Grassy Knoll Conspiracy

Bikini Logo

2008-04-29T17:05:00.003-04:00

Shameless Brand Recognition

Sometimes people call me an ass.

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April Fools Day Update

2008-04-01T21:20:00.002-04:00

Today is April 1st. And that means it’s also April Fools Day which just happens to be the Grassy Knoll Institutes “Feast Day!” It is the one day out of the year that we get serious with current events and news stories.

I have already pulled out my Jester hat, (My wife Patty says its the same hat I wear every day) (I think in a way she is calling me a fool) and I am ready to deliver the news as only the Curator can. Some of you have made the news. Some I have had mercy on. And some, because they have voodoo dolls of my likeness, (A Brad Pitt Colin Ferrel mix) I tread ever so lightly with. Hello Cyn!!!

Either way, the updates begin at midnight EST, and will continue until midnight tomorrow. (Thats 24 hours for those keeping score at home)

It is in your best interest to click here:
April Fools Day Archives to keep abreast of all the breaking news as this site will be updating at least once an hour beginning at 8am (I need some sleep people, I am not an animal, I am a human being) with at least 20 updates. Twenty one if you are in Vegas.

And remember, I am only the Curator. If you have a complaint, please email the (Lead Scientist) and let him have it with both barrels.

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California Dreaming - On Such A Winter's Day

2008-01-22T09:08:00.001-05:00

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is gray.
I’ve been for a walk
On a winter’s day.
I’d be safe and warm
If I was in L.A.
California dreamin’
On such a winter’s day.

Last week in Youngstown, Ohio the temperature rose to 60 degrees and it was the perfect opportunity for me to exercise outside instead of in the dungeon of my house.

A local cemetery close by was the perfect place to go running as the road is almost exactly one mile around. The photo above was taken after the first lap.

The photo below was taken as I was completing my third lap. I should have started my run a little earlier.

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Thought Screen Helmet Analysis

2008-01-21T23:24:00.002-05:00

Thought Screen Helmet In Silver

Liz Hurley, super model, cover girl, world reknown actress, all around good girl, alien abductee, swears by her thought screen helmet. (We cannot print how she’s swearing, but she does, trust us!)

The Grassy Knoll Institute has some questions relating to the properties and value of the Thought Screen Helmet. Does the thought screen helmet really work? If so, how does it work? Is the helmet water proof? Where can you find these helmets? And, wouldn’t you think the aliens would concentrate their mental powers and effort on world leaders other than a dairy farmer in Kansas, or a secretary in Beloit? All good questions indeed which will be answered.

What is the Thought Screen Helmet?
It is a garment device, a hat, nay, a helmet, made out of several secret materials that give it special telepathic canceling powers that stop aliens from controlling your thoughts and actions. If you have ever been abducted by aliens, and have been or are currently being controlled by an alien, the thought screen helmet is for you. The helmet is designed to prevent alien abductions by blocking the mental telepathy of the aliens to your brain. And it’s guaranteed to work 100% of the time.

Does the thought screen helmet really work?
A testimonial is perhaps the best way to answer this question. Autie Skimmelhorn, baker at Buttermaid Bakery, attests that since wearing his thought screen helmet 24 hours a day for the past 8 months, he has not once been abducted by aliens. How can you argue with that statement? You can also attest that since he hadn’t brushed his teeth in the same time frame, that may have skewed the results. It’s too early to call at this point.

How does the hat work?
Simply put, the thought screen helmet prevents telepathic communication and control between you and the alien race. The hat emits a low frequency electromagnetic signal that scrambles the telepathic ability of the aliens. The secret is in the ingredients. Velostat is the main ingredient. Velostat is a material made of opaque, volume conductive, carbon impregnated polyolefin. They are easily grounded. Neither age nor humidity affects the electrical characteristics of velostat.
Basically, three square yards are needed to line your hat or helmet of choice and by using duct tape, hold the velostat in place thus blocking out any alien invasion of the mind.

Is the thought screen helmet waterproof?
Depending on the hat, which should be vinyl, rubber, or leather, it is safe to assume that they are. The reasoning behind this question is how does one take a shower with the helmet still encased on your skull? If you need to wear it 24/7 to prevent alien control, wouldn’t you think the aliens would be smart enough to abduct you while showering?

How do I get one of these wonderful hats, err, helmets?
They are not sold in any stores. (Rumor has it that Wal-Mart has a small secret selection to choose from. Note: You must know the secret handshake) If you do need a helmet, alas, you must make one from scratch yourself. But fear not. There are instructions that even a first time alien abductee can understand.

Why don’t the aliens concentrate their efforts on world leaders instead of non political people?
If aliens were here on earth, and do have the capability to invade human minds and control them, why would they waste their time on non-political non-influential people? I would go straight to capital hill and the white house. I would make sure president Bush was under total control along with the entire house and senate. (Perhaps the presidents action do lend credence to alien mind control) With the political and military leaders under mind control, the aliens can easily control the rest of the population forcing the alien will upon us. How else can you explain Skating With The Stars and Survivor, 12th Installment?

In closing, if you believe aliens are attempting to control your mind, or have already taken control of your mind, and that the thought screen helmet will effectively eliminate the telepathic waves, you’re unequivocally nuts.

The entire Thought Screen Helmet story here including many shocking photographs at the below link.

Thought Screen Helmet Archives

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Lost Update - 01/21/2008 Writers Strike

2008-01-21T15:58:00.001-05:00

With the Hollywood writers strike still going on, (Talks have broken off and no further talks are scheduled in the near future) how will this affect the ABC series Lost and how will the network present the show for it’s fourth season?

Initially, Lost was to air the first week of February and run 16 consecutive weeks finishing up at the end of May 2008 right before the Summer hiatus. With the strike halting all productions, when they return to work, will the production company have enough time to complete all 16 episodes?

The producers took a calculated risk early last year revealing that Lost will extend for a 4th, 5th, and 6th season airing 16 episodes per season for a total of 48 episodes remaining. No Lost reruns in the Summer or Fall lineup made it very difficult for viewers to get caught up and maintain interest in one of ABC’s most popular programs.

Rumor has it that only eight episodes are completed. If the writers do not return in time, will ABC shelf Lost for the season, or air the eight episodes completed and add the last eight to the 2009 schedule making 24 episodes instead of 16, or hope for the best that the writers return on time?

Every scenario has it’s pitfalls. If only eight episodes are shown in 2008, there will be no season finale, and whatever steam the first eight episodes created, will be lost, (Pardon the pun) leaving the viewers even more angry than they are now.

If they scrap the entire season and extend Lost through 2011, new contracts will need to be drawn up for the cast and crew. several key actors may be forced to leave due to future commitments. Not to mention that not a single episode of Lost would be seen for 21 months. That’s a long time to continue a series that is built on prior episodes to make sense.

If the writers strike continues for 60 more days, the next episode of Lost will be aired in February of 2009 which is 21 months in between the season three finale.

A huge mistake on ABC’s part. Huge. Almost as big as trusting Ben to do the right thing.

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Sexiest Catholic Nun Ever

2008-01-20T22:31:00.001-05:00

Perhaps The Sexiest Catholic Nun

Met Gemma Massey at the Chicago Halloween show back in March of 2007. Several of her sexy photo’s can be found here. Gemma is a professional model, (As if you couldn’t tell) and the new face of the very popular Mac and Bumble website. Yea Baby Yea!

She can be found at her Myspace address. Go and check her out. Plenty of photo’s and information about Gemma including where she will be appearing next.

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4th Grade Class Picture

2008-01-20T22:24:00.001-05:00

Catholic grade school. Where the grassy knoll conspiracy began. I knew the nuns were lying big time, not just to me, but to the entire class. I could see right through them. It was time to rebel, question everything, stop wearing clip on ties, and start eating meat on Fridays. This wise ass Irish kid had a plan, and it was a good one. I implemented phase one in first grade when I exposed the class nuns head by pulling off her habit. They knew at that moment that I meant business.

That led me to here. The Grassy Knoll Institute. Where everything is questioned. And I do still eat meat on Fridays. Not so much wear the clip on ties though.

As an added bonus, can anyone pick me out in the class picture? BTW, the nun pictured is Sister Eileen, the school principal. The FN bitch.

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The Catholic Spelling Bee

2008-01-20T21:06:00.001-05:00

The Setting: A typical Catholic grade school spelling bee tournament.
40 Children lined up against the lockers shoulder to shoulder in firing squad fashion. (With these nuns, you never wanted to give them that opportunity)
One nun sat at her desk holding a list of words while another nun patrolled the firing squad line making sure no student talked or attempted to cheat.
The nun at the desk would call out the next student in line: “David, spell the word ‘Television’.”
David speaks: “Television, T-E-L-E-V-I-S-I-O-N, television.”
Nun at desk: “Correct David. Patrick, you are next. Spell the word “Antidisestablishmentarianism.”
And that is how many spelling bee’s I participated in went.

Except one. Every year, one student, a girl, named Maryellen, (A well known nun ass kisser) won the spelling Bee each year. The “Bee” was simply a formality as most students didn’t even want to be in the police line up, (Bee line up) and it appeared that Maryellen got all the easy words to spell. If she would had graciously accepted the certificate without gloating, I wouldn’t be writing this update. But she needed to be stopped.

Maryellen was rumored to prep for the spelling bee all year long and she would be hard to beat. I would need to be at the top of my game. I decided to actually study and rise to the occasion. I would defeat Maryellen and make her mad as hell. (Yea, that was my plan)

Next year’s spelling bee came around and instead of getting purposely eliminated in round one, I actually tried for once. I got past round one, then round two, and finally it was just Maryellen and me. After several more tense rounds for Maryellen, she missed and went down. (Hey dirty minds, this was a Catholic school here) I was now the champion. I looked over at Maryellen and gave her a big “YEA!!” My mission was complete, and I proudly took my seat.

The next day sister Charlotte told me since I won the class spelling bee, I would be competing against the other class champions. And that winner would represent the school and compete in the district championship, and then to the state spelling bee. This sounded like a whole lot of work to me. All I wanted to do was smite Maryellen, (Which I did) and what do I get? I get nuns looking out for me, making sure I’m feeling OK and acting like they were now my personal body guards. I was in bizarro world.

I told sister Charlotte I didn’t want to compete anymore. I just wanted to win my class. I told her to let Maryellen go instead. DENIED!!! She wouldn’t have it.

After a week of being denied recess and instead having the nuns tutor me in spelling, I was ready for the school spelling bee. All 8 grades worth…..

After losing a week of recess, and knowing if I won this round, I would be practicing more and more with the nuns, I took action….. to save my soul and my sanity.

The day of the school Bee had come. All eight of us lined up in the church, from grade one through eight. We had a great turnout as the entire school was present to watch and listen to us spell words. (In reality, the students had no choice, we were more like inmates than students) When it was my turn, the nun gave me my word. I simply said I didn’t know and then proceeded to sit down. I had taken about three steps when the nun stopped me.

She said for me to take a guess at the spelling of the word. I said no, I didn’t know. The nun got angry and told me that I wasn’t trying. I nodded and confirmed that she was correct for once. I wasn’t trying, nor did I want to try. I had explained this to her a week earlier but sister Charlotte had selective hearing. So there we were….

The nun in charge gave me a disgusted glare, took a deep breath, and with a stern voice, commanded me to get back in line and spell the word given. So I simply said, “Apostle, (Which was the word, it was a Catholic school mind you) L-U-K-E, Apostle.” The audience started laughing which infuriated the nuns.

The nun, following procedure to the letter, told me it was incorrect and then told me to sit down. I left the firing squad, err, police line up, err, spelling bee line and found a seat in the audience to cheers and clapping. No standing ovation as the nuns warned all of us that no one was to stand except for the eight kids in the contest. A dagger flying stare by the nuns silenced the crowd immediately.

Sometimes, the best laid plans for smiting goes terribly wrong. But what the hell, I kicked her ass in the bee and it was over now. Until I got home from school and my mother was waiting at the door. Yes, the son-of-a-bitch nuns had decided to make a call home to my mom to tell her how well I did at the spelling bee….

Can you spell spanking……

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Catholic Nuns Plotting My Eternal Damnation

2008-01-20T20:54:00.001-05:00

Catholic nuns smirking and gloating over my permanent record. Damn bitches were plotting my demise and eternal damnation to hell.

The Grassy Knoll Institute can now confirm that Catholic nuns in the 1960’s were cooking the books making Catholic kids appear more sinful than they really were. The nuns, A/K/A crafty demons from hell, realized that they would be out of business and obsolete if the children were well behaved and well mannered. Perhaps being reassigned to more private church activities such as decorating the church for Easter and Christmas seasons and cooking and serving the spaghetti dinners. Certainly a notch down from the power they wielded teaching the grade school children.

But the nuns had an ace in the hole. The Permanent Record. The permanent record was the ammunition and control for the nuns. By simply doctoring the books, adding a mortal sin and few venial sins to each child’s record, all Catholics took a giant step towards damnation. Nobody questioned the Nun Mafia. If a nun called the parents of a child informing them that said child was behaving badly, there was no discussion between parents and child, it commenced right to the beatings. This was the type of power that nuns of the 1960’s had.

This is one of the main reasons that I vowed to bring the nun mafia to their knee’s. (A place they’ve never been before) One child’s quest, against a formidable foe, a modern day David and Goliath. My battle lasted eight long years and some say the nuns won, but some notice that today, nuns are almost extinct and will soon be on the endangered species list. I leave that evidence as my testament that I had won the battle.

Take that bitches.

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What Lies Beneath A Nuns Robe

2008-01-20T20:37:00.001-05:00

Sister Mary O’Plenty Has Her Prayers Answered

What really lies beneath a nuns black robe.
And you thought I was crazy for pulling the habit off my first grade teacher, sister Ann Teresa.

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Catholic School Uniforms

2008-01-20T19:58:00.001-05:00

School uniforms in the 1960’s never looked like this. And what a shame for more kids would have signed up for Catholic grade school. At least more boys would have.

In the 1960’s and early 70’s, school uniforms were a dress code requirement that had to be worn by both the girls and the boys. Come to think of it, the nuns and priests also had a dress code. Perhaps these unhappy souls forced us to wear a uniform since they had too.

Anyway, for the boys, the uniform consisted of the following.

Dress shoes. No tennis shoes allowed unless it was recess time. The shoes could be tied or the very popular ‘Penny Loafer” type. (You bought the loafers and wedged a penny into the slot at the top of the shoes) (You know, they also came from Penny's department store as well.) (Some rich kids would put dimes in the slots, but they were really rich)

Dress pants. No blue jeans or shorts allowed. The pants had to be either dark blue or black. No color variations permitted. (Made it easier to blend in when you did something wrong however)

White button down shirt. The only option permitted was short sleeve or long sleeve.

Sweaters were optional and had to coordinate with the uniform. Hence, a blue or a black sweater only. And you had to bring a note from home that you were wearing a sweater that day. (There were times a child received detention for wearing a sweater without a written signed note from home.)

Tie. A tie completed the ensemble. Most of the ties worn were the fake variety. (Clip on ties) Only the rich kids wore real ties. The big fad was the scarf tie, (A scarf with a gold ring inserted at both ends to secure it. Sort of made the boys look like catholic cowboys. Whatever the hell that looks like) (Come to think of it, these scarf ties with the gold rings could have been the prototype for the very first “Prince Albert.” Get it, dick head!)

There was also a ritual that went on during recess concerning the ties. For some reason, as soon as we got outside, we went for the throats of our fellow students ripping their ties off and throwing them hoping that the wind would somehow catch them and sail away. The kid would immediately scramble for his tie to secure it back in place. (God forbid a nun would see you out of uniform) No one was safe. Not even the rich kids with real ties. In fact, they paid a heavier price than the rest of us. When their ties were yanked from their neck, their heads came with them.

For the girls, the uniform consisted of the following.
Black shoes. Most were black patent leather. And every Catholic school boy from the 60’s knew that black patent leather shoes reflected up. (I won’t explain, either you know, or you don’t know)

White socks or stockings. Only the rich girls were stockings.
A dark blue or black plead skirt and suspenders. (Yes, these uniforms were uber sexy, left everything to the imagination) The skirt had to be touching below the knee for it to be within legal parameters. The Nuns would check the “Slutty” (Usually the rich girls) girls each day to make sure they were in compliance. If not, they had to wear the nun cape, (The nuns wrap, which was huge and wrapped around any kid like a blanket) until a parent or older sister or brother could bring the proper uniform for them to change in to.

A white button blouse. Again, the only option was long sleeve or short sleeve.

Sweater. See above. Same rules applied for the girls on sweaters.

There we were, all dressed exactly like each other, with folded hands on our desks ready to learn about the wonders of the Catholic faith. Rich and poor kids alike. As if somehow this was important to Jesus, or to our faith. A man who wore a robe and sandals with a beard and long hair.

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Scientists Create Life

2008-01-20T18:40:00.001-05:00

American scientists, (Dr. Frankenstein) from the Institute for Biological Energy Alternatives, have created an artificial virus that has the ability to reproduce itself. The scientists named the new living virus, Phi-X174 bacteriophage.

This is a first for the scientific community where a virus was created from the ground floor up. What’s even more astonishing is that the virus began to replicate itself almost immediately after it was created. (Sounds like the premise for a cheap horror movie but its true)

Genome mapping experts praised the virus creation as a stepping stone to human life creation. From this, the next step is the growing and cultivating of living human tissue and organs for people needing a transplant. From there, in a few more years, cloning a complete human being. One more step after that, Frankensteins monster, the complete cloning and replication of the entire body, mind, and spirit into a new fresh healthy body.

Sound monstrous? you bet it is. That is why this achievement has been swept under the proverbial carpet. The virus was created in 2003, and has been kept under wraps for fear of what this virus could do if perhaps it mutated and got out of control of the scientists. Since it is a new virus, there would be no immunity from the public meaning that if the virus turned lethal, millions of people would perish until a vaccine was developed to stop the rampage. Vaccine development of a synthetic virus would take months if not years to complete.

Angry lynch mobs are now forming in a city near you. The Grassy Knoll Institute will supply the townsfolk with all the torches they need to storm the castle.

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Philadelphia Museum Of Art

2008-01-20T01:24:00.000-05:00

Right across the street of the Philadelphia Museum Of Art is a quaint little landing and gazebo overlooking the river. An old wooden fence guards against the danger of falling over the ledge and down the side of the ravine.

As with almost all public places, etchings and carvings adorn the fence.

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Gemma Massey Sexy Siren

2008-01-20T01:15:00.000-05:00

Gemma Massey hails from across the pond and is fast becoming an international fashion and print model. Gemma also works a variety of trade shows as a spokes model in the states including the National Halloween show in Chicago this year. This show allows Gemma to be featured on the Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens sections. Gemma's sexy gallery can be found here...
Gemma Massey - Sci-Fi sexy Siren

Sci-Fi Sexy Sirens brought to you by the Grassy Knoll Institute marketing team to boost readership and placement on search engines.

--->
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Cloverfield Monster Revealed

2008-01-20T01:03:00.000-05:00

The Cloverfield Monster

Rumors abound as to what exactly the Cloverfield monster looks like. Is it a Godzilla type radiation mutated lizard, a five headed giant alien with wings and claws, or something terribly worse?

The Grassy Knoll Institute offers this in focus up close photo of the Cloverfield monster ready to strike.

And just a tidbit of information on the title of the movie. Cloverfield, written by LOST producer J.J. Abrams, is the street in Santa Monica where his offices were during the making of the film.

For more information and photo's on Cloverfield, click here....
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New England Patriots Perfect Season Conspiracy

2007-12-18T11:47:00.000-05:00

Saturday, December 29th, at 8pm EST, the New England Patriots face the New York Giants for the final regular game of the season. The Patriots, now at 14-0 will perhaps be going for a perfect season that final game while the Giants will be playing for a tight raced wild card spot. The NFL could not have dreamed of a better scenario than the match-up as all eyes will be tuning in to watch a little bit of sports history.

Read the rest here

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Sexiest Women Of Star Trek

2007-09-13T12:38:00.001-04:00

Star Trek, a science fiction cult phenomenon TV show created by Gene Roddenberry first aired in 1966 which spawned many blockbuster movies and spinoff TV series since. From Star Trek, to The Next Generation, to Deep Space 9, to Voyager, to finally back to Enterprise, a sort of prequel to where it all began.

Along with the Earthlings of the future battling aliens and solving the problems of the Universe, there was always one constant on Star Trek. Thats right. Women. Beautiful women. This is a tribute to the beautiful women with lead roles in all the series.

Sexiest Women Of Star Trek Gallery

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Star Trek Sexy Jeri Ryan LOTGK Jolene Blalock Borg T'Pol 7 Of 9 Boobs

Grace Park Sci-Fi Sexy Siren

2007-09-13T12:03:00.001-04:00

Grace Park portrays Lt. Sharon 'Boomer' Valerii, a soldier with a secret on the Sci-Fi channel series, Battlestar Galactica. Sharon is also a cylon, an enemy to the human race, and there are many copies of her. Looking at the photo gallery, we can understand why.

Grace Park Sci-Fi Sexy Siren Gallery

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Grace Park Sexy Battlestar Gallactica LOTGK Boobs Naked Thong Ass Cylons Erotic Sci-Fi

Philly Phlash

2007-09-13T11:59:00.001-04:00

Several weeks ago we visited the city of brotherly love to of course run the "Rocky" steps at the Philadelphia Museum Of Art. And to see some of the other sites as well. What we needed was a dependable mode of transportation to get us there.
Read the rest here....

Philly Phlash

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Tracy Dali Scream Queen

2007-06-09T15:38:00.001-04:00

Tracy Dali, scream queen model and actress of many a Sci-Fi B movies becomes the next Sci-Fi Sexy Siren of the Grassy Knoll Institute. Tracy is also a model at many conventions and trade shows. Our particular favorite is the Halloween and Party Show held in Chicago every March. Enjoy the photo's.

Tracy Dali Sexy Gallery

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Tracy Dali Halloween Sexy LOTGK Models Boobs Breasts Dressup Costumes Role Playing Chicago Trade Shows Conventions B Movies Scream Queen Sci-Fi Babes

Day The Earth Stood Still

2007-05-27T20:58:00.001-04:00

The Day The Earth Stood Still had a simple premise. Instead of portraying the aliens as invaders bent on earth's destruction and enslaving all of humankind, a new approach, a new technique was used. A friendly race of aliens eager to extend friendship and help for humankind. Expectedly, the paranoia running through the military marines spark a chain of events that brings the entire globe to a halt. The following is a brief synopsis of the movie and Klaatu's farewell warning to humankind.

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Huge Woman's Tongue

2007-05-18T14:28:00.001-04:00

This woman's tongue is 12 inches in length and very agile. This photo shows her licking an ice cream cone. It's incredible.

Giant Female Tongue

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Painkiller Jane Kristanna Loken

2007-04-13T12:41:00.001-04:00

Kristanna Loken debuts tonight as Painkiller Jane, a Sci-Fi channel new series. She is even more sexy that her portrayal as a terminator in Terminator 3, Rise of the Machines.

Painkiller Jane Photos

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Painkiller Jane Kristanna Loken Sci-Fi LOTGK Sexy Boobs Nipples

Tyra Banks Sexy Siren

2007-01-07T00:38:00.001-05:00

Super model Tyra Banks proved on national TV, her daytime talk show that her breasts are real. Following are 30 photo's that prove Tyra's boobs are the real thing baby.

Sexy Siren Tyra Banks

Tyra Banks Boobs Breasts Implants Supermodels Bust Talk shows Grassy Knoll

Scarlett Johansson News

2006-09-12T15:57:00.001-04:00

Scarlett Johansson, star of the new movie, The Black Dahlia, is the newest addition to the sexy sirens. Scarlett is just 22 years old and yet commands super star power in Hollywood. Other notable movies are The Island, Lost In Translation, and Eight Legged Freaks. For Scarletts sexy siren photo's, please click the link below.

Scarlett Johansson Photos

Scarlett Johansson
Black Dahlia
Sexy
Hollywood
Boobs
Cleavage
Blonde
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