Showing posts with label CON. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CON. Show all posts

12/27/2007

NFL Acquiesces To Fans

As reported in last weeks Grassy Knoll Institute Conspiracy, the NFL network was playing hard ball with cable operators forcing them to pony up to satisfy their customers for the upcoming prime game of the unbeaten 15-0 New England Patriots at the New York Giants this Saturday night.

As stated before, history and NFL records could be easily set in this game. Not only would New England be the first team in NFL history to go 16-0, quarterback Tom Brady can break the single season TD passes and total yards while Randy Moss needs two TD's to break Jerry Rice's long standing most tD's in a single season.

The NFL has succumbed to the pressure put upon them by the Grassy Knoll Institute, Sen. John Kerry, and other legislators to force the NFL to carry the game on local channels so all can enjoy.

Yesterday, Commissioner Roger Goodell stated in a press conference that the game will be shown on CBS, NBC, and the NFL Network, the first game to be three-network simulcast in 40 years, since the first Super Bowl in 1967. Goodell says it is in the best interest of the fans that the NFL is airing the game on three networks but just a few days ago, the NFL said they would not acquiesce and that the game would be broadcast only on the NFL Network.

The NFL is in the midst of a horrific public relations nightmare and only at this point decided to change their tune. Only the best interests of the fans in mind! Bullshit. The almighty dollar drives the NFL and they almost bullied the cable operators to pony up.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL


12/16/2007

New England Patriots Perfect Season

Saturday, December 29th, at 8pm EST, the New England Patriots face the New York Giants for the final regular game of the season. The Patriots, now at 14-0 will perhaps be going for a perfect season that final game while the Giants will be playing for a tight raced wild card spot. The NFL could not have dreamed of a better scenario than the match-up as all eyes will be tuning in to watch a little bit of sports history.

As if anything more was needed for the thrones of fans to tune in, several more records should be there for the taking during this game for quarterback Tom Brady and receiver Randy Moss.

Tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback, can easily shatter the record for most touchdowns in a single season during this game surpassing Peyton Manning and Dan Marino.

Randy Moss can break the receiving yards record for a single season and also break Jerry Rice's long standing record of most TD's in a single season.

The hype has already begun as the fabled 1972 Miami Dolphins, who went a perfect 17-0, are being compared to the present day Patriots on almost every NFL program. Millions of non football fans will tune in just to see what all the hub bub is all about making this one game one of the highest rated broadcasts rivaling even the super bowl games of past years.

But there's a problem. The game is slated to be televised on the NFL Network, a TV channel that only 1% of the American public receives. A game this big and no one will be able to see history possibly be written.

The NFL is standing firm stating that the game will not be switched to CBS, NBC, or FOX and will air on the NFL Network.

I will guarantee that millions of fans will be calling their local cable companies demanding that they allow the game to be shown in their area. But there's the rub.

DirecTV ponied up this year when the NFL negotiations were open and out bid the cable company giants.

This is where the conspiracy portion enters.

The NFL Network much like cable channel ESPNU have a very limited audience. About 1% of the nation has access to the NFL network football games. The cable companies balked at the cost the NFL wanted for them to air the Thursday and Saturday night special games starting Thanksgiving night every year. Hence, only DirecTV subscribers can tune in.

So what can the network do to bolster ratings? Do exactly what ESPNU did last year. Televise the top rated games on that channel knowing that it would cause an outcry from the fans and hopefully force the cable companies to pony up and televise the games. ESPNU aired the Ohio State Buckeyes while they were undefeated and ranked #1 in the country and other top ranked teams showed up on the U network when low profile games used to be only shown.

The NFL is forcing the same type of scenario. In two weeks, tens of millions of fans will be very upset not being able to view the game causing animosity and hard feelings toward their cable providers. Countless phone calls and emails will be fielded as to why the game is not available and they won't like the answer that it cost to much money to air these limited games.

The Patriots are poised to go a perfect 16-0 while Brady and Moss have obtainable NFL records as well in the final game. The NFL Network could not have asked for a better catalyst to force cable companies.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/30/2007

Sanjaya Consortium

The American Idol Sanjaya Consortium

The Grassy Knoll Institute has uncovered an underground movement with the intention to bring the FOX network smash series American Idol to it's knee's. This international group calls itself, The Sanjaya Consortium. The details are sketchy but it is believed that the consortium formed at the end of last seasons show and built membership over the summer after the founders discovered a flaw in the voting system and decided to exploit it.

American Idol relies on TV viewers watching the show to call in after the show airs and vote for their favorite contestant. There is no limit on how many times one can vote. The phone lines are open for two hours. The next night, the contestant with the fewest votes gets sent home. All the power comes from the voting viewers.

But what about Randy, Paula, and Simon? Don't they control the show, have a say on who continues and who goes home? That was how the show was designed to work, the judges being able to sway the viewers opinions and thus have them vote for the best singer. In reality, Randy, Paula, and Simon are merely window dressing once the preliminary auditions are completed and the show moves to Hollywood. Simon's biting critiques have no significant value determining the outcome of the show. Ryan Seacrest has the same power as the judges. Absolutely none!

The Sanjaya Consortium understands this flaw and set out to exploit it in 2007. Being silent for several weeks to research who was the worst singer in the group of contestants, they went into action. The several hundred thousand member strong consortium went to their phones and voted as many times as they could for Sanjaya, clearly the contestant with the least amount of talent. Shockingly, after a severe critique from Simon, Randy, and even Paula, Sanjaya was voted through. Week after week, Sanjaya was saved by the consortium and had the potential to win American Idol.

The Sanjaya problem had gotten so bad that Simon Cowell stated that he would step down as a judge for American Idol next season if Sanjays won that year. The other judges have stopped critiquing Sanjaya as they have come to realize that no matter what they say, it will not affect the voting consortium.

To plug this flaw in the American Idol system model, the Grassy Knoll Institute guarantee's that next year major changes will be implemented.

The first major change will be limiting each caller to a maximum amount of votes permitted. Somewhere between five and ten calls will be agreed upon.

The second major change will restore power back to Randy, Paula, and Simon. Each week, the three judges will rate and rank the contestants on a scale of one to ten and the combined score will amount to fifty percent of the vote. Much like the model of Dancing With The Stars.

In 2007, Sanjaya fever was running wild and appears Pandora's box cannot be closed.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/29/2007

American Idol Sanjaya Conspiracy


Sanjaya American Idol
Sanjaya American Idol
American Idol Contestant Sanjaya

A conspiracy was brewing again on American Idol last season, the popular FOX network television program. No, I'm not talking about Paula Abdul scheduling private tudor lessons with some of the male hopefuls, but a company wide conspiracy to prevent Sanjaya, a 17 year old male from winning the contest.

Simon Cowell, the producer and general partner of American Idol vowed not to return to Idol if Sanjaya won. Even Paula and Randy stopped critiquing Sanjaya knowing what they said fell on deaf ears for the fans continued to vote for him. Or did they?

It's been learned that Howard Stern, radio shock jock, started a campaign to vote for Sanjaya to disrupt American Idol. It seemed to work. Stern knew if Sanjaya won, American Idol would be on it's way out. Stern had the axe out chopping away.

Don't be surprised to see new voting changes when Idol debuts in 2008. With the ability of tens of thousands of people voting over and over for their favorite contestant to sway the contest, look for a maximum vote allowed for each phone, A limit of 5-10 would put everyone back on a level playing field. Expect a huge outcry from many groups claiming unfair rule changes. It's only going to get better.

If Sanjaya did win, Henry Winkler would have been the host next season. As many of you remember, while playing the "Fonz" in the popular TV sitcom Happy Days, he actually jumped a shark to prove he was not afraid. American Idol is circling the shark tank right now.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/27/2007

UFO Crashes In Youngstown Parking Deck

UFO Crashes In Mall Parking Lot Boardman Ohio
UFO Crashes In Mall Parking Lot Boardman Ohio
A large explosion was heard as dawn broke in the township of Boardman, Ohio, (A suburb of Youngstown) and an immense fireball was seen in the parking lot of the Southern Park Mall on Market Street and Route 224. The above photo was taken from a Grassy Knoll Institute operative while hovering in helicopter Grassy Knoll One.

The Institute has already learned a great deal from the crash site comparing the alien craft to another than it filmed just months ago hovering in the sky. Notice the similarities between the two photos. UFO In Flight. Notice the elongated apparatus extending from the center of both ships. (We believe it to be the weapons array)

The wreckage has been gathered, crated, and transported to the secret laboratory of the Institute where it hopes to shed some much needed light on the UFO mystery that has plagued our society for decades. Some local speculation referred to the 1947 Roswell UFO conspiracy and how both scenario's are very similar.

On a side note, our investigators noticed that there were a few security light posts missing from their normal positions. We do not know as of yet if there is any connection to the UFO crash or not.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/26/2007

Mars Has Water


Mars has Water And Life
Mars has Water And Life
Several weeks ago NASA splashed the headlines with news that they had found water on the red planet. Not just evidence of an ancient water flow long ago dried up, or frozen water embedded at the polar ice caps that may or may not be water, but actual flowing water currently on the planet Mars not more than a year.

What an incredible coincidence that this major discovery of flowing water, an essential key building block of life, is discovered now on Mars. At a time when space exploration is being scrutinized and interest in the red planet is waning.

The Grassy Knoll Institute offers this explanation as to why water has now been revealed on Mars. Like millions of people, the Grassy Knoll Institute was intrigued when the Mars rover Pathfinder, a little unmanned craft took it's first treadmill like steps on the Martian soil snapping hundreds of photo's and boldly going where no machine ever went before. (Thanks Gene Roddenberry)

Then came the Spirit and Opportunity NASA Mars rovers. Twin rovers larger and more durable than Pathfinder, blasted off to Mars for a 90 day survey mission. The rovers were only supposed to last for 90 days in the harsh surface conditions, but 90 days went and gone and the rovers were still ticking. They are now going into their fourth year on the planet still taking pictures of rocks and craters and mountains. But no one cares anymore. Because once you've seen a Martian rock from the rovers position of 2 feet from the ground, seeing thousands more of the same pictures of the rocks cousins is not that exciting.

NASA needs to be in the public eye once again, to capture the American interest in space exploration again. What better way than to announce the discovery of water on Mars alluding to the possibility that life does exist on the planet, not just ancient fungus long ago dead and dried, but thriving green plant life. And everyone knows the next logical step from that is mammal life.

It will be very interesting to see how NASA approaches the appropriations committee for their new space endeavor to land on Mars, take soil samples, water samples, and plant life samples, and blast off from the planet back to Earth for analysis.

The Grassy Knoll Institute will be watching.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/25/2007

UFO Cause Of Bizarre Climate Control

UFO In California Sky
UFO In California Sky
The United States Northeast is enjoying unseasonable warm temperatures this winter. Instead of snow, a continuous rain is falling causing flash flood warnings for streams and rivers all the while the mercury hovers in the low 50's.
On the West coast, the area is experiencing much colder weather than usual as blizzards are dumping hundreds of feet of snow with even Southern California recording snow fall and accumulation. It was announced today on CNN news that 95% of the citrus crop of the United States has been ruined due to freezing. (Expect to see higher prices beginning next week in your local grocery store)
Meteorologists have been unable to determine a cause for such weather variations as some scientists are looking to El Nino as the cause but the Grassy knoll Institute knows better.

One of the Institutes leading scientists, Jimmy, snapped this photograph of an Unidentified Flying Object hovering just above the mountains in San Bernardino, California.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has obtained information through underground channels that UFO's have been sighted over Southern California and with the approval of the Federal government, are conducting experiments to alter the Earth's weather patterns. All test results and data gathered will be shared with the government.

If weather patterns can be controlled and altered, imagine the lives saved during hurricanes, tornado's, and flash flooding. Or to assist arid desert climates to allow rain to help crops grow to help feed the world. With this new technology Hurricane Katrina could have been prevented saving thousands of lives and billions of dollars. A brave new world indeed.

However, there is always a flip side with the Grassy Knoll Institute. Weather patterns could also be altered and used as a weapon to destroy entire nations food supplies, cause horrific weather to destroy economies of foreign nations. To control the weather is to control the world's trade economy. It is the ultimate weapon of mass destruction. Enemies of the states would be wise to begin building arks in advance. I see a weather change coming to their town!!!




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/24/2007

Parking Deck Conspiracy


Parking In Gatlinburg Tennessee
Parking In Gatlinburg Tennessee
 Five dollars for all day parking doesn't sound to bad until you look at the big picture. Every year I visit Gatlinburg, Tennessee (Apparently there is a huge amount of paranormal activity in the foothills of the Smoky mountains) and I walk through this parking deck every day to and from my hotel on my way to and from work. So far no problem. But of course there is more.

Gatlinburg is a very busy tourist and convention town. Literally thousands of locals and out of towners flock into Gatlinburg during the morning hours to attend conventions, shopping, sightseeing, visit Ober Gatlinburg, and other activities. This parking deck is the only spot to park as you are not permitted to on the Parkway strip.

As you might believe, this deck is very popular and by 10am is packed. The only problem is, the above $5.00 parking sign is not posted in the mornings.
Parking Deck In Gatlinburg Tennessee
Parking Deck In Gatlinburg Tennessee

This one is!

That's right kids, early in the morning the parking attendant tapes this $10.00 parking sign at the entrance covering the $5.00 signs. At roughly 10am, the $10.00 sign is taken down and for the rest of the day, parking is only five dollars.

The parking deck has a monopoly and you either pay the $10.00 or you don't park. It's that simple. But the sign says, $5.00 parking all day. What it really should say is, parking is $5.00 all day except during the morning hours when demand is at it's highest which at that time you will pay $10.00 or whatever we want you to pay.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has a sneaking suspicion that Exxon Corporation owns this parking deck.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/23/2007

Anna Nicole Smith Conspiracy

Anna Nicole Smith was found dead in her Hollywood, Florida hotel room on February 2nd, 2007. She was 39 years old. Anna Nicole Smith led an unusual life and savored the limelight and bright Hollywood lights.

Anna Nicole Smith first rose to fame in 1992 as Hugh Hefner, founder and chairman of Playboy magazine, chose her for the March cover. She had incredible sex appeal and a striking resemblance to former Playboy model, Marilyn Monroe. A year later, Anna become Playboy's Playmate of the Year in 1993. From there, she did several more nude pictorials and secured clothing and modeling contracts. Several "B" movies followed with mild success.

In 1994, she married 89 year old billionaire tycoon Howard Marshall, who frequently visited her when she was a stripper in a Houston Texas club. Marshall died in 1995 and a family feud erupted as both Anna Nicole Smith and Marshall's heirs battled over the will left behind by the deceased Marshall. Nicole-Smith stood to inherit more than a half a billion dollars. That legal battle is still going on.

From there, Anna had her own reality television show where the camera's followed her around as she went through her everyday life. Appearances on shock jock Howard Sterns radio show where she entertained Howard and his audience with her ditzy charm.

Anna Nicole's weight ballooned to hefty proportions and the tabloids printed countless numbers of non-flattering photo's of her new found weight gain. The red dress photo sticks in my mind.

Fast forward a few years and Anna is the spokeswoman for a dietary supplement program, Trim-Spa and her weight was reduced drastically. So much so that she was almost in her Playmate posing form.

Late last year, Anna married her friend and attorney, Howard K. Stern. She gave birth to her daughter and a few days later her 20 year old son died from an overdose. Through all this turmoil, Larry Birkhead, a former boyfriend of Anna Nicole's, filed a lawsuit claiming he was the biological father of the baby girl and demanded a DNA test to determine paternity. Howard K. Stern stated the child was his and another round of legal battles ensued.

Now we know the back ground and the stage is set for the Anna Nicole conspiracy. With half a billion dollars at stake, let's look at the usual suspects.

First, we have the Marshall family heirs. The family has been dragged through the mud for years with the ongoing legal proceedings. With the sudden death of Smith, the probate battle should come to an end with the Marshall family reaping the benefit.

Second, We have Howard K. Stern, Anna's significant other, attorney, and supposed lover. What does he stand to inherit with Smith's will, the one he prepared.

Third, we have Larry Birkhead, boyfriend claiming to be the biological father of Smiths child and only heir to a possible half a billion dollars. If test results come back positive, he could be in for a huge windfall.

Fourth, we have Trim-Spa and several lawsuits brought against her and the company claiming the product description is incorrect. A high profile spokesmodel like Smith with a year of bad press can not be good for business.

Fifth, we have Anna herself. She was fighting legal battles on all fronts. Probate court, Trim-Spa, DNA tests, the death of her son, Bahamas land deals. The stress had to be immense. Perhaps she couldn't take anymore.

Anna Nicole Smith always wanted to be the next blond bombshell, the next Marilyn Monroe. Perhaps Anna got her wish.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/22/2007

NFL Network Conspiracy

Armstrong Cable Blacks Out NFL Network

Last Thanksgiving evening thousands of NFL fans were treated to a blacked out Bronco's - Chiefs game. As ravenous turkey laden fans settled down in front of their TV's, they were rudely alerted and told that the game could not be televised tonight due to an outrageous fee that the NFL wanted to charge the cable company. Armstrong cable, our local cable company, ran this scrolling message across the television screen.

Armstrong is not able to air tonight's game because the NFL has not granted us the right to do so. The NFL has demanded an outrageous amount for Armstrong to show eight out of market games. Your local team's games will be available on other channels. For more information, please call 1-877-277-5711

The Grassy Knoll Institute has been watching the NFL network all year on Armstrong cable and we have watched all the commercials touting Thursday night NFL football beginning Thanksgiving evening. However, we did not see a single commercial, or alert, or note on our cable bill stating that Armstrong cable was not going to pay the required fee to the NFL to carry the games on NFL network. Armstrong cable had 11 months to notify it's loyal paying customers. Instead, Armstrong chose to alert us at 8pm Thanksgiving night, just minutes before the game was to air.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes that Armstrong cable deliberately waited to make the announcement so as to eliminate defection from avid NFL sports fans who were anticipating the extra game on Thanksgiving plus a Thursday game to the end of the season. If these fans were told months before when the deal was shown to Armstrong and rejected, perhaps they would have had time to seek alternate services to receive the games. DirecTV and Dish Network carried the game and they are direct competitors to cable television. Now do you see the conspiracy?

Armstrong cable made a grave error in customer service on Thanksgiving. They had the ability to notify their customers but elected not to. This course of action gives cable companies even more of a bad reputation concerning customer service.

This type of power play is happening more often as ESPN flexed it's network muscles by putting popular college football games on it's least popular channel, ESPNU network. This is forcing cable companies to either add the new ESPN channel to it's lineup or risk the wrath of loyal cable customers.

Nobody wins except the networks.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/20/2007

ESPNU Flexes Muscles

ESPN television sports cable network is flexing it's sport muscle using top collegiate football games to force cable networks to add the channel to it's lineup. Doesn't sound like a conspiracy to you? Well, let's look at some facts.ESPNU is the weakest of 5 channels in the ESPN conglomerate plus the powerful ABC television completes a formidable sports network second to none. All but the ESPNU channel is doing well and ESPN has found a way to almost immediately make the channel in demand. I don't want to use the word extortion, but since it's already printed here, and I don't feel like applying another word, we'll let extortion stick.

Several weeks ago ESPN opted to televise the Ohio State Buckeyes verses the Indiana Hoosiers football game on ESPNU network instead of it's flagship channel ESPN. Thee Ohio State Buckeyes are undefeated and the number one ranked team in the nation. This game demanded a national audience but instead it was shown in less than 10% of the nations homes.

As the news spread that the game wasn't going to be televised nationally, the phone lines and emails heated up to the local cable providers demanding why ESPNU wasn't on their list of channels. Thousands of complaints were logged to the cable companies, (And this time the fault did not fall upon the cable companies on this one) but they did not have any control over what ESPN decides to air and what not to.

In one swift motion, ESPNU was on the map and became a buzz word that weekend. To complete the deal, ESPNU announced the rules of regional coverage (engagement) stating they have the legal right not to air a particular game or games if they so desire. In fact, the possibility was implied that more top rated games could wind up on ESPNU putting even more pressure on the cable networks to pick up ESPNU on their lineup.

ESPNU had a very successful test and the Grassy Knoll Institute will wager that with the final weeks of the college season upon us, another major game will find it's way on the fledgling ESPNU network which will pave the way for next year with ESPN announcing an expanded schedule of game for 2007. A perfect conspiracy theory indeed.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/18/2007

Ben Roethlisberger Conspiracy

Ben Roethlisberger, quarterback for the 2006 NFL super bowl champions Pittsburgh Steelers appears to have overcome the effects from his motorcycle crash earlier last year.

Roethlisberger was not wearing his helmet when he flew over his motorcycle handlebars and slammed into an oncoming car hitting the wind shiled and then falling to the ground. A witness went over to assist and Roethlisberger asked where he was, what state he was in, and what time it was.

Roethlisberger had seven hours of surgery to repair the damage to his head and body and the doctors were encouraged by the success of the procedures. He spent a few days recovering and went home to rehabilitate his body and mind for the upcoming 2006 NFL season.

As we all know, the NFL is a big business corporation and the superbowl winning quarterback is a big marketing piece. For the 2006 season, Ben Roethlisberger was that icon. Any bad press for him is bad for business, and profit.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has learned through several reliable sources that Roethlisberger was still suffering from neurological damage from the head injury during his helmetless collision with the vehicle he slammed into. Studies show that brain synapses are severely impaired when a trauma to the head occurs such as a concussion. Case studies show that many football players incur concussions and afterward, are asked simple questions to determine the severity of the concussion and to evaluate if the player is in danger.

Standard questions are, What day is it, What state are you in, and who are we playing. If the player has any difficulty answering, he is not permitted to return to the field of play and usually sent to the hospital for further evaluation and brain scans. Ben asked what state he was in and what time it was.

Symptoms of a concussion are unconsciousness, loss of normal reflexes and motor skills, normal pupil response to light, headache, confusion, irritability, numbness, mental confusion, and memory recall.

Roethlisberger was traveling on his motorcycle Southbound and struck a car going Northbound. If each vehicle was traveling 40 miles per hour, (This is a highway, where the speed limit is 55 MPH) the collision force would be that of an 80 mile per hour crash into a brick wall. And Roethlisberger hit the car head on. Without a helmet. This is by far a more severe blow to the head than a helmet to helmet on a football field.

The Grassy Knoll Institute speculated that Roethlisberger had not entirely healed from the accident. His reflexes were slowed, his motor skills off, his memory recall a little out of focus, and his decision making not up to standard.

Case in point: Last year, 2005, Roethlisberger enjoyed a quarterback rating of 98.6, as well a 98.1 rating in 2004, his rookie season. This year, his rating is 41.7, almost two and a half times lower. His completion percentage is also down by over 10 percent and his interception rate is up over 57 percent. His mobility was slowed, had been fumbling the ball more often, and made bad decisions where in years past, did not.

Recovery from a concussions can take several days, weeks, or months depending on the severity and the person. In some cases, permanent damage can occur.

Did Roethlisberger cover up his injury in hopes of shaking it off and playing through the pain and confusion? Perhaps he was not even aware due to the mental confusion he was suffering from. Perhaps the NFL had turned another blind eye to this potential health problem as it did with Brett Favre several years ago when after suffering a concussion was allowed to return to the game to throw a TD pass thus keeping his NFL streak alive. Perhaps he is just having a lousy season. Perhaps losing Bettis was more of a loss than thought. Only time will tell.

In 2007 and a full year to recover from the head trauma, Roethlisberger is enjoying a resurgence as the Pittsburgh Steelers are first in their division and heading to the playoffs. Big Ben is big Ben again, making the plays he is accustomed to.

Something to think about.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/17/2007

NASA Shuttle Atlantis

NASA Space Shuttle Conspiracy
NASA Space Shuttle Conspiracy
NASA is in the news spotlight once again as shuttle Atlantis returned to earth after a successful mission with the international space station. The shuttle's camera's spotted some space debris in the shuttle's orbit possibly posing a threat during re-entry.
Shuttle Atlantis commander Brent Jett stated to Mission Control that the debris looked like two rings and a piece of tin foil. He further noted that the object was 100 or so feet from the shuttle and was "A reflective cloth or a mechanic looking-cloth...It's not a solid metal structure."

Does anyone else find this explanation familiar? Oh, I don't know, maybe about 50 years ago, in a tiny little town called Roswell. Hundreds of townsfolk reported seeing something strange in the sky. Many said they saw it crash in a farmers field. Even the newspapers said it was a Unidentified Flying Saucer.

After a panic and more media, the government put a lid on the story and concocted the cover story that a top secret weather balloon was what was actually seen in the sky. They even showed some nuts, bolts, rings, and a large piece of tin foil.

The Shuttle landed perfectly in a very rare night time landing. Grassy Knoll Institutes own rocket scientists have acquired the classified film footage taken from the shuttle camera and found startling evidence that the objects are not so-called space junk. Our scientists were able to extrapolate that the objects were alien probes, sent to spy on the space station.

The shuttle astronauts, after un-docking from the station, spent an extra day syncing its orbit with the probes and the shuttles robotic arm was able to snatch the probe and place it in the cargo bay.

Of course, the cover story was that NASA was concerned about the objects and danger they presented to the shuttle. Hence the extra day in space. And the landing in the cover at night completed the mission.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/16/2007

Girl Scout Cookie Conspiracy

Girl Scout Cookie Conspiracy
Girl Scout Cookie Conspiracy
Notice Anything Missing
As many American do each year, the Grassy Knoll Institute purchased Girl Scouts Of America cookies. My favorites are the peanut butter and shortbread ones. But that's not the point. What the Grassy Knoll Institute has discovered is shocking to say the least.

From the evidence gathered of months of study and investigation, we can only conclude that the Girl Scouts of America are ripping off its nations paying patrons.

Yes, that's right people. Ripping us off. The facts and photographic evidence is clear.
FACT: The cost of a box of cookies went up in price by over 10 percent.
FACT: The contents of each box of girl scout cookies have been reduced.
FACT: We are paying more for less.
Upon inspection of the box of short bread cookies, the appearance and artwork were the same as well as the size of the box. But when the box is opened, you can clearly see an almost two inch gap from the top of the box to the contents. Using another box of short bread cookies, 6 more cookies could be safely added without risk of crushing or crowding the integrity of the box.

Speaking to a spokesperson of the GSOA, it was explained that the box was full from the factory and that normal settling had occurred making the box of cookies seem less than full. The Grassy Knoll Institute understands that settling in a bag of flower, cement, cereal, or chips may occur, but not in a stacked carton like a can of Pringles potato chips or a box of Girl Scout cookies.

Hopefully next year, the Girl Scouts will finally reveal to the public that they are packaging less cookies per box but are charging more. The Grassy Knoll Institute is lurking and waiting for a response.





LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

Birth Of The Anti-Christ

June Sixth, 2006. Another way to write it is, 06/06/06. And yet another way is 666. Those who do not understand the significance of the numbers or the date, please click the exit button on your browser. (You will be the first to perish during the Rapture I guarantee it) For those that do understand the numbers, the Grassy Knoll Institute is set to reveal the worlds oldest conspiracy.

June 6th, 2006 is upon us. If you have read you bible, (And you should have) especially the Book of Revelations, than you recognize 666 as the number of the beast, or the Anti-Christ. Revelations state that he will be recognized and known by this mark.

Perhaps this 666 mark is not a visible mark. As in movies depicting the Anti-Christ, 666 is burned into the skin on the back of the head of the Anti-Christ. That my friends would be to easy to spot and eliminate the danger, and avoid the prophecy of the bible.

So how else could 666 recognize and denote the Anti-Christ? Perhaps it is merely a date, an insignificant day throughout the millennia that goes unnoticed. Such as today's date, 06/06/06. How very clever for the Anti-Christ to choose this form of delivery method. Thousands of babies throughout the world on every continent will be born on this day, June 6th, 2006. Every single one of them is a potential Antichrist. This is the perfect way to hide and to guarantee that the Anti-Christ will not be hunted down and slaughtered before it can reach its peak power and influence.

Each passing year, a birthday celebration will mark this day for many of these children. The prophecy will come to fruition as these children will be recognized each and every year as they celebrate their birthdays.

It is said that the first Pope elected in the third Millennium, (The number of man) will reveal the third secret of Fatima. We now have a new Pope as John Paul II passed away last year and Pope Benedict the XVI is now in command of the Catholic faith. Could this third secret possibly reveal the way the Anti-Christ will enter this world?

As the years unfold, the Book of Revelations state that the Anti-Christ will grow in power and influence very quickly. I wonder how we, as civilized society folk will look upon a child born on this date if he or she possesses special abilities such as a genius IQ or a persuasive demeanor where people stop and listen to what he or she says. These children will be closely watched and scrutinized for the rest of their lives in fear that they are witnessing the dawning of the Anti-Christ.

Or, on the other edge of the sword. A child born on this day that is ruthless, mean, manipulative, and heartless. Again, these children will be closely observed.

What if religious zealots want to take matters into their own hands and stalk and attempt to murder a child they believe is the Anti-Christ before it can rise to power and damn the world?

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes there will come a time when one will have to choose faith over reason. The Grassy Knoll Institute believes that time is here and now. The clock is ticking. There are 33 years left, the age of Christ when he was crucified. Prepare your house and soul readers. The rapture is upon us.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/15/2007

Nasa Finds Intelligent Life On Mars

Photograph NASA Didn't Want Us To See
Photograph NASA Didn't Want Us To See
The Photograph NASA Didn't Want You To See

The Grassy Knoll Institute has uncovered a conspiracy involving NASA and the United states government. When the original famed "Mars Face" photo was first transmitted to earth it sparked many debates on whether life on Mars existed. Soon afterward, NASA experts, (The same experts that calibrated the Mars lander in feet instead of meters) claimed the photo was merely an illusion and bended light on a bland rock formation. Certainly not a monument much like our Mount Rushmore.

The controversy slowly died down and was left to speculation by conspiracy theorists until several years ago when new superior photos were taken by the Mars lander in 1998. The new photo showed the famous face from another angle revealing what NASA has said long ago, that it was merely a rock formation and not a face.

Once again, a media buzz surrounded the Mars Face as it was reported that the photo was processed through not one, but seven filters that could have changed the contrast, clarity, and appearance of the photo. The above photo is the only Mars Face photo in existence transmitted without any filters. When viewing the photo, you can clearly make out other shapes in the frame. Numbers or letters are visible surrounding the face. So far, the Grassy Knoll Institute has decoded five letters.
The letters are L.O.T.G.K. With this startling evidence, it is clear that intelligent life does exist in space, and on Mars.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/14/2007

The Gospel According To Judas

On April 13th, 2006, the Catholic holy day Good Friday, the day Jesus was tortured and crucified in public for three hours until his death, a very special artifact was located at the Vatican. An artifact that sheds a blinding light on the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

At the Vatican, the Cardinals gathered in secrecy after morning mass to discuss the ramifications of their startling discovery. Plausible deniability was bantered around until the Grassy Knoll Institute leaked the story.

Inside the Vatican, there is a vast library filled with religious books, scrolls, and documents. Also in the library, the Vatican has a 5000 square foot room that was sealed in 1215 by Pope Innocent III and by decree was not to be opened until February 19th, 2010.

With the arrival of a new Pope, Benedict XVI, new routines and regulations were implemented to accommodate the new Pope.

During this transition, a new staff was hired and appointed to attend to the popes needs. Several priors were appointed to the master library to assist the current staff as Pope Benedict XVI is an avid reader of scriptures. The Pope would be asking for the ancient texts of many scriptures to study to help in his decision making for the future of the Catholic faith.

Last month, the Pope requested a copy of the Magna Carta penned in the year 1215. The new prior, in his attempts to locate the document, stumbled upon the door sealed by Pope Innocent III in 1215. The prior, after some quick research, determined that the Magna Carta document was located in the locked room. The prior unsealed the door, opened it, and light shone upon the room for the first time in centuries. The prior searched the shelves but could not find the document requested. What he did find however, was the Gospel according to Judas, one of the twelve Apostles of Jesus.

As luck would have it, the Grassy Knoll Institute had several operatives at the Vatican and was a witness to the Gospel by Judas as the prior removed it from the room believing it was a wondrous artifact found.

The resident Cardinals instantly knew the prior had erred. The seal was broken, the room was filled with fresh air, and bright light. In a matter of minutes, the Vatican was quarantined and locked down. Minimum exposure was the prudent course of action agreed upon by the Cardinals and the Pope.

However, the so-called genie was out of the bottle. The staff and local personel in the Vatican knew the secret.

Through a deal negotiated with the Grassy Knoll Institute operatives at the Vatican, the context of the Gospel was presented to us. (We will say the five Hail Marys and Five Our Fathers at a later date)

Upon inspection of the gospel, Judas was not portrayed as the traitor he was made out to be in the other testaments. In fact, Judas writes that it was Jesus who insisted that he turn him over to the Roman soldiers at Gethsemane. Judas at first refused knowing he would be damned for all time as the traitor who turned Jesus over. Jesus told Judas that he was the strongest of faith of the Apostles. He told Judas that Peter would deny him, and that Thomas needed exact proof before he would believe. The other Apostles all had small weaknesses except for Judas. Judas had blind faith. He would do anything for his Lord. And he did.

Judas wrote that after Jesus explained what had to occur, he reluctantly agreed and they both began devising their plan. Jesus being a gentle man, did not want any violence or bloodshed when he was captured. It would have to be when he was away from the crowds. The destiny of both Jesus and Judas would be set in motion when it was decided that Judas would go to the priests and speak to them about Jesus losing control of the crowds of people worshipping him and now calling him the Messiah. Judas would claim he was fearful for the entire population if Rome became concerned with this man called Jesus. Judas was paid for his efforts, the notorious 30 pieces of silver and told the priests where they could find Jesus away from the crowd. The rest is history.

This version is very different from the other four "Official" Gospels. Judas was portrayed as a traitor, acting alone giving Jesus up to the Romans for a hefty sum of silver. But, according to Judas, he was doing the Lords bidding, and a deal between him and the Lord would only be known to Judas and Jesus. Until today.

This version has merit for in every conspiracy and assassination, the first order of business is to silence the assassin. Judas gives up Jesus, the other 11 Apostles conspire and make public a report, a history of the events that took place to be recorded as history and believed to be fact. Judas was then silenced by an apparent suicide.

If you would simply replace Judas with Oswald, and the Apostles with the Warren commission, and Jesus with Kennedy, history sort of repeated itself. Not once, but time after time throughout the ages.

Maybe in 50 or so years, hidden documents will shed new light on the Kennedy assassination. Perhaps a hidden document, or photo, or manuscript, detailing the days events as they really were, not what the Warren commission and media led us to believe. Perhaps a man in a few years from now will be on his death bed, and will look up to the nurses aid and reveal the location of this precious information.

Three days later Christ rose from the dead and returned to the Apostles to proclaim everlasting life to all those who believed in him. But that is another story.


LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/12/2007

American Idol Jesse And Becca 02/26/2006

American Idols Jesse And Becca Twins
American Idols Jesse And Becca Twins
American Idols Jesse And Becca Twins
Several weeks ago on American Idol, two girls and two guys were eliminated and sent home. But before the "Live" show even began, the Grassy Knoll Institute already knew it would be the Jesse and Becca twin who would be sent home.

Did the Grassy Knoll receive some inside information before the show that swayed the vote? Not at all. It was the Maxim magazine photo shoot the twins did last year that miraculously found the light of day that sealed her fate. It wasn't the performance on the stage that sent her home, (She was pretty terrible though) but the sexy sports related photo shoot in provocative poses while scantily clad with her sister.

American Idol has seen its share of scandal and did not want another Paula Abdul incident, (Contestant C. Clark claiming Paula made advances and promises to him, both sexually and professionally) on its hands with the twins. Idol packages its show as a wholesome family program of amateur hopefuls vying for a shot to receive a recording deal. Jesse and Becca do not fit that framework.

In an instant, the American Idol conspiracy was eliminated leaving the Grassy Knoll Institute to wonder if the phone in votes are really tallied and do they really count toward the decision making on the show.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/06/2007

In God We Trust

The Grassy Knoll Institute, as many of you know, has thrown our collective hats into the political arena and announced that we are running for president of the united States in 2008 and by God, we will try our hardest to tackle the issues honestly and clearly. (Wait a minute, in today's age, using God in a speech is political suicide.) And that is what todays rant is about. God in American culture.

We at the Grassy Knoll institute believe that we, as a nation, nay, strike that, the entire human race is on the verge of a major event in time. End of the world perhaps, fire and brimstone, good VS evil, cats and dogs. And what about the twinkie? Sit back in your chairs folks, sip your tea, drink your coffee, chug your Coke or Pepsi. I'm digging in.......

If you look at our Declaration of Independence, the second paragraph clearly states and I quote, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

Ain't that grand. We, all of us, have these rights, with the guidance of the creator, to seek happiness. *Cue the happy ending music* (Wait, that ain't In A Godda Da Vida Baby)

If we look at what society is doing right now, here, today, yesterday, and surely tomorrow, is taking God, the Creator out of the equation all together. Every American reading this, quickly, right now, open your wallet or purse, grab a dollar bill, or a fiver, or any denomination. Do you see the "In God We Trust" engraved on that bill? Good, its there for a reason. It’s a warning sign. Our forefathers were very smart men, and oh yea, devout Christians.

(Still with me? Good. It'll be worth it....)
Today in any public school, we are not permitted, nay, it is ILLEGAL, unconstitutional, to speak the Lords name. Yet, every child that buys lunch in that school pays with money stamped with IN GOD WE TRUST on it. If we cannot speak the name of God, why is it permitted to be written on our currency?

It’s a warning!!! Remember?

Our very own Declaration of Independence, one of the most precious and revered documents, is, according to today’s norms, ILLEGAL, for it speaks of trusting in God and the Creator. Our current government has deemed these words unconstitutional. It has effectively removed God from our Constitution, our laws, our rules, our way of life.

Lets go back to that second paragraph of the declaration of Independence. "That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles"

Our forefathers gave us the power, nay, the responsibility to abolish any government that swayed from our Constitution. By taking God out of the equation, the Constitution has been altered to in such a way that this governing body cannot repair it.

Look at your money. Look at the schools we send our children to. Look at the corrupt politicians voting themselves pay raises and making deals to allow jobs to leave the states so as to make a couple more bucks to line their retirement pockets.

Our forefathers are reminding us each and every day we buy any commodity with our hard earned dollar bills. It’s time to say NO! No more. Time to draw the line in the sand. Time to throw the goddamn tea back into the harbor.

Otherwise, as I alluded to at the very beginning of this rant, religion will be extinguished from this nation giving rise to that world event I spoke of. Yes, the dawn of the anti-christ.





LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL

11/05/2007

And Jupiter Aligns With Mars

And Jupiter Aligns With Mars
The recent bizarre weather patterns, or lack there of have not gone unnoticed at the Grassy Knoll Institute. Since the onset of winter in December of 2002, the seasons seem to be blurring together. This winter in the states, the weather was much more severe than in many years past. It seemed to snow almost every day and the temperature was constantly below freezing. As spring began to blossom, the same strange pattern occurred. Precipitation.

Yes, it usually rains in spring, but the rainfall was far above the average and the temperature remained unseasonably cooler than normal. The same pattern as spring gave way to summer. It rained constantly. More precipitation than in years past and the temperature was at least 10 degrees cooler than normal.

Many cities and towns were deluged with what is referred to as “The hundred year rain cycle" flooding streets, rivers cresting, and destruction of property in the hundreds of millions of dollars. This not only happened once, but twice in less than three weeks time. Two ferocious storm patterns with the intensity of the hundred-year rain wreaked havoc causing F.E.M.A. to take action declaring many states disaster area’s after the second storm hit.

Heavy rainstorm systems are not the only peculiar events this season. These storm systems have produced more tornadoes and hurricanes so far this year than ever before recorded in history.

Earthquakes have also increased during the same time period with many dormant fault zones becoming alive again with tremors registering sizable movement and damage.

As strange as it sounds, volcano eruptions have increased in the same time frame and the famed Yellowstone National Park also showed a huge jump in seismic activity leading scientists to believe that this hot bed area will soon erupt and change the landscape of Yellowstone. The last large eruption in Yellowstone was approximately 60,000 years ago and it is due for another gigantic eruption.

The Grassy Knoll Institute has been analyzing all these strange patterns and has come to the realization that there is no conspiracy coverup involved even as some rumors abound about the Government conducting weather altering experiments actually being able to control the weather as they see fit. To this theory, the Grassy Knoll Institute simply says...BULL.

There is a much simpler yet deadlier explanation to the strange weather patterns. One simply needs to look into the night sky for the answer. Search for the moon in the sky. Now, look to the right of the moon. Do you see that bright red shining object? The object that wasn’t visible to the naked eye a mere month ago. That object is the planet Mars. The fourth planet from the sun, our celestial neighbor, and it has come to pay us a visit.

On the 27th of August in 2003, Mars was the closest to Earth than it ever has been in the past 60,000 years. The planet Mars for the next 10 years will become "Close" neighbors with Earth. Approximately every 60,000 years Mars orbit moves in a much nearer approach towards Earth and will continue to be visible in the night sky until late October 2013. Coincidentally, the last time Yellowstone Park had a gigantic eruption was 60,000 years ago. Coincidence, the Grassy Knoll Institute thinks not.

The Grassy Knoll Institute believes Mars is the cause for the strange weather patterns we are having all around the globe? Mars is changing our seasons as it comes closer to the Earth? Mars is cooling the oceans creating weather changes turning dry areas into wetlands?

Does Mars have this power? When we look at the moon and the power it has over our oceans causing high and low tides with it’s gravitational pull, one would tend to believe that a planet the size of Mars would also have an effect on our oceans that determine out weather conditions. Mars, like the moon, has tremendous gravitational pull and with the combined pull of both the moon and Mars on our tectonic plates near earthquake fault lines, certainly the increase of earthquakes and tremors throughout the world can be attributed to this.

Beginning on the 28th, August 2003, Mars slowly began to start to move away distancing itself back to its regular orbit of more than 30 million miles away. This move will take up to ten years. The speed in which Mars returns to its orbit will be gradual ensuring an early fall season and a harsh, wet and cold winter. This pattern will continue for 10 years.

Epilogue:

Perhaps 50 million years ago, the dinosaurs looked up and gazed upon a strange light in the sky. Perhaps Mars inched even closer to Earth that time. Perhaps close enough to change the entire globes climate, sending the Earth into an ice age sealing the fate of the dinosaur. The Grassy Knoll Institute will keep its eyes focused skyward.




LURKING ON THE GRASSY KNOLL