awesome day indeed.

The nuns rambled on and said that we would be taught many a fine songs. The classics they said. Like I wanted to learn how to play Mary Had A Little Lamb or Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Hell, I couldn't even begin to sing these songs let alone bring forth pleasant music from this instrument. I figured this had to be some sort of nun punishment and I for one wanted no part in this. A Line In The Sand had been drawn!

My 9 year old brain started to plot and scheme trying to reason a way out of this torture. Maybe I could be sick for 18 or so weeks. Maybe I could tell the Nuns that I had a severe throat infection and playing the fluteophone was detrimental to my health. Although these plans seemed to be perfect, I knew the Nuns would soon catch on and then my life as a Catholic would be over. My mortal soul would be lost on the river of woe for eternity. I needed a much more diabolical plan. I would need a little more time to see how the Nuns would play this out. I would wait for a mistake and only then would I make my move on them.

That fateful day arrived. A package had been delivered. The instruments of destruction lied dormant within. As the Sisters carefully opened the brown box, a silence like no other I had experienced fell upon the class. Not even breathing could be heard. Maybe all the kids were holding their breath much like I was praying to God that the box contained chocolate candy bars that would be passed out to all us kids. In an instant, I was snapped back to reality as the first white plastic flute emerged from the box.

Another Nun began calling our names in alphabetical order and as our names were called, we rose from our chairs and walked slowly toward the Nun holding the fluteophones. Moments later, my name was called and I was in the funeral march type procession to receive my musical instrument.

After everyone's name was called, the Nuns begun with lesson number one. They really weren't lying when they said they would jump right in with the lessons. Lesson one was all fire and brimstone. It was a warning by the Sisters that you were not to lose the fluteophone, break it, damage it any any way, chew gum while playing it, or using it for any other reason than playing music, and only the music sanctioned by the Nuns themselves.

We were even told not to play the music outdoors for fear that a dog, annoyed by the high pitch, might attack us thus making us drop the fluteophone and damage it. It would be OK if the dog mauled us but we better protect that fluteophone with our very lives.

To me, this was totally unacceptable but still I bided my time. As the days went on and the lessons increased, the Nuns would single us out and force us to play solo in front of the class to see just how far we progressed. Actually, I believed the Nuns did this exercise to see just how terrible we were. Of course, my name was called continually to perform the solo. Being the obstinate lad that I was, I would give it a half hearted attempt and then listen to the Nuns honest critique of my music ability.

If the Nuns were permitted to utter the word "Suck", then that would have summed it up. Since they were not permitted to utter such profanity, the nuns used words like slacker and deviant which were the nuns way of telling me that I sucked at playing the fluteophone.

Like I cared. It's not like I was daydreaming of one day becoming the greatest fluteophone player in the world. Maybe become more popular than Zanfir and his magic pan flute..... Ahh, dare to dream. Millions of fans coming to hear me play. Much like the Beatles were, only more popular.....

Anyway, the weeks went by excruciatingly slow as each lesson became more tedious than the previous one. The only benefit I could see from these lessons was that if I were somehow magically transported into a Johnny Quest carton and then cornered by a pack of poisonous vipers and my only chance of survival was to play the fluteophone and charm the snakes into submission. Again, I was snapped back into reality. The Nun was calling my name again to perform. Again, the same results, and of course the same critique. At least I was consistent.

Then one day, it dawned on me that I would never be able to successfully perform the intricate maneuvers needed from my thumb and ring finger to produce the right sound. However, all was not lost.

I did find out that if I merely just blew as hard as I could into the flute and moved my fingers up and down as if I were playing chopsticks on steroids on a piano, that I made the most god awful noise. That noise was affectionately known now as the snake charmer song.

Revenge was at hand.

Finally, I saw a small sliver of an opening to aggravate the Nuns but I would have to bide my time. I would make the Nuns truly believe that I was really trying, that I was giving my best effort so as to deflect any type of scrutiny or suspicion.

More weeks went by and our group was coming together especially when we played Row, Row, Row your boat. And yes, there I was, doing my Catholic duty playing the fluteophone. After one particular practice, the Nuns proclaimed us ready to perform in front of an audience. What? A live audience? This was perfect. The Nuns continued with their news and said that we would be playing with all the other Catholic schools in the area the following week. We would be putting on a huge concert where all the schools would each have some solo time and also would play as a full force.

This thought was mind boggling. Several thousand students playing the fluteophone in one room. I would hope the foundation of the building was sturdy enough to take the brunt of the assault. I immediately felt sorry for my parents having to endure this punishment, not just once, but seven times, with me being one of seven children since my parents were good Catholic parishioners.

My time was approaching. The next week couldn't arrive fast enough. We all met at school and the Nuns had a surprise for us. Green capes! Yes, capes, the color of Robins cape from the television series, Batman And Robin. We were to wear these capes to show our school pride. I asked why the capes were green since our school colors were blue and silver. The Nuns put an end to all questions by smacking her yard stick ruler down hard several times on her desk. She yelled out to "Listen up children, and settle down". She continued with the standard Nun rhetoric that God was watching us all and that he was proud of us all for learning to play the fluteophone and that blah blah blah.....

Moments later we were all shuffling onto the school bus that would take us to the field house. It was a short trip and quickly we were all walking into the field house where we saw thousands of happy looking parents, (most of them having already inserted their heavy duty ear plugs) seated waving and smiling as their children passed by.

We took our positions for the concert. We were high up, about three rows from the top of the hall. Surely no one could spot me here. I was in the catbird seat. It was absolutely perfect. I was looking around, casing the joint, looking for Nuns, spies, and priests. None were in the area. At this point, the conductor began striking his pointer on the podium trying to bring the crowd to attention. His tapping worked. We were ready. Poised. Anxious.

The concert opened with the entire group of schools playing Row, Row, Row your boat. It was almost stereophonic as each school was playing several beats apart from each other. Of course, when the song was over, the parents applauded and it was now solo time. Several schools went ahead of us and we, being competitive Catholic kids, sized up the competition. (Like we could tell who were the better fluteophone players)

Finally, the moment had arrived. My moment. As we began our solo, (Our selection was Mary Had A Little Lamb) I took action. As loud as I could, I started belting out the snake charmer song. At first, I was a but a single voice in a crowd of precision playing. Several seconds later, the kids standing next to me also began playing my snake charmer tune. The snake charmer song swept through the group much like the "Fan Wave" at a National Football League game. In no time at all, the snake charmer song was being played by all, and not just our school, but by all the schools.

And of course, when we stopped, all the parents clapped supporting my theory that indeed they had heavy duty ear plugs inserted.

In a matter of mere seconds, Nuns were all over the place like a SWAT team bust. We were quickly escorted out with strict orders not to say a single word. Apparently, the Nuns didn't want to tamper with the crime scene and wanted to prevent any of us to discuss alibi's.

The bus trip back to the school was silent. Just glaring stares from the Nuns. As the bus pulled into the school parking lot, the Nuns spoke to us informing that a full investigation (Or rather the Spanish Inquisition) would be held on Monday when we returned to school.

When Monday did come, the Nuns tried unsuccessfully to crack us and drive a wedge between us. Not a single student admitted anything. Even the priests on Confession day asked us if we were involved in the snake charmer incident. When all avenues were exhausted, the only recourse left to the Nuns was complete class detention for a week. To me, this was a small price to pay. It was by far the lesser of the two evils of being sent to the principles office for a round of interrogation from the Pastor.

To this day, the Nuns did not know it was me that began the cascade of snake charmer tunes. Although they heavily suspected me, they had no proof whatsoever. I had beaten the nuns. It was a good victory over the Nuns. It felt good.

But enough of the fluteophone. It was now time to sign up to become an alter boy.

But that is another story.....



LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Elvis Presley - Love me Tender - 1956


Elvis Presley Love Me Tender Vinyl
Elvis Presley Love Me Tender Vinyl
The King, Elvis Presley


Elvis Presley, the undisputed king of rock and roll, has had more hit records than any other artist. I found this one, the 1956 release of his number one single, Love Me Tender, piled in a stack of records I inherited from my aunt Libbs and Mary.


Love Me Tender, also the title of Presley's first motion picture, was originally sung on the Ed Sullivan show September 9th, that at the time had a record viewing audience of 54 million people.


This record is not a 33 1/3, or LP, nor is it a 45 RPM, but a 7 inch vinyl single. The flip side song is, Anyway You Want Me.


RCA Victor is the brand label, the one with the little dog looking into the victrolo.


The record touts "New Orthophonic" high fidelity.


I wish I had a record player capable of playing it. Its in OK to good condition. No gouges, a few smudges, but if cleaned, should look and play pretty good.



LURKING AND ROCKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL