Ink Blotter Test

To become employed as a Grassy Knoll Institute rocket scientist, a litany of tests must be completed. This is the final one. The so-called pysch test.
Simply, look at the above canvass and tell us what you see in the ink blotter?
You have 30 seconds.

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Smoky Mountain Brewery And Restaurant

Gatlinburg, Tennessee has literally dozens of fabulous restaurants to choose from and the Smoky Mountain Brewery and Restaurant is an excellent choice.

The Brewery is of course a micro brewery that has hundreds of brands of beer and spirits but I was there for the food. And the Brewery did not disappoint.

Another nice feature were the many TV sets tuned to all the NFL games and the angles were perfect. Any game we wanted to watch were in eye shot.

After getting seated, the place was packed, but we only waited about 20 minutes, I ordered the Chicken Parmigiana with a side of spaghetti. Toasted garlic bread was also part of the meal.The chicken was excellent, hot, juicy, spicy, and a hearty portion. The spaghetti, supposedly a side order, was huge and delicious. The garlic bread was hot and sealed the deal. The entire meal was almost perfect, including the service, which was fast, courteous, and correct.

The price was very reasonable, around 18 dollars without tip. The Grassy Knoll Institute awards 4.5 shots out of 5 and recommends Smoky Mountain Brewery for dinner.

PS: This is also the restaurant where I stapled up my dollar bill with my LOTGK logo enblazoned on it.

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NFL Acquiesces To Fans

As reported in last weeks Grassy Knoll Institute Conspiracy, the NFL network was playing hard ball with cable operators forcing them to pony up to satisfy their customers for the upcoming prime game of the unbeaten 15-0 New England Patriots at the New York Giants this Saturday night.

As stated before, history and NFL records could be easily set in this game. Not only would New England be the first team in NFL history to go 16-0, quarterback Tom Brady can break the single season TD passes and total yards while Randy Moss needs two TD's to break Jerry Rice's long standing most tD's in a single season.

The NFL has succumbed to the pressure put upon them by the Grassy Knoll Institute, Sen. John Kerry, and other legislators to force the NFL to carry the game on local channels so all can enjoy.

Yesterday, Commissioner Roger Goodell stated in a press conference that the game will be shown on CBS, NBC, and the NFL Network, the first game to be three-network simulcast in 40 years, since the first Super Bowl in 1967. Goodell says it is in the best interest of the fans that the NFL is airing the game on three networks but just a few days ago, the NFL said they would not acquiesce and that the game would be broadcast only on the NFL Network.

The NFL is in the midst of a horrific public relations nightmare and only at this point decided to change their tune. Only the best interests of the fans in mind! Bullshit. The almighty dollar drives the NFL and they almost bullied the cable operators to pony up.

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Top 10 Christmas Programs

The Essential Christmas Programs Must See List

Each year, hundreds of Christmas movies and television programs air during the holiday season. (Thanksgiving through the first of the year) Some are worth viewing, some not so much, and some are essential viewing creating the holiday tradition as the family sits around the tube and watches certain shows over and over every year. The following is the Grassy Knoll Institutes essential list of the top 10 Christmas shows.

It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
George Bailey, the richest man in town, in love not money. After defaulting on a bank transaction loan, George wishes he were never born setting off a chain of events that he witnesses through the eyes of his guardian angel. (Jimmy Stewart Stars)

A Christmas Story (1983)
Set in the 1940's in Indiana, Ralphie, a ten year old boy wants a Red rider BB gun for Christmas and tries to convince his parents to get it for him. A great depiction of American life in the 1940's. Love the Leg Lamp, (Electric Sex) the Pink Nightmare bunny suit, Not A Finger, Triple Dog Dare, Fra..gil...e, A Major award, and You'll shoot your eye out. And, putting your tongue on a cold metal pole will stick. Trust me. (Melinda Dillon as Ralphies mom, Darren McGavin as Ralphies dad, and Peter Billingsley as Ralphie stars)

We're No Angels (1955)
During Christmas, three convicts, Joseph, Julius, and Albert escape from Devil's Island prison. Waiting for a ship to take them to freedom, they take a job repairing a roof of a local merchant. The three convicts from their vantage point, look into the souls of the merchants family and the hardships they have. The convicts decide to help the family out after the arrival of Cousin Andre and Paul who own the shop and are only concerned with profits and nothing else. If it has no cash value, then it's worthless. A pet snake named Adolph helps the convicts along to give the merchant and his family a merry Christmas. (Humphrey Bogart as Joseph, Aldo Ray as Albert, Peter Ustinov as Jules stars)

The Bishops Wife (1947)
A Bishop has lost his way while working for months on a new cathedral. In this process, he neglects his family, friends, and parishioners and about to lose his very soul until divine intervention steps in by way of an angel sent by God by the name of Dudley. Dudley introduces himself and proceeds to collect the love and adoration of everything Henry, (The Bishop) holds dear, including his wife. Henry finally stands up to Dudley, and fights for what is really important to him just in time for Christmas Eve mass. (Cary Grant as Dudley and David Niven as Bishop Henry stars)

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
Santa Claus goes on trial. A Macy's store Santa Claus calls himself Kris Kringle and believes he is the real Santa. A legal battle ensues and Santa Claus goes on trial. A savvy lawyer takes his case and the testimony is brilliant. (Maureen O'Hara as Doris Walker, Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle, Natalie Wood as Susan Walker stars)

Home Alone (1990)
Kevin, the youngest child of a large family gets left home alone as the entire family takes a trip for Christmas. Kevin finds being alone fine and dandy until he has to defend his home and life from the Wet Bandits, two hapless thugs that are breaking into the houses in the neighborhood.
(Macaulay Culkin as Kevin, Joe Pesci as Harry, Daniel Stern as Marv stars)

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (1964)
An animated classic tale of Santa Claus at the North Pole needing Rudolph, a misfit flying reindeer with a powerful red nose to guide his sleigh through the blizzard conditions on Christmas Eve. Along the way, Rudolph meets up with Herbie, the elf dentist, Yukon Cornelius, the Bumble, and King Moonrazor, the leader of the island of misfit toys. (Burl Ives as the snowman narrator stars)

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
A Charles M. Schulz animated classic of the commercialization of Christmas. Charlie Brown seeks the true meaning of Christmas while his friends and even his own dog celebrate Christmas with money, and presents, and lights and decorations. it takes his best friend Linus to explain to him what Christmas is all about.

How The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (1966)
An animated book from Dr. Suess comes to life in the form of a mean old lonely Grinch that lives high atop Whoville. The Grinch hates everything about Christmas and plans to stop christmas from coming this year to Whoville by stealing all the presents, decorations, tree's, lights, and food. The Grinch learns a powerful lesson as he witnesses the Christmas spirit still alive in the town of Whoville. (Boris Karlof as the narrator and the voice of the Grinch stars)

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (1970)
The story of Kris Kringle, who later became Santa Claus. All the questions little children have about Santa Claus are answered in this animated story as Kringle was left on a doorstep and grew up with elves making toys and learning the family business. It even explains how Santa knows if you were bad or good and how reindeer know how to fly. (Fred Astaire as the mailman Narrator and Mickey Rooney as Kris Kringle stars)

As a child, I waited ever so patiently for these programs to air on TV. I would have the calendar circled and made sure I was home to watch these programs. I didn't have the luxury of a VCR to record the program and watch it whenever I wanted. I only had one chance per year.

There is still time to catch these programs on TV or rent them at the local video store. It will be well worth the time spent viewing with your family and children.

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Merry Christmas From Grassy Knoll Institute

Sexy Snow Bunnies On the Grassy Knoll

Happy Holidays from the entire staff of the
Grassy Knoll Institute

Is it nippy in here?

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Catholic School Uniforms

Sexy Catholic School Girl Uniform

School uniforms in the 1960’s never looked like this. And what a shame for more kids would have signed up for Catholic grade school. At least more boys would have.
In the 1960’s and early 70’s, school uniforms were a dress code requirement that had to be worn by both the girls and the boys. Come to think of it, the nuns and priests also had a dress code. Perhaps these unhappy souls forced us to wear a uniform since they had too.

Anyway, for the boys, the uniform consisted of the following.

Dress shoes. No tennis shoes allowed unless it was recess time. The shoes could be tied or the very popular ‘Penny Loafer” type. (You bought the loafers and wedged a penny into the slot at the top of the shoes) (You know, they also came from Penny's department store as well.) (Some rich kids would put dimes in the slots, but they were really rich)

Dress pants. No blue jeans or shorts allowed. The pants had to be either dark blue or black. No color variations permitted. (Made it easier to blend in when you did something wrong however)

White button down shirt. The only option permitted was short sleeve or long sleeve.

Sweaters were optional and had to coordinate with the uniform. Hence, a blue or a black sweater only. And you had to bring a note from home that you were wearing a sweater that day. (There were times a child received detention for wearing a sweater without a written signed note from home.)

Tie. A tie completed the ensemble. Most of the ties worn were the fake variety. (Clip on ties) Only the rich kids wore real ties. The big fad was the scarf tie, (A scarf with a gold ring inserted at both ends to secure it. Sort of made the boys look like catholic cowboys. Whatever the hell that looks like) (Come to think of it, these scarf ties with the gold rings could have been the prototype for the very first “Prince Albert.” Get it, dick head!)

There was also a ritual that went on during recess concerning the ties. For some reason, as soon as we got outside, we went for the throats of our fellow students ripping their ties off and throwing them hoping that the wind would somehow catch them and sail away. The kid would immediately scramble for his tie to secure it back in place. (God forbid a nun would see you out of uniform) No one was safe. Not even the rich kids with real ties. In fact, they paid a heavier price than the rest of us. When their ties were yanked from their neck, their heads came with them.

For the girls, the uniform consisted of the following.
Black shoes. Most were black patent leather. And every Catholic school boy from the 60’s knew that black patent leather shoes reflected up. (I won’t explain, either you know, or you don’t know)

White socks or stockings. Only the rich girls were stockings.
A dark blue or black plead skirt and suspenders. (Yes, these uniforms were uber sexy, left everything to the imagination) The skirt had to be touching below the knee for it to be within legal parameters. The Nuns would check the “Slutty” (Usually the rich girls) girls each day to make sure they were in compliance. If not, they had to wear the nun cape, (The nuns wrap, which was huge and wrapped around any kid like a blanket) until a parent or older sister or brother could bring the proper uniform for them to change in to.

A white button blouse. Again, the only option was long sleeve or short sleeve.

Sweater. See above. Same rules applied for the girls on sweaters.

There we were, all dressed exactly like each other, with folded hands on our desks ready to learn about the wonders of the Catholic faith. Rich and poor kids alike. As if somehow this was important to Jesus, or to our faith. A man who wore a robe and sandals with a beard and long hair.

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When You Stop Wearing Thought Screen Helmets

Do Not Remove Your Thought Screen Helmet

You should know by now wearing a thought screen helmet lined with velostat prevents an evil alien race from telepathically controlling your mind. However, if you are feeling safe and are considering removing your helmet, look what happens when you do remove your thought screen helmet? Jesse, Wylene, and Ernie found out the hard way.

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New England Patriots Perfect Season

Saturday, December 29th, at 8pm EST, the New England Patriots face the New York Giants for the final regular game of the season. The Patriots, now at 14-0 will perhaps be going for a perfect season that final game while the Giants will be playing for a tight raced wild card spot. The NFL could not have dreamed of a better scenario than the match-up as all eyes will be tuning in to watch a little bit of sports history.

As if anything more was needed for the thrones of fans to tune in, several more records should be there for the taking during this game for quarterback Tom Brady and receiver Randy Moss.

Tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback, can easily shatter the record for most touchdowns in a single season during this game surpassing Peyton Manning and Dan Marino.

Randy Moss can break the receiving yards record for a single season and also break Jerry Rice's long standing record of most TD's in a single season.

The hype has already begun as the fabled 1972 Miami Dolphins, who went a perfect 17-0, are being compared to the present day Patriots on almost every NFL program. Millions of non football fans will tune in just to see what all the hub bub is all about making this one game one of the highest rated broadcasts rivaling even the super bowl games of past years.

But there's a problem. The game is slated to be televised on the NFL Network, a TV channel that only 1% of the American public receives. A game this big and no one will be able to see history possibly be written.

The NFL is standing firm stating that the game will not be switched to CBS, NBC, or FOX and will air on the NFL Network.

I will guarantee that millions of fans will be calling their local cable companies demanding that they allow the game to be shown in their area. But there's the rub.

DirecTV ponied up this year when the NFL negotiations were open and out bid the cable company giants.

This is where the conspiracy portion enters.

The NFL Network much like cable channel ESPNU have a very limited audience. About 1% of the nation has access to the NFL network football games. The cable companies balked at the cost the NFL wanted for them to air the Thursday and Saturday night special games starting Thanksgiving night every year. Hence, only DirecTV subscribers can tune in.

So what can the network do to bolster ratings? Do exactly what ESPNU did last year. Televise the top rated games on that channel knowing that it would cause an outcry from the fans and hopefully force the cable companies to pony up and televise the games. ESPNU aired the Ohio State Buckeyes while they were undefeated and ranked #1 in the country and other top ranked teams showed up on the U network when low profile games used to be only shown.

The NFL is forcing the same type of scenario. In two weeks, tens of millions of fans will be very upset not being able to view the game causing animosity and hard feelings toward their cable providers. Countless phone calls and emails will be fielded as to why the game is not available and they won't like the answer that it cost to much money to air these limited games.

The Patriots are poised to go a perfect 16-0 while Brady and Moss have obtainable NFL records as well in the final game. The NFL Network could not have asked for a better catalyst to force cable companies.

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Geneva On The Lake Breakwaters

This August we visited Geneva on the Lake. There were plenty of changes as the amusement park. Erieview Park was dismantled in 2006 and was cleared away.

Making our way down to the beach, or what was once the beach so many years ago, I gathered some stones with fellow institute scientist Patrick and left our mark, (Our logo) on the cement breaker.

We relaxed on the park benches spread out on the shoreline and enjoyed the sunny day. About a half hour later, several young people ambled out to the breaker where our logo was.

They looked at the logo, then looked around to see if anyone was watching them. Looked at the logo again, stared at each other awhile, looking befuddled trying to figure it out what the LOTGK stood for. (Truth, justice, and the American way) Several minutes later, they walked away.The Grassy Knoll Institute legend continues.

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